I live in Georgia and the disdain here for precautions, CDC guidelines and the medically vulnerable is widespread, embarrassing, and dangerous. In your shoes i would not attend the event.

I think many of us will be facing these types of decisions. For us It all comes down to risk vs reward. Is an outing really worth the risk of infection or possibility of becoming a carrier (spreader).

Do you need to decide right now? Or can you wait a few weeks and assess the situation?

I haven't responded to many of these threads because I think each person needs to weigh their own risks, concerns, comfort level and make their own decisions.

I have not yet cancelled my tentative plans for the fall -- but I have made no reservations and I think that reflects my reluctance to take a chance. All it takes is one careless person to increase your chance of contracting it-- and when you increase one careless person to 4 or 6 or 8... well, it becomes much less important to me to take a trip. I've spent most of the last 15 months in almost complete isolation (i see only my family, the dr/dentist and most recently, my hair stylist) -- I'd hate to blow it for one indulgent trip. It is not so much about living in fear -- it's about risk/benefits. (I am high risk also-- I have a clotting disease, mild asthma and I am overweight).

But I don't have a special event to attend-- that might change my perspective. Right now, I am weighing the risks against getting the heck out of town.

Since even fully vac'd folks can still get infected (by Delta variant right now) and pass on the infection to others, personally I would not go. The extremely cavalier attitude against masks and not getting the vac will, I am fairly certain, result in the virus mutating to God knows what next -- and sooner rather than later. And then everyone will be back at square one, vac, mask, or not.

Depressing, for sure. But them's the facts, as I see it. Stay home, be safe and don't add any possibility of infecting others or getting infected!

I actually think the airport is one of the biggest risk areas. And the plane. I'd wear a N95 or K95 mask for all travel. If you're going to be with a group of cautious and considerate people, probably ok but unless I really wanted to see all those people and they meant a lot to me, I would not travel to that extent. Lots of unkowns, not just the meal room. We went on a short weekend vacation to an area of pretty high vaccination rates and pretty low spread, but I still felt uncomfortable considering how absolutely packed it was, everyone unmasked. Later in the year might not be as bad. But the virus could also uptick by then, I expect it to quite a bit once school starts in these "no mask" areas of low belief in vaccinations. But it could also reverse itself as more people get on board with disease prevention. Lots of unkowns. Is the family close and will you have other opportunities to see them in a less crowded situation? The risk is not zero but it does seem like you are mitigating it. But we have seen even the best intentions can go astray. I now know of two families infected from gatherings . . . sigh. Will there be a lot of unvaccinated kids there? That's another issue. We are dealing with same here right now for a wedding celebration. The new family has little kids who go to day care and are out and about, so risky for elders to be around them, even if vaccinated since the elders are still at high risk considering the underlying conditions they have.

Can you go to the bar mitzvah and somehow skip the meal? If that would be too awkward, stay home.

The risk reward decision is such a personal one. If I was high risk I would probably hunker down and not go. That advice from someone who is driving from MN to NC tomorrow for an outdoor wedding. Unlike you there’s no way I’d go to an airport or get on a plane. If we survive this trip/event we won’t be planning any others with Covid as it is. Of course this one was planned long ago and finalized when Covid was in retreat. As it is right now I can’t imagine when we will ever be able to “safely” travel or attend large or small events.

I'm facing the same dilemma--a trip by air to Cleveland in 2 weeks to stay with BFF, drive to Michigan to meet up with 2 other dear friends. All have been vaccinated. My main concern is the airports. I have to transfer at Midway in Chicago. It seems like many people who haven't been vaccinated are still travelling. You still have some time to decide. There's no "right " answer. That's not very helpful, but it's reality as I see it.

Stay home totally understandable.

ask your dr for input, then decide

Thank you all for your thoughtful feedback. I pinkmountain the only unvaxed person would be one 11 year old child. However, I don't know about the staff at the restaurant. That and the fact that I have no idea how anyone else behaves even though vaxed. Maybe they are asympromatic spreaders. I don't expose myself to many people, though I do shop for groceries and go into other stores. Always masked. I avoid crowds, and public transport.

Fori, yes I could just attend the ceremony, but I won't go if that is all I am going to do.

Maddielee, yes I can wait to decide. I think I will make a cancelable reservation and then decide closer to the date. This is a much more expensive trip that way.

Kswl 2, that is just what I was afraid of. All the other people I will have to interact with.

Funkyart, that is why I haven't made the reservations. I must just make a decision.

roxanna7, thank you for the reminder that others are at risk from me if I get infected. I have a 94 year old relative I must see at least once a week.

2katz4me, I was thinking of driving, but 14 hours each way by myself is no fun.

I have to think some more, but in my heart I know I really don't want to go. I feel obliged to go. This is my half sisters son, my nephew. We only started having any kind of relationship about 5 years ago, and are still getting to know each other. She would understand but......

Re Tired, sorry you are in the same boat. You are right, "There is no right answer."

Westsider40, thank you.

mtnrdedux, I never thought to ask my doctor. Duh!! Of course, I have an appointment next week.

Thought this might help.

Reasons to stay home:

High risk.

Airplanes, airports, bathrooms and eating on the way with many people you don't know habits of/vaccination status, in an area of the country with low vaccination rates.

Don't really want to go, only going to please half sister.

Don't know very many people who will be there

Reasons to go:

To please half sister and possibly celebrant.

Have you considered writing her or calling and telling her you aren't comfortable traveling with your health risks, telling her how much you had wanted to join them for the celebration and asking for video/pictures of the event? Then send a nice card and gift to the nephew.

I have to think some more, but in my heart I know I really don't want to go. I feel obliged to go.

Do not go. If you feel deep down it's a bad idea, and you are going out of obligation, send a great gift and skip it. My mother instilled the notion that if my gut said, No, I was to obey that feeling.

I have to think some more, but in my heart I know I really don't want to go. I feel obliged to go.

I think that you have your answer. Stay home. You will have the opportunity to see these relatives in the future when you feel more comfortable.

...and you can send a really nice gift using part of what you saved from travel. :)

Everybody wins!

Fori, you are so right. I guess I really needed to see it in print. I don't have to go or want to go. Therefore, unless there is a sudden magical change in the virus or I get a booster shot I am not going. I will give a very generous gift. I would love to see them later in the fall when we don't eat with others inside and I hopefully have a third shot.

I would stay home. It's ugly and getting worse in the South. I am north of Houston and my county, with 5 at least large hospitals had only 4 ICU beds as of this afternoon, and I'm pretty sure I just heard an airlift helicopter go by a few minutes ago. There is a shortage of nurses so they are saying they may not be able to staff tents to get more beds down in Houston -- or up here (in 100 degree heat during hurricane season, which is another problem). The wastewater monitoring shows the numbers are going to sharply rise for at least the next 3 weeks -- and that is before schools start later this week and next -- with the governor's executive order prohibiting mask mandates in the schools or imposed by local authorities. It is going to get worse, much worse, before it gets better.

I think you are wise to skip it. I always weigh possible regrets of both choices. Will you regret attending should you get covid and get seriously ill? Weigh that regret against possible regret of missing a family event that you don't even really want to attend. No contest in my mind.

I hope your sister and nephew will be understanding. Maybe your doctor will advise against it and you'll have a perfect excuse.

Can you arrange a facetime or zoom with them sometime before or after the big event as a way of "showing up" without actually being there?

Frankly I wouldn't go. The planes are very safe, but the airports? Who knows. Plus, that's a long way to go for a relatively short event. The big question is whether the servers are masked or not. And what other things will you need to do while there...stay overnight? Eat out other places? Will you be visiting with family in their homes? Car service to/from the airport?

Unless I were esp close to the nephew, I doubt I'd attend with or without covid.

Should you decide to go, remember the odds so far of a vaccinated person getting a breakthrough case are less than one in 100.

You don’t want to go… thats a new wrinkle. Feel free to stay home! Always, frankly.

Funny, this popped up on my fb feed today and it seemed apt.

There you have it. You have our permission to stat home.

I was going to say the exact same thing that Zalco did. I was even going to use your statement "I have to think some more, but in my heart I know I really don't want to go. I feel obliged to go."

That says it all. You shouldn't go. Always listen to your gut.

I sounds like you never wanted to go in the first place, which makes this an easy call and you have a notorious excuse not to go.

eta: Now, if you REALLY wanted to go, this virus will likely be here forever and and at some point everyone is probably going to get it, but lucky you, you and your family have the vaccine and should have only mild symptoms. If you believe the CDC. If you don't believe the CDC, about the mild symptoms, everyone should stay locked-in forever and be a hermit.

I understand your wanting to connect with your half sister's family. That's why I would go. However, if you don't know many of the people there, how much of that will happen? Would it be possible for you to get together with them at a later time in a smaller gathering?

I appreciate your post because it made me rethink this upcoming wedding. I am going because I am close to the family getting married but otherwise, will not know anyone and am unlikely to form any friendships because they family lives hours from where I live. Under normal circumstances, not an unpleasant type of gathering, they went to my wedding, but the concern is mostly my 89 year old father. He doesn't have it in him to deal with corona virus issues, it's up to the people in his extended community circle to keep him safe. Not many do a very good job. I can see now that the family was trying to discourage my Dad from attending but I think there was some conflict within that group too. He already went to the "family only" smaller wedding. So I appreciate your posting this, it has helped me rethink my going to a similar party. It's not that I want to shun people I am close to, but big gatherings of random people I usually only find tolerable under the best of circumstances. If it was just me, I would go to the party, wear a mask in close contact situations with folks I didn't know or kids, and call it good. But if my Dad goes because I am going, he will not wear a mask and spend the entire long weekend there . . . I was sick for two days after my second jab, so I am pretty sure I got a strong immune response, but my Dad had no side effects and a weak immune system as it is. So its passing it on to him that is the big concern.

You can look at your risks this way, each "high human contact" activity has a risk, albeit low. Your overall risk is each of these risks multiplied. Your risk is still low, but not zero, and the more close human contact activities you engage in, without much ability to control some of the variables the greater your risk, (who is jabbed, who might be in contact with a lot of unjabbed kids or other people, etc.) I have no problems visiting with jabbed friends or even before the jab came out, in situations where social distancing could be enforced, but I'm not crazy about situations where there are a lot of unknowns. I am a preplanner anyway, teachers have a saying, "Perfect prior planning produces perfect performance.) Not necessarily true, but its a more positive way of saying it than the opposite "p-poor planning produces p-poor performance." Insert vulgarity if you are so inclined . . .

Just my opinion, but if it were me I would stay home. It seems that in your situation the risks outweigh the rewards. I also think airports and airplanes are not that safe due to the large numbers of people (many of whom remove their masks to eat and drink), and I assume that many are unvaccinated. Good luck in making the right decision for you.

I did want to attend when I agreed many months ago. However, the world has changed, again. In addition, several in my life are masking up and traveling, etc. seemingly without worry. I was feeling like I was overreacting. I have to remember even if I am overreacting those are my feelings and I have a right to act on them. Thank you all again for reminding me I have a right to say sorry I changed my mind. You have allowed me to think out loud and hear a variety of opinions and options. What a great community.

I just got off the phone with the party host and they are taking the covid risk very seriously for this gathering. I think that would be part of my decision. As I said, there are certain folks I have confidence in they way they manage their lives and risks in other areas, the level of consideration and concern they have for others, the kinds of people they associate with, etc. and that goes into my decision on who to socialize with and how. The hardest situations are when I am in big groups of complete strangers.

I have several cousins who had had to fly in and out of "hot" zones to see aging parents, and so far no big problems, but one cousin who probably did pick up covid on a required business trip, most likely during an extended layover at the airport because both his workplace and the place he had to go had strict testing and covid management protocols in place. In fact, it was the testing protocol that picked up his covid when he got back, which is how he knew he had been exposed. It's also possible that someone in his old or new bubble picked it up somewhere too, and passed it on asymptomatically. He knows his own bubble pretty well but not the "novel" bubble he traveled to for work. The reason I am saying "bubble" is my cousin is a college coach, and most major colleges go out of their way to protect their athletes and staff so they can keep the programs going, as is the case with my cousin.

This asymptomatic spread is what is so maddening about the virus.

Back in the day, when my Dad had open heart surgery, we had to follow strict protocols to avoid passing anything on to him during recovery. I had the same situation with DIL years ago during her first trimester of pregnancy, I had the flu so quarantined from her until I was sure I was over it. But we felt more confident that we knew whether or not we were sick or contagious. I have one friend who never had one single symptom but still tested positive. She knew about the positive due to working in a group home so being part of a rigorous testing protocol to keep residents safe. Another friend whose only symptom was loss of smell and taste for a day. It's just maddening and weird, so I don't think we should be too hard on each other for struggling with knowing what to do!!

I pinkmountain, I agree we shouldn't be to hard on each other. However, I am avoiding my MIL this week because she lives with her daughter who just returned from a week in Paris. She went because she was tired of NYC. Really? I do not trust her to be as safe as possible. She has been very casual about everything concerning safety, and not just Covid. I know I shouldn't judge but I am. Being a good human is difficult.

I agree - who is going to argue or feel slighted if you say you do not feel safe traveling right now? And who knows what September will bring?

Oh yeah, i would skip it if you weren’t excited about it. Save your $$ for a trip you WANT to go to.

I guess I’m like your MIL’s dd…I would totally go to Paris rn if I had the opportunity. I’m vaccinated, I wear a mask when asked to, and I don’t hang around unvaccinated people. I just can’t see not living my life…we only get so many days on this earth, and I really don’t want to waste my life in my house.

Forget the strangers....sometimes even people you know! Just found out my cousin, who is so diligent about masking and being vaxed and still won't eat inside the house with others....well her son refuses to get vaxed. Go figure! I'll know not to hang with him if he shows up at the family picnic.

I think it is illogical you would get on a flight but feel nervous about the meal you described. You know you can't take this trip right now. That's the bottom line. You get to say No...and yep with that no comes things you miss. That's part of the choices we make. To attend and bring your trepidation and fear with, is not a gracious attendance anyway. Let the other guests enjoy their event.

I think it is illogical you would get on a flight but feel nervous about the meal you described.

On a plane, the air is recirculated using hepa filters which filter out pathogens including the virus. If you put the air on over your head, you can create a cone of clean air around you and be safe throughout the flight, especially with everyone masked up. Getting through the airport is another thing entirely. When the NFL did their extensive research on who got the virus and how, one of the activities they found was most dangerous and banned it for their players was eating together. So for me, those concerns are perfectly logical.

I always seem to get sick on long flights. I think that cone of clean air might be not so reliable. I think I pick things up from passengers close to me. I was once on a flight where the woman behind me was constantly coughing. I got sick after that flight. She was in the aisle behind me. I was also at the back of the plane. I'm not sure the circulation patterns of air in a plane. I think there's theory of how things work in a test lab and then "on the ground" conditions. Since I am a person who gets sick every time I take a long flight, I really wish I could figure out a way to not have that happen, since there are some places I would like to fly before I die, like going back to Great Britain and CA, which is a long flight for me from the Midwest. I've tried a lot of things but never masked before. I've been sick for six weeks or more when I get back, every time I've gone overseas. I get "just the flu." It could be also from using mass transit over there, I have gotten to my destinations via trains.

Arcy, for once, I have to agree with everything you said. Especially, when you said bringing your trepidation and fear while attending and letting others enjoy their event. This should be a good reminder of everyone. Which, sounds like that's what hcbm is doing, by not going.

l pink...I've been sick a lot when I travel too, but I never blamed it on the plane as much as being exposed to new germs in a new location with which my immune system has no experience.

I pink, I have also gotten sick while traveling. Both in the US by car and long flights to Europe or South America. I have found for me, that dehydration is a big contributing cause. In Europe and South America I always use only bottled water, even brushing my teeth. I now do that in the United States. It truly helps. I have a lot of food and pollen allergies that sometimes express them selves in gastric distress. I have been deathly sick in Maine after drinking water at a relatives home. Now only bottled water and drink often. I have been much better and pre-covid I would travel a few times a year.