Hi Jumoke,

Congrats on your new house!

Tell mama that first of all, security bars need to be inside, not outside in order to really be effective. Not hard for a pro to cut right through that if it's on the outside.

Then, when on the inside, it needs to to be folding in order to pass a fire/emergency inspection as your window is an egress. A first responder may need to access your home per that window and precious minutes are lost.

I think it's lovely that your mom is concerned and old school. In the end, we found that bright sensor lights hung very high did the trick.

Here is a pic from our old cottage that we had years ago in NYC.

Rolling shutters aka hurricane shutters. Decent people should not have to live behind bars.

Not in favor of burglary bars. Yes, I understand that they're probably necessary in some neighborhoods, but if your new neighbors don't have them, don't add them. There are other more high-tech ways of securing your home.

Congratulations on your home purchase!

At some point we all have to tell Mom to butt out, as nicely as possible of course. You're a good child for wanting to appease her, but this is your home and you must make this type of decision based on the best information that you can gather not on your mom's fears.

Thanks everyone for responding. I thought window film might be a good compromise as it does offer a little additional layer of protection. We went to Lowe’s yesterday and my mom was still not satisfied with it. She says someone can just cut through. I would like to get a dog one day, but I have a 12 year old cat with health problems so i don’t think it’s a good idea to introduce another pet right now. And I wouldn’t mind hurricane shutters but that is not in the budget. At my wits end at this point. For reference, I’m an only child. And she’s saying she won’t be able to sleep at night unless she’s knows I am safe. So anything else you all could suggest?

A good alrm system is the best IMO I hate security bars and honestly if someone wants in there is always a way.

I'm sorry, I still suggest putting your foot down.

Or blame the HOA whether they are to blame or not (a little passive aggressive but hey, it will keep the peace. Maybe.)

What does your HOA say? Also, do your neighbors have security bars?

Another perspective: If your new neighbors don't already have security bars, they will NOT be happy with your installing them. When I see security bars in other neighborhoods, I assume that these parts of town are high-crime, low-income, even if that's not entirely the case. I would not purchase a home there. In all honesty, you may be lowering the value of your own property as well as your neighbors' properties.

Invest in a great alarm system instead.

I am getting an alarm system. This still isn’t sufficient for my mom. She wants an actual PHYSICAL deterrent. She says alarms only alert about an intruder but doesn’t actually stop them. I have put my foot down about the security bars. And I’m pretty sure HOA does not allow, but I have not made an inquiry with them. None of my neighbors have them and I agree it’s quite unsightly. So that’s why I’m just trying to see if there’s anything else I could do.

Trying to strike the right tone- is your mother paying for your home? I'm not sure why else you would be so deferential. For the record, I have an only child. He's 26 and on his own with his decisions as to how and where he lives.

I echo all who suggest getting an alarm system. There are many wonderful, affordable options. Check them out, Fair protection for you, and your mom can rest easy.

BTW: I don't know the safety concerns of either of your homes, but you might want to have a chat with your mother re: the false security those bars give her. If she lives alone, she too can benefit from a good system. Maybe a place to bond?

You can always try to get a dog.

Door chains or bolts like on hotel doors. You only have ro make a production of using them when she visits:-)
Tell her you are getting a CHL and taking martial arts so you pity the fool who breaks in your house.
Seriously a can of wasp spray is better than pepper spray because it shoots long range.

@Laurie I think it’s a bit different because I’m a only child and a girl. No she’s not paying for my house, I’m just trying to make everyone happy. That’s kind of my personality. She has bars on her house. Always has. And I can’t begin to tell you how much they’ve annoyed me. So that’s why I’m refusing to go that route with my own.

@Kathleen hahahahaha. That’s hilarious. Yea I’m thinking about doing the door chain and possibly a double sided deadbolt. I think that may be the best compromise.

Jumoke,,,how old are you? tell mama HOA won't allow it. (and they won't). get your alarm (or The Ring is really good too) system and learn how to use a gun. my goodness, you sound like you really want to please your mom at the expense of your own life. sometimes putting your foot down is really the best,,,for both parties involved.

I grew up with bars on the windows in Brooklyn. Not particularly high crime but there was always the possibility. FWIW they were only on the back windows because it was assumed that no one would break into a front window because someone would notice.

I don't understand her fixation on doors though because generally doors are the easiest thing to secure - a sturdy door with a sturdy lock. I remember the old police locks in old New York City apartments :-)

But now most people are content with a good alarm system. I don't know anyone who has both an alarm system and bars. As someone posted earlier, I don't see bars in "good" neighborhoods although most people do have alarm systems even if it's not "high crime".

That said, there is NOTHING like a dog - even a small dog - to be a deterrent as burglars choose the path of least resistance unless for some reason you have the Hope Diamond in your home :-) I live in a condo with excellent security in a very mixed neighborhood to say the least - which gentrified from the time I moved in but still has a mixture. There has NEVER been any kind of robbery or assault in my building - even in the underground parking garage which is often the weak point.

Surveillance cameras act as an excellent deterrent as well

Thanks all. I’ll be talking to her.

A dog is the best bet - introduce a young one to your cat and over time she will accept it. We also put a latch up very high on the front door - very confusing when door doesn't open. Had to do that when daughter slept walk and tried to go outside. When 2 young punks stole our neighbor's canoe, all the dogs in the neighborhood barked. Police caught the thieves 6 blocks away with said canoe. Tried to say it was theirs, but neighbor had put SS# on bottom and told the police where to look. Everyone appreciated the dogs then.

Talk to her about burglar bars and fire safety.

The realistic middle-ground: If a burglar has targeted YOU and wants to enter YOUR house, not much is going to stop him. Every house is venerable to break-ins. However, few burglars want to break into YOUR house ... they just want to break into A house, so you need to avoid the obvious stuff. You need to avoid being an easy "crime of opportunity".

Having said that:

- I question having "lots of doors leading to the outside". That does mean more potential doors left unlocked and more potential entry spots.

- Yes to a dog. Even if it's a small dog, it will alert you if someone breaks in.

- I'm with your mom in not seeing the point in an alarm; they don't stop the burglar -- they just tell you that he's in ... but he will be out again before anyone can do anything about it. So many people say they just put up a sign, or they seldom activate the alarm -- burglars know that.

- Go with strong door jams (i.e., solid wood instead of pier glass) and good locks, and be sure you use those locks. Ditto for windows.

- Be careful in your landscaping. Don't provide the burglars with cover.

Ultimately, if YOU feel safe, you're fine. Sounds like your mom is over-protective on this subject.

Only get a dog if you are a dog person! A dog is a lot of work: they *need* daily exercise, a lot of training and socialisation time, etc. And if the dog tends to bark too much (which is not rare) you will have a serious problem in your hands: neighbors complaining (rightly so), calling the police, council involved, etc.

Definitely, I think that you may have problems with HOA when you will try to set up such security bars. It is really dangerous in case of fire. You can try to explain to her all the advantages of modern security systems. As for me, I'm using Ajax since last year and I should say that it is so convenient. The crime level in my hood is not so high too, but I want to be sure that everything is alright at my house. Besides, nobody is insured from different accidents. But it is not meaning, that you need to set up security bars.

Show your mom YouTube videos of people dying in house fires because they couldn’t get out of a window with security bars (it’s not terribly common but it does happen). But really, mom’s being mom, it’s not really about bars on the window, it’s about you taking steps away from her, asserting your adulthood, and she’s happy you are turning into the independent young woman she raised you to be and sad you are turning into an independent young woman that maybe needs mom a little less than she is ready for.

So get the burglar alarm, and show her how all encompassing it is, maybe throw in a camera or two too. Beef up door locks, show her the baseball bat you keep under the bed, show her the prominently placed alarm signs on your windows, maybe even add a storm door with a lock on the back door, put a tension rod in your window (not to hold a curtain) so it makes opening a window that much harder, but it’s still easy for you to yank out. Lay out your action plans with her, if someone tries to kick in this door I will do this. And do all of these things calmly and reasonably and if mom decides to continue to worry, that’s her right.

There are code requirements on windows egress. Check with your local authorities.

Mom’s been through something that’s fueling her fears. Ever ask her what happened? Tell her she has taught you to be safe.

My mom's the same way—always worried about safety. When I moved to a new place with a lot of doors, she insisted on extra security measures too. Ended up compromising with a Vivint security cameras system. Not only did it reassure her, but it also fit within my budget. Might be worth considering as a middle ground to ease your mom's worries without breaking the bank or upsetting the HOA!