What I am hearing is that you are not ready. If your heart is not in the new house and you don't have to move, then I would wait.

You might have to expand your target neighborhood to get more items on your wish list.

What struck me the most about your post, Fun, was that you would miss your beautiful view. When we bought our house 22 years ago, I wanted a house in which we could age in place and this is that house. However, it was the yard that was the deciding factor. You can change a house and ours was, and still is to some extent, a fixer-upper. We look out to woods and the yard has multiple levels and is not a typical flat rectangular suburban lot. I would go with your heart on this one. Losing a view can change so much-I love getting up and seeing no neighbors, but lots of trees and gardens. My mornings and the hours that come after would not be nearly so joyful without our views.

One other note-an oval table can replace a rectangular table pretty easily.

When we decided to downsize it was extremely hard for me. I had put so much of myself into that home. I think one thing that made it a bit easier was selling first and then renting while we looked. I actually rented my sons furnished townhome which was handy because the dogs were welcome. I had sold a lot of furnitures before that sale and put the rest in storage. Transitioning from the townhome to a place that was larger than the TH but smaller than our original was nice. I’m not townhome material. It was good to be in a great location with my own yard. The new homes location was so much more convenient. If we move again I won’t be paying for two storage rooms of furniture though. Almost everything from the last house was the wrong scale for this house.

I remember how very emotional I was at leaving the old house for a downsize but it was a good move. There have been a few serious health issues since. The lot here isn’t that big and is a low cost for lawn maintenance.

You will be okay. It’s the start of a new adventure.

One of my dear friends also had a hard time leaving her beloved home that had protected wooded acreage behind her and where she saw the most beautiful sunsets. She was so lucky to find a little house on a lake with even better views.

Your post could have been my post about 6 weeks ago. We have been in the planning stages, about 3 years, to downsize. 6 weeks ago we sold the beloved home that we raised our children in and moved into a rental. Kids are all on their own. We will start our new build in a few days. We went from 5720 sq. ft. to 1700 in the rental. The new house will be 2800. There was no way my 7 1/2 ft. round dining table was going to fit in the new house.

I had to get rid of A LOT.

It sounds to me like you are having the same concerns my husband and I had. For years we've had help with the lawn, landscaping and any maintenance that needed to happen on that big house. We are not handy people. Once we put pencil to paper we found it would be much cheaper and easier life to buy a lot and build our retirement home. We could get exactly what we want. I'm now really excited about this new phase of life without the burden of constant maintenance, at least for a few years.

I had to write down the pros and cons of moving then go through each thing and think it through. We finally came to the conclusion that we want a simpler life. That has been my motto and has kept me from regretting the sale of our home. Thanks for letting me ramble on!

Riverrat, that sounds exciting. I have been mulling the idea of building a slightly smaller home. The advantage would be a higher elevation, tie down roof and other more hurricane resistant codes.

Would renovating the new home to suit your needs/wants be an option? We're at the stage where we "should" be thinking about downsizing but we both love our home and don't really need or want to leave. I guess most everyone feels the same?

Sounds like this isn't the house yet. If it were, you'd not be trying to talk yourself into it, which is what it sounds like you're doing.

Is there anyway you can "downsize" in place? By which I mean close off some rooms and eliminate some furnishings and declutter ... which you'd have to do if you moved anyway ... and see if you can simplify in the existing home. It may help you get used to living in smaller sq ft or decide to stay put.

You are all raising some good points. I know we could stay here for a few more years assuming neither of us loses any mobility because you can't even enter this house without using stairs. The idea is, though, to move while we still have the energy and strength to do so. Where I live, the lots with views are too expensive to have smaller houses on them, darn it. I'm going to think some more about points you've raised to which I haven't yet responded. I really appreciate you for talking me through this.

I understand about mobility issues, but the thing is, by doing stairs on a regular basis, you are actually staying healthier and stronger and more able to do stairs...

Mom had stairs up north but none in FL and after wintering in FL, she'd have to get strong all over again to do the stairs...

Annie makes a good point which can be illustrated by a friend of mine whose parents moved from their lifelong home in Montana to Arizona. Once they no longer were shoveling snow, climbing stairs, working on their acreage, etc. they spent much more time indoors, gained weight and began having mobility issues.

Count me in as one who doesn't think you should move over anticipated mobility issues. Maybe get household possessions in order so that you can more easily move if needed. But I've started researching aging in place, and one point that has been made is that you shouldn't make your living space too easy on yourself. Don't limit your mobility when you don't have to.

I downsized 5 years ago from a 1600 sq ft 3-bedroom Victorian house with many small rooms to a townhouse of almost the same size, but with an open plan and 2 bedrooms with en-suite baths. Now I think that I could have gone smaller, but it was hard to consider that when leaving my old house.

As far as stairs, I've always thought if you don't use it you lose it, but even if you're healthy you could fall down the stairs. Since I live alone I hope that someone comes and checks on me if I haven't been heard from in a week!

I think you like the CONCEPT of downsizing ... but you're hung up on the details. Have you written out a pro-con list? Sometimes seeing things in black and white helps with decisions.

We're also in the process of downsizing, and at first I had trouble with things. Details:

- Oh, Mr. Norman gave me that antique desk ... then I really thought about it and realized that I haven't sat at that desk in at least a decade. I value the memory of the old man from whom it was a gift, but I don't really care about the desk. It is pretty, but it has no financial value. It's currently in my daughter's college apartment and will go to Goodwill when she's done with it.

- I don't love the look of the dining room table, but it is HUGE, and we use it about once a month. The other side of that coin is that the table "just sits" 30 days per month. I have a plan for seating in our new house ... and it doesn't include that table.

- I so love my three china cabinets, and they are chock-full of lovely dishes. But our new house plan has no place for a china cabinet. I'm including storage in the kitchen /pantry for my dishware. It won't be displayed to its best advantage, but it's an acceptable compromise. And the small china cabinet will become storage in the back hall.

Thing is, I am NOT sorry for the things I'm already giving away /planning to get rid of when we move. That's the key: attitude. I'm downsize-ready. You're not. And you can't force yourself to be ready.

Oh, this is a tough one. You know a few years ago we gave up our "last home" with gorgeous lake and ridge views. Privacy. Acreage. A home we put our heart and souls in designing, building, decorating. Great for our dogs. Then DH had an unhappy phase with the neighborhood and wanted to move. This gave me the "next project" bug. We looked for 3 years. Fast forward and we are enjoying our huge remodel. The house is so convenient to everything (groceries, doctors, family and friends). Was I ready to leave our dream home? Yes and no. Did it hurt? Yes. I got teary-eyed at closing. Do I have regrets? Sometimes, but then I remember how it's paid off in seeing our children and grandchildren more often.

I understand about the furniture too, and have sold quite a bit over the past two years (before and after moving). Our dining table was too small for this house (we did not downsize), and it is in storage room (lucky we have, but did not force me to make decisions faster). Now I am ready to sell, it just took some time to realize it was okay to let go. I still love the table, but it's time for someone else to love.... and I really do not want to leave a storage room full of "things" for my children to dispose/disperse.

I do not think you are ready yet, but will you ever be? Maybe it's just time to move on, and you will adjust. A different perspective from the posts above. It also sounds like with the competition, if you wait to go back and measure, the house will be gone anyway. Then you won't have to decide - yet!

As to mobility issues, I have to consider my parents who already have mobility issues, so while I don't disagree with the use-it-to-keep-it philosophy, my parents are past that point.

I cleared out all of the closets and most of the drawers last summer knowing that I want to downsize. I'm not terribly sentimental about belongings, so I don't have that hurdle to overcome. That dining table, though, is a stumbling block because I love it and in its smallest iteration, it's perfect for a smaller house. It just doesn't work in this particular house.

@Allison0704, you are too funny and so right when you say the house might be gone anyway. I can't even tell if that would make me happy or regretful.

I usually am very decisive, so maybe you are all right in saying that this is not the right house. We have seen some with better floorplans, but they cost more than we wanted to invest. Well, we will see what the weekend brings.

We knew that we'd need to move to a 1- story house because there was no way to renovate to make the house I loved have the necessities on 1 level. I was starting to have slight mobility issues, so we were planning ahead. We looked for 2 years and even made some low-ball offers. I immediately knew the right house when I saw it. I didn't love it, but the location and floor plan were right. The kitchen and bathrooms needed to be gutted, so I'd be able to get exactly what I wanted. The really hard part is that it has 8-foot ceilings and my beloved armoire doesn't fit. Raising a ceiling is feasible. Building an extension would be the only option. That's a lot of money, so the armoire is in the garage.

I moved a lot when I was young and I'm really good at it. This last move was much harder than I expected. How did neat and tidy me acquire so much stuff?!?! How did I stop being able to lift large boxes? Why was I so slow and tired? You get the picture.

It was hard, but it was the right choice and the right house. I grew to love this house. Having a kitchen that is perfect for me makes up for a lot. I think I'm even ready to re-home the armoire. Oh, and within 2 years of moving, my younger, healthier husband had some serious health problems. That wasn't the expected order of things. I wouldn't have been able to care for him if we had been in a 2-story house.

Houses and people are funny. Our old house sold in less that 1 day. The people we bought from are realtors. When they saw the house come on the market, they immediately bought it back! They weren't done with that house! A lot of people think that's odd, but I don't. My parents bought more than one house twice.

Just a couple thoughts....we’re in our 50’s and living in the house I bought in my late 30’s with no kids. We never upsized, so we’ll not have to downsize either.

That being said, I have an ongoing dream that wakes me up every time that I sold for something better and regret it. This has been going on for ten years or more. So I understand the attachment one has to their house.

What struck me was your comment about the view. I grew up with a view of the ocean and island off our coast. This was never going to be replicated in my own home. It’s been over 25 years since I’ve been in that home and the lack of a view is so very hard to accept still.

This is a big decision that involves compromise and improvements. When you find the right improvements, the compromise will feel right. I sense you’re not in that space with this house. Don't choose the live my anxiety-ridden dream.

My folks downsized to one level. So happy they did. But they didn't compromise on location or views. In fact, their view was better. Decide on what is important. My dad moved into a condo. He loves the convenience but hates the condo rules. Only you can decide what might be your deal breaker. To me, the shape of the dining table would not be it. But I would want room for a garden (even if small) and a dining room. And storage. If the place has storage, then heck, everything else I almost could deal with. I'm attached to a lot of my furniture, but you might be surprised what you could make work. When my dad moved, his place was "move in" so much that the carpet and wall colors already matched what he had. Some places just feel "homier" than others. After having looked at dozens of homes and apartments while moving, I find that the right place feels right from the start. My last home had a lot of negatives, but it checked enough of my boxes off for me to know it was right, right off the bat. And I was correct, all the flaws my house had I could work around, but the pluses I knew it had I was thankful for every day. I still miss my finished basement with tons of storage, even though my current home is bigger overall.

My widowed aunt with an empty nest had a large 2 story home that she obviously didn't need anymore. Her problem was that she loved her lot that had mature gardens with a river running through the bottom of her terraced back acreage. The views of the river and land across the river were amazing. But she knew that age was gaining on her and the 2nd story would soon enough be a safety issue for her. Plus, she had no need for the upstairs for a long time having the empty nest.

She decided to have the upstairs of her home, which contained a full bath, and three bedrooms changed around. She had a private entrance installed (with outside stairs) to a living room that used to be a bedroom, another bedroom was converted to a small kitchen. She rented that out to tenants as a 1BD/1BA with kitchen and living room. She continued to live in her downstairs which had a kitchen, dining room, bathroom, bedroom and laundry room and an attached outside deck for enjoying the views. She was happy with this arrangement to the end and was able to age in place in her ideal home and location while having rental income that in time, paid for the renovation costs. The tenants also did all the snow removal which was a big help.

I've often wondered how/if my own home could be converted like that should the time come and assuming we would still want to live here. Anyhow, just a thought...

Hope the process is easy for you. It's a hard decision to make.

What struck me was your comment about the view. I grew up with a view of the ocean and island off our coast. This was never going to be replicated in my own home. It’s been over 25 years since I’ve been in that home and the lack of a view is so very hard to accept still.

I grew up in an English Tudor overlooking a small neighborhood lake. I think that's one reason my dad bought the house - he was always about the view. During his lifetime, he had several second homes. All had fantastic views - a Destin penthouse with Gulf and west views, and a small lake next door. A Colorado home, high on the mountain that looked across Vail Valley to the ski slopes that was only used in the summer. A Gatlinburg condo with mountain and city/valley view. I am big on views too, and it's probably because I grew up with lovely views! I am very attached to the Tudor, and have been twice recently for an estate sale and holiday open house. We married there, so it will always be special. I will always be able to close my eyes and remember these views, and sometimes doing so makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Fun2BHere, I hope you are able to find a lovely new home that speaks to your heart.

Fun, your descriptions for what you love are important indicators of what should be in your next house. What will you do if you put a low-ball offer in and you get a house you don’t like?

My son had two friends in high school who didn’t pay any attention to their “safety” college choices, not did their parents. Neither one got into their preferred schools. They ended up at their safeties and both were unhappy. A third friend’s mom, the following year, was diligent about having her son research his safety. Same thing happened, only he was happy at his school because it was a good fit.

Long story, sorry, but my point is don’t get stuck. Especially when you take such joy in aspects of your current home. You can down-size but don’t down-joy.

@Fun2BHere, I keep coming back to this thread. I guess because your reaction was the reaction we had when we decided to downsize.

I no longer had joy living in my big house. It was a lot to take care of and I was starting to have anxiety about getting older and still trying to take care of the house. Beautiful river views and gardens didn't win in the end for me. We were isolated on a large property and our children living 30/45 minutes away. I wanted to be closer to my Grandchildren and for it to not take an hour of my day just for a visit.

We too had thought of renovating the house for our future needs. In the end, it didn't make sense for us. If that is a viable option for you then maybe explore that. We didn't list our home and through word of mouth we had a bidding war. It was amazing! We were able to choose who we thought would honor and respect our historical property. This property had been in my husbands family for 110 years. Our children didn't want the responsibility and certainly not the financial burden.

I can close my eyes and I have what's important. It's in my memories/pictures of living on the water with beautiful views.

@riverrat1 Leaving a home that had been in your husband's family for that many generations must have been even harder than my decision. Thank you so much for your thoughtful posts. You've captured so much of what I've been feeling. It's reassuring to know that although you have made the transition with regrets, your satisfaction with your new home situation outweighs the regrets. I hope your new build goes smoothly and that you end up with the perfect house for you!

We moved in 2015 to a different city home and lake home with the idea of aging in place - all necessities on the main level though both places have more than one floor. We didn’t really downsize in either case. However in both cases we loved our new homes, especially the view. If I were you I would hold out for something I really liked.

Houses are like husbands. You should try to evaluate them with a clear head, weighing pros and cons, and rule out choices that do not make good sense. Beyond that though, don't bother if you don't also fall in love. You need to have that spark, that je ne sais quoi. That's what you need to feel when you wake up every morning. Husbands and houses take a lot of time and patience, are not inexpensive, and can be frustrating. If you aren't in love with them it may not be worth the hassle.

With regards to view, my last house had the worst view imaginable--basically the brick wall back of the garage and the close proximity neighbors and it was TINY. But I could work with it, I spent money and time transforming the yard into a place with little vignette views and features that met my outdoor needs very well. My current home has a great view, but that comes with all kinds of upkeep issues and when I look out I just see all the neglect and work that needs to be done so don't enjoy it near as much as my postage size yard at my last place. And the noise from the busy road makes it hard to enjoy being outside, even though the yard is large. The same is true with space, you can make do often with smaller rooms by getting smaller furniture, but awkward layouts and lack of storage space will bite you again and again. If you gain a lot and lose a little, I think you might end up being happy with the trade off. When I moved into my last tiny house, even though the kitchen was small, I was so happy to have it and it was three times the space of my efficiency apartment. I was full of joy having my own, on-site washer and dryer. And I was getting cigarette smoke coming in from other apartments through the noisy, inefficient heating system at the apt. all of which was gone. Plus I had a garage which ended my morning shovel-out of my car. So even though it was a row house, something I thought was much less than what I would like, I was happy there every day with what I did have, and in the end happy to have neighbors looking out for me and not a lot of yard to keep up. I was young enough I could drive to views . . . My dad complained every day about being overwhelmed by all the yardwork at this place. At first, he said he regretted moving to the condo, missed the neighbors, but now that he has adjusted and his health has declined, he is happy not to have the burden of keeping up with it and he made some new friends. The adjustment was difficult, but once he had some POSITIVE experiences in the new place, he is glad he made the transition. On the plus side, he has a nice view at the condo. Is it the great view of his last place, no, but he is finding that it is nice and he can still enjoy it. He has learned to let go of some of his issues about having other people do the upkeep. You don't get perfection but you don't get the backaches either!

“I'm not even sure why I'm posting. I needed to express my concerns in a neutral environment, I guess.”

I think the reason you’ve posted your thoughts is because your inner voice is saying “don’t do it”. When I read your post, the thing that struck me is that you had nothing positive to say about this little house. You know what you’d be missing from your current home and you knew what you wouldn’t miss. There’s also a fairly big list of the compromises you’d have to make if you did buy it. IMO that isn’t a good fit.

Whenever I was disappointed about something the wasn’t meant to be, my mother would always say it’s because something much better is waiting for you to find it. And it’s true. Just because it took 2 years for a house to become available, doesn’t mean that it will be 2 more years until another does. Maybe you’ll find a house that you love in a different neighborhood that is a good fit too. Irregardless, you need to love the house you end up with so you can be happy. After all, “final house” means you’ll be there for a very long time.

Yesterday I came across this youtuber who has several videos about downsizing. Here is a tour of the house she moved to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJtKqyiejOU&t=6s

If it's not an emergency and even if it takes longer with the level of dissatisfaction you have I wouldn't move.

It might feel like you're starting over again in looking if you don't take this house that you don't like or don't like completely but it's not. You know what you want. Even though you are weary of it you know how to do it and you know that you have had success.

So don't hesitate! Just climb right back on that looking horse. Definitely don't give up on meeting your needs.

There is good evidence that people get discouraged too easily and give up too soon in business and in personal life. Hang in there!

(PS to downsize anxiety itself reading and sometimes talking here helps me and also a walking meditation that I do helps a great deal. :) )

I think the "neutral" part is important. Try to figure out the difference between the anxiety, which would be normal and natural under circumstances that are changing, from the gut reaction you have. Is is anxiety about change, or something critical to you that you don't like about the house? Would you really have to change the shape of your table? Couldn't you get a smaller round or oval table? Does the house feel closed in, is that why you are feeling negative about losing your view? Is it really closed in or are you contrasting it from your current home? The houses I have made an offer on or bought have always felt livable to me, and they had a wide variety of sizes and shapes, but it was the overall presence of things I knew I would use and like on a regular basis. Try to figure out what is the bottom line issue that is giving you a bad gut feeling. Years ago I turned down a job offer because I just had a bad feeling in my gut about it. Everyone told me I was crazy. It turned out so much for the best, the organization went through a financial crisis and many people were laid off. If I had taken the job and moved I would have been one of them. At the time I interviewed the place was flush with money, but it all didn't seem sustainable to me, and I was right. Not everyone would make a decision based on a future projection, but I've become much more cautious since I have less time to recover from bad decisions as I age. That's a factor.