OMG...I never said I wouldn't watch her dog...why is that so hard to understand????

So at this point, what do I do? Just wait until she decides to talk to me? I've attempted to go over and she make it clear she didn't want to talk me.

I'm thinking she is pulling some queen bee thing. I would let it go. If she gets over it, she will talk to you again, but don't let her push you around like this. Not now, not in the future. You are a grown adult with your own life and responsibilities, not her personal servant or employee. You didn't do anything wrong. You were being a good neighbor. She apparently is not.

There are many sides to every story. Perhaps your neighbour thought you would have the dog with you overnight at your place? Or that you would be more available during the day? Or???

My little dog has never been in a kennel in her 8 years, and won't be starting now. We would never leave her in a situation where she would be without company overnight. Usually she stays with a trusted friend or family member. On the rare occasion when no one is available and we will be away only a short time, she goes to stay with a pet-sitter, a lovely older woman who no longer has her own pets. The pet-sitter is clear that she takes only one pet at a time, what the sleeping arrangements are, etc etc.

Even with company, she tends to go off her food for a couple of days. If I had vacation plans and thought I had a plan in place for my pet -- who after all is "family" -- and the pet care plan changed, I would be upset. I hope that you can, with time, clear the air with your neighbour and patch things up.

I won't go on my usual tangents on why it's not a good idea to burden neighbors with "free" pet care or how it can get in the way of friendship. I won't. And, I won't mention how if you did do it this time and all went well the pet owner would feel sooo comfortable with the arrangement that she would go away on mini trips every three weeks. I also won't talk about how other things will get tacked on like watering plants and getting mail. Or, how your "free" service goes around the neighborhood and every summer everyone wants "free" you and they get MAD when you turn them down.

Unless it's an emergency just say NO.

Good neighbors will be there for emergencies . Always. Other than that, when you have pets and kids you need a list of care givers that have been interviewed and referenced and have agreed on a price for services.

If this neighbor expected someone to keep her dog at their own house or spend their afternoons and evenings with the dog in its home, she should have made it very clear since that would be a completely over the top expectation in most people's minds. I don't know anyone who would expect such a thing as a given or expect not to pay someone very well for that kind of service. It would be a terribly imposing favor to ask of anyone. I also think few if any people would think that is what would be expected of them when they agree to watch someone's pet. Totally unrealistic.

Snookums, of course you are right -- there should be clarity on the terms of any caregiving agreement and that requires clear communications on all sides. We all judge for ourselves what is over-the-top and what are acceptable terms, and whether we are willing to say yes or no. The point is to be clear and up-front, so no one is left twisting in the wind after the fact.

If I asked my neighbour to do me a favour and the neighbour ended up backing out that's on me. Free help means you get what you pay for and you have to be understanding if people's plans change. I would be a little less understanding, the less time I was given to make back up arrangements.

I frequently provide free pet care for my next-door neighbour and friends in the neighbourhood and if something came up and my plans changed with a few weeks to a month's notice I would easily tell them that they would have to find someone else. Similarly my friends take care of my cats quite often but changes happens in life and occasionally I've had to make backup plans when my friends couldn't follow through, e.g. their travel plans changed to a different week. I have also happily been the back up plan when pet arrangements fell through.

If I asked my neighbour to do me a favour and the neighbour ended up backing out that's on me. Free help means you get what you pay for and you have to be understanding if people's plans change. ...

I'm sorry I don't agree with this. Just because something's free doesn't mean it's ok to bail because something better comes up. While there are certain exceptions, I believe once you commit to something you should keep your word and follow through.

At the very least, if the above is how someone feels about their (free) commitments/word, they should be sure the people they're coordinating whatever with understand this up front so everyone is on the same page.

Justerrilynn, I don't think Always mentioned this being a "free" service. I can't imagine not paying someone to care for pets.

Sushi...what is your problem?? Sorry I don't speak as eloquent as some. You are just nasty, sorry. Hope you can understand that in my language.

I should not have -written the above. I was reacting and I shouldn't have. It is very frustrating when you feel bad about a situation and you come here to get advice and people pile on you making you feel worse. Not saying people can't have an opinion or advice I may not agree with but a comment like Sushis just comes across as mean-spirited. IMO. Sorry...for getting ugly.

Always, I'm so sorry that this has happened. Your neighbor seems to have an anger problem, and I'd just steer clear of her if I were you. Since you know she has issues with her husband and with other people, understand that she's now chosen to turn on the resentment towards you as well. You can do nothing more. And I still believe you did nothing wrong, other than speak honestly with someone you thought was a friend. You never once tried to renege on your offer to care for the dog. Not once. Some of us get that. Don't worry about the nasty comments. This can be a tough place to vent at times, with so many opinions and so many agendas.

I am terribly sorry to have offended you. My apologies.

Whenever I look after my neighbour's pets it is always free but we usually have some reciprocity.

If something is important enough to you that you absolutely cannot tolerate any change in plans and get angry at someone who wanted to do you a favour but ended up being unable to perform to your standards, you better pay somebody to show up who will meet your standards. This applies to pet sitting, moving and just about any other unpleasant task in life.

If on the other hand you can roll with the punches, don't mind a little shattered glassware and gouged walls here and there, or can accept that your cat boxes weren't scooped diligently by that friend who barely likes cats but agreed to feed yours cuz he owes you one (happened to me once), you may be the kind of person who should ask favours of your acquaintances.

I say this as someone who relies greatly on giving and receiving favours within a trusted circle-but you have to know the limits or relationships will be broken as they were here. And yes, if I agreed to look in on your geriatric cat and then got invited to a Beyoncé concert and could give you lots of notice, like a month, I'd definitely bring it up with you to see if alternate arrangements could be made. Now if I had promised to give a speech at your wedding, lend you my cargo truck or some other non-substitutable task, I'd suck it up.

CindyMac if you can't imagine not only not burdening a neighbor with pet care but also not offering to pay ...then you are a rare wonderful individual .

CindyMac if you can't imagine not only not burdening a neighbor with pet care but also not offering to pay ...then you are a rare wonderful individual .

What are you talking about? Always1stepbehind didn't mention being paid or not. You're the one who broached the subject.

And FYI I said: I can't imagine not paying someone to care for pets.

CindyMac

Justerrilynn, I don't think Always mentioned this being a "free" service. I can't imagine not paying someone to care for pets.

I'm simply replying nicely to the reply you addressed to me above.

You're making no sense.

Oh for goodness sakes. Maybe you are tired.

Jt was saying you are a nice person if you can't imagine imposing on your friends and neighbours that way.

Robo – Money aside, depending on where someone lives certain
services may not be available and you need to find a responsible person.

…, don't mind a little shattered
glassware and gouged walls here and there…

I understand accidents can and do happen, but as for the example
of the friend who barley likes cats, if feeding and diligently cleaning out the
litters was part of the deal and he agreed to it, then I think he should have
fully followed through. I don’t feel
liking or not liking cats should have anything to do with it. The good thing is you were understanding and
it all worked out.

If I agreed to take care of a cat and a month out and something came up that was really important to me…
Seeing if other arrangements could be made would greatly depend on the situation
– who it was, what it was for, etc. If I
chose to see if other arrangements could be made I would be clear (not saying
you wouldn’t) that I would still follow through on my end if something else
couldn’t be worked out. And making a request for change of plans would still possibly upset and stress some people out. So I agree it is important to know the limits. We should also have good
communication and remember people are human and we make mistakes.

The bottom line for me is if you say you’re going to do
something, follow through and perform to the best of your ability.

ETA - Always maybe the neighbor had something else going on when she responded harshly. It is possible. At this point I'd let it roll off and hopefully she'll choose to come around.

Sheeisback: Yes, I was thinking the same thing, that maybe she was already upset about something else but what threw me was that she's never reacted like that to me. I can usually tell when things are going on with her because you can see it on her face/body language and it definitely written all over her face but the problem is that I still don't know if I'm the pisser or something else. Either way, I guess I'll steer clear till she's ready to talk.

Good idea, always. Just sit tight and hopefully she'll get over something that she blew WAY out of proportion. I fully believe that the care you would have given her dog would not have changed, given your change in plan.

I'm so glad we have options for professional pet care when we're away! Maybe your neighbor should investigate that ;-)

When I had my golden, as I mentioned, I used to share pet sitting with a few other neighbors. A different neighbor wanted me to watch her dog and I did so once.

However, I did not want this to be ongoing as I had responsibility to two other friends.

Fast forward: When my Casey passed away, my two friends knew that I would no longer want to be in the loop because I no longer had a dog. However the neighbor kept asking me and even offered to pay me!

My point is, my dog sitting was reciprocal. I was not interested in dog sitting as a favor when I no longer had my own dog. Example, you are getting up to walk your own dog in the morning, not a big deal to walk two etc.

I would never think to ask a person who doesn't have a dog, unless they were so thrilled to have my dog for whatever reason.

Your neighbor needs to find another "dog" person who she can have reciprocal favors.

Professional bed sitting/boarding can be very expensive. Our rescue dog that we have now is special needs and I have to board him when we go on vacation.

Alwaysone, you did what you could. If things still seem hostile in a month, I would approach her again, but offer to take her to lunch or coffee.

We were raised that our word was our bond. If we agreed to do something, we did it. Your neighbor expected you to do what you said you would. They had apparently made plans and paid to go somewhere. You threw a wrench out there and she reacted. You said you would do something and then changed it, She may be over reacting. Personally, I would still be pleasant to you but I would not ever,, ever, trust your word or you, again. If you can not be trusted with the small things....

Well, your last interaction has resolved what to do. Be pleasant to her from a distance - such as smiling and a very small hand wave as you get in the car. And wait for her to come around. The ball is in her court now.

OMG, what part about the OP upholding the duty she agreed to, despite the fact that she would have to drive to do it, instead of walking across the street, do you folks not get??????

She did NOT go back on her word!

Her neighbor got panicked and weirded out because the OP would not be home bound for the duration, which is ridiculous. What would have been reasonable is for her neighbor to say, "thank you, but I'm not comfortable with that arrangement", and OWN that this WHOLE DEAL fell apart because she overreacted.

Let's play this out. The neighbor goes away and always1stepbehind walks neighbor's dog per agreed schedule. Does it matter where always1stepbehind is coming from geographically if she fulfills her obligation?

No.

Frankly, I give always1stepbehind credit for being loyal to her neighbor. She has a family who should not be beholden to neighbor's dog, yet she agreed to leave her family (and fun) to go back home and walk neighbor's dog.

always1stepbehind could have said, 'Sorry, plans changed', but she didn't. She was willing to interrupt her time with her family to keep her word.

The fact that neighbor doesn't get this is astonishing. If I was her neighbor and I was freaking out about it, I'd have thanked always1stepbehind and told her that I would make other arrangements.

always1stepbehind shouldn't be treated like hired help. She's obviously tied in knots over this because her neighbor is punishing her with the silent treatment, which is BEYOND childish.

This is exactly why I pay someone to take care of my pets while we are away.

I don't understand why your neighbor is mad at you since you told her from the beginning it was a "possibility" you could get a cabin and in that case would be staying overnight. Did I misunderstand that part? She should have had a Plan B, just in case. She sounds like she gets upset very easily and you have to walk on eggshells around her.

So, you didn't go back on your word, you were even willing to drive back home and take care of her pets because you felt bad.

Always, In your OP, YOU are the one who said the neighbor was mad ...that she was upset. You mentioned this using both sets of words.

Your words, not anyone's misinterpretation.

There's some reading comprehension difficulty going on here, isn't there? Always NEVER, EVER WENT BACK ON HER WORD TO CARE FOR THE DOG. Even if she was away for the night, she planned to return home to care for the dog on a daily basis!

Yes, I yelled. But come on - try to keep up here.

Ida-Ditto! LOL!

Reading your OP again, I'm thinking she did not feel right having you drive back and forth from your vacation to take care of her dog so felt she had to cancel no matter what you said. Still, that's on her if she holds it against you since you did keep your commitment.

Whatever the case, it would have been better and more courteous if she'd let you be 'inconvenienced' than giving you the stink treatment to take along on your vacation.

Maybe she and her husband are fighting and it's easier to take it out on you; also to use this as an excuse to cancel their plans together.

It doesn't sound like she really wanted to go so don't feel bad about that either. Forget her issues and enjoy your trip.

Yes, the OP said she would come back to care for the dog but if I were the neighbor, I wouldn't feel comfortable with her having to return each night to take care of my dog when she could otherwise be spending the night away on her camping trip. So I can see why the neighbor was upset. It seems that she had to choose between inconveniencing OP and interfering with her vacation plans, or canceling her own plans. Neither option would make me very happy. Question though, and I might have missed it mentioned above, who was going to let the dog out in the morning/afternoon?

But she has inconvenienced her neighbor - even more - by acting like this. It really doesn't make sense. If she wanted to be so considerate as to not have her running back and forth then she has totally missed the mark by being so disingenuous about it. She only did it to feel better about herself, not for her neighbor's sake. If she cared about that, she'd have hidden her disappointment and misplaced anger to not make her feel bad.

This would be the perfect opportunity for her to branch out and start paying for those expensive services instead of dumping all this stuff on friends and neighbors.

Was she paying for you to watch the dog? If not, then you had offered to do a favor. You were honest that your plans had changed and stuck by your word, offering to drive back and forth to care for the dog. Whether she goes on her trip or not is not a mutually exclusive choice, i.e. either you watch the dog or she doesn't go on her trip. She can hire someone else to do it or she could board the dog. I don't think you did anything wrong. I can't help but think that she doesn't want to go on this trip and is looking for a reason to not go.

I have parrots for pets. I only trust my friends to come by the house, feed them and check on them when I am out of town. I pay my friends to do this. If they ever changed their minds about their availability, I would not be mad at them. I know it is a big inconvenience for them, and I would just have to find someone else.

I know some of our neighbors have watched each others dogs over the years. Two neighbors in particular reciprocated, and it seemed to work out well for them. Me? I stay out of the fray and board in a facility that is superlative on every level (but doesn't break the wallet), even though it's an hour away.

DH and I wonder what fun our dogs are having while we're away, be it running around with a bunch of other dogs, going for trail walks, spending time in the owner's home, or swimming in the pool or pond.

My dogs LEAP out of the car when we get there, and are always happy and healthy when we pick them up.

It's like sending your kids to camp.

I have two indoor-only cats, as do my nextdoor neighbors. The are the best neighbors in every way and there's mutual trust between us. Although we don't hang out together, we maintain keys to one another's houses.

So, we take care of each other's cats when away, whether for two days or three weeks, including feeding twice a day, cleaning litter boxes, bringing in the mail, and/or refuse bins. We give each other plenty of notice beforehand. Once we had a two-day overlap when we were both gone, and we each had backup people to cover that time.

In 17 years, I can't think of a single time one of us has bailed on the other. I guess you could say we're dependable and steadfast.

I look after my backup friend's cats way more than they do for me. I don't consider the arrangement tit for tat. I appreciate being able to go away and know that my cats are well taken care of by dependable people in my home. If I can give that to a friend, it's my pleasure to do so.

Hi Always, I'm back. Hope all is well. Oh, and you did nothing wrong, regarding the dog. She needs to put her dog in a kennel, thats what i used to do when my dog was alive. Hope all is well. :)

always1stepbehind, you've said a few times that you didn't tell her you wouldn't take care of her dog. But did you affirmatively say out loud that you would still take care of her dog? If my neighbor was telling me she got an overnight cabin when she had said she would look after my dog, and my neighbor didn't make a point of saying it wasn't a problem to still look after my dog, I'd be assuming that the neighbor wanted out of the deal. If that's the case, it's possible your neighbor was assuming that you didn't want to do it anymore but were just reluctant to say that out loud, and were leaving it to her to figure out an alternative. Which might explain why she's more mad than you expected.

As for what to do going forward, I think I'd just let things cool off for awhile. Maybe try to chat with her again in a week or two and see if things have settled down. Sometimes time is what heals things like this.

SIlvercomet, you've stumbled upon a thread that is over a year old. ;)

What? I swear it was on the very first page - how do these things get resurrected? I've got to pay more attention!

Thanks for bringing me back to the present day! :-)

sometimes a spammer will bring threads to the first page, someone will flag the spam and it will be removed, but the thread remains until it moves down the page.

They come back up to the top when someone posts on them. "Resurrects" them so to speak.

Gotta check that date! LOL

Oh wow...I can't believe its been a year. I may as well update everyone...they didn't talk to me for about 8 months...and probably still wouldn't be...but here's what happened. It got to the point where they wouldn't even acknowledge me. We'd both be outside and they wouldn't say a word. Now he would exchange a waive here and there but she played like she didn't see me so I did the same but just "shaking my head" as they say because it so ridiculous!!! They even almost ran into me and DD in parking lot....seriously, not on purpose but they were making the turn and my and DD had to stop in our tracks as they made the turn...again I was just stunned that they didn't waive, smile or even flip us off LOL!! So that went on and I was like "whatever"....so one day I was getting something out of my car and they were right there outside their garage and I could clearly see them see me, me see them etc etc...so they start walking towards their sidewalk so I LOUDLY say "HI"...like as in "oh here I am, hello...I know you see me" she turns surprised and smiles and says hi. I just finished my business outside but still just shaking my head and just laughing to myself because of how ridiculous it had become. I get a text the next day saying can we talk this weekend...I said sure, anytime.

She comes over and basically says that she thought everything was good with us after the one time we talked...I told her so did I and because I knew she was upset with me I figured I'd give her her space and when she was ready to get back on track we would, but it seemed like she was still mad and even when I'd try to be friendly I felt like I was still getting the cold shoulder so I just left it alone. I wasn't going to force myself on them again. It got to the point like it felt like she was doing it purposely to hurt or punish me and that really hurt my feelings so then I was just like F it. I think it was BS because she never made a friendly gesture or reached out like we were in an ok place...she said she thought I was ignoring them. I mean my daughter drove through our patio and they didn't even bother to see if we were ok. If they weren't in "ignore" mode and we were supposedly on talking terms, they would have been over in heart beat. They are nosey as heck...so you know they were mad/ignoring me if they didn't come over when that happened.

So were supposedly at a good place again...this has been since about April. But it is still super awkward.

I've been in this position before. A misunderstanding made a neighbor treat me just like this. It's better now but she isn't friendly to me like she was before. Actually, she always asked me for favors and never offered any help so it's easier on me now but shell never get over it. Life's too short to be offended forever about something small that hurt no one but for some people, even small things are a big deal.

Always,

maybe someday she'll move on and realise she's lucky to have a good neighbor who would be a friend. Friendship requires understanding and patience from time to time.

Hi Always :)

Hi lilsophie...where you been hiding? Doing good here...same ol' same ol'...my babies are getting big...junior and senior in high school!!! Time flies huh!?

Hi Always, just hiding out at home, lol. I can't believe your kids are that age, , where did the time go. Holy cow, time did fly. Which one is older, your son? I'm so glad you are still here on this board :)