Not the same, but when I moved my dad to assisted living, I had to empty his house. For any certificates in frames, I removed them from the frames and in this case, I added them to his photo albums but you could also just put them in a file folder. They just take up less space without the frames. As Jinx said, maybe save a few to display (if you want to) and pack up the others?

You could also scan, or just take pictures, of them and give the photos on a flash drive to his kids. They might want them someday.

You could take photos of each item and make a video or slideshow with either spoken commentary or a few lines of text for each item detailing its provenance.

“Your father raised money for many years for the local Kiwanis eyesight program and was recognized in 2010 at an awards dinner” accompanying a photo of the plaque itself and perhaps one of him receiving it at the event. Both kids would probably love some keepsake like this, which would preserve memories in a form they are more used to. His daughter might not even feel the need to say she will take them which releases you from the responsibikity of storing it all. Military medals or items of great significance (medals of honor, Oscars or Grammys, etc) would obviously be kept for sentiment and posterity.

You have a task ahead that will be difficult, meaningful and bittersweet, Bbstx, bless you as you go about it ❤️

Thanks, Jinx. I hate to hear that you had such a hard time. It is interesting what triggers finality in each of us. I had an acquaintance who did not put a headstone on her husband’s grave for six years because after that there was nothing else she needed to tend to for him.

At some point in the next several years, I see myself selling this house and moving closer to my family. Instead of storing stuff in the attic, I’d rather go ahead and deal with it now.

Just before he died, his sister gave him a box of family memorabilia. It is sitting in the garage. Pictures of his siblings and him; pictures of his parents; high school annuals, etc. His sister doesn’t want it back. His children do not want it. I can’t bring myself to put it on the curb, but I every time I see it, I feel a little resentful at being left to deal with it.

Sueb and Kswl, what great ideas. I’m fairly adept at making photo books. I can make a book for each of his children!

Maybe let Shutterfly help? take a photo of the whole wall and then one of each object on the wall, in its frame, and make a book. Shutterfly can even do the layout for you. Use the whole wall picture for the cover and Title it something like ””Dad’s Wall of Fame”. Order one for each kid and one for yourself. Then remove the certificates from each frame and store them in a box somewhere. Offer the frames on one of those ”buy nohing/give something” boards. You will feel happy helping someone else.

Jinx, ramble and share to your heart’s content. I’m not a sentimental person and it does me good to hear how people who are cope with things like this.

jojoco, good idea on the ”buy nothing” group. I’ve given away other things on it, but for some reason, giving away the frames for the certificates hadn’t dawned on me!

BB, is there some organization related to your husband's profession that might be interested in any of the items? As for the frames, I know people who find some great frames at Goodwill, so you could drop them off there. The photo books are a good idea.

A quick comment before heading out the door. First, my heart goes out to you. I know it cannot be easy, as you and others have stated. I did the same Sueb20 with my father's awards - removed from plaques, envelopes, etc and put them all together in one. The next step would be to scan them and save. If you do Ancestry (or the like) you could upload there if you'd like. Then you can discard as you wish. Personally, I will shred my dad's certificates.

I had Mom's HS yearbooks and Dad's college. I tore out the pages that mentioned them and donated the books. Can scan the pages along with any photos. Like you, I am the Keeper of family photos. I also want to scan the ones our our children and keep in several places online. I will ask cousins if they want the originals. Then I don't know what I will do, but I know I don't want to leave numerous boxes of old photos for DD2 to tend to. I've already given our children boxes of photos - they selected what they wanted.

For the plaques, you could take photos of them too. They were his awards, not yours, and I doubt he would want you to feel weighted down by them.

I inherited my late mother's house and she had an office. In the office were a lot of plaque/awards she received, just sitting around. I created a memorial wall for her, with a photo in the center of her at her desk when she was the regional librarian, with the plaques and awards around it. Now in her case, it was only five or six so it doesn't take up that much space. Hubs has a small area with framed autographed photos of his sports heroes, all arranged around a shelf with his Green Bay Packers tchotckes, and that doesn't take up much space either. I find it looks better when selected pieces are arranged on a shelf or display, rather than randomly placed around the room or house. This does not take up a lot of space and I think looks quite nice since it is not the main focal point of the room, just a small nook.

One big main task I have not done is go through all the photos. My mom's best friend did that after her husband died, just kept a few curated things in scrapbooks, which is another way to go. Much better for posterity than files of random stuff with no historical notes . . .

Perhaps you can find a group to join. A close family friend died a couple of years ago and at her funeral reception there was a table full of LOVELY scrapbooks her daughter had created. I mentioned to her how nice they were and she said she belonged to a club that even met for scrapbooking weekends. It sounded like fun. Of course this was before the pandemic, but I'll bet such groups still exist to join if that sounds like something fun. I'm an extrovert so I would benefit from the encouragement of a group to get stuff done.

Something Allison said rang a bell with me. For those of you scanning photos, please find a place to permanently label who they are. My mother was famous for scanning family photos and sending them unlabeled to her siblings. One photo that Mom sent her brother was posted online by his granddaughter-in-law as his wife’s mother and his wife’s grandmother. It was not. It was my mother and her mother. I know because (a) it is a photo I’ve seen all my life; and (b) I have the original. I tried to gently tell the girl that it was misidentified. She would not hear of such. To make matters worse, my aunt thinks it is her mother and her grandmother. It is now part of a bound family photo book for my aunt’s family.

I totally hear your pain Bbstx! My Dad is constantly mis-identifying people in photos and insisting he is right, along with also denying things ever happened, events of which I was a first hand witness. For example, just this week he insisted that we never went to my aunt and uncle's house for Passover. That was one of my fondest childhood memories! Not only did we go, we went several times!! My aunt had a lovely home and went to a lot of time and trouble to create a beautiful meal and traditional table setting. My cousin went to Hebrew school and would preside over the dinner with his amazing Hebrew recitation skills. I even remember at one point my uncle making a little joke by gently interrupting him in the middle of some long spiel and saying, "Son, is there maybe a way we can do a condensed version of this?" (No one at the table other than my cousin could read or understand Hebrew). We are not talking about one obscure event, we are talking about several years and the holiday spans several days so these were significant visits.

This is not my dad having senility, this is him not remembering because the event wasn't all about him, so he doesn't want to talk about it. Which is fine for him, but would be very, very misleading if he was telling stories to someone from the younger generation.

That's one reason cataloging old family photos in some way are such a priority on my "to do" list. But progress is slow to non-existent as other things keep interrupting . . .

Great suggestions offered. I will put in a plug for a shutterfly book only because you mentioned a few adult offspring- you can order one each for them that way. Sentiments change over time and some day the sons or their children are likely to wish they could know more about your husband.

One thing about your inquiry is you are asking for advice on dealing with his career memorabilia. This is a much narrower question than some have commented on.

While you want to respect and honor his career and/or community successes, I am guessing that these items are far less sentimental to you than family photos, his possessions, etc. I would record them electronically, discard them,and donate the frames.

I would save the Shutterfly idea for family photos and/or more personal things.

Overriding all of this, is respect for your emotions. You should feel free to keep, or discard, any item at all, without having to justify it (assuming his kids don't want it).

I agree with Mtn. I’m not sentimental about my work awards and have gotten rid of most of them after a short while.

Do what feels right to you first.

Bbstx, it's hard. I've been widowed for 25 years now and still got misty eyed reading yours and others' posts here about having to handle these details as we move our lives forward. I think you've gotten good advice about your husband's things, but I wanted to comment on the family pics his sister left.
I took care of an elderly aunt and her never married son's estates. He was an only child, his father was an only child - he had no relatives but me and another cousin. When I was emptying their house, I found lots of photos that I imagine were from his father's side, as I didn't recognize anyone. I imagine they were his father's mother and father and pics of his father as a child. I had NO idea what to do with them; some were really charming photos, but I know how sad I always feel when I see other's family photos abandoned in places like antique stores. It just didn't seem right to give them away. So I had a little ceremony and burned them all (in my woodstove). I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, but it felt right. Since your husband does have surviving family besides you, I might pick a couple of photos for each person, send them off to them and let them know you plan to destroy the rest. They can decide to do what they want with the ones you send or ask for more.

When my mother died, I found a note from her college archivist asking for her memorabilia. Have you contacted any of the organizations in his field to find out if they would be interested?

Yes, mtn and 1929! This is about career memorabilia. His diplomas, his awards, his honors. Thank you to both of you for giving me permission to get rid of them. As I said, I am not sentimental.

Allison, I think DH had an Ancestry account. Good idea to upload pictures/scans of these things there. Hmm… hope I can figure out the password.

bb, I just want to apologize for my posts. They came from a place of emotion, instead of being helpful. I’m going to delete them, as I feel I shared too openly on a public board (sometimes I forget).

Hugs to you as you navigate this. I adore you. ❤️

Jinx, I have no idea what you are apologizing for. Everything you wrote was helpful and certainly nothing was offensive. I understand if to maintain your privacy, you wish to delete some posts. You have no idea how many I write and delete.

Even though it wasn’t part of this thread, your whacky sense of humor always makes me giggle!

Thank you, bb. :)

Suero and Tina, you both suggested something I had given thought to - donating his things to a professional organization. While I once heard him likened to a rock star in his profession, I seriously doubt that any group would want what I’m getting rid of. If there were learned treatises in his own hand, I might see if they could be archived, but that isn’t the case here.

When I contacted the college archivist to make sure that he really wanted what I thought were scraps of things, he said that yes, he really wanted them. No learned treatises among them, mostly memorabilia, like luncheon planning (mom was in charge of the college birthday luncheons - sit down meals for 3,000 - for 30 years).

My first thought when I began reading this is my heart is breaking for you. What a hard thing to do!

I could be wrongfully assuming there's a story there between your DH and son. If the son doesn't want them, if he has kids, did you ask him to keep them in a box for you to give to the the grandchildren? I only had one grandparent when I was born and I treasure the few things I have of those who were deceased.

Archiving peobably depends on his profession. My father was a professor and chess master so the university wanted to archive. I’ve had a successful career in sales and no one cares!😂

Oakley, I appreciate your kind words. It is difficult but must be done. There is really no story between DH and his son. They weren’t close, but the relationship was loving. They weren’t estranged by any means. DH’s children are in their 50s. DSS has never been married, isn’t likely to ever marry, and at this late date, will probably not have children. DSD lives a nomadic life, in a good way. She has no permanent residence. All of her ”stuff” is in a storage unit near her mother. She has children who are adults and were never close to their grandfather. The granddaughter has asked for his reference works. She has a particular use for them and I’m thrilled to send them to her. His grandson has no interest in anything. I think photographing the memorabilia and giving them the photographs is probably the best solution.

Talk about family memorabilia and what to do with it, I haul an 80 lb marble headstone with me whenever I move. My grandfather had his father’s headstone replaced at some time. Some how my father ended up with the original headstone. Then my sister had it for a while. I can’t remember how it happened, but now I have it. My nephew has asked for it when he settles down. I’ll be tickled pink for him to have it, the sooner the better!

Ugh, I feel for you.

I'm going through the same thing. My husband died 8 months ago and I don't know what to do with all his things. He was a doctor, all his diplomas and certificates. He was a classical pianist which cases of old sheet music. Books, books, books. He read history, music and medicine. Bookcases filled with books and music. He later, after retiring, took up photography and the walls of our house are covered with framed photos, beautiful photos of flowers and portraits of people, many strangers. He had so many interests. He loved history.

I was able to give some away, his collection of records and CD's were taken by a large library which has a music archive and work with students of music.

I don't know what to do with all his certificates, framed. I don't know what to do with all his music equipment. He had his fathers music cabinet, an old, beautiful cabinet designed to hold sheet music. I'm at a loss as to what to do with all the photos. His office had a large walk-in closet which is filled with photos.

I'd like to make the office a guest room so when my daughter and family visit, have a room to stay.

I'm following your post to see how you deal with it and what you decide to do. I'm totally handicapped as how to deal with everything. Its so overwhelming, I feel for you.

I just received a notice that his medical license is due for renewal. I haven't been able to deal with it. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. Maybe wait for the pain and memories to begin to dull? Does that happen?

Jane

Jane, I'm so so sorry for your loss. You're still in the depths of grieving, don't throw anything out yet until you talk to your daughter, if you haven't already. Go ahead and box things up and make the room a bedroom.

BB, with your son I'm thinking it's a guy thing. Only because I don't have daughters and neither of my sons seem interested in the things that are special to me. I'm sure they'll keep the law degrees and stuff, but things that are super important to me, like the few items I have from the grandparents who were gone, they've never talked about them.

SO..I told my DIL what to take and keep them for the grands, and let them decide. lol

Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry for you, too. Yes, the pain dulls, but there is still the stuff to deal with. Honestly, if I wanted to transform the room soon, I would box everything of his up and put it in a climate controlled storage unit until I felt better able to deal with it, if you can afford it. It will be easier down the line and you can take one box at a time to go through, as you feel able. Maybe someday have a sale of his photos to benefit a favorite charity? Our state's children's hospital has very nice thrift stores around the area, which is where I donate nicer, more expensive things, as I feel the benefit is greater than to places like the goodwill. Many non-profits have fund raising events and are always looking for donations. Peace be with you and all the others who are having the same struggles.

🤦🏻‍♀️ I just wrote a long (probably too long) response to Jane and then navigated away from the page and lost it all. Here it is in a nutshell, Jane:

Conventional wisdom says do nothing for one year after the death of a spouse. So, give yourself a couple more months before you do anything. As to the pain dulling and the memories fading, perhaps some of the posters here who are farther removed from the death of a spouse can better answer that question.

Photographs: Protect and preserve the digital media or negatives of the photos. Donate any prints that you don’t have a use for right now. You can always have more printed.

Framed certificates: As others have advised me, take the certificates out of the frames and dispose of the frames. Store the actual certificates in archival boxes.

Books: Have a book dealer come look at your library. He/she will be able to let you know which books are common and which are rarer. That will help inform your decision on keeping/selling/donating.

Can the sheet music stand be moved to another room or used in the soon-to-be guest room? Can a few special pieces of sheet music be framed to use in the new guest room or elsewhere in the house?

Oakley, a friend who is the mother of 2 boys and I were talking about a widower friend who is ill. I commented that his son wasn’t being very attentive. She said what you said, it is a guy thing. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his dad.