Post photos. Usually I vote for white trim but it does depend on the house

Here’s how it currently looks. We have a lot of golden oak in our house and highly doubt my husband will want to stain or paint it all. But he may go for doing the kitchen.

I don't think you'd gain anything by staining the cabinets darker. Since all your trim and doors are oak, at least the kitchen doesn't stand out now. If you're trying to update, I'd change your wall paint colors. Or start changing all your baseboards and trim to white, room by room. I'd wait on the kitchen until you're ready for a full remodel.

Sigh, men and wood. Start by painting the trim (baseboards and around the doors) leaving the doors natural. Lots of photos available, it really changes things.