When I was a young adult and invited to a family wedding, I often contributed to a group gift from my family. When I was invited to the wedding of a peer, I often could not go because it involved travel, but when I did go I did bring a gift that was affordable but not insubstantial given my finances at the time which were fairly dismal. Same for showers. I probably gave modest but thoughtful gifts then, where now I am pretty much cash only except for the closest of friends/relatives.

I think when I was young it was hard to remember that not being able to attend the wedding or some of the associated festivities wasn't grave insult but is just life. I'm now much more able to pick and choose the activities I want to attend without guilt.

for those in more modest circumstances I don't think it's ever needed to cover your plate. I've been to weddings myself even recently where even $1000 wouldn't have been enough to cover our plates and we gifted much less than that. However I also think it is kind and generous for older people who are well-established to view a wedding as an opportunity to set a young couple up well in their future life together. This is how I now approach weddings of young people myself. I think the cover your plate guideline sort of helps the newlywed couple start out at less of a financial disadvantage particularly when their parents are not contributing substantially to the wedding.

In our case we asked for donations to the food bank as one of our gift ideas and we certainly were not raking in the dough from our guests, my extended family is generally not wealthy and there are a ton of them, I would never expect them to cover their plates nor would they feel pressured to do so (some lovely thoughtful gifts from them of course).

I posted something regarding that in the other thread. There are widely varying circumstances in life, and we certainly received a wide range of gifts at our wedding, and to be honest, some of the more moderate gifts are some of my favorites because they were personal. I don't expect nieces and nephews who are in college or recent graduates to give us an expensive gift or cash. Some people made a huge effort to travel there.

In our family, we had some issues in the past with some particular nieces and nephews who were no-shows at another family wedding. I told my brother that I don't care about a gift but if I am shelling out good money for dinner and drinks, I expect them to be in those seats and if he could kindly pass the word to them.

Examples of more moderate gifts: a niece made a shadow box photo frame for us on a nightstand in our BR, a cousin crocheted a beautiful ivory afghan in a "wedding ring" pattern that is also on our bed, we received some beautiful platters that are hanging on our walls.

I have both given and been given family gifts that included young adults. I also put together a family gift in recent years because it helped my dad -- and IIRC, we were able to take advantage of a sale and give a set rather than individual pieces from her registry. I think it is perfectly acceptable to go that route -- or for the young adults to gift separately at a level they can afford.

I have never and will never subscribe to the notion that a wedding gift should cover the cost of the meal or reception generally. The bride, groom and their families plan the wedding and chose how to celebrate it. It's their party and they are the hosts -- those are their choices, same as any other party. I didn't expect my guests to know or care what we spent on our reception and I would have been upset if someone had not come because they couldn't afford to gift what they thought we were spending. I invited them because I cared about them and wanted them to be with us. But then, I have also hosted parties on my birthday and not told anyone it was my birthday because the point was to enjoy a holiday get together - sometimes for me and adults, sometimes for the kids (Decemeber baby here).

I have not attended many weddings recently and am curious about the covering your dinner rule. How does one even know before attending the wedding how much it would cost in order to gift the couple? This is confusing.

Ya can't argue with Emily!!! cmm I think what is confusing is posters on this thread seem to be more conservative than opinions shared on previous threads concerning gifting. Maybe we will hear from other's today but I am of the generation when Emily Post was THE opinion on all things etiquette. She is timeless and I appreciate being reminded of sensible reasonable parameters. This maybe comes down to not wanting to be judged in our gifting. Crazy when one thinks it through. If the receiver judges you for your gift, perhaps the relationship isn't one to keep.