First thought: Make sure your municipality will approve an "accessory dwelling unit" and what size restrictions there are. Your town/city building department should be able to help you out with any zoning restrictions. Unless y'all are on unincorporated county land?

Can you have an honest conversation with the in laws?? Just to set some boundaries?? And maybe see if they have a motive for wanting you to do this - being close to their grandchildren or having some one close just in case?

Then get with the town, then look for a good architect. Start making a list of everything you desire in your new home..

This is exciting!

Prior to investing, understand if you can split off the piece of property. Visit the county/city for information.

my twin daughters are the only grandchildren they have and since before we were pregnant they always said whoever gave them grandkids first would stay with everything. I always thought they were joking. Lol We already talked about boundaries and my husband and I have said we will do everything the right way, in paper not like just by talking and saying that’s your land and this is mine. And they keep talking about going to the city to figure out how we can get the land over to us. My husband feels like building is a lot of work and I feel like he doesn’t want to go though the stress.

So basically they are just waiting on us to get this project moving. We don’t own right now and are currently renting and we are ready to own/have our own place. The way the market is right now I feel like if we voy a home it won’t be exactly what we want and this way we could make a modest home the way we want it.

My husband feels like building is a lot of work and I feel like he doesn’t want to go though the stress.

If he doesn't want to go through the stress, then don't! :-) A happy marriage is better than a new house. <3

Lol way husband stresses so fast that buying or building will both be the same. But he’s also ready to stop renting so it’s gonna have to be one or the other. I feel like this way would be cheaper for us and less stressful. I’m just exploring, trying to see what I need. Basically do all the work/research so we can be prepared.

But he’s also ready to stop renting so it’s gonna have to be one or the other.

Oh, boy, I know how that is!!!

Basically do all the work/research so we can be prepared.

I totally get this, too. :-D

Okay, so once y'all have the necessary information from the city/town, the next step, like Miss Debbi said, is to find an architect. Once you have an architect, bring a builder on to your design team, too (unless you go with a design-build firm), and then everybody sits down and gets to work.

As far as financing goes, I can't help with any ideas, there. Check with local banks and credit unions to see what kinds of options you have.

Go to a couple of lenders (assuming you will have a construction load and a permanent mortgage) and find out what they will require in terms of land subdivision, title transfer and property ownership, down payment and terms for both short and logn-term loans.

Don't put this off only to be surprised later.

Then go to the city or county zoning and building department to find out their requirments.

After that you are ready to talk to an experienced architect.

Good luck on your project.

First, subdivide the land. Until that's done you can do your research, talk to bankers, architects and builders, but don't spend a dime on construction.

Thank you all so much for all your help!!

The best things you can do for yourselves is research and plan and do your research oh and don't forget to plan; write out your wishlist and research, then plan!! I also would not take the plans that are "predone" - they always need fixing.

When your know you are ready to go ahead make sure to get yourself a box where you keep a binder of ideas, samples, swatches etc. Have a section for each room listing the elements you are looking for .

I also tell my customers to measure your current spaces or a friends kitchen you might love or someone's walk in shower. When looking at blueprints you won't have any sense of the space if you don't have a comparison. This will save tons of time.

You said you want a modest home - that will mean different things to different people - try going around to some open houses in your area and see how big and the layout.. this will give you a sense of proportion.

Best of luck! We look forward to seeing your first draft of plans!

Thank you Debbi this helps me so much!!

Look into pre fab homes. Much easier and less stress for your husband.

Are there other family members who might feel hurt at this apparently preferential treatment? Could your husband’s stress be from that, too? I’m reading between the lines so I could be totally wrong, but something to explore.

I honestly don’t think so but of course I could be wrong. His older sister is currently purchasing a home with her boyfriend and his younger sister still lives at home and she’s planning on going away to college. I think my husband just stresses because I am currently not working. I had micro preemie twins and had to quit to take care of them when they came home from the hospital after being there for 100 days. Now they are thriving at 18 months but are just now learning to walk so I’m looking into going back to work. With two incomes I know we will be able to handle it. But he also worries a lot because he doesn’t trust anyone to take care of our daughters. Just talking about going back to work and leaving them makes me panic. Lol

Also to understand where my in laws are coming from my husband started working at 16 and ever since he started working he would give his parents about 80% of his paycheck to help them pay bills. When he turned 18 and graduated hs he stopped giving them 80% but kept giving them $400 every month til he moved out when we got married. My in laws struggled a lot and so they are grateful to him because he really stepped up and helped them. When he moved out and his siblings had also graduated they didn’t do the same but their parents were doing much better financially. Their home just got paid off this year and so they are now mortgage free.

Maybe split the difference? Transfer the land, buy prefab now so you can pay into equity instead of rent, and then take your time to plan and build. If you’re ready to move now, building a house won’t exactly make it happen quickly! The ability to really take your time and plan carefully is invaluable.

Wow, what a wonderful story about your twins. I can see how since you two met that challenge, you are up for the challenge of building!

Odd question coming, so hold on...

How about the parents build a new house on the property, a granny flat of sorts, and you guys move into the house?

In my area, there are a lot of family farms and we see a lot of children who have built houses on their parent's land. It rarely works out well. In fact, I strongly advise against it every time and will not offer any advice other than subdivide the land before you start.

First, in most areas there are no real savings for building a home even when land is free. Existing homes are cheaper than building a home and usually that savings is greater than the land cost. Of course, in some areas, where land is very expensive, this is not true.

Next, you are not the person you will be in 8 years and you are certainly not the person you will be in 15 years. Through your life, your wants and needs are going to change. You want the flexibility to move and sell your house and building your house on someone else's land doesn't give you that flexibility. Many years ago I purchased the house I was going to die in, it has a great lot, room to expand, a perfect kitchen and areas that fit my life... I have moved 4 times since that purchase. Two or three times a year I will try to help people who have built a house on their parent's farm and can't get out of it.

Finally, there is merit to the saying that fences make good neighbors. Clearly delineating mine from yours is much easier and a happier path. The things my neighbor does on his property right now annoy the heck out of me, and I like the guy. If he got to choose to do that stuff on my property I would be apoplectic.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you. My advice, though, is don't even think about it unless you can subdivide.

This made me think of my childhood. My Grandparents divided their property and sold the

piece of land to my parents to build. I lived with my Grandparents during the building process so I could attend school. We lived next door to my Grandparents for 10 years.

My parents had 2 more Children and we outgrew the house so bought another lot and build 20 miles away,

Several posters are suggesting there would be problems living that close to your family.

I can only say, the memories I have of those 10 years with my Grandparents are some of my most precious ones.

This is where the planning stage come in... you don't build to your family size now... make sure there is space for additional little ones ( or space that can be converted later on with an additional bath room ) or just make sure you can do an addition to the house by positioning the first build in such a way that it would be possible - then you don't have to spend the money now.

Just ask smart people a million questions so you go into this with eyes wide open...

There are people who move frequently ( jobs that are more mobile or desires to live in different areas ) and those who will build a home and stay in it for 30 or 40 years! Figure out the kind of people you are and build accordingly...

The first step is to see if the land can even be split into 2 parcels (assuming it is one now). Call the county zoning office and ask if it can be done. It would need approval and the neighbors would get notified and could try stopping it. But without knowing if this can be done, you don't even know if this is an option.

Then, you need to figure out financing. Usually, when land has been gifted (given) to you, you need to own it a year before the bank can count it as part of your equity. You may find you need to have a 20% downpayment in order to do a construction loan. If you are planning to go back to work when your girls start school, then postpone building until then. Don't change your life plan just because of a possible opportunity. Next, while the idea of a gift of a house site seems huge, consider the actual value. In my area, a normal lot goes for around $30,000. At a 4% 30 year mortgage, this comes to $143/month. Is it worth living next to your in-laws, or building before you are really ready to save $143 a month?

Just so we understand...

Your husband lived in his parents house until he moved out to marry you and at that time he was paying $400 a month rent to them. Prior to that, for 2 yrs, from age 16-18 he gave 80% of his earnings to his parents.

Hubby is stressed due to finances, premature babies, you going back to work, future childcare and a host of other things.

You and hubby currently rent (near by?) and this lifestyle is working, although hubby is stressed over this current situation as he'd rather own and not pay rent, but doesn't feel confident having a "mortgage" payment until this becomes a dual income.

Hubby's parents are very grateful to their son, very much love and appreciate him and his help through the years.

Parents just paid off land/residence so they are joyous, euphoric and free from mortgage payments.

If hubby is so stressed over so many things, does designing and building a new house make sense?

In case you haven't read any of the past threads here, designing and building a new house is very stressful for many folks.

Good luck on your project.

In your calculations, get an estimate for an eight foot tall concrete block wall. There may be a point where you or your in-laws may find it beneficial.

OP - I have to say that you might find it much less stressful to buy an existing home, especially if you are an inexperienced home owner. The stress of househunting, organizing financing, and moving is considerable, but over relatively quickly, whereas the stress of deciding on a design, negotiating with draftsmen, architects and contractors, selecting finishes, and dealing with inevitable time delays and cost overruns, can last for up to a year.

You'll probably have to hire a surveyor to determine exactly what your property is. I didn't see where you are in the country. Are you going to be O/B?.....If so.....you could save 10's of thousands on the build....if you know what you're doing and get GC pricing from the subs(they usually give that if asked) It's NOT rocket science to build a house IF you know HOW they are built. MOST areas require an inspector to approve the material and installation. The subs don't get paid unless it's approved.....so they want to do it right to get paid.

Bri R-

Money doesn't have to burn a hole in your pocket.

Neither does a tax break.

Just because someone thinks it is "time" to buy doesn't mean you can't continue to rent for now.

Especially since you have thus far been able to live on your husband's income and you aren't ready to leave your little babies and neither you nor your husband feel confident in finding good child care in your area.

Is it worth giving up this precious time in your children's life just to put money into a house that can wait a some years?

What's the big rush?

If in fact your husband's parents want to deed part of their land to you now, they certainly can.

But here is a totally 'nother way to skin that cat.

For two years your husband paid his parents 80% of his income (I assume this was a part -time job since he was in high school) but we don't know how much $ that came to.

He also gave them $4800 a year, but for how many years?

So how much $ in total did he give them, and so what total percent of their house and land payment did HE pay?

Figure that out. If it is a significant amount....

Maybe the thing to do is to for his parents to create a document such as a deed and or trust (through an attorney) giving him a significant percentage of ownership of that whole kit and kaboodle, all the land and the house, proportional to what he paid into it.

That protects him in case they decide to sell it.

Or if one of them dies and marries a scoundrel who decides to do sell off the house.

The trust can also be configured in such a way as to give your husband the lion's share of ownership of the house and land relative to his siblings because of his investment in the property and house, which is totally appropriate.

In this way, you and your husband can now live your life as you see fit, how and when and where you want on your own terms.

Think of what would happen if you lived on land your in-laws gave you now-

For example, how much land will you have and your in-laws?

What if for some reason, they sell? (Death, move to an old age facility, whatever.)

What if the person that buys their house is the neighbor from hell?

And now you are on postage stamp lot right next to the devil incarnate (who is building a pool right next to your property line in which to luxuriate with his 10 naked Playboy bunnies, and you may be stuck, you can't sell your place because maybe the property values have gone down and you can't recoup your cost of building, or you don't want to change your kids school, or whatever.

See, you really don't know what will happen in the future in terms of your and his jobs, your children's needs, etc, and a big decision like building a house should not be made in a rush just because they want to give you the land now because you had children first.

And what is that about anyway??

You got the land because you had kids first?

Is that about your needs or theirs?

So far, we haven't heard you say they offered full-time babysitting so you could go back to work to afford that house.

Nah.

They wanted the child who was married with children, someone who would put down roots on their property because they want someone to take care of them.

And looky, looky.

They just happened to announce once your husband was married who the beneficiary would be of their land grant largesse.

Obviously, the very same person who toted their water all those years. Your husband.

Because they felt they could count on him in their dotage.

Nothing quite like emotional manipulation, is there?

Or financial manipulation, either.

That's okay, just know it for what it is, so it has no power over you

No important decision should be made because you feel pressured to make a decision quickly, or because of emotional or financial blackmail either.

Figure out the money thing and speak to an attorney.

Then do what is best for you and your husband and children right now without pressure.

And then when you do something good for your in-laws it will be good and pure and not because you feel beholden or manipulated into it.

Have you thought of a manufactured home? You'd avoid many of the problems of building, would more likely stick to your budget and could have it done much quicker.

Many good parents often expect when you start earning money, you contribute to the household, mine did and they certainly didn't need the money. Many good parents genuinely want to help their kids and aren't doing it for ulterior motives. Many parents also address the needs of their kids indivdually rather than equally. Many families want to stay near each other and most times living arrangements where extended families live very near each other, enriches a child's life.

Sometimes renting is smart, sometimes it isn't. Currently in my area property is cheap and rental cap rates are high. My rents are paying off properties in eight years right now, while it takes less than two years to cover the transaction costs of a starter home.

It is good that your husband is worried about financial commitments, but I would caution against over worrying. In the end, you are the expert on your husband, his family and your needs. Do what you think is best for you and your family. However, do keep in mind the points made above about your changing needs and what seems important today, may not always be so important.

[...] right next to the devil incarnate (who is building a pool right next to
your property line in which to luxuriate with his 10 naked Playboy
bunnies [...]

Hell for me -- Heaven for my husband.

;-)

The first thing to do is check with the building code office in your town to see what the requirements are for minimum lot size, setbacks, etc. If there is enough land to sub-divide, you'll have to have a survey done and your in-laws will have to deed the property over to you. Then you'll have to look for a construction loan with a bank who will let you use the equity in the land toward your building costs. I always found that smaller, home town banks tend to be more flexible with this as they usually hold the mortgages at the bank and don't bundle them for sale. Don't expect to be able to use your income once you go back to work to qualify for a mortgage. A bank will want to see you at the same job, or at least in the same profession, for two years before counting your income. Then, you'll want to explore your options for building. You'll need to get estimates from different builders to get an idea of cost and whether or not you'll be comfortable with the payments. I would strongly consider building modular as there is a lot less stress involved and the process is shorter term and usually less expensive. Look at ritz-craft.com to see if there is a dealer in your area. I sold these homes for 8 years and would vouch for their quality any day.

Explore your options thoroughly so you can make an informed decision. Good luck!

Good advice, katinparadise. Also, will you have to have an easement over your folks' property for ingress and egress. You'll likely have to get a surveyor for this. Also, I'd check with the utility companies to make sure they are good with it and how much it will cost to hook things up. In my town (Santa Clarita, CA) the City wants $16,000 to install a water meter at the street (does not include a supply line to the house). It has taken me over a year in attempting to get a building permit for the dream house I am building. It is only 2,700 sq.ft. but the "Bridge & Thoroughfare" fee one must pay to get a permit is $19,000. And then there are the school fees and so on. Yes, California insanity. Who knows what special kind of punishment your city or county has in store for you. You'd better check on it.

My parents bought the property adjoining my great grandparents' home and property. The house that was there was moved to other property owned by my dad's sisters, and they rented it out. My folks moved a manufactured home onto the property and lived there while they planned and built my mom's dream home. Then they sold the mfg. home. If allowed by the community, that would be a way to get out of the rental market, live there on a "trial basis" and see how things go before you get involved in building. Today's mfg. homes can be quite spacious and comfortable and can often look as good as some cheap and modest built homes.

Thank you all so much. I’ve been looking at modular homes and I’m loving this idea and my husband does too. It seems way less stressful. All great advice! ❤️❤️

If you have any questions about modulars, I'll be happy to help. As I said, I sold Ritz-Craft homes for 8 years so have lots of help to offer if needed.

What a perfect spot for a tiny perhaps 500 to 600 square feet, research , do a pro/con list, put everything in writing.

Not separating and putting a line between the households, plus a huge financial strain of building has wrecked more than one stable relationship. Neither if you have been on your own long enough to really get that figured out enough before you get brought back under parental influences.

Figure out your own finances and lives first before getting dragged into a family commune situation with all of its resentments and 20 years of undercurrents. Money is power. In an unequal power situation, the partner with the less financial security is always resentful.

Being given property, but not legally subdividing it, is a whole lot of unequal power blatantly on display. Dominance established. Can you live under that type of mindset? Even if you eventually manage to legally create a separate homestead?

ditto what Kat said.

Dan,,,,,,,.CA is INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL they do is RIP people off!!!!!!!!

Kat, can you give me more info about modulars? What about their resale? Can you e-mail me?

I sent you a message.