It seems to be a time of parent issues for some of us. My dad spent the weekend in the hospital in Denver with sky-high blood pressure. Maybe altitude, maybe other things. He's heading back to Austin today, and I'm trying to decide if I can leave my house right now to head back there. My folks are insisting I wait, but my inclination is to go.

In the meantime, the floors were finished in Rubio Monocoat Bourbon. It wasn't exactly the color I wanted but it's okay. This is looking into the kitchen.

Algeasea, if it's any consolation, I love your floors! Not too dark, not too light, not too orange or yellow.

Heather, oh wow! I hope she behaves while she's there with you.

Javiwa, what a struggle with those countertops, eh? I hope they fix it for good this time!

MHW, Welcome and yay for a sale! I hope the stove comes in soon!

Texas, sorry about your FIL. Glad you found a microwave!

My co-workers husband does renos, so I'm going to have him over to take a look at my basement and give me an estimate for drywall/insulation for the two rooms I'm planning to fix up. I also want to possibly open the wall of the "bedroom" and just have maybe a short wall there and a barn door to close it off if we want. The long part and that room are a big L shape but flip it vertically so the _ is at the top. We can't use it for a bedroom because there are no egress windows, so the basement would feel more open if we shortened that wall and opened up the space. He'll give me some advice on the lighting too and hopefully connect me with someone who can do that. I have a decent amount saved and will get a payout for comp time I didn't use in April, so hopefully I'll have enough to pay cash for everything. I got a bill from my lawyer last month and I contacted them to say she said she'd be charging me a different rate than what I was billed, so hopefully they owe me money. If they just call it even, I'll be happy. LOL I haven't heard anything yet, I'll have to email them on Wednesday to see what is going on.

The weather here has been really good and I want to get my basketball backboard up, so I'll have to contact the guy who built my fence to see if he can make a taller setup than he originally made, so it can be higher. The new backboard is heavier too, so I hope he can rig something up regarding the extra weight too. I have a gate/fence across my driveway as it used to be open to the backyard and I didn't like it.Here are the before/after. I love it! We put our patio table back there and the big porch swing. I'm going to get some new 2ft square cement patio stones and put them next to the current cement area, because it feels cramped since we put the swing in. I hope these pictures work, I'm using photobucket.

[IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c44/mgmum/DSCN8796.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c44/mgmum/DSCN8809.jpg[/IMG]

DANG!! I can't get the photos to embed because they aren't on my hard drive. Sorry! I hate clicking links to get to pics!

This weekend the sliding glass patio door in the kitchen went in. The kitchen cabs lack crown moulding and no flooring yet...oh...I guess I could drill holes and put the cabinet handles on. :0) We're working on other parts of the whole house remodel today.

mgmum, thanks for the vote of confidence on my floor. I do like it. For so long I was envisioning that it would be a little browner and a little less honey colored, but in the same mid-tone, not too dark, not too light. Some days it's all about expectations.

Good luck to everyone with all the things on your plates!

My condolences too. It's been a crappy month in terms of I've heard of too many people losing close family members including myself. On Sunday, 1/31, I lost my first cousin. My cousin, age 62, was the only male child on my dad's side of the family and he had a heart attack while on the treadmill. My dad age 87, was in very poor health, although his mind was clear. A few hours after we found out about my cousin, and my dad was told about my cousin on Monday 2/1, my Dad's heart gave out.

I am ok but my sister who worked daily with my dad and who's house my Dad lived in, is having a very tough time of it. I wasn't very close with my Dad, although I loved him.

On a better note, I may have good news regarding my soon to be created house and kitchen. I can't say anything yet, but will when I can. :)

Yes, it is always tough to lose someone. I'm not sure if I shared it or not, but my Mom passed Jan. 29, at the age of 89. She lived a long and rich life, and passed quickly and peacefully, but still, it's a shock.

No kitchen work lately; the kitchen is done except for backsplash, and we're starting to think we don't really need/want one. Instead, I'm working on a variety of other things. I added a storm door, mostly to let more light into the foyer, I painted our ugly, cheap white garage door to match the house, which had the desired effect of making it much less prominent, and I continue to slowly complete the baseboards throughout the house. I'm making my own 3 piece baseboards, plus all of the sanding and painting makes for a tedious process. Because of the ICF, and steel studs, trim has to be attached with trim screws; much slower than a nail gun.

I think I finally finished my little powder room, though. I posted some pics on the Smaller Homes forum, as they don't seem to do reveals on Bathrooms. Why on earth not? The finishing touches are two little cabinets I made out of wood scraps, designed and painted to somewhat match the room. I made the backs out of reclaimed flooring scraps left over from the house. I varnished the insides to reveal the patina of the old wood. The upper cabinet has a beveled mirror, although it's hard to see in the picture. I also added old-fashioned push button switches and fancy switch plates. The wall sconces are 1920's vintage, and I added vintage-look drippy candle covers.

Sorry for the poor quality pics; it's such a small, dark room, and the flash just washes everything out.

OMG those cabinets are gorgeous Mushcreek. Can I hire you to do my medicine cabinets? Please?

Javiwa- have they come out yet? You must update when they do, hopefully it will be all good news.

Mhwetsell- by all means, jump in and contribute!! We all know what it's like to get sick of crockpots! ;). Hopefully you'll have a functional kitchen again soon.

Heatheron40- I hope you get along with your MIL, that is always a transition.

Algeasea- I second mgmum, the floors look great!

Mgmum- I like your fence, and thanks for the reminder, I really need to get my backboard up, another thing on the neverending to do list.

CPArtist and Mushcreek, I'm so sorry for your losses. Cp- I look forward to the news, Mushcreek, I agree with CP.

Maybe you should start a side business building cabinets! I love the floor too, did you tile it yourself?

Christine- congrats on the new job, it sounds exciting! I'm glad you are taking time to connect and stay close with family, it is important not to lose those connections.

1) I am terribly sorry for everybody who is going through family stuff.

2) Mushcreek, will you marry me and build me a house?

3) We have a working dishwasher finally! I ran it for the first time today after we installed it this weekend, and none of the pipes exploded or popped off or did anything untoward, so that is all very exciting. First dishwasher in five years!

Congratulations, Christine! Mushcreek, your bathroom looks great! Jillius, YAY for a dishwasher!

Sorry once more to everyone who has suffered losses. :(

Jillius try to put EVERYTHING in the DW it makes life soooo much easier!

Well.......the guys arrived in the morning, and were both surprised and happy to see we'd tented the space off ourselves. Still, they were ready with the plastic. Throughout the time they were here, they were so considerately diligent about making sure the dust was minimized, re-taping the plastic where it gapped.

They spent several hours re-honing the surfaces. While the counters felt MUCH smoother (i.e., what we expected from the samples), we ended up with a very splotchy appearance -- more splotchy than is conveyed in these pics:

The owner couldn't be on-site, so I had to try to convey to him by phone the resulting splotchiness. He kept owing it to the nature of the stone, but the splotches didn't follow the same pattern that the various veins ran. There were also many areas where you could see scratch marks from the grinder.

The installer and I went back and forth (which has always proved difficult, given the language barrier). It seemed to me that the darker splotches were areas he didn't hit (or hit hard enough) with the honing pad. I asked him to concentrate on just one splotch: what if you took your pad and re-honed just this one spot? He thought about it, and was totally game. He returned from his truck with a (wait for it): new diamond pad...a la look what I found -- let's give it a try. OMG...did you not think to maybe use a new pad when you saw the scratches? Oyy....

He also said this time, he'd try to use more water.

Anyway, he blitzed the entire kitchen in about 1 hour (vs 3 in the morning -- another sign of a very warn pad). Sealed it, and we are now waiting the requisite 24 hours before running a damp towel over the surface to see where we are.

I shall keep everyone posted!

Good luck, hopefully the new pad will do the trick!

Yea Christine!!! That is wonderful, new jobs are always so exciting.

Mushcreek, I'd marry you too, but then maybe I just need to wait until mine retires??? ;^)

CPartist Good news?? Hopping up and down to hear hop! hop!

Ohh Javiwa- it looks like its ready, I hope it is!

Mhwetsell- we have all been there....welcome!

Algeasea- I LOVE the floors, hope your Dad is O.K.

Jillius- 5 years! Good for you! A dishwasher is so liberating- literally some say that's what really liberated women- appliances....washing machines, stoves fridges, dishwashers- I guess I can see it.

Nicole- I love when a door gets put in! Especially glass.

Mgmum- I used to take stats for HS basketball- never played- vertically challenged ;^)

Mamagoose- you always have the best advice!

I have wanted to say Hi to everyone for awhile. I thank you for all the support. DMIL is 97, bless her; but, she has never liked me. Our relationship resembles the classic MIL jokes. She currently lives on her own (8 hours away) and now is starting to lose her vision, so she is moving in with her only child (DH) that she had at 46....It will be an adjustment!

Texas- I love the themes each week!

Sorry for so many of you having struggles and losses. Texas Gem, I'm sorry for your loss as well (perhaps of opportunity). When my estranged family members died I grieved for what could never be for sure now. The apologies from them never could happen for sure. I didn't grieve for them. :(

Heather sounds like your MIL is lucky that she's moving in with you. You give her a place in your home and you listen regarding her tastes. Like I said lucky MIL. It's a shame she might not ever recognize you through her seeming possessiveness of her DS.? At least that's what I'm guessing is at the heart of her attitude.

I need a new MW too. My 2 yr old MW doesn't spin anymore. It was $60. I bought it to replace my 25 yr old MW. I guess I have to pay more than that for it to last.

Re our double thick molasses in January kitchen reno; it's taking a while for my DH to get going again after the longest and worst cold of the season was done. Plus it was more important this last weekend for for him to fix his dirt bike though. He's just not happy if he can't ride his stress away. So next weekend he'll put in the sub floor and floor for the pantry and then cut out the new door to the deck. I work most weekends so he's on his own, but I do help when I get home. Plus I do all the cooking and cleaning. That counts too. :)

My kitchen has been in a constant state of reno-ness for so long I hardly know what's normal anymore. In fact it fits in exactly with our lives being chaotic and uproar full all the time before. So maybe it will now change to fit in with our newly changed lives of being able to work full time and afford things and will finally come together and be the calm oasis I've dreamed of my whole life. :) That would be nice. I've been able to work full time for 6 full years now. Yay me! :) And I'm able to better keep the kitchen etc clean. ::))

Javiwa, fingers crossed for your counters to look exactly as you want them to when they dry.

heatheron40, my MIL wasn't ever very nice to me (or DH, for that matter), so I know what that feels like. You're a total star to go the extra mile to make her welcome and comfortable.

And thanks for mentioning my dad. He's home now, been to the doctor twice in as many days and his blood pressure is back to normal. He's 82, so one never knows. My condolences to those of you who've lost parents recently.

My kitchen (and the rest of the interior) is being painted this week. We might be finished in a month. I can't wait to have my parents come back to CA for baseball season so they can spend time in the new kitchen, nook and dining room I designed with them in mind.

We need a new microwave, too. When we demo'd the house last June, we said bye-bye to the old GE MW that was long in the tooth when we moved in twenty years ago. All we used it for was to reheat tea. I want the smallest one I can find to sit tucked into a hidden corner of the counter.

We got a Panasonic Inverter, and it's the best MW we've ever had! It's fairly small, but at $160, it wasn't cheap. Still, it works so well, it's worth it.

I'm so sorry to read so many are dealing with losses, trials and tribulations. Sending you all healing juju and electronic hugs.

Yay for the new dishwashers and microwaves, better jobs, proper equipment used well so repairs turn out right, and new bathrooms. (Wow, Mushcreek, the cabinets, the floor, the vintage light buttons....wonderful, please come to my house, too. You're amazing!)

Since so many of us are commiserating, I'll share my own recent trial. Many of you know I, too, have the world's slowest kitchen remodel ever going on, which has now been put on hiatus for who knows how long. My DH had a stroke on Jan. 14th. It was fairly massive and was a real shock to us because we eat relatively healthy, exercise, and he is considered quite active and strong for a 61 yo guy. Thankfully, as massive as it was, the after-effects aren't near as bad as they could have been. Our local hospital had him air-lifted to Seattle's Harborview which works in conjunction with the University of Washington's Medical School and Hospital so he was seen by the best head trauma neurologists in the state.

They have made him a case study because the stroke was in the lower-right cerebellum and extended down into his next to C7, almost 2-inches of dead brain matter. It just missed the areas that control breathing and eyesight, which would have put him on a ventilator for life and could have made him blind. Instead, it hit his balance center resulting in bad balance and vertigo. At first, the balance was so bad he could barely walk without falling over but it has improved to the point where he just carries a hiking pole and needs it only periodically if he feels himself starting to sway. The vertigo is much improved and no longer makes him nauseous. At first, he had to carry a puke-bag in his pocket at the ready because he needed it so often. At one point, until they got his vertigo and anti-nausea pills adjusted properly, he lost 10# in about 6 days for lack of keeping food down. He hasn't thrown up in several weeks now. Phew.

According to the Harborview experts, he is a walking and talking miracle. No cognitive or memory loss, speech problems, or loss of strength or mobility on either side, etc. He doesn't have plaque or high cholesterol. The stroke was caused by a tear in an artery. How that happened is a mystery.

Anyway, prognosis is good for recovery but he may not ever be 100%. We won't know until we hit the 6-month mark or so. But he makes progress daily so we are being optimistic. He is on limited work now and he is lucky in that he can do much of his work from home on the computer and via phone, so he is ordered to only work for about 60-90 minutes at a time and then take a nap to allow his brain to heall without getting stressed. He is also ordered to not lift more than 10# because it raises blood pressure to do that until a follow-up at Harborview on April 15th where they will reassess.

We were gearing up for a couple major bicycle events this summer. The STP (Seattle to Portland, 200 miles) and a week-long bike trip through the San Juan Islands. Those are out this year but, hopefully, next year. I hope his balance gets good enough to ride again as we love our bikes!

We have gone from eating relatively healthy to focusing on super-nutrition. We now eat mostly vegan, plant-based, whole foods, with fish a few times a week as we do have a freezer full of it. I just prepare it without any added extras. No more halibut slathered with mayo and parmesan cheese! Lots of green smoothies packed with greens, chia seeds, spirulina, and other good stuff.

A good side benefit of this diet is that I'm losing weight, too. Without being hungry. I'm dropping it slowly. He eats about 3x what I eat in serving sizes and is dropping weight quickly. (Men!) He didn't have much to lose. I could use to lose more than he can. So my next challenge will be keeping it ultra-healthy while keeping his calories up enough to maintain once he loses maybe 10# more.

It's a good thing my kitchen, while ugly as heck right now, is quite functional, because I'm cooking more than ever and learning a lot of new cooking techniques, trying new recipes, and doing a lot of experimenting. Sometimes I bring home veggies and fruit I've never bought before and have to watch videos to just know how to peel or use them, lol.

Sorry for the novel-length share. It has definitely been a life-altering experience.

Funky, Here's hoping your DH has a speedy and complete recovery. How scary for you and him. I'm so glad to hear he's on the mend.

Thank you everyone for the kind thoughts. I hope to never go through a week like I did that beginning week of February. The third thing that happened that week was finding out my ex's niece (and still in my heart my niece) has 3 lesions on her brain. As a child she fought and conquered leukemia. Two years ago, she had breast cancer and they thought it was in remission. She is only 35 and of all the news I got that awful first week, this was the one thing that really threw me over the edge.

I am still waiting to hear about my "news". They tell you they'll have an answer in 2 days. HAH!

However, I was also told I will have a kitchen layout from the kitchen place by today. Yeah, sure. LOL.

Funkycamper,

So glad he was able to get treatment and fast! That makes all the difference in the world these days. I am sure he will be back on his bike in no time. The brain has an incredible way of fixing itself by finding new paths. HUGS!!! oops edited for spelling typo!

Gosh, everyone. Life's priorities can certainly do a quick reshuffle during such trying times. Reno-schmeno, right? Cyber hugs and positive thoughts to everyone.

Oh, gosh, cpartist. Your niece has already been through more trials than most of us deal with in our lifetime. And at such a young age, too! I'm sending her hugs and good juju. Please feel free to share how things go for her so we can continue to send her healing vibes.

And thanks, everyone, for the well wishes and good vibes about my DH.

@heatheron40, regarding new paths...DH has been having a lot of strange pains throughout his body sending us to the ER twice. Once he woke up in the night from sleeping feeling like he had broken his wrist. He couldn't move his fingers, and he had horrible pain in his wrist and lower arm. Another time, he had the same extreme pain in his shoulder joint. He couldn't move his arm at all. Both times, we feared blood clots. These are rather rare stroke healing issues so there isn't a lot of good information out there about it but, apparently, it is part of the new pathways being created and part of the healing process. He was put on steroids for five days to reduce the inflammation and given some painkillers, and is on a long-term regimen of a medication that should sooth nerve pain. It seems to be working as his pain level is now at a 3-4 instead of 9-10. So that's good. But the pain is annoying to deal with and raises his blood pressure, so that's not good. But, at the same time, it's good to know that this means he is creating those new pathways. Well, at least it's keeping life interesting!

Wow funky; sorry to hear your DH is going through this. We go through life thinking we are invincible, when suddenly something happens to make us quite 'vincible'. From time to time as I was working on our house, I used to think 'What if?' In my 60's, and usually working completely alone out in the woods, a stroke or heart attack would have done me in. Shortly after I started, I had a bad case of vertigo. If I had been on the roof when it hit, I likely wouldn't be here telling you this. I feel a certain sense of relief now that the house is pretty much done, because I would have hated to leave my wife with a half-built house.

funky, how scary, but what an amazing tale of healing. Bodies can be so wild and crazy. Healing vibes (same phrase my family uses) going out to your DH, cpartist's niece and those grieving and/or adjusting to loss.

@funkycamper

Funky, I spent 5 years in chronic pain (thankfully much better now), and I have dealt with all sorts of nerve pain and nerve treatments. The source was totally different from your husband's, but people who have perpetual pain all end up with a lot in common.

Depending on how long it takes your husband to not be in pain anymore, here are some things to watch out for:

1) When you're in pain all the time, even not-terrible pain (just perpetual low-grade pain), you often end up with pain in other parts of your body. This is usually a result of developing muscle tension (due to tensing from pain) or ways you may be moving/holding yourself that are unnatural because you are consciously or unconsciously trying to avoid pain. I think most people with nerve pain end up in physical therapy or getting treatments for muscle issues (I'm still getting treated for these though my nerve pain is largely gone).

When the muscle pain initially occurs, if you aren't expecting it, it can be easy to assume it's just more of your nerve pain and just redouble your nerve treatments. However, the earlier you get proper treatment and stretches/exercise for the muscle pain, the less bad it ever gets and the more manageable it all is, so please tell your husband to look out for what could possibly be muscle pain. Mine was in the same general area as my original pain and hurt like HELL, but it felt different from my nerve pain (which felt like burning). The muscle pain felt like extreme swelling and was a far more intense pain.

2) Mood. This is the biggest. It is SO HARD not to let pain affect your mood. Since my pain was mid-to-low-grade and ebbed and flowed throughout the day, some days I'd be working away and suddenly be in the WORST MOOD. I'd be snapping at my husband and feeling so incredibly irritable, and it'd suddenly hit me that I wasn't annoyed; I was in pain.

I know this was really unpleasant for my husband (he was a real trouper throughout), and it just took a lot of understanding on both sides. It's almost impossible to not let it affect your mood, but I did my best not to take it out on anybody else, and sometimes I just sequestered myself when I couldn't muster the effort. My husband's part was to try to forgive my lapses of good humor and, if I suddenly disappeared into the bedroom or the bathtub because I couldn't handle company anymore, he'd not bug me or question me or take it personally.

3) Withdrawing. To the extent that normal activities do not exacerbate the pain, it's best to try to keep living your life as normally as you can. The temptation to just avoid everything (especially social outings) until you feel well again is really high, but I learned the hard way that that just means the only thing left in your life is your pain. When 100% of your life is about your pain, things wind up looking pretty bleak. But if you make a point to go out and do things despite your pain, then you've done 10 things with your day and only one of them was to be in pain. That means only 10% of your life is about your pain, and that makes your overall affliction feel smaller and more bearable. And it doesn't feel anymore as if your medical problems have taken everything from you.

I cannot express what a difference it made to my outlook when I figured that out. It's better to keep doing everything you can, even if it means you do it in pain. The first time I did that, I went to see a movie with my husband while in pain (when I ordinarily would not have left the house). Afterwards, I was still in pain, but now my husband and I had a movie to talk about instead of my pain.

4) How hard it is on the spouse. I think there's a real argument that my being in pain was harder on my husband than it was on me. It wasn't because he was stuck with a randomly moody, physically ailing wife who needed more assistance from him than a healthy wife would and with whom he could not make many plans because of pain flare-ups (though all that was true). It was because he felt so helpless. He was just far enough from the problem to worry about it twice as hard as I did and also have less understanding of what was happening at any given moment (which can be scary) and far fewer tools to DO anything about than I did. Poor guy. It's also fundamentally difficult to be going through something tough where you'd ordinarily lean on your spouse for support, but you can't really lean on your spouse because it's your spouse's problem.

I was so focused on my problems that it took me a good bit to really appreciate my husband's situation.

In conclusion, I hope your husband's pain disappears tomorrow, and in the meantime, don't forget to take care of yourself too, Funky. Schedule some regular mental health days where you let someone else cheer you up and take you out and clear your head.

I've been avoiding this thread because it struck a painful nerve. I wanted to participate and comfort, but it was too hard.

I was moved by each story, but still couldn't comment.

I read Funky's and tears started, but i had to distract myself or I'd lose it.

I knew I shouldn't click on this thread again, but I had to. Now, after reading Jillius' comment I'm finally bawling hard because I realize I'm not alone.... Thank you all! You seriously all are my therapy.....

On a happy note... :-)

I'm getting out of ABB with this tile. Yay! I know you understand what a feat that is! Now to figure out the design. Oh good grief, that is a whole new dilemma to keep me distracted. First pics are my island, second my perimeter.

And I made another decision too. This was actually what lead me to the kitchen backsplash tile in my house. I picked out tile for the bathroom in the vacation rental cabin that's eventually going to pay for all this! It is next door basically for those that don't know.

At some point soon I need to decide flooring, kitchen cabs, kitchen countertops, etc. in the cabin. It is a really small space, but i am trying to think of the future and back of my mind do think if I'm ever needing to live there and rent out my 2 bedroom place. So I am not necessarily going with the cheapest "renters gonna thrash it cheap finishes" but still considering they will wreck it! It's a tough decision. Any help will be much appreciated.

Well, I don't even know what to say! I'm so sorry for everything everyone has been through. I do think Jillius has an excellent point in don't forget to take care of yourselves too. Hugs to all!

Congrats on the backsplash decision, rebunky!

Not sure what gene it is that I possess (and I'm sure I'm not the only one here) that makes me still love to look at all these wonderful kitchens (and soon to be kitchens) even though mine is pretty much done. I get so excited seeing the progress pics!

This week, I ordered our faucet. Hugely expensive, but insurance is covering it (yay!). They lost some parts for our original faucet when they took apart our kitchen and can't seem to get themselves organized to order new parts (two key people handling our claim quit so they are in a bit of a muddle). It's been months now and I finally just said I was ordering a new one and they were going to pay for it. They agreed and I'm happy.

Oh, Rebunky, I just want to hug you. I hope that whatever button the discussions in this thread has pushed is a bit less touchy and tender knowing that you are not alone. And, hopefully, picking out that gorgeous backsplash has given you a lift.

Jillius, you are wise beyond your years. You speak truth. I know because the shoe was on the other foot ten years ago when I had a bad back injury that left me unable to walk, just small, mincing steps, for the greater part of a year, and even lifting a full mug of coffee was painful. It was another three years to slowly get back to normal gait and movement. Believe me, my pain threshold is much lower than my DH's and I was a crab to live with. He was kind, patient and caring to me through that. I owe him that and more in return. And I now understand how he felt when he couldn't fix my problem. It IS horrible to see someone you love in pain and unable to do something about it.

And VERY good tip about doing things anyway so your whole day isn't about the pain. We have done a bit of socializing and to a few plays (we love live theater) and doing that has been a real boost for both of us. And since DD is living with us, she is often around so I can leave and do things without worry about him being home alone in case something happens. That has been a huge help and blessing to me.

On a good note, DH's last 5-day steroid treatment ended on Thursday and he is still almost pain-free. He says any random, phantom pains he is getting is about a 2-4 level not 8-9 like before. Last time, after his first steroid treatment, the intense pain returned immediately upon ending the treatment so, hopefully and fingers crossed, it stays away this time and the nerve pain meds he is taking have had a chance to kick in and do their job. These don't have near the bad side effects of steroids (which kinda scare me).

Thank you so much for letting me share and vent a little here. And for your kind words of support and advice. You are all so kind.

((((Rebunky)))) sorry to cause you any pain at all.

Pretty tiles. :) You should really have an after ABB party when done. The cooking forum would happily help you with the menu. Maybe we all could make the same menu on the same day and have a long distance party. ;) Or at least a glass of wine.

((((Funkycamper))))

And (((((everyone else))))) struggling.

Funkycamper I'm glad your DH is doing so well! And that he's off the harsher chemicals for pain. For my various pains not nerve related though, I found a diet heavy in the omegas (flax oil in my case) helped immeasurably. That was the final "cure" that reduced my daily migraines to barely there. For tension reduction I soaked in Epsom salts or used it as a poultice for my neck. Instant calm. Magnesium is apparently a muscle relaxer.

Daisychain, I'll never have a grand kitchen like those here but have the joy of kitchen gene as well. I'm here reading and rooting for those in the midst of renoland every day. :)

> Magnesium is apparently a muscle relaxer.

Really?! You know what has a lot of magnesium? Dark chocolate. Clearly I just haven't been eating enough! I'm going to go fix that right now....

Funky, it sounds as if you guys are already doing all the right things and managing well, and I'm glad to hear it. I

Rebunky, I totally get how sensitive this realm can be. I am actually applying to grad school right now and mentioned my chronic illness in my admissions essay (that experience is a big part of what led me to my current career goals), and while I was writing various drafts of that essay, my husband came home several times to me weeping away and typing furiously. He is a rather unflappable man (typical Russian), and fortunately he already thinks I'm completely bonkers.

Thank you all for the healing vibes for my niece. I hope it all helps her as she fights this battle.

Rebunky, Hugs. I'm good with colors and design- not so good with words. Hugs everywhere!!

I do love those tiles! I have been trying to figure out where I could use them in the house I have, there's a few I'd like to use....I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through you- lots of pictures when you're done!

Thanks for all the good advice Jillius! Yeonsky, my endocrinologist and rheumatologist have me on Magnesium- now it makes sense!

The things I learn here everyday.

I have been away for so long. I don't even know where to start with all of the tragedies.

This group has healing powers and I am sending positive energy to each of you.

Funky- as avid bicyclists, this has to be so hard. I hope your husband continues to recover.

Texas- thank you for sharing.

Cpartist- Your niece has endured way too much.

Freeman - congrats on your new job. If you are swinging by A2, stop by. I would love to meet you. PM me - but let me know so I can find it

As far as us - We always go north to cross country ski but haven't made it yet. We adopted a Berger Picard puppy in November. He is a great pup but challenging. DH had eye surgery and taking longer to recover than expected. Then I fell on black ice and fractured my wrist... Life goes on but challenges along the way. In the grand scheme of things - minor league!

Take care. I have a special place in my heart for each and everyone of you.

I am posting one picture of our puppy. If you want to see more - he has a FB page and his name is Gatsby Picard.

Snow face!

Huge bear hugs back to you all! You all are such kind souls. I cannot imagine getting through some days without a big huge dose of my GW medicine!

My heart sincerely aches for all of you dealing with these tragedies. You are all in my prayers.

I guess the trigger for me initially was the whole subject of loss of family. I have lost a few close family members and friends lately (and over the years) some to death and a few for other very sad reasons.

I try and avoid thinking about it because I just start bawiling. See there I go again. Ugh! I hate crying because it makes my eyes swell shut for two days and I cannot see!

I could relate to so many of you though. I thank you for pouring out your hearts and talking about what you deal with. It makes me feel all the more close to you.

Chonic pain and illness. Check. But another issue I have dealt with since I was in my early teens is chronic depression. I go up and down and function quite well somehow. Sometimes the downs get severe. This last down has been going on since my last bout of shingles. Oh yeah I'm also one of those fortunate ones that get shingles on top of all my other woes that never really go away. It flares back up about every 6 month or so. The last 3 years I've had it 6 times. I describe the pain like a nail gun shooting you every few minutes as a piece of rough sand paper that is on fire scrapes your skin. I figured you all would get those analogies. :-)

Anyways, there is much more to the story of course, but it would probably land me in the hospital psych ward to write about it! Haha! My wonderful husband, plus my one best friend of 25 years, and of course my faith are what keep me going. But honestly, on some days the only thing that works is GW!

I know it sounds silly to say this to people I've never even met, but....I love you guys!

I love how I can forget about my own crap for a few minutes and focus on helping others plan their kitchen, or maybe tell off their idiot contractor, or pick their backsplash. Some thread are so funny I almost pee my pants! And all from the comfort of my favorite most comfy leather recliner chair. Big big hugs! :-)

Oh yeah a2gemini you just reminded me with your adorable puppy pic above. These two munchkins bring me such unconditional love. They make me smile everyday with their antics.

Can you count how many Jacks are in this picture???

yeonassky, I forgot to also say that I will take you up on that ABB party. So sweet of you to suggest that. The celebratory glass of wine for sure is happening! Everyone can make their favorite drink and post their photo of it on my reveal thread. Love it!

Texasgem, my dear gem! I just was heading for bed and had to say this....

I know you are probably thinking, and asking dh, like what happened here? I said don't go there....

But fwiw, thank you. I have a lot of people in my life, wonderful people, but they just don't 'really' know me. Ya know? I don't tell anyone my problems. I'm just the bubbly, happy "Rebunky".

I just felt so moved by all your lives to share a glimpse of mine. I hope it wasn't TMI. I almost hit the delete button several times because this is so weird for me to share such personal stuff!

Rebunky if you don't hit the delete button I won't. Have deleted posts more times than I can count. I always worry that I sound to complainy and heart on sleeve.

((((A2gemini)))) I'm on the cusp. Does that count in the Gemini camp? ;) Glad you're back.

Yeon, you have a pinky swear deal.

I just confessed my GW bearing of my soul to mr. rebunky. I said through tears I'm having a catharsis. He said "what's that mean?"

I whined, "I don't know! Wait, let me look it up."

Well I guess my repressed vocabulary tests stuck with me!

ca·thar·sis

kəˈTHärsəs/

noun

1. 1.

   the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

   synonyms:emotional release, relief, release, venting; More

Please don't delete anything! I think venting or just admitting that you are having a bad time is a) good for you, and b) a service to the rest of the world.

Surely we've all felt incredibly alone in our situations at one time or another, and sometimes just hearing that someone else has been there or is there too makes a world of difference. If no one ever spoke up, no one else would ever hear that when they really need it!

With my chronic pain, it's still tough for me to talk about because, though I'm generally very sunny and forward-thinking and usually not one to hold a grudge at ALL, it's tough to get over having over five years of your life stolen! I lost most of my twenties to illness, and as it turns out, the cure was really simple and should have prescribed instantly instead of my losing those years and now dealing with the residual effects of having been in pain for so long.

I have what feels like permanent, seething rawness juuuust under the surface about the unfairness and loss and extreme stupidity of the whole thing. I suspect cpartist can feel me on this with the ludicrously unfair hand her niece has been dealt and perhaps some of the rest of you with your situations as well. The kind of thing where if you look at it too directly, you go from zero to crying in two seconds flat.

Nothing makes it all right for me, but I once saw someone else suddenly crack emotionally exactly the way I do sometimes (she and her family are fine now, but they had a similarly unfair/senseless trauma in the past), and seeing her do that made my anger and emotion feel so much more reasonable. I'm not sure I felt justified in how I felt till I realized she felt that way too.

So as tough or awkward as it can be to talk about the hardest stuff in your life, it makes me feel better thinking that I might be helping someone by doing it. Having some good coming from my bad makes what I went through feel a lot less pointless and stupid.

Well said, Jillius. I'm so impressed and thrilled for you that you're going back to school. If and when you're ready, I would love to hear about what you're planning on studying and the career you plan to build from it. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Your personal experience will bring so much to whatever you do. I'm sure you will be a great example of paying it forward.

I'm also curious about what has been the cause of your pain and what treatment changes brought improvement. Those details may help others.

Of course, I understand if you would rather not share at this point.

I also understand the anger. Been there. Opening up and sharing does make one realize that others have similar experiences and that we're not alone in our pains or our angers. I've come to figure it this way...if we should be lucky to live long enough, we will experience both pain and anger, and that's always better than the alternative. Can't remember who first said this but the quality of our lives are determined only 10% by what happens to us with the other 90% by how we respond to it. Good advice (but not always easy to follow).

Oh, Rebunky, you are certainly not alone in a chronic depression that can rear up and bite hard at times. It seems the older I get, the more skills I learn to fight it and not let it swallow me up whole. Diet and exercise has done a lot to help with that. Sometimes, anger is the best way to lift me out of it. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but if I get angry at the depression and yell at it and fight against it and refuse to let it engulf me, the anger spurs me to action and the action helps dissipate the depression and then the anger dissipates as well. The more I do this, the shorter the anger stage is. Now, if I catch it in time, the anger stage might only last 30 minutes or less. But the key for that is catching and fighting the depression early before it overwhelms and stops me cold. I don't know if that will help or not and I hope it makes sense. Just know that you are not alone and I'm sending you more (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))).

((((Cpartist and Heartniece)))) I'm sorry I somehow never sent the hugs to you. I meant to but got sidetracked. Hope this finds you geared up for niece's latest battle.

My depression is a habit now. The daily pain and being constantly nauseous was depressing so now whenever something happens my go to thing is to get depressed. I'm fighting it tooth and nail. If I fought my way out of the migraines I can stop feeling depressed. I just have to develop wider happiness or at okay pathways in my brain. :)

Congrats on the Job Christine! So great that you got it! I was rooting for you when you first mentioned about the job. All the best!!!

There's so much here about everyone, that I'm sure I haven't said all I wanted to say to people. Again Hugs to all here. I enjoy your cyber company so much and that's what keeps me coming back for more. :) Well that and KITCHENS. ;)

Thank you yeonassky. yeonassky, I have a friend who just started on a new migraine medication that she says has helped her tremendously. She says it's made all the difference in the world. If you want me to find out the name of it, message me and I'll ask her.

For those who have or are battling depression, I hear you. I've been there. For me what worked was a great therapist and EMDR therapy. Plus getting rid of what was constantly pulling me into the abyss, the person who was verbally abusive to me, my ex. LOL.

Seriously though, I hope you all are able to find a way out of the pain both physically and emotionally. It's miserable, but know there is light at the other end. I have no doubt you'll all find the key to unlock the emotional pain.

For those suffering physical pain, I hope you are also able to find a solution.

The kind of thing where if you look at it too directly, you go from zero to crying in two seconds flat.

Today was that day for me. DH and I went out for breakfast and walked to our favorite place. Good thing I was wearing sunglasses because on the way there I was bawling like a baby. Later on, someone said something nice to me and I started bawling like a baby again. This afternoon instead of working, I lay down on the couch, curled up with the dog and slept because I just didn't want to deal. I got mad at the builder for not having an answer yet even though he's powerless to get the answer. (It involves the engineer)

Then to top it off tonight, I said I wanted to go to one of our favorite restaurants where they have a fabulous spanish meatball appetizer. I wanted a cup of soup and meatballs. We get to the restaurant, and I can't find them on the menu. Sure enough, they took them off! LOL. (You have to laugh!)

Thankfully for me, I know what is setting it off. It's almost one month since my Dad and cousin died, plus the thing I'm waiting on regarding the house still isn't happening and we thought we had a live one to buy our condo (she came back 3 days in a row), and then she decided she wasn't ready. So all of it just got to me today.

cpartist, sorry about your losses. One month is about the time that losing someone begins to feel real. Before that, a bit of numbness and even disbelief, even if you don't realize you're experiencing disbelief, protect you from the it all. And then reality sets in. Crying is good for the soul. So go ahead and lot yourself bawl. I recently read that studies were done on tears for grief, tears for pain, tears for chopping onions, etc. And they found that tears are made up of different components based on the reason for crying. Speculation is that we need to let ourselves cry to release this components. It isn't really known if the release of the tears causes a sense of relief or healing. Or if the bottling up of the tears can make the sadness, physical pain, etc., worse by not releasing them. I don't remember all the details but I thought it was fascinating. So it's OK and actually good to cry. Let it out!

yeonassky, I also have been reading recently a lot about diet as we have moved into a plant-based, whole-foods way of eating (with occasional fish, can't give that up). Quite a few people eliminate or minimize migraines by eliminating certain foods. It might be worth it to you to do an elimination diet to see if you can identify any culprits. Yeah, it's a bit of a PITA to do that but would be worth it if you can get rid of migraine pain. Or at least keep a food diary for awhile and see if you can identify anything that might be a trigger. Best wishes!

Thank you funky. Yes I have heard and read a lot of the studies about the stages of grief and tears too. :) And I've always been a cryer. I cry in movies. I cry when I'm laughing, etc. And I think knowing the stages of grief helped me because I was also very short tempered this weekend, but once I realized what it was, I knew it was ok. (DH might not agree about now. LOL.)

Unlike in the past, when I feel this way, I allow myself and I find that I'm able to deal with it better than trying to bottle it up. Funny thing? I don't recall getting this out of sorts two years ago when my DM passed. Maybe because she suffered so much (Parkinson's disease) or maybe because it was just her at the time and not so many passings at once. (My 95 year old aunt had also passed this past October, so since October I lost 3 people I really cared about.)

Cpartist.....the grief you are experiencing... It is beyond the power of what is normal. If the cabin was done, I'd say come to HI! I will look up that therapy. Thank you! My heart goes out to you big time. :-(

Jillius......Thank you, thank you, thank you for your amazing words of comfort. I will read your posts over and over and over again. You are such a kind and giving person. Thank you for your generous spirit to help others, Please let us know how your graduate studies are going, I too want to know what you are studying. (I hope it is psychology and how to help middle aged crazy women with hormonal problems! Haha!) Your body might not be functioning up to par, but your mind is beyond amazing!

Funky....I also thank you so much for your comfort and advice and your amazing giving and caring spirit to help others, all while you and dh go through such trials. I do exactly as you said. I get mad and fight the depression. I know it is not the real me.

Please just insert each one of your your names here......I wish I could write a response to each one of you.

I love this symbol ((((((hugs)))))) as yeonassky posted earlier. It was perfect to expresses what I'm feeling toward all of you. :-)

@Funkycamper and Rebunky and anybody else interested

Rebunky, you are spot on! I am applying for a master's in positive psychology.

I've already done some informal community counseling/outreach mentoring people going through similar medical/emotional challenges to various things that I've gone through (including my chronic pain), and I am hoping this master's will make me more effective at that and enable me to do it professionally. I actually found out about positive psychology because I was searching for studies about persistence to see if it might be possible to teach persistence to the people I was trying to help. A lot of them were giving up WAY too quickly to make any progress. Turns out, it is actually possible to teach!

Here is some information about that:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_resilience

I'm also quite interested in the applications of positive psychology in education (called positive education). Here is some information about that:

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/learn/educatorresilience

My work/volunteer background is mostly in education, and my undergraduate degree (and random informal counseling) is all in psychology, so positive education is a nice melding of the two. (It could only be more spot-on for my general interests if we could toss in some spatial reorganization and maybe some cookies!)

I think positive education is a realistic means of making a real improvement within the current framework of the public school system. I don't think anybody out there (students or teachers) thinks our public school system is working all that well, but it seems as if most schooling systems that are held up as a paragon of how ours should be would require dismantling our system or our culture entirely, which is not realistic. So the fact that a lot of positive education initiatives are making a difference to student success/thriving without having to change everything first is exciting.

I also very much like the idea that I could help people learn psychological skills from an early age. Understanding yourself, knowing and seizing on your best qualities, and the ability to analyze and mitigate your own mental roadblocks -- these are all basic life skills and enormously important to overall well-being and success in almost any endeavor. It's currently quite possible to reach adulthood completely lacking any self-awareness, and that just shouldn't be the case.

I do want to continue to teach current adults all that, but if I can also spare future adults from needing my help at all, so much the better. It's much easier to learn this stuff when you're a kid anyway.

Rebunky and funkycamper, you are both so nice to say everything you guys say all the time! Seriously, you both bestow the most magnificent compliments - second only to my father, who is famous for being extremely (extremely) biased when it comes to his daughters!

Jillius I think you have found your calling!

I just read through some of the links you posted, and I will definitely study them more because I am finding this subject fascinating.

I have been to several "psychologist" is my lifetime, starting from probably age 12. I distinctly remember the first dude. He was some Ph.D. Family psychology expert. His name, get this, was Dr. Blank. How ironic!

After many sessions with me alone, which I never felt comfortable, he brings in my dad and my brother. For several more hour long sessions we play the card game "Uno". Finally after maybe the third or forth time, I chucked the uno cards across the room, stood up and yelling, "Why are we playing this stupid game! Are we ever going to talk about the problem?"

So he says, okay we will next week. Well my brother (age 7) was prepared. He had brought his spit wad pea shooter in his pocket. As we are "talking" a spit wad bounces off dad's head. Then one after another. My dad asks Dr. B what he should do. He says to let him continue to fire him with spit wads. Finally dad snaps and grabs my brother and starts spanking him. I think I ran out of the room crying at that point. I never saw my dad again for many years after that.

So now we get a new Dr., a lady this time. She told me to imagine the throw pillow was whoever I was angry with and hit and yell at it. I was like, um no, I don't think so. This is totally stupid.

Third Dr, another lady, had me wear rubber bands on my wrist and snap myself with them whenever I had a negative thought. That was the stupidest one of them all!

There were a few more in there, but you get the point. I gave up on therapy.

I've tried just about every antidepressant out there as well. They just make me 100x worse and the side effects are worse then the depression.

I am going to do some serious research on this positive therapy you are studying. It actually makes sense!

I read this exert on the "learned helplessness" link, and the light bulb moment happened.

"Learned helplessness is behavior typical of an organism (human or animal) that has endured repeated painful or otherwise aversive stimuli which it was unable to escape or avoid. After such experience, the organism often fails to learn escape or avoidance in new situations where such behavior would be effective. In other words, the organism seems to have learned that it is helpless in aversive situations, that it has lost control, and so it gives up trying. Such an organism is said to have acquired learned helplessness.[1][2] Learned helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from such real or perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation.[3]

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this. You truely are a gem, which I've recognized that for a long time. You are going to help so many people....starting with me! Hey, I just realized the little emoji face posted. That's my crazy face btw! Lol!

Edit: I just realized the emoji didn't post. Here is my crazy face for ya! My DD used to make this face for me all the time!