Good things come to those who wait. You don't have to settle . . . so don't. It took us 2 years to find our current home and it was worth the wait. We've been here for a long time and soon we, too, will be ready to downsize. I intend to take my time!

We looked for about 5 years, more heavily for two, because we wanted a specific neighborhood.

A month is nothing! We looked online for at least six months and in person for another several months (before eventually buying the first home we viewed in person, LOL). It felt like it was taking forever but our realtor assured us we were one of his quicker sales. You have a perfectly comfortable place to wait for just the right spot, so take advantage of that and relax! :)

So you've got a few empty bedrooms. If finances are not an issue, what's the rush?

You can afford to be picky. Just please don't waste your agent's time insisting on inspecting every home that comes up! (Spoken like an ex agent/broker!)

We checked out most of the houses at open houses and only had the agent show us a select few. But we also had a good relationship with our agent and she did not mind showing us houses.

Since you say its a hot market on the streets you want to live on spend the time now while you are looking to make sure you can move quickly with a strong offer: down payment, financing, someone with construction knowledge who can walk the house with you on a short notice if you expect to be doing remodeling. It helps to be able to walk into a house and quickly see what's easy to change (paint) vs. what's harder to change ("open concept)"

Buying the new house with a loan before selling the old house can be tricky with lenders even if your old house is paid off. Your first lender may not be willing to work with you. A strong offer isn't just a higher asking price its also about closing quickly and a lower risk of falling out of escrow. Another plus you could offer because you'll still have your old house is a lease back to give the seller more time to move out after the close.

Thanks for all of the comments, it's very helpful! I guess we've been looking for a little more than a month, but not by much. But I hope not to take two years to find this next house.

Yes, we're ready to move quickly. Our current house is paid off; we have a lot of money saved, and for the rest of the purchase, we will borrow against our retirement savings. (We did this before, when building what will be our retirement house in the mountains, and it worked very well.) So in effect, it will be a cash deal. And we are thinking a leaseback would work well, because we're so flexible.

I think our agent is ok about showing us houses, though I need to be firmer with myself about looking at houses that I really, in my heart, know I'm not interested in.

Another house would be great, except that it's one street over into the not-as-nice area of town.

ONE STREET! I'd grab that and redefine "nice".

We looked for eight months while all of our belongings were in storage. My husband's job relocated us and we couldn't find a house. We rented an apartment and bought mattresses for the floor and nothing else.

Find out how many houses come on the market in the neighborhood in your price range per week during the summer. If it is 2 per week and each one sells in a week, you'll be looking for a few months. If it is 10 per week, you may find something soon.

Do you get instant email notices for new listings and then carefully preview the houses online before contacting your agent? Do you search for YouTube videos and aerial views to help you decide to view in person?

Do a little self knowledge search. Do you really know what it is you want? Where can you compromise? What would you be willing to change? Look in some other areas. Should you see a house that has everything else you think you want, it will help to see that house and ask yourself why you like it so much.

One time I had an agent say to me that a house just has to sing to you. They rarely sing on line. They sound like operas in person. Be patient, but not too patient.

We are empty nesters like you. It took us 9 months to find a home. Our agent told us older home buyers are the hardiest. They have lived in usually more than one home and know what they want and need in the next home. Yes, I was getting frustrated also running around looking at homes that looked better in the pictures than in real life. Hang in there.

it really depends on so many factors..market of course but also your unique needs in the stage of life you're in

while previous houses, I found within a week(!) and they were great and we loved them dearly-the last house was really hard..I think took us a year of less active search and several months of very active. I was so upset and anxious, I didn't fully understand why it's taking so long, in comparison to my usual luck

But actually the explanation was really simple. we had more needs. we needed walking distance to at least some errands and amenities- which in our area left us with maybe 5% of inventory, and two thirds of these were unattainable in terms of price, since they were situated in highly sought after and crazily expensive beach cities(we re in Southern CA). Our family became more complicated because MIL was joining us, and we wanted to have a room for her plus a possibility of her living really close for now, also walking distance from us and said amenities.

We simply needed much more than when we were younger and things were more straightforward. And the market was at its boom(2014), so low inventory too, and investors lined ready to pay cash..some places we didn't even have opportunity to see, as they went under escrow same day I saw the listing

(and i get up very early and read freakishly fast..so I knew all the new properties before our then- realtor did..which made me a bit upset lol. she didn't enlighten me once, in terms of what's new out there)

in the end it appeared we could relax and not hurry that much since we ended up buying older house, and gut remodel took two years..:) Little did I know..

Don't worry. Don't be like me:) Month is nothing when you have a list of a's b's and c's..not necessarily because you're picky but because your life is such you'd rather account for all these a's b's and c's when spending tons of money on a house.

Thanks - lots of good suggestions! Yes, we preview the houses online before going to look at them, and google street view, etc. I actually took the dog and spent a couple of hours yesterday going up and down streets in the two neighborhoods, seeing how many houses there were that seemed to be what we are looking for - it's reassuring. In six months, if we're still looking, then I may tell myself to lower my standards a bit.

On the almost-right house on the "one street over," hubby and I drove by it AGAIN this afternoon. It's one of the nicer houses on that street, and just outside the very southwestern end of the zone that we're looking at. The "not-so-nice" area is a commercial street, which is ok (in fact, we want to be within walking distance of stores, restaurants, etc.) but the part of the commercial street where this house is close to has quite a few pot stores, late-night biker bars, used-car lots, and no restaurants or cafes. We keep going back and forth, but we think about safety, resale, and honestly, I'm not likely to visit any of those places.

I think you should wait for the right house. It will come up. Make sure you are ready to buy when it does, which it sounds like you are. You have time, that last baby bird isn't out of the nest until fall. Things change everyday in real estate. That perfect house may be around the corner, or better yet, competitively priced in September, when you have an empty nest and there aren't a swarm of buyers.

Nothing wrong with taking your time. I feel like we rushed our first house when we should have taken our time. Next time we are definitely going to be more picky and really take our time.

After months (I know, not too many) of being patient, a house has come on the market that fits most, but not all, of what we're looking for (and all of our deal-killers). It's priced a little high, but assuming we can negotiate it to a price we can live with, how do we make that final decision? Yes, I know I'm anxious to move, so I'm being overly positive, but I would say that it meets 90% of what we want, and I am ok with the things that aren't perfect. The spouse is not so enthused with moving, says he doesn't love it, but acknowledges that it fits all the main things we wanted. The objections he has seem - to me - to be surmountable, or not a big deal. And I know, some of that is a matter of personal opinion!

I've asked our realtor if she can figure out how many houses that are in the age range we're looking for are in our target area, and how many in that age range have come on the market in the last year. I'm afraid if we pass this one up, we won't see another that we like as much for a long time. And if we pass this one up, another very good option will come on the market, but it will have different things that aren't quite perfect, and lovely spouse will pass up on that one too, because it just isn't perfect enough.

Too bad that all the possible houses don't come on the market at the same time!

So how did you all decide when your house was the house to buy? Any helpful hints to help us decide?

I think if the things you can't change meet your needs (location, lot size, proximity to services, etc) and the things you can change fairly easily are the problems, you should buy it. Perhaps your husband really doesn't want to move and is coming up with objections to justify his reluctance? Might be time to have a heart to heart and find out if that's the case.

That's a good way to categorize the things about the house - what we can change vs. what we cannot. Yes, I kind of think that's what's happening. The item's he's mentioned so far (other than the vague "I don't love it") are fixable - for example, where will he put his hot tub. Which sounds indulgent, but he uses it for his back problems. The back yard is small (but that's what we want), with an upward grade toward the detached garage, but we could dig up the "hill" and put it there. Or put it on the deck, which the seller told us is rated strong enough for a hot tub.

nd lovely spouse will pass up on that one too, because it just isn't perfect enough.

Or maybe lovely spouse really doesn't want to move and is using the "it's not perfect" excuse not to move.

I think both should be on board

now there's another aspect, more personality-wise one..I know for example my husband will never say "wow I love the house" unless we're not going to buy it anyway:) Theoretically, he can admire something. Practically, when he needs to make a decison-he'll be much more reserved.

he'll critisize, and think aloud, and he will hate to be rushed

but if he loves the house I'll get clues from him he's seriously into it

if he doesn't though-it will be same critisizing and all, but it won't have any clues for "yes". it will be a pretty clear "no" pretty right away.

I refuse to go with a clear "no", that's too big of a commitment. even when I do love a house-it's not enough. Life is stressful enough without fighting for house on your own on top of everything else

I'm ready to work with "I love it too, let me think about it some more". Then I can go lengths..:)

Now you know your husband, and the way he expresses himself and his loves and dislikes

You know what his "I don't really love it" probably means, and whether to go further with it or just let go.

I may be way off base; but suggest that you don't just focus on what is preventing your husband from wanting to move. Make sure you take time to examine what is making a move so imperative and NOW to you? You mention being a recent empty nester; that creates some holes in the tapestry of your life. For myself, I know I have a tendency to rush to fill those holes with something--even if it is not the right thing, or even just the right time. There are empty rooms in your house, an old longing to live in the city, a floundering (perhaps) for direction or purpose, a feeling of loss, etc. Moving instantly creates purpose/direction/optimism. The problem is that the excitement and busy-ness, and fun of moving are relatively short term fillers. Then you are in a new home, everything in place, and still may be left with the same holes in your heart--or even new ones. Maybe the next best step would be to rent a place in the city for several months. Get a feel for living there--make sure it is the right thing. Smaller steps may help reassure your husband, or may lead you both to something else entirely.

I also think your DH is not on the moving train with you. You might have to drop your living in the city dream. :-)

well who knows..might be dream might be need

cities are usually more walkable/have more public transportation/access to services, amenities..downsizing is mentioned too

the OP and her husband started looking together, several months ago. have a realtor even, as far as I understood..I for example just wander between open houses unless I'm very serious about moving, and have everything set for it. then I'll have a realtor..when I'm ready...

different folks different strokes of course..in my mind having a realtor shows the decision was made. By both parties. I might be very wrong too.

lexma that city you're looking to move to..did you live there before? you sound very familiar with it. Again I can be right or wrong

My husband didn't like the house we currently live in because he "hated" the master bath because it didn't have a tub (just a shower).

Funny hangup for him. We've been married 22 years, and I've never seen him use a tub.

^lol...that is funny. Usually objections have some relationship to the the person making the objection, but he must have really wanted a different master bath! Did you change it yet?

that is funny but very familiar to me. say my husband is always very interested in how easy the "X" or "Y" is cleanable..))))) while it's me who cleans...

(he does many other things, he's my hero..but the cleaning part is not his forte, so I'm still trying to figure out this purely theoretical interest..)

No, we haven't changed a thing about the master bath. He hasn't complained since we bought the house. Maybe he realized he doesn't take baths.