ABRAHAM DARBY was so unsettled at all the strange and curious circumstances that he felt compelled to hastily partake of a double GINGER SYLABUB and immediately chase it with an ice cold FALSTAFF after which the inimitable DARK LADY morphed into the much less threatening BETTY BOOP.....

TICKLED PINK, the onlookers said, "THANK YOU!" to no one in particular, but thought perhaps, that THE FAIRY was in their midst to provide a WARM WELCOME. Ah, the SWEET MEMORIES of VELVET FRAGRANCE and beautiful WHITE DIAMONDS gracing the days before DARK LADY appeared. Why, even a TAWNY TIGER could not scare those SWEET MEMORIES away! Even the play "OTHELLO" was not this dramatic! Such adventures are part of our HERITAGE said TIFFANY. GRAHAM THOMAS agreed, and went off with CECILE BRUNNER to get some WORCESTERCHIRE sauce with ZEPHERINE DROUHIN.

GRAHAM THOMAS and CECILE BRUNNER had a moment which resulted in a HAPPY CHILD. They were elated since there had not been any other stolen moments since MEMORIAL DAY.

While in the throes (sp?) of passion, GRAHAM THOMAS happened to glace up and see a painting of MISTER LINCOLN. "What an HEIRLOOM" he exclaimed! "Please, back to the matter at hand" said CECILE BRUNNER and they both had some CHUCKLES.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR did an ABOUT FACE as soon as she saw the social gaffe - her WHITE DIAMONDS fragrance was mixing with the WORCESTERSHIRE sauce!!! She whipped out STEPHEN'S BIG PURPLE hankie and covered her nose as a JUDY GARLAND song wafted through the room. As she tilted her hand, her BLACK CHERRY soda spilled all over the GOLD MEDAL she had received earlier for ...

Ooops - redsox and I responded to the same message at the same time!

LOL
Crol

her role as CLEOPATRA. She really did look like quite an APHRODITE, I must say. Her beauty was an INSPIRATION that fufilled all of their GREAT EXPECTIONS, and made it a NICE DAY. Seeing her brought a BREATHE OF LIFE into them. What a CAREFREE WONDER this ANGEL FACE was! In the spirit of HOSPITALITY she offered everyone a BROWNIE & then...

as if her VOLUPTUOUS-ness was something more than simply DARLOW'S ENIGMA revisited, she enticed everyone into an innocent game of strip TIDDLIWINKS which absolutely tickled the fancy of.....

JULIO IGLESIAS who broke out in a rousing version of STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN while dancing a JITTERBUG. Julio was interrupted by...

The BEAUTIFUL BRIDE announcing the WEDDING CAKE is about to be served. We all made a HONEY BEE line into the parlour. Perhaps a little to hasty, ...

Because her groom, aka DAVID BARBER was being somewhat of a DORTMUND by flirting with the MADONNA wearing the RASPBERRY RUFFLES PETAL PUSHERS. Meanwhile......

because GEORGE BURNS spilled his HOT COCOA all over the FLORAL CARPET and some spilled onto BARBRA STREISAND, who, in turn, knocked over a pitcher of ICED TEA. Standing in a corner, CARY GRANT looked on at the DELIGHTFUL scene and said...

WOW! This LOOKS LIKE FUN . . . It reminds me of the very last time I was with GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA and we . . .

admired our BUFF BEAUTY in a mirror together. Truly, we were GOOD AS GOLD. Then, a BALLERINA waltzed in as if on a MAGIC CARPET. She lifted the spirits of the BLUE GIRL in the corner, and brought a BRIGHT SMILE to many. Who could that WANDERER be over there? He looks EASYGOING, but I think he has a DEEP SECRET.

... deep, yes -- but also a DARK SECRET having to do with that MYSTIC BEAUTY, the vaunted CATHERINE DENEUVE, who, swathed in FRENCH LACE and redolent of MELODIE PARFUMEE, was obviously and undeniably IN THE MOOD . . .

...to watch the TAHITIAN SUNSET while listening to the TRUMPETER and eating RAINBOW SORBET from a STERLING SILVER spoon she shared with CARY GRANT and his eyes of MIDNIGHT BLUE...

. . . Meanwhile, the PROUD BRIDE was disconsolate because her SPECIAL GUESTs were playing FOOTLOOSE and FANCY FREE with her GOLDEN DAY. 'If only,' she mused, 'I had begun a novena to OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE a week & 2 days ago -- then, perhaps, this SHAMELESS debauched CARNIVAL could have been avoided. But events were clearly being dictated by the urbane LIFESTYLE of THE PEOPLE in attendance who were concerned only with . . .

...making it to LAS VEGAS, NEVADA with the hope to STRIKE IT RICH and bask in the GOLDEN SHOWERS of LADY LUCK but you don't get MONEY FOR NOTHING and...

FAME did not make one happy. Humpf she thought neither did SHOWBIZ as she looked around the room at her guests. She spied her oldest friends TIFFANY, CLOTILDE, and Belinda. It had been BELINDA'S DREAM to be a mother. Her beautiful daughter Bess, or DAINY BESS as the girls called her was eating BERRIES AND CREAM as her mother sipped BRANDY. TIFFANY she thought was so lovely with her auburn hair and gold gown..with her GOLDEN SLIPPERS she almost looked like an AUTUMN SUNSET. She felt certain that TIFFANY believed that silly FORTUNE TELLER who told her she would be LOVESTRUCK at the sight of an old flame. Clotilde, looked wonderful in her PURPLE PUFF gown and she was happy at the NEW BEGINNING Clotilde had made with her new husband. Suddenly feeling SENTIMENTAL she felt overwhelmed with nothing but WARM WISHES for her old friends. What a PERFECT MOMENT as she fantasized on the moment she had first met her SUPERSTAR husband David. The band began playing MOON RIVER and...

she thought about David. While it was true that he wasn't his ROYAL HIGHNESS, THE PRINCE, he was special and had a few LEGENDS associated with him. Her mother was there accompanied by CAROL BURNETT, PHYLLIS DILLER, and JULIE NEWMAR to give her the honeymoon tickets package that included a trip on a 777, (the only rose specifically named after an airliner), to the SOUTH SEAS where she and her hubby could watch POLYNESIAN SUNSETS and drinking WHISKEY MACS and TEQUILA SUNRISES. It sounded so good.

But, she thought, back to the SPECIAL MOMENT. It's time to throw the RED GARTER. I wonder if...

LILI MARLENE or MARILYN MONROE would...

think it was a SPECIAL OCCASION........and I do not know about that. But INGRID BERGMAN was also there with PETER MAYLE, she went home with him. I think it could have been a HOME RUN. Anyhow..............the next morning, ooooops! Peter fell out of bed and got a BIG PURPLE bruise on his back side. He was in pain and he wondered if he would be able to go and see one of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE 2000 plays at a private showing at the SAVOY HOTEL, which is where later they were going to meet with FREDERIK MISTRAL, Oh these guys have such a GOOD LIFE.........it seems, but may not be always so good, some times they have to......

remember that PETER MAYLE is more like THE PILGRIM than he is John Wayne. The phone rings and it is FREDERIK MISTRAL apologizing that he will be a little late for their rendezvous due to one of his infamous ESCAPADEs. INGRID sets down the phone and with a little GENTLE PERSUASION she stares into THE DRAGONS EYE and convinces the hobbled PETER MAYLE to PUCKER UP and kiss her with PASSION. She thinks to herself that if this special kiss is EXCITING enough, he will have no choice but to REMEMBER ME !!! PETER MAYLE, in an effort to escape his PILGRIM persona, kisses INGRID with all the PASSION of a FOLKSINGER an they.....

...both admire their HAPPY BUTTS as they embrace. At that very moment, INGRID BERGMAN remembers that she has a previous engagement with BING CROSBY. Peter then relaxes while watching TV, fondly fantasizing about JENNIFER HART. But alas, he too remembers he has a prior ENGAGEMENT with PHYLLIS DILLER, which does not cause him to REJOICE much at all. Peter wonders whether he should have his ALTER EGO, RED SKELTON appear in his stead, and realizes Phyllis will BE GLAD to have.....

GEORGE BURNS instead. After all it is MEMORIAL DAY weekend and even those from Mexico are celebrating CINCO DE MAYO. Everyone is partying playing TIDDLY WINKS when all of a sudden JULIA CHILD shows up. Armed with her STAINLESS STEEL cookware she decides to make a CHERRY PARFAIT out of the WILD BLUE YONDER in memory of POPE JOHN PAUL II who does an ABOUT FACE when he...

. . . is confronted by CARDINAL DE RICHELIEU, shouting "OH MY GOD! THE IMPOSTER has struck again! That diabolical DIABLO, the REVEREND H. OMBRAIN was defrocked years ago, & now he has performed this sham marriage!" The guests' collective gasp was positively deafening! An invalid marriage! And the HONEYMOON was already under way . . . OH LA LA! If only . . .

. . . all pray said BAPTISTE LAFAYE in QUIETNESS. And so . . .

. . . the MESSAGE began to circulate that the diabolical reverend had engaged in a SWEET INTERLUDE (laced with BRANDY, ABSINTHE, & copious amounts of SUMMER WINE) with that BLOND BOMBSHELL known far & wide -- NATASHA MONET! Ms Monet, a BELLE COURTESAN if ever there was one, had engaged incessantly in certain CHAMPAGNE-drenched frivolities with a direct descendant of the EMPEREUR NAPOLEON, the insipid Antony Bonaparte. Time and time again, she had -- shall we say -- enjoyed a certain kind of ROCK & ROLL with the NOBLE ANTONY, her CHAMPAGNE flute of CARNIVAL GLASS always in hand. She was, in truth, simply a TIPSY IMPERIAL CONCUBINE. Reeling from the NEWS of this unspeakable travesty . . .

... a SHOCKWAVE of unbelievable proportion was felt from OKLAHOMA to TEXAS. The PERFECT MOMENT -- long since gone -- made the guests TOPSY TURVY, except for a local FIREFIGHTER who had to dash out to quell a house fire that was ALL ABLAZE. However, a NEW DAWN came and...

. . . were many who had imbibed in too much CHAMPAGNE and the gossip was spread far and wide. In the meantime the wedding party was listening to the famous rock band MERCY Me who always made hearts soften with their humble, beautiful voices . . .

Ooops. I was listening to Mercy Me and Casting Crowns, and should have finished my post faster as Aurora and I both intended to post after Jaxondel's. Sorry!

Oooops....Ooooops ?!!!! There is no oops in this story, carry on, I say... Carry on. Where was MOUNTBATTEN, the cad, it could have been his SHINING HOUR to present a MOSSY GEM to MME ISAAC PEREIRE also imbibing in too much CHAMPAGNE whilst on his knees feeling CONSTANCE SPRY....

Wow! (no capitals here, but I am so impressed with OUR story)! a huge soap opra! :)

Thanks for starting this Dove Song - I have had a helluva laugh!

Pauline..........now please carry on from

CONSTANCE SPRY............

COURAGEOUS told PRECIOUS PLATINUM that he wanted alittle SWEET AFTON!

But alas, PRECIOUS PLATINUM had fallen hard for THE MAGICIAN she had recently met while attending his MAGIC SHOW. He did not RAZZLE DAZZLE his audience by shouting ABRACADABRA or HOCUS POCUS, but SOFTLY SOFTLY spoke VOILA. THE MAGICIAN, known to his friends as SEXY REXY,...

. . . had himself enjoyed a TWILIGHT TRYST or two with NATASHA MONET. He was perpetually AMOROUS, but a TRICKSTER, a real MACHO MAN whose EASY GOING nature turned even SHY MAIDENs into LADIES IN WAITING -- waiting just for him. Little did he know, however, that someone was watching every ADVANCE he made -- that wily LOBO of a guy, GUY DE MAUPASSANT! FIREWORKS were sure to ensue between those two if . . .

she were to become TOO HOT TO HANDLE. Can you just IMAGINE what WONDERFUL NEWS it would be if she weren't such a WING DING but rather more LADY LIKE when she was IN THE MOOD but alas.....

she was an X-RATED film star. She swore to herself she would go to the Vatican and confess to POPE JOHN PAUL II, but alas, he was no longer the pope and had gone to HEAVEN. She knew not who the current Pope was. As she was walking by an old church in town, she went in and decided to kneel at the very front to pray to OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE in her despair. She was filled with guilt, but............

still somehow imprisoned by that illicit promise she had made to be PERPETUALLY YOURS. How could she have known that his GENTLE PERSUASION would explode into such unbridled PANDEMONIUM ? How could the simple and innocent KEEP IN TOUCH have led to such a.....,..

SMOOTH MELODY as the BRASS BAND played DREAM WEAVER which was requested for AMY GRANT by MR LINCOLN as the night continued to .........

...the night continued to fade into the twilight zone between the Spirit-Nether World and MIDNIGHT SUN

then began the SNOW WALTZ

where NOSTALGIA

and lost LOVE ME TENDER filled the air.

and in drifted the spirit of LADY JANE GREY

and LADY EMMA HAMILTON

and told their tragic tale of death and ETERNALLY YOURS that lovers and husbands left them with.

When told that the OUTRAGEOUS events of her WEDDING DAY had resulted in something less than the CINDERELLA FAIRY TALE of her original VISION, the BRIDE (now quite the BLUSHING BRIDE), cried out "O'RILLA?!?! . . . Tell me more!" Whereupon . . .

The LITERARY GIANT told her that they had all entered the TWILIGHT ZONE.

In her wildest dreams, she never envisioned that she would become the PRAIRIE CLOGGER nor that her DON JUAN would be none other than the DISCO DANCER and yet here they were frolicking around the CLOUD NINE club at the LUCKY LADY in LITTLE VEGAS. WONDERFUL NEWS ? Well perhaps not but FIRST PRIZE was Rod Serling cutting in to ask for the next dance. What a rude AWAKENING to be.......

. . . that she figured in a MYSTERY, a real CONUNDRUM of sorts, in which a rose had been employed as a lethal weapon. "It was a RUGOSA, he WHISPERed, and, by JOVE, I'm convinced it was that BASTAARD's RUGOSA!!!" "Whose?!", she asked, incredulous at this new REVELATION. Then it DAWNed on her with great CLARITY. "Oh if this is true, there shall never be RECONCILIATION among my FOREVER FRIENDS! Please tell me that the rose did not belong to . . ."

"Excuse me, PRINCESS, said PAPA MEILLAND, to his daughter the THE BRIDE, but I would like to have a word with you. I would like to ask you, was your marriage consumated?

"No daddy it was not, as deep down inside, I felt that I truly didn't LOVE David."

"In that case, SWEETNESS, said PAPA MEILLAND I most assuredly feel that for you SINGLE'S BETTER! You know that I have always wanted the best for you, and David has proven himself to not be the best!"

"Oh, daddy, you are sooo right, said the "would-be bride", EVA, this sham is over and . . .

Daddy, I had the weirdest dream. EVA fully AWAKENING, continued on, I dreamt that we were all in the TWILIGHT ZONE. I'm soo glad that it was only a nightmare."

"Me too, PRINCESS, said PAPA MEILLAND . I'm happy that I woke you when I did. Is it over between, David, and you?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, exclaimed EVA . . .

...as she twirled the locket of PRECIOUS PLATINUM between her fingers.

Finally, waking up she knew it was not a DREAM COME TRUE and the chances of her FALLING IN LOVE were slim. Her BEWITCHED stepmother was calling her real name, "CINDERELLA"....

"Oh, CINDERELLA, why do you laze about!!?," she screeched. "When I told you to clean this house I meant it! No wonder why you can't find yourself a BONNIE PRINCE when all you do is . . . .