Beginning a hefty renovation

8 years ago

Hello all,

My family is in the early stages of a major home renovations. We will be re-doing my in-laws house, built in the 1890's and needing much TLC. It will be a multi-generalization home for my in-laws, my husband and I, my niece (my in-laws are raising) and my two sons. Currently, we are working to empty the home and pairing down my in-laws "stuff" and interviewing design and design/build firms. Does anyone have suggestions on questions to ask or conversations to have with my in-laws regarding plans? I want us to be on the same page, and am looking to put together a "check list" of points we should have discussed/decided before we begin the design process to make sure we are all on the same page moving forward.

Thank you for any information or wisdom you can share

Featured Answer

miss lindsey (She/Her)

8 years ago

last modified: 8 years ago

We don't live with our in-laws, but we live somewhat communally with my husband's 2 sisters and their families living in the property that adjoins ours, a brother living around the corner with his family, and his dad just a few minutes down the road. We all farm together so see each other daily and have occasionally shared homes for longer or shorter time spans. Here are some questions to go through based on our experiences!

1. How much together time will we want? (Cut the answer in half or less to get to the long-term truth).

2. Where will each family unit go to have "alone time."

3. Will meals be communal every day? Once a week or monthly? Rarely, for holidays and special occasions? For meals taken seperately, will there be seperate dining areas or will you take turns in a common room? Will the food be shared by all, and if not how will it be kept seperate (especially from children who naturally want what others have)?

4. Is there more than one person in each family unit who intends to cook?

5. Is each family finished adding children? Are you sure??

6. How will rule-making and enforcement for the children be handled? Individually by family units or as a tribunal? Is each group of adults comfortable telling the other's children what to do/not do, and is each group equally comfortable having their child corrected by an adult other than their parent? It is much better to get this one out in the open NOW.

7. How will household decisions be made? Majority rules, unanimous vote, absolute monarchy?

8. Who is in charge of the chores? Who will manage the delegation and ensure the completion?

9. Are the grandparents comfortable taking in a parenting role with your kids, for example driving to schools and activities? Are you and your spouse both comfortable with that? Do you intend to do the same for your niece?

10. What are the house rules regarding entering another family unit's space? Knock first, wait to be invited, just run on in anytime? Is every person comfortable with this decision? Accomodate the one who has the lowest tolerance for intrusion.

11. Who will be responsible for the bills and how will household and property expenses be divided?

12. How will changes be made as needs evolve or you realize that some things just aren't working?

This may not be what you meant when you made this post, but the answers to these questions will drive the design of the home, particularly the kitchen and living areas.

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Comments (9)

PRO
User
8 years ago
In an 1890’s home nothing will be standard or fit. Expense could be an issue.
K R
8 years ago
Wow that’s a lot of different age groups and generational gaps! I’d definitely ask what is on their “wish list”. I’d definitely discuss having separate living spaces, such as a den , etc. My girlfriend and son lives with her parents and they all bought a house together. Their biggest concern was having a den/family room they could watch their shows in LOL. But it does seem like a valid point. I’d also consider 2 kitchens or even at least a big kitchen and a kitchenette. What about different floors? How much property is the house on, maybe a separate guest house for you and your husband?
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Molly
8 years ago
Great that you are thinking ahead. I’d have both you and your in laws make a list of needs (like a private master bath) and wants (like a pool) and do it separately so you don’t influence each other. Perhaps include in the discussion. who is the point person for all decisions and how decisions will be made of you don’t agree on a budget overrun.
jck910
8 years ago
Make sure to have a full bath & bedroom on 1st floor
stefaniebogles
8 years ago
I would ensure all adults are involved in the many meetings with professionals you interview and end up working with. I would ensure this throughout the process. This way everyone has a voice, ,communication is open and all successes, hick-ups belong to everyone!
strategery
8 years ago
This is a hotel?
miss lindsey (She/Her)
8 years ago
Forgot to say, congrats on this amazing adventure!
apple_pie_order
8 years ago
You'll need to figure out if the people who are paying for the renovations become part owners. Then get a contract or deed that reflects the reality of the current and future situation. If whoever owns it needs to sell their share, you need to know exactly what that share is, and it has to be written down and signed by all concerned. You need to cover what happens if there is a divorce, dementia, or someone is run over by a truck. You need lawyers to represent your interests.