HAHAHA Elmer!! The baby blankets in my kids' lives are known and loved. Grandma made them so that's different than Annie's story, but truth is beloved items are very well known. They know who made them ,or gifted them, what occasion they were given for and yes they still have them. My son is 34--he took has favored baby blanket to college and to this day his wife tells me it stays under his pillow!! Yes I find this very unusual but when you become accustomed to falling asleep under certain circumstances and are aware of all the sleep issues there are in the world who am I to judge!! This may be why my mom took to cutting a strip off my baby blanket, weekly until it was GONE....weaned me slowly??? DH and I were gifted a knitted throw at our wedding 35 years ago. DH grew up watching his grandmother make these throws. They were all wrapped and put away until the day each grandchild married...She was dead 15 years before DH and I met. He would never let it go. He also has a drawer of T-shirts from his Fraternity days as well as plastic pitchers and cups from parties of old!!

She did lovely work, arcy.

I saved several of my son's baby outfits and first walking shoes, and I also saved a little white stuffed dog that he received for Christmas from a neighbor when he was two. Its name is Snowflake. It's in my possession but I think he would object if I suggested getting rid of it.

If this young man only wanted to share the news of his baby's birth, he would've just sent a birth announcement after the baby is born. While you might send a gift for the birth anyway, a shower's purpose is to gift. So he was clearly asking for a gift.

Let us know if you receive a thank you, Annie.

There's no need to distract much more from the deserved praise and admiration for Annie's lovely work and talent. But since there are a few comments about what I said, I think I can respond by saying that I think there's an age and gender component, and maybe other variable factors, about those having an interest in retaining items for nothing more than sentimental reasons. I think males are less likely to have an interest in childhood or familial keepsakes and I also think that younger people of both genders are less interested in such items than their parents and other ancestors were. For people of my age and gender, my experiences would say it's uncommon.

I measured my own comments by thinking about my personal attitude about such things and things I know of my friends. And feelings of my wife (neither of us has early childhood or familial keepsakes ) and remembering that during one of our household cleanups, none of my kids had any interest in having any of their childhood mementos my wife had held on to. All were discarded, we didn't want them either.

It's quaint in a way and there's nothing at all wrong at all that Annie's husband still has a childhood Teddy Bear. But I think it's rare. I'm going to guess that he's older than I am and perhaps enough so to be of a generation of an earlier age than mine. Not a criticism at all.

Thanks for sharing your talents.

I have two sweaters my grandmother knitted for me. To think she made them and sent them to my mom in NYC gets me every time. Both of my daughters wore them. I have no idea what to do with them, but I can’t discard them.

I feel the same way about anything hand-made. They put themselves into it in a sense.

Then again, I have kitchen knives that belonged to my father. He didn’t make them of course, but they were in his hands all the time. He was a chef.

Someone, I don't know who, gave my mom a fake pearl baby bracelet for me when I was born. It is currently wrapped around one of the feet on my clawfoot tub.

I saved quite a few things and they have all been used in some way , a lovey for bedtime , toys and clothing , by my three grands. My one living son and daughter have regularly expressed how thrilled they are to see their kids wearing their pj’s and carrying their stuffies. And the toys! That has brought enormous pleasure to everyone. Fisher-Price toys of 50 yrs look almost perfect.

My children have thanked me over and over for saving every school made Christmas ornament. I have flannel bed sheets from their twin beds and the grands use them when they stay here.

My DH is as sentimental as they come. A photo from when our three were in gradeschool is his screensaver on his phone. He loves seeing the youngest grands in our kids pj’s from 50 yrs ago and will gladly wipe his eyes when he gets emotional.

I wouldn’t have it any other way and neither would he.

c

My son in law has his nanna's roasting pan, a heavy, cast aluminium pan. Apparently she used it to make a cake that was a family favourite. Other family members have asked to borrow the pan, as they claim the cake doesn't taste the same baked in other pans. But they won't lend it for fear it won't come back.

I know the brand of pan it is, but the company went out of business decades ago. I've been searching second hand stores and eBay-type sites for years looking for another pan they could loan out. I've come close, but not found it yet. I have patience- I looked for 35 years for a matching dinner set to my grandmother's pattern before I finally found one :-D

My husband has the Brody knob (suicide knob) from his dad’s tractor. He wouldn’t have kept it but I put it aside. I remember my kid‘s fat little hands on it when they went for tractor rides with my father in law.

It now sits on our bar, serving no purpose, other than to fidget with it.

My daughter and her cousins laugh when they see it, and always have something good to say about their grandpa.

Jupidupi, the pearls on the bathtub foot sounds very snazzy👍

Henry James, I believe, said " there are three things that are key to life: "the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."

He would approve, Annie. :-) Well done.

arcy wrote: . My son is 34--he took has favored baby blanket to college and to this day his wife tells me it stays under his pillow!!

My nephews wife revealed the same for a quilt I made him circa 1987. When they were expecting their 1st a few years ago I dug up scraps from the quilt and found solid fabric in the outdated colours to make a co ordinated quilt for new baby.

Still trailing--I use stripe sheets from my kiddos childhood on twin size beds in guest room.

Beautiful, Annie! You always make the most lovely things. Very kind of you as well.

This topic has reminded me of the knitted/crocheted afghans my late grandma made. We grew up using them on our beds, and especially when we were sick and in need of some warm comfort. Sadly, I believe they were ruined by hurricane Helene's flooding of my late mom's house 😔

carol, that really is too bad. I’m sorry that happened.

That is so sad. I understand your grief

I lost the quilt made just for me by my beloved Grannie when I married when my house burned. The cast iron Dutch oven she gave me that belonged to my Papa survived and is my most treasured possession. My husband wanted to use it for some bread thing and I said yes but he had to understand that I would have to kill him if he broke it. He decided to use the heavy aluminum one.

My husband has tools that belonged to his tool and die maker grandfather. He doesn't use them but values them as having belonged to his grandfather.

patricia

I have my grandpa's shoemaking tools - and we also have some of the shoes he designed as well.

I use a number of the tools, but not for making shoes 😁

Speaking of tools, DH's GF was a furniture maker. He and DH's father went to the barn on his last visit here to work on something. When they finished, Grandfather hung the denim apron he was wearing up on a hook. GF died a few months thereafter. No one has touched it since and that's got to be since the 1960s. It's still there.

Just a non-update update. No thank you note yet...nor word if the baby was even born yet...I'm assuming he was....

Shameful

Well it's early. If baby were born close to the shower then they've been overwhelmed. And lets be honest. Thank you notes are a thing of the past.

Well, then arcy, maybe gifts should be a thing of the past too....

They did manage to find a stamp and pen and envelope to mail me the invite....

Thank you notes are a thing of the past.

Not uhh. I will die on this hill.

I don't believe in enabling greedy, ungrateful people, especially when they're strangers.

Now you feel even more miffed. A token gift that you hadn't put so much of your time and love into could've been sent off and forgotten.

The baby will enjoy it though. I'd write to them and ask for a photo of him using it, just to rub it in.

While I agree with a lot of the sentiment here, I would give them a wide grace period, especially not knowing if the baby has come yet. Maybe check with the grandparents? You never know what the circumstances are.

I had a great niece and a great nephew (different parents) graduate from high school this year and I gave them each a card with money in it. The girl sent a thank you right away and the boy's arrived months later. I suspect his mom either found the card or asked him about it. Boys can be like that, you know.

. I'd write to them and ask for a photo of him using it, just to rub it in.

No.

Always. always, always take the high road. Two ill-mannered behaviors do not cross each other out.

This was from Elmer from last month: "Do you or your children, if any, know anything about who gave what gifts in early childhood years? Neither I nor mine do. If I did, I can't imagine how it would mean anything or matter if the giver were someone not known by the recipient."

Right away it reminded me of a straw man on a straw horse that my Aunt Hilda brought for me from Mexico when I was 2. I still have it. I am 74, and she was my favorite aunt. She also gave me a Goldenbook on the Arctic when I was 5. I don't have that anymore but wish I did.

Sorry to turn your thread, Annie, in a different direction. I hope the new parents get around to acknowledging your kindness and I really admire your way of being and looking at things.

Well, you might contact them and ask if your gift got there, since you hadn't heard anything...

The blanket is beautiful! What a lovely gift. I don't know if it means anything to know this, but I'm in my 40s and still have a child-sized blanket that was made for me as a baby by some woman at my parents' church at the time. I don't know if my parents even remember her name, but I don't. I hope this child grows up and appreciates the loving gesture even if he doesn't ever get to know you.

Glancing over earlier contributions in this thread, I'll describe my attitude as having been the bearer of reality in this thread in the face of a few overly sentimental attitudes. And also reacting to the circumstances with some distrust of motives and sensing a bit of cynicism from the parents to be.

The formality of a baby shower invitation suggests the appropriateness of the formality of a written Thank You response. Maybe it hasn't been long enough, I wouldn't scratch off days on a calendar waiting. But I think the tone of questioning and non-positive reactions many have shown supports that notion that perhaps the invitation should have been declined and the matter left at that. I dismiss the value of "being a better person" in situations like this. Positive thinking about motives and circumstances might lead to feeling good about it but perhaps were unwarranted. It may be that it was what at first impression it seemed to be - a gift grab devoid of any respect for or personal interest in some invitees.

just to rub it in

To me, this epitomizes what is wrong with the world today. Political parties hurting each other , not lifting burdens together to ease suffering and improve the human lot.

Yes, people should have the grace to send thank yous.

I am hoping the blanket was received and that the new baby is enjoying its warmth. It was and is a lovely effort and gift. Annie's effort made the world a little better.

Cast your bread upon the waters.

I actually hadn't thought about it until yesterday when something triggered my thinking about it. It'll lapse into the back of my mind again for another couple of months...maybe in their mother's xmas card, she might write something....

It may be that it was what at first impression it seemed to be - a gift grab devoid of any respect for or personal interest in some invitees.

It doesn't matter what it was meant to be, it matters what one decides to make of it.

Exactly mtnrd. As I said above, it's not about who they are, but who *I* am. I'm not a 4 yr old on a playground: If they call me a name doesn't mean I call them one too. Someone else being crass, doesn't mean I should to sink to their level....it doesn't make me a better person to become more like them. That's not who I am or want to be. My peace is more important to me than that.

Annie, I hope the baby is or will soon be enjoying the blanket. I think most of us would want to know that a gift, especially one we hand made, was received and appreciated. I hope they come through. A new baby makes everything else take more time.

A young man I've been close to since his birth married a few months ago. It was a courthouse wedding, with plans for a big reception off in the future. They sent out announcements, at the urging of the groom's mother, but I don't think they had even planned to do that. Both bride and groom are from wealth and have lived together for a few years, so want for nothing. I really would have loved to send a real gift, but not knowing the bride, nor anything they might appreciate, I just sent a check. I think it would have been fine if I hadn't sent anything, but it felt wrong to ignore this milestone in his life. I figure if they do have a reception, I will pick out a real gift at that time.

Just yesterday, I received a lovely thank you, written by him and signed by them both. So, thank you's aren't totally a thing of the past for everyone.

I love to knit, and I am known by friends and family for two things. Everybody gets a baby sweater, and bigger children get a scarf that looks like an animal (dog, cat, zebra, alligator, tiger, ladybug, etc.). My mother made baby sweaters, and I picked up the torch. I get great joy out of it. About two months ago, I sent two scarves to DH's cousin's grandkids out in California. I hope they got there, because I have not heard a word. According to the tracking, they were delivered, but that's no guarantee, as we all know. And it's happened before, with other family members. What is so funny is that when I send these things to my DDs friends, I am inundated with thanks and pictures. And many of the notes are in 5 year-old handwriting!

My grandson went to a small private grade school and they actually taught them how to write thank you notes! I loved that so much. Not sure if public schools do that or not. Though I haven't gotten one from him, lately, now that he's a teen, lol. But he's very vocally appreciative, so there's that.

If I was okay with sending a gift and felt I had done the right thing, I wouldn't see a reason to say anything more about it.

Now people like me who don't feel the same way are being criticized. Maybe it's just as graceless to call someone graceless for having a different viewpoint. It wasn't even necessary to criticize. It just creates bad blood.

The blanket is lovely as are all of the ones you have shared, Annie. You are lovely for doing such a kind thing for babies who come into the world without having much. I wouldn't even care that I didn't get a thank you because I know the baby will enjoy it. Maybe it will become his special blankie. That's thanks enough.

Olychick, in your situation, a thank you note would be nice, but not necessary as you do get an acknowledgment for your gift, even if verbal. I also consider thank you texts as a reasonable substitute in instances depending on the formality of the occasion. Perhaps not ideal, but better than no word at all. But when it's a formal invite and someone has clearly gone out of their way to send a gift with whom you otherwise have no contact, I think an acknowledgment of some sort is important so at least I know they got the gift..and would be nice to know if the baby was born. I mean if the invite was meant instead of an announcement so we could enjoy the happy news, it would be nice to actually get the news.

Annie, I meant that as a joke...I give him all gifts in person so expect no thank you notes. He does hand make greeting cards and those I treasure.

" It doesn't matter what it was meant to be, it matters what one decides to make of it. "

Absolutely. I was just sharing my point of view Were I in the situation, I would feel no obligation of any kind to someone who isn't a relative, isn't a friend, isn't connected with either, and has been completely MIA from my life for over 25 years.

I'm not speaking at all about the OP, but there's a different point of view to consider. What I (and I suppose many others too) would decide to make of it is - I'd mentally offer them best wishes and then discard the invite. I don't let others shame me, guilt me, or tug at my heartstrings. I'm pretty good at doing that to myself, when necessary.

Elmer, not judging, but what does it hurt to "look on the bright side of life"? It's a much more peaceful way to live.

Fine question, murraysmom. I'm a pretty optimistic guy. My approach, one of many possibilities, would have ended the mental turmoil in a few minutes and I wouldn't have given it another thought. Perhaps, other than to share the experience with others if appropriate for a laugh.

The approach taken prolonged the mental anguish, not only when deciding what to do, then thinking about the decision while making the beautiful blanket, then waiting and wondering if a thank you card would be received.

I don't consider that to be more peaceful, rather it's a long period of recurring mental anguish. Too bad, the intentions were admirable with little and maybe no payback. Good feelings for having done something unselfish and in the spirit of giving? That's a stretch for me, maybe not for others. I personally don't like feeling someone took advantage of my good nature.

But does one need "payback" in order to do something in the first place? Maybe I don't trust myself to be able to go through the chess moves to decide if something is worth doing. I usually go by my feelings. Of course it doesn't always end well, but I usually don't fret about things. Interesting how decisions are made, isn't it?

And it could be too soon to hear anything yet about the little one. Although that could be addressed by a quick call to the "to be" grandparents. That is probably where I would start. A simple "hey do you know if the kids received the gift I sent for the baby and is there any news on that front? If that were put to me, I would not be offended but would just give an update on the situation. I really try not to take things personally. It's been difficult at times but definitely well worth doing.

Maybe, just maybe….. for whatever reason, the couple doesn’t have many friends, or the guy’s parents don’t have many friends and they just wanted a wider circle of invitations to go out in hopes of some acknowledgement of their new baby. Many people don’t make friends easily and perhaps because of that they place more importance on relationships that others would deem acquaintanceships easily severed by time or distance.

It was kind of you to send that beautiful blanket Annie and I would focus on the lucky child who will be wrapped up in its warmth. Not everything is transactional on a one to one basis; when one person puts good out into the world we all benefit.

" But does one need "payback" in order to do something in the first place? "

When one continues to be uncertain about whether a gift should have been sent or not, the receipt of a sincere Thank You at least acknowledges the special effort and special gift. That closes the chapter and provides a validation. That's the payback.

When the decision to send a gift isn't a difficult one to make in the positive, then a Thank You doesn't matter as much. Because the original decision hasn't been subject to personal second-guessing over a period of time. Isn't that what the narrative described here seems to suggest?

A simple “Thank You “ not much more is needed. A text, phone call, email or a note, but a “Thank You”.

To me it is a validation that you received the gift. A gift is always given from the heart, a “Thank You” is confirmation that you received it.

Update: I got a nice thank you note today ... but it was from the couple with reference to the "baby"....so apparently he wasn't born yet. I hope they let me know when he is....

Yay for that! I'm so glad they did that. Hopefully someone will alert you when the time comes.