I have to make a decision today about another matter. It's an aesthetic decision, all up to me, based on my preferences (it's for a logo). I'm dreading it... but I'm just going to choose one and move on. Like most situations that start with indecision, there are no bad choices. If there was an obviously "right" choice, we would have already made it.

Yes, for me, indecision is really fear of failure and wanting to be perfect. But this fear and indecision can eat away at life.

Make a choice. You won't make the wrong one. And then move on.

Are you worried that it would be judged by others? Maybe that's at the root of the problem. If not, can't you just sit tight a little while until you are sure that you aren't just "settling" on something? Sometimes if I can't decide that's what I do, just chill and eventually it will come to me. Home decorating isn't like deciding on whether to have the surgery or not. And if in the end you do make a decision and find later it was a mistake, hey, there are plenty of charities that would be glad to take your "mistake" or there are plenty of paint stores out there. Life is an adventure, it shouldn't be a prison to the fear of making a decision on something that quite frankly is kind of trivial in the overall scheme of things.

I'm a weirdo who actually enjoys making decisions. I love to assemble my options before me, mull them over, and then choose what either intellect or my intuition tells me is best. Decision making is a way of keeping order in my world and compelling forward movement, so it quite likely has something to do with an underlying need to be (or to feel) in control.

Do you find yourself wishing someone else would make certain decisions for you? Why do you think you doubt your own ability to choose well?

lulu, I think your thoughts about what you've been doing are spot on.

As rita said in essence, most decisions in life are petty, far from life or death matters. What you're mulling over is inconsequential.

You may have heard the phrase "paralysis from analysis". The more you weigh factors, the farther away you'll get from the likelihood of making a good decision and you'll drive yourself and others crazy.

You need to train yourself to make decisions and move on. Spend your time more wisely and never look back and reconsider decisions you make. Whatever you choose will be fine and if another choice may have been more suitable, so what?

Good luck.

I kind of have an opposite problem. I have an exact vision in my head for what I want on most things and I am very decisive- I make up my mind right away.

The problem comes when I decide something should be a certain way and then I cannot make it happen exactly the way I wanted I don't want to settle for anything else. Like, I will want a particular style and color chair or whatever, only to find out that it does not exist anywhere in the world.

I see similar trepidation on the TripAdvisor Maui forums where someone is planning 'The Trip of a Lifetime'. A couple says they have saved for years to visit Hawaii. Their dreams are at stake, along with a LOT of MONEY!

If they are like beaglesdoitbetter (above), maybe they won't go! She says she knows that what she wants doesn't exist in reality.

What usually happens with the travelers is that people learn what part of the dream is only found in tourist brochures, movies and novels, and what exists to be enjoyed, by them, at their price point.

lulu bella -- Have you discussed your decorating problem on the home decorating forums? I've also had help from a decorator when I'm looking at a big expenditure. (I do not have enough of an 'eye' for this!)

I have found that when I go with my first choice that is almost always the right choice. It's when I spend time mulling things over, that I get mired in indecision. Go with your gut and move on; chances are you'll be happy with what you decide.

I can make the decision, but my husbands mental view of what I would like is completely different from mine. He wants to help. But he "duct tapes" everything and that gives me anxiety. I have a vision and show him and the first words out of his mouth is always, "well, that house is bigger it won't fit here". Yes, I know! BUT: IT'S THE FEEL OF THE ROOM THAT I WANT! He doesn't get it. My parents back deck. It's a cement pad that runs the width of their home. they have it covered with what appears to be a roof that wasn't finished. Over one end is a roof. It has walls on 2 sides for privacy and they have a bamboo blind to keep the afternoon sun out. It's the "look" that I"m looking for. I vision what we can do (we are in the process of it right now). But my husband says, "their door is on the ground, ours is up on top of the stairs. WE can't do that" . No kidding! BUT, we can build a raised deck and get a SIMILAR feel. It just frustrates me.

Or I'll get the feeling for something that I've seen online and go to find the products(s) for my home and NOBODY sells them anymore. Back to plan b....

To echo others you will always make wrong decisions along with the right ones. It may be as simple as a décor item that turns out to look out of place or painting the walls that look nice in sunlight but on cloudy days just look depressing. Just start.

According to a TED talk I watched there is something to be said for just choosing. Whatever you choose if you allow it to will grow on you.

At the very least it gets you out of indecision prison. Good luck.

https://www.ted.com/talks/petter_johansson_do_you_really_know_why_you_do_what_you_do

I find between the time I make a decorating or woodworking decision and the time to execute the plan that I often have an "a-ha" moment of how to do something easier, faster or better. I'm quick at deciding something but need time to work out all the little details.

I tend to come up with a plan and run with it. It something goes sideways, I revise my plan to include whatever went the other direction. I learned this from an artist friend. She has an idea of a painting. If something does not go as planned she revises the plan, not the piece. I like that train of thought. It takes the pressure off of trying to be perfect.

I see the opposite play out all the time here with paint. People pick 3 shades that are all nearly the same. The difference in shades could really be a result of the amount of sunlight coming in the room at that moment. At different times of day the three shades might all look like the same exact color. People debate, paint, repaint, and debate some more about the perfect shade. At the same time, there are other parts of the plan that are put on hold because the person is in search of the perfect shade of white. Should I reduce this pink white by 25% so that it is more of a whiter pink white? When all the while the pink white and 25% whiter pink white are both just white. The color becomes a disability to the overall plan. If the pink white vs 25% whiter pink white could just be overlooked and the plan could continue, most likely the % of pink in the white would eventually be forgotten and the room could become spectacular. Instead, the % of white in the white paint becomes a disability.

I am not a perfectionist and I do realize that sometimes imperfect rooms look the most perfect, at least to my eye.

Choosing randomly, or letting someone else make the decision, usually gives me clarity on whether I was really indifferent between the options or whether I had a subconscious preference. If the choice is made for you, and you are satisfied, either you were indifferent or they chose what you really wanted. If your reaction is "Nooooooo!" then you really preferred the other and didn't realize it.

When I painted my dining room, I whittled my choices down to 5 and realized that any of them would be fine. I don't remember if my final choice was random, but I am pretty sure I would have been equally happy with any of the other 4.

I think what helps me in decision making is that I've learned to live life without (or minimum) regrets. What's done is done. What can be changed can be changed. If it can't be changed, then free yourself from regrets, because the reality is, it can't be changed. But there are many decisions in life that can be temporary, so I move on and know that if I want to, I can do something different in the future.

Perhaps the problem is expecting perfect fulfillment from ephemera? A color of paint on a wall or a certain shaped or upholstered chair is not such a big thing in the great scheme of things. That is my point of view. Taking the long view that it is just a blip in life works for me. I like to experiment though so don't look for a finished product. I have had to move a lot and I think that adds to the not looking for perfection of vision thing. It is only going to be temporary anyway right?

I usually have no problem making a decision. My problem is that the decision pick is 95% of the time not something I can afford. From there I pretty much proceed to drive myself insane trying to find a solution without sacrificing too much quality. I try to get as close to the vision in my head as possible . I become obsessive. There might be something wrong with me.

Putting choices in a hat and choosing one is a great way to find out what you really want! If you are thrilled with the one you get, right choice. If you feel a twinge of disappointment, go with the other one anyway!

If you have more than two from which to choose, only compare two at a time. Which of those two do you prefer? Discard the other. Then add the next one to compare and keep going. Much easier to do it that way. I learned that 26 years ago from a portrait photographer who would put up two slides at a time. Helped us choose the one of our son we liked best.

My goodness- your comments are wonderful. I expected to be scolded and here you are all so supportive. Exactly what I need to hear. That was my point as mentioned by quite a few of you- if I choose randomly (and let it vegetate for a day ) I will know if I am disappointed or happy about the selection. I truly am at the point where action will be good. I had this with a few very small decisions, and once I acted, (obviously the options were all ok) I felt so relieved- I could stop researching ad nauseum. I have reached out on the home decorating forums for some of my "issues" and was really relieved when a few decorators suggested what I was thinking of.........still I have not acted. That was for a piece of furniture. I am really anguishing over kitchen layout.

One option changes significantly the layout and the other just kind of tweaks what is. I honestly don't know which I prefer but a part of me is thinking go big or go home. The other part of me is thinking why go crazy.

It;s a bit of all your responses- yes the quest for perfect, yes the wondering what "they" will think when they see it, the husband who doesn't quite visualize well and those comments, all of the above.

So thank you so much. I just might start some new posts and see with new eyes what the collective wisdom says.

so not to drive you all TOO crazy, here is the link to the discussion I started a while ago....what do you think regarding the kitchen layout? KISS( Keep it simple- meaning more tweaking of what is, or Let's go to town).

here's my link let's have fun

Having trouble making decisions is not a sign of having high standards, or something that happens in pursuit of perfection. To think so is a rationalization. For me, people so stymied simply have trouble making decisions and I'm certain many encounter that with matters in their life far afield of any decorating choices.

Hmmmm That may very well be true, but can you tell me what your point is?

Thank you Elmer.

I think those few sentences are it, I have nothing more to add. They say what they say.

It may help to follow the 10/10/10 rule, proposed by Suzy Welch which suggests that we think about the decision we are able to make on 3 different time frames: how will you feel 10 minutes from now? Ten months from now? Ten years from now?

Because we have so many choices (31 flavors!) it may seem that each decision is tinged with regret, so try narrowing it down to only two or three and turn a blind eye to the others.

When I can't make a decision, I realize that by NOT making one, I've already made one.

Lulu - I could have written your post about myself, word for word. I've recently come across two quotes that have helped somewhat:

"What's the worst that could happen if you decide on one course of action?" and "The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision."

I haven't read the responses but am dealing with something similar. We're doing a bathroom reno and I absolutely knew I would get stuck on tile choices, that I would spend days going from tile store to tile store and question every one I liked. So, I hired a designer to help with that. It took her about 10 minutes and I love what she chose. The overall design is ours but she's helping with the details (i.e., how far apart the sconces should be placed) which I don't enjoy. I've not used a designer before but I am very pleased so far. It's really great to have another pair of eyes from someone whose taste you admire to bounce ideas back and forth with.

This definitely resonates with me. I think there is lots of good advice here. Whatsayyou18 you are very lucky!

When you really mesh with a designer it's heavenly. I had that once but since then have tried and they are ok but it's not what I hoped for and I end up kind of going with my own ideas and just running it by the forums here to see if there is something I missed.

You're right, Salonva. To find someone whose taste aligns with yours can be a challenge. I did get lucky when the contractor recommended this designer!

I agree with what Czarina and Cyn said, essentially testing yourself by making a random choice and then seeing how you feel.

I totally believe in what we call "gut decisions" because I think it is a just a term for decisions made via myriad influences our brains pick up and process nearly unawares.

I don't believe in settling unless what you have is really distressing.

I am horrible at decisions! When we moved I debated for months whether to hire a designer. I finally decided to wait until we needed new furniture and needed to upgrade the builder paint. Then I spent a lot of time deciding what accent colors to use. I still have artwork propped on tables because I can’t commit to hanging it.

Then I spent months searching for the perfect shower curtains/accessories for the guest baths. With company coming I was anxious. Then one day it hit me like a bolt of lightening as I said to myself “you are acting like you have to live with a $30 shower curtain the rest of your life..” The next day I went to BBB and accessorized both bathrooms—-curtains, towels, wastebaskets, etc... for $300. Am I “in love” with the picks? No, but the rooms look nicer and complete. And no big loss if/when I do find the perfect items. Duh!

And I’m totally fickle about color. If I go neutral, I want color. If I go with color, I then wish it was neutral. What I love today I probably won’t next year. Grrrrrrr!

Lulu, when we were redoing our house I went through the very same thing, to compromise or not, to save money or not. The need to compromise has always been a requirement when spending money and honestly, it’s never been a problem, not until we got our house that is. After having to replace or redo something that was a compromise (and I ended up hating), I decided when it comes to our home, compromise would be the exception instead of the rule. If we can’t afford what we really want, then we’ll find something that we like just as much for less OR we’ll wait until we can afford the pricier option. For us, that school of thought has worked well and made decisions much easier, I know “it” when I see “it” and just move past the rest. Of course we want our home to be welcoming and comfortable for guests, but honestly, that’s a secondary consideration. I’m of the mind that if it’s comfortable for us, then there’s a pretty good chance it will be comfortable for guests too.

Just skipped down to say that when I cannot decide on a thing that isn't really all that consequential (like a decorating or fashion decision), I take that as a sign I probably shouldn't do it. Sometimes time takes care of the problem without me doing anything. Sometimes a much better idea/solution reveals itself over time.

OTOH, I have a number of things I just HAD to HAVE that turned out not to be as wonderful as I thought they'd be. I'm sure I'm not the only one either.

So there's that...

lulu bella, I could have written this post! I decided to take a leap and just dive into something "very scary" (known to normal folk as "hanging pictures on the wall.") I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Will the earth open up and swallow me whole if my arrangement isn't sufficiently pleasing? Geez, I sure hope not. So far, so good.

So many great comments here- and helpful too. Joaniepoanie absolutely. I can so relate to that with the bathrooms. It's not that I want to settle to get it done, but yes you now have the bathrooms looking way better than they and you can just enjoy that. (and yes if the dream accessories materialize you can change).

I did link the original thread for my kitchen back in here but I think I might just start a new one to see any input because I am ready to decide after having mulled this over for months.........and then I will say my decision will be made by Tuesday.

Jakabedy YES to you as well. I find sometimes getting started is the key.

I think a part of me is/was hoping to be bowled over by an option that is clearly THE one but in most instances I am considering, there are really more than one very fine option. Given my ridiculously overly cautious and analytical nature I keep researching and what if ing and so on. I am trying very hard (very very hard) to just make a few decisions and go from there. I know when it's all said and done, I will feel a lot better.

So this is just a thought, but why not have some fun with it. Post sample pictures of what you’re trying to pick from and let the forum folk offer their opinions?

Trust me --- I have been thinking of doing that and I am just trying to figure out how to post the options. :) I like the way you think-- and---- it's (usually) always better to have more eyes on a project.

How to post the options? As in whether to do a link or to do pictures? Or figuring out how to post pictures?

Oh well I can post floor plan but there were other comments people made with images and I am trying to see if I can get those without linking the whole thread. I was just putting my thoughts together so watch out!!!

Isn't there such a thing as too many choices - choice exhaustion? Just going to any store these days, we are faced with multitudes of options for even the smallest of things.

I think it's a good idea to get more in touch with one's instincts and feelings so one can tell whether or not one really likes something.

And I try really hard to ignore FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. I think I've been pretty successful too. I agree with those who have said it's a good idea to consider the larger picture, take a few steps back and ask what really matters in the grander scheme of things.

Maybe you should link the thread so we can see what’s already been offered. Floorplan? This sounds fun! LOL

Ok you asked for it - here you go. new discussion today August 11 its on kitchens and home decor conversations

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and now I need to get some stuff done away from screens!!! but so looking forward to any insight.

I choose function over form in just about everything. When you remove the hype, the bells and whistles, the fads,what you neighbor is doing etc. choices are narrowed. It then becomes easier to choose what you truly love from the narrowed field. I don't do the that's looks cool thing, I do how will I/we use it thing. Then comes how do I want to look. I cannot imagine having a designer choose my environment or living with something just because a bunch of random people liked it.