A well hemmed gown and flats, lol

I would absolutely go with something fun and cool and a bit quirky. At that time of day tuxedos and gowns are really not the thing, so I would probably have DH in a tuxedo and black loafers with no socks, maybe with a white polo shirt. Or black tuxedo pants, and black polo shirt with a white shawl collar jacket and loafers. For a dress I would do something with no sequins or lace or silk, but a very pretty cotton /rayon /Tencel caftan type dress (Tnuck has loads of them) and jeweled sandals. The temps will still be 80 to 85 at that time, no need to be miserable.

@Kswl I‘m fairly certain DH will be unwilling to play fast and loose with black tie. If they’ve requested it, he’ll wear the full ensemble. Of couse I’m not even sure his tuxedo fits. It’s been ages! What about a white dinner jacket? Is October too late? Is it too white for a wedding?

I do think my dress can lean more towards cocktail than gown.

I’m really having a hard time with black tie in the afternoon!!

Men can wear a white dinner jacket year round, it’s not really the color but the weight of the fabric that makes a difference. In Florida in October the lightest weight white (or ivory, as most are) shawl colllar jacket would be appropriate.

I hear you about your DH and the dress code. Mine is more about comfort than anything else and I think 🤔 he would take the suggestions on board. Maybe!

So many do not get the correlation between time and formality 🤷‍♀️

I don't think you have to wear flats, but I would think it's not going to be muddy, so a chunky heel or wedge should work.

Not a white dinner jacket to a wedding…any other formal event it is fine. For shoes anything you feel confident wearing outdoors on grass or sand…I would say nothing with a slender heel that can dig into the ground.

Disagree on the jacket, agree on the shoes

a white dinner jacket (or ivory) is generally acceptable for black-tie events, especially during warmer months or in warmer climates.

Times have changed… most wedding sites endorse a white dinner jacket as an alternative to a black tuxedo jacket. The no white after labor day also no longer applies to the dinner jacket, as long as the fabric is appropriate. The AI round up in part:

For some reason I can’t copy the bookmark. But the rest of the article is more of the same. In hot climates the lighter white dinner jackets are very popular, and here in some men wear wool versions in winter. Of course where I live the popular summer uniform for men for a daytime wedding is still a seersucker suit, so we may have our own way of doing things. 😎

Luv seersucker suits; DH has one he bought on a whim

Love a seersucker suit! DH has one, and my boys had them when they were younger. DH also wore khaki and olive summer suits back in the day. Now he rarely wears suits - mostly for weddings and funerals.

I know I asked, and I like white dinner jackets (My senior prom date wore one!) but the point is probably moot. I’m not anxious to spend any more than I have to on this endeavor. I’m fairly certain DH has two tuxedos in his closet. Surely one will work!

You can probably count on it being really hot out. And be prepared for inclement weather as well - September/October is when we typically get the really bad storms. Hurricane season doesn't end til November,

I would wear the most comfortable shoes that are pretty much flat or one inch and that it kind of like can grip the ground cuz you don't want anything that's too slippery especially if they watered the lawn at night there and it doesn't evaporate enough

Yes a white dinner jacket for black tie events that are not a wedding..no white dress or white jacket on guests….for respect to the bride and groom.

I don’t think a white dinner jacket is the same as a white suit.

They aren’t. 🤷‍♀️

Very fine line on anything white for a wedding…other than the bride and groom...we can agree to disagree..have many wedding planning jobs under my belt over the years and it is a very big issue with the wedding couple..they really dont like it..but understand everyone has there own thought on it…as long as everyone is having fun!

I‘ve ordered bunches of dresses to try. It looks we’ll need to get a tuxedo for DH. He has a double breasted one but is worried it’ll make him look like a mobster. He hasn’t tried it on. We must’ve donated his other one.

Is the Eliza J flutter sleeve (I think it was on KSWL’s wedding thread.) too casual for black tie - keeping in mind that this black tie is at 4:00 in the afternoon. I really need to ask the mother of the bride if they’re thinking gowns or cocktail. I’ve been to lots of black tie weddings that lean more towrds cocktail.

I love that dress and it is navy, which makes it seem to me to be a better wedding choice. I would wear it in a red hot minute. The wedding is at four and it will be hot so my guess is that at least half the women will not be wearing gowns, amd if they are in long maxi dresses they might be of the Anthropologie Somerset ilk.

Do you know more about the venue? It seems crazy to expect black tie but combine that with uneven ground. (I am not a dress code or formal event expert.) I would definitely ask the MOB if you can about cocktail length vs gown and/or call the venue to find out what kind of "uneven ground" to expect. It's one thing to need to be able to walk on a stone path and entirely another if you'll be expected to walk through sand or mingle on lawn.

i love that dress too. I think it can be black tie with the right shoes and accessories.

I may be confused but I thought it came in black as well as navy?

Living in a similar climate, my guess is the women will be in maxi dresses, possibly something like Mtn's pink skirted dress or a walk through number for a couple, or cocktail dresses. The younger generation leans towards a more relaxed definition and being outdoors and warm climate also leans dressy casual rather than ball gowns.

I love the white jackets. My dad wore one when he married my mom and DH wore one when we got married. I think a white jacket would be appropriate for a guest at an afternoon outdoor wedding. October here can be in the 70s to 80s (more likely) or in the 30s to 40s (wouldn't count on it), so white jacket would be cooler.

I grew up hearing never wear white or black to a wedding, One of our guests wore black to our wedding. I took a second look and wondered if I should be upset. It was black lace, short and very pretty on the petite blonde. She didn't look like she was in mourning and she wasn't taking anything away from me or anyone else. She was one of the best dressed. I loved the dress and her in it. Momentary pause and moved on.

I think the main rule remains defined less in terms of color but style and attitude -- you don't want to compete with or upstage the bride. All white, white lace and beads, some sequins, a dress with a train are all things to avoid The groom is often dressed the same as all the other men - I've never heard anyone worried about men competing with the groom's attire. There are shirt, vest and tie options too. I'd get what he feels great in.

I may have interpreted the comment that the Eliza J flutter sleeve dress “is” navy instead of ”comes in navy.” ?

This was my first appearance with a man in a white dinner jacket 😎 My mother and father with my brother and me… I was wearing an organdy dress with a matching organdy bib embroidered with flowers. I had thought they were going out but my mom told me they were having guests for dinner so we were dressed up too. (I always had my kids in pajamas ready for bed so they could greet the guests then skedaddle with the sitter off to bed, no fancy bibs for my lot.)

Sweet photo. Are you a twin or a very close in age sibling?

kswl - Love that picture!

pricklypearcactus - I’ve looked at pictures of the venue. It’s a small chapel and the reception will be on the adjacent lawn. I’ll need to wear flats or possibly a kitten heel. I had my entire foot reconstructed about 18 months ago and then broke my tibial plateau at PT. I just started walking again after 3 months of non-weightbearing. I may still need to use a cane due to the uneven ground.

My question is always -- do they *mean* black tie? I'm finding these days that the wedding invites often don't match the strict definitions we used to go by as to what attire was expected. So before I got my DH in a tux, I'd want to make sure that's what they meant.

In a sense it's easier for women as dressy dresses would be fine either way.

Bond .... James Bond....

Annie - They 100% mean black tie. I know the bride’s family very well, They’re formal people even though everyone else has gotten more casual. They know what black tie means. This is why they worded it the way they did on the website. Something to the effect of ”even though it’s a 4:00 wedding, we still want it to be black tie.” They know the time doesn’t match the requested dress. I can’t figure out why they didn’t just have an evening wedding!

Porkandham, a shorter dress with cute but comfy and reliable flats sounds like the best choice for you at this point. A long gown could be a tripping hazard, and your ankle can twist on uneven ground even with a kitten heel. I wouldn’t even consider a floor length dress for this event.

You’ve had more than your share of breaks :( Is osteoporosis a contributing factor? I hope I am not seeming nosy! This issue has come up with a friend and it has me rethinking my calcium supplements vs treatment debate.

I got these shoes last year at JCP and they are so comfy. They look dressier with the metal trim and the straps, they are a wedge so good to walk on uneven surfaces, and not too high which was good with my broken ankles and bad hip.

I do like that flutter sleeve dress a lot! And there's something about sheer that looks formal but doesn't look too hot for the weather. I'm one of those who freeze when I see the newscasters in sleeveless dresses in January!

Kswl - I hadn’t even considered that a long dress might be a hazard. Weird, because I often wear caftans at the lake but haven’t this summer because of the tripping potential! I’ve been thinking I’d wear sonething longer to hide crazy amount iof atrophy in the bad leg. I have (had) very muscular calves. Now one is muscular, and one is a twig. Sigh.

You’re not being nosy; I brought it up! After the fracture happened, I had a DEXA scan. No osteoporosis. Some osteopenia that doesn’t need treatment. Both my ortho and GP want me to take calcium and D3.

The fracture was just a freak accident. I was box jumping. It was only a 6” box, and I’m in my 50s. No reason it should’ve happened.

Whoa, that’s in your workout routine? Impressive! At my age I would be afraid of falling even on a 3” height. Freak accidents are sometimes the most depressing as there is nothing you can do to avoid them 🙁

The osteopenia stage is def when you want to start calcium and D3, to keep it from progressing, that’s good advice!

Porkandham, I am commiserating with you re your accident. You will get your leg strength back, I promise. I had a freak fall in June 24 and fractured my upper trochanter (femur), a crack the ortho doc fixed and stabilized with a trochantic nail procedure. It’s been an ordeal. But last December I finally was confident enough to go back to Pilates. i have made amazing progress,p & gained back my calves, even though I feel some pain/aches in the hip joint sometimes. i was already taking calcium and D3 but was told by the doc this fracture is fairly common (!) in falls.

As for a dress, I would definitely look a midi or below the knee dress with a dressier flat or sandal. You can even find some very slightly elevated wedge sandals from Naot, EF, Vionic maybe, and some other brands. I personally can’t wear a ballet flat, but there are many other dressy flats to choose from (Mary Jane’s for example from Sam Edelman, Vivaia, Naturalizer etc). I found this article (Link) that might give you some ideas. I would love those pink suede MJs!!

Here’s a pair of very low-heeled EF sandals I bought recently on sale. I plan to wear them to a kinda fancy-fun event in a few weeks. They are a subtle matte gold and very comfy.

Considering you know the family and that they do truly mean black tie, I'd go for a flowy long black tie gown. I actually think a long dress will work especially well with flats / low heels / low wedges. Here are some ideas. Not sure if these fit your style or coverage preferences. These are from Macy's.

Adrianna Papell

B&A Betsy and Adam

Adrianna Papell (several colors available)

JS Collections

I like that muted gold color Outside., they look like they would go with almost anything. I used to have a pair of shoes just a shade lighter, sort of a metallic champagne, and they worked equally well with ensembles that called for either gold or silver. Always on the lookout for a replacement!

OutsidePlaying - I’m glad you’re recovering well. Your legs look great! Thanks for the link.

pricklypearcactus - Thanks. I like dress number 4.