Don’t show up in shorts and flip flops unless they have rhinestones! No sweats. At least try to make an effort to look like you tried.

Really? Is that all it entails?

What’s the location or timing of the rehearsal— any natural fits?

One rehearsal that we attended was on May 5, so brightly colored clothes suited the festive cinco de mayo theme. Another wedding was on a ranch in the high desert and many guests were in some version of western attire.

Colorful but not wedding-formal.

We have been to a couple of these and the outfits were wide ranging, from casual to dressy.

I think it is easier to say what it is not.

They chose not to say "casual," so do not wear jeans and a top.

They did not say "cocktail," so you don't have to be tooooo dressy either.

Literally, festive means celebratory, happy, colorful, playful. But not everyone would choose to dress that literally to the remit.

So I would say, get "dressed up" as you would for an event, but something short of wedding attire.

Festive, to me, means more dressed up than church and definitely includes cocktail attire but not formalwear. I would check the website of the restaurant / venue and see what type place it is as that will give you the bar for appropriateness. A LBD of some sort, matching the shoes, jewelry and other accessories to the occasion, is usually a good default if you really can’t think of anything else.

We just got the invitation for my nephew’s (second 🙄) engagement party in NC In early July. The suggested attire is ”sundresses and button downs.” Everyone will know exactly what this means and I applaud them for being so cogent.

Where is the wedding?

The wedding is in October in Wisconsin. The party in question will be at a hotel-- an upscale hotel, but not a super fancy one. To me, "festive" sounded more like cocktail attire, but seems like there are different interpretations, even here.

Hmm, the most common dress codes for social events are: casual, cocktail, formal, black tie and white tie.

So, to me, when someone goes out of their way and chooses to use the word "festive," they are avoiding casual (since that means nearly anything goes) but don't want to go so far as to burden (some people) with cocktail level requirements.

Here is one take: https://www.lulus.com/blog/fashion/festive-wedding-attire/

All that said, I think most of us know what brides are trying to avoid while still being polite and not appearing snobby... the finer nuances matter less

Festive + Midwest feels to me what the East would wear to brunch.

Yeah, I was wondering if the Midwest definitions are different than those in the Northeast. But I'm not sure how Midwest this wedding will end up being. The bride's family is there, but she hasn't lived there for years, and all of their friends and much of our side of the family are coming from the Northeast and Europe. But yes, I think the guidance is more a "what to avoid" thing.

I'm planning to pull my "festivewear" out of my closet. The black tie optional wedding will require a new dress.

Salonva, I have read a bit about some brides and their color requirements, and I think that's insane.

Honestly I think weddings have gotten totaly out of hand and whatever happened to at least pretending we aren't all narcissists. I find it most unbecoming.

My daughter was invited to a wedding this summer to be held in a barn. The invitation reads black tie, with the additional information that all guests are to wear all black, no prints, no glitter. I find the dictatorial aspect absolutely obnoxious.

I've been to a myriad of weddings in the past year with a variety of dress codes. What I've concluded is that, first, as long as I've done my best to be appropriately dressed, no one is paying any attention to me. Until one of my kids get married (none has yet), I'm just a guest.

And, second, if I'm concerned about what to wear, I should ask the person I'm connected to in the wedding party what an obcure dress code means. My BFF's daughter's wedding was at a beautiful botanical venue. It seems all wedding guest dresses these days are floral, but I was hesitant because I didn't know what BFF was wearing (and we would be taking photos together). So I asked her about a few dress options I had, and she gave me her opinions.

Sas, ask nephew, his partner, or the parents you know what "festive" means, and go from there.

as long as I've done my best to be appropriately dressed

Yes, these things aren't really meant for "us"; they are meant for the clueless and careless. TBH

Mtn, I've been following the fashion threads here long enough--it's clear how not to be clueless and careless!

I agree with the no flip flop definition. I think it is a casual fun way to direct people away from baseball caps and jeans. Sadly, yes that is where we are where fashion and festivities are concerned. We too will have a fall wedding. We too are in the mid west, MN but wedding is in SD. We too are hosting a post rehearsal, meet the groom party for early arrivals/family coming from a far. We did this for our son also. I wouldn't think to advise anyone on dress. Guests are all traveling, many just getting in after hours in a car or fighting an airport. I respect the intelligence of our guests to assess, Cathedral's hospitality area, wedding party's dressed for rehearsal in said Cathedral so we won't get sweats and flip flops. But if we do I won't notice as this is not a major concern of mine. There's plenty to fuss about without making that mine to be responsible for. I could not tell you what anyone wore to my son's party. What I remember were all the compliments and appreciation from the brides family and friends.

In my circle this would likely mean jacket, no tie for the guys and fun dresses (short or maxi) or similar for women. Since it says festive, and not cocktail attire, I’d be one step down from cocktail.

To me, festive would mean not black, and not as formal as a cocktail party, but still nicely dressed.

“Clueless and careless” is a good description of a seemingly ubiquitous category of guests 😎

I agree with those saying the directions on what to wear has gotten ridiculous. If an invite I received told me to wear a certain color, I would not be happy and would consider declining the invite (of course depending on who it was). But I would not be happy.

I understand black tie, cocktail, etc. IMO that's just letting people know the formaility of the venue.Anything beyond that is obnoxious. My niece's wedding invite stated 'black tie optional; NO WHITE'. I found that very obnoxious. Are you so unsure of yourself that you think if someone wore white it would distract from you? Come on!

I do not think I personally know anyone that would show up to a nice dinner or a wedding in shorts and flip flops. But even if they did, I really wouldn't care. As long as they're not part of the wedding party and in the formal pictures, if they're comfortable and have a good time, that's what is important to me.

A welcome cocktail party the night before the wedding? What happened to the rehearsal dinner (for which the groom's family pays)? Weddings are so crazy, now.

Wear a nice outfit and put a flower in your hair. That's festive.

Black tie optional? This is a formal affair? Wear what you wore to the festive cocktail party, but nix the flower in your hair.

Honestly, no one will notice you at all.

This is a cute idea...

A welcome cocktail party the night before the wedding? What happened to the rehearsal dinner (for which the groom's family pays)?

That's a good question. The grooms family, in this case, is my sister. The groom's father is not in the picture. I'm not close to my sister so I don't know how this welcome cocktail party evolved, but the bride's parents are really, really wealthy and the wedding is going to be huge, and held at a very fancy venue. My sister's financial situation is the opposite of that, and I imagine she felt under some pressure to have something "nice," but could not afford a large scale rehearsal dinner in a place that she would feel to be "acceptable under the circumstances". So she probably compromised by doing drinks and hors d'oeuvres at a nicer place. All guesses on my part.

Whatever happened to the rehearsal dinner being only the bridal party, the parents, and maybe, the grandparents. Even rehearsal dinners have gotten out of hand!

I don't think there is anyone in this group who would dress inappropriately for a wedding reception or other function, the guidance is not for people with some experience how to dress and who grew up knowing how to dress for a particular occasion. It's for people who did not learn how to do this. People's parents used to have some idea and teach their kids how to, and now a lot of parents do not, even if they are perfectly reasonable middle class parents.

Even where I grew up, when you went to a reception at the high school cafeteria or the VFW, people still basically understood what to for the occasion. Now, more people just do not. "Black Tie Optional" is not meant for the men who would wear a suit anyway, it's coded for the clueless friend or relative who would wear a t shirt or whatever they put on in the morning. (Mostly men and the women who would let them)

What happened to rehearsal dinners is that people who were coming from out of town started to be invited so they would have someplace to eat, when there might not be that much available. I went to a wedding where the nearest motel was 50+ miles from the wedding, the reception was wedding cake, cookies, punch or coffee/tea and then you went 50 miles back to the motel. And not even a McDonalds in between. The groom's family fed everyone after the wedding in the motel.

When I was growing up in town guests were sometimes recruited to put up wedding guests from out of town because there was one decent lodging place which would fill up fast, and then a couple motels that alternated between hot sheets places, and lodging during hunting season places, that were not really nice enough for a lot of people to stay in.

True, bbstx. But I think what's happening in this case is that almost no one attending is from the area--- really just the bride's family and friends of the parents. People are flying in from all over the country, and there's a large number from Europe. So I'm sure they figure that if people are going through the expense and trouble to get to Wisconsin, there should be events. In addition to the wedding and the "welcome cocktail" evening, there is also a more casual dinner at a brewpub the night before the welcome cocktail thing.

If I were to get married, and we have thought about it now and then after 30 years, we would go to City Hall, have whoever was there act as witnesses, and not even tell anybody until some time afterward. That would be my favorite scenario.

Weddings, like people are all so different from one another. I’ve been part of all kinds of wedding celebrations. One that I remember fondly was for an older couple and held in a church social hall. I was providing the cake. When I arrived all the tables were dressed with white plastic tablecovers and on each table were 3 clear plastic cups: those pink- green-white mints that we don’t see often anymore, salted peanuts, and— mini marsmallows! so cute.

If I were to get married, and we have thought about it now and then after 30 years, we would go to City Hall, have whoever was there act as witnesses, and not even tell anybody until some time afterward. That would be my favorite scenario.

That is very close to what we did. We went to our town hall with 5 people in attendance, and that was that.

That’s essentially what my ”wedding” was, Pal. A JOP and 2 witnesses. I’ve never regretted it. I’m an introvert and do not like attention. The idea of a traditional wedding terrified me.

When I called my grandmother from across the country to tell her I had gotten married, she replied with happiness, love and best wishes. And then paused and asked ”is there anything else you want to share with me?” That’s when I realized she and everyone else thought I was pregnant. I was not.

The last several weddings I attended had a welcome cocktail party the night before for out-of-town guests. That seems to be common anymore.

The most recent rehearsal dinner we attended had 75 or 80 people. The wedding party was tiny but most of the guests were out of towners. IDK how they decided who got invited as both families were large. My SIL said they cut off after first cousins but she was feeling no pain when she imparted this information. 🙄

The norm in our family weddings now is a rehearsal dinner for both participants and some subset of guests that is either preceded or followed by a welcome party for all people who traveled to the wedding. I don’t know who is **supposed** to pay for that 🤷‍♀️