The author of a post may request its removal. The "powers that be" here may intervene and remove one as well.

Yes, I hit the submit button to respond on that thread you mentioned and voila, it had gone "poof" in the time it took me to type!

Thanks, SG, for responding. That explains the Pal one, but I don't understand the spammer one. It was a pretty mild spam and my response was just mildly snarky.
Where do you go to request your post be deleted? Is this info somewhere on this site? Again, just curious, but who knows when it might be needed!
Liz

My guess is that they remove the spam as soon as they find it and your reply was simply a casualty of that. When posts turn ugly (and I don't know which one you're talking about in particular) they may be removed by the forum overseer as well. They don't like it when we don't play nice, and rightly so. :)

I've been following Pal's topics and only saw one minor disagreement, so why would they pull it?

I generally don't contribute because it's sooo over my head. lol

Oakley, Pal could have pulled it. There is a Contact Us button at the bottom of the page. It's easy. I did it once when I linked some private information of mine accidentally onto a thread I started. They whisked it away ASAP! Customer service here can be very efficient!

Are we talking about Pal's "guess the price of the house" thread?

I requested that it be pulled as the OP. I am tired of threads in a Decorating Forum being interrupted by such thoughts as "how can you discuss (a house, an expensive piece of furniture, a____) when there are homeless, a war in the Middle East, ____"

This is not the place for that. And since I spend 60% of my work week providing free hands on treatment or supervising the free hands on treatment for uninsured, poverty level, homeless, drug-addicted, HIV+, Chronic active Hepatitis, TB, etc. ad nauseum Individuals. Whose Names I Actually Know. I think I can rank my concern about such things at Least on the same level of a poster who has the vague notion that she has seen someone who lost a house standing on a street corner somewhere.

I don't want to discuss this type of things on a Decorating Forum because it is Not The Place For It.

The skirmish was relatively minor but I have HAD ENOUGH of it.

For those of us who went to bed early last night, will you tell us the price of the house? And what area of PA was it in? I am from the Pittsburgh area and there are lots of good value houses there, but my guess based on the size is that the house is near Philadelphia.

The house is $399K. It is the second most expensive listing in the area, but the most expensive is 25 acres.

I thought it was interesting mostly because the income level in that area and the income level in my zipcode are within a few thousand dollars of each other and $399K would not get you a lot here. There the median house price is under $150K

As an addendum to the above post, I don't want anyone to get the mistaken idea that I think I am better somehow for doing that work. I think it is an individual choice and I don't care what anyone chooses to do with their time or money or life...it's theirs to do with what they wish. I just brought it up because I am tired of being accused (by implication) of being trivial, and/or being ignorant of social issues.

Anyone choosing to spend time on a decorating forumn could be accused of being trivial.

In the best of times, our days are numbered anyway. So it would be a crime against nature for any generation to take the world crisis so solemnly, that it put off enjoying those things for which we were designed in the 1st place: the opportunity to do good work, to enjoy friends, to fall in love, to hit a ball, and to bounce a baby.
- Alistair Cooke

And, I might add, to make the place we spend time beautiful, at least to us.

Dee

I wondered where that post of Pal's went. Thank you, Pal, for putting the answer here.

Great quote, Dee!

Pal, I feel the same as you! And, in all honesty, such posters should not even be "wasting there time" in reading the Decorating Forum if they feel that way. There are forums for such opinions, so go there!

I think most of us here aren't ignorant of such issues, but we can enjoy other facets of life as well.

Good grief!! I missed it but I do remember something similar last week or so from a poster whose name I forget coming into a topic I did...maybe it was someone else's topic, but saying basically the same thing! I was like, "WTH?"

It's frustrating and I don't blame you one bit! There should be a HUGE rule at the top of the page..."Stay on Topic, and if you don't like the subject then, STAY OUT!" lol.

I like that quote dee! I felt myself relaxing as I read it.

I come here to get away from the stresses of the world though I do enjoy the heavier subjects on the conversation side and the crazy tangents they can take.

Pal, I was going to guess 375k. Nice house for that money!
I am glad you had the thread pulled. It was moving towards negativity faster than the speed of .....a subatomic particle:)

Where do those posts go?

They are pulled and entered into a secret think tank which is developing a GW Decorating video game, you know, like the kids have.

Video games are getting pretty sophisticated. In the GW Home version, you will enter a home and in order to get through the living room, you will have to correctly guess the proper shade of paint needed to coordinate with the drapes and furniture.

As you progress, there will be other decorating decisions to deal with. Rugs. Flooring. Chandies.

After some fun, interesting and educational decorating choices you will come to the Door. The (Conversations) Basement. As you descend, you will see one side has pleasant groups of people discussing their lives, families, and life issues, having coffees and cheesecakes and enjoying the support and advice from others.

The other side is plunged in gore as they snipe just like in the kids games, and a mere word taken wrong can mean sudden death or worse, social ostracism.

As new posts that have been deleted from here get thrown into the Pit, the pitch of heavy gauge artillery, automatic weapons, and gossip increases. Shrieking arguments fill the air with discord, as the denizens insist that if something is said louder and badder, it will prevail.

That's where they go.

dee -- Wonderful quote! :)

Lucille -- Hilarious! :) I thought that they ended up in the same place that lone socks end up ..... :)

Pal: Yes! Thanks for the clarification ... and I do feel the exact same way -- and frankly -- there are times that I do not post because of those kinds of attitudes ....

Thanks for all the answers to my questions.

Dee: great and appropriate quote!

Lucille: that is too funny!

Pal: thanks for letting us know the answer (price)-would be interested in which area of PA--SE?

And I do agree with your thoughts on posters who read something that isn't there into every post. This is an outlet for me, (much like a good book), and a place to learn. I do keep up with what is going on in our country and the world and try to make a difference politically by writing letters to Reps/Senators and getting involved when I can. I also do what I can to help those in need, but if I didn't make time for some fun/enjoyment, it would be a pretty boring existence and I wouldn't have much to give back.

Liz

Excellent Lucille.

Thanks for the info, Pal. I'd assumed you'd had it pulled. I too had tried to reply and it was already gone. Glad you posted the answer here for those of us that were interested.

I cannot even begin to understand that poster's motivation. The post was clearly for fun and a game. Don't want to play, stay away! There is always going to be something bad going on somewhere in the world, somewhere in this country. What does that have to do with people posting decor related posts here? Are we supposed to lose our interest in our home decor because there are homeless people? Please!

Pal - was that the same poster that recently got on you for some attitude they thought you had? I couldn't understand what they were talking about in that post either. I tried to find that post last night after the real estate one disappeared, but couldn't find it. Of course, it was late and I was tired and I may have missed it.

I didn't get a chance to read the thread in question, but don't people realize that without people contributing to the economy by doing things like purchasing items to decorate their homes there would be a lot more unemployed, and hence homeless people? I want people who have disposable income to go out there and spend it! That's the only way to get money into the hands of people who need it.

Lucille: Hilarious.

Pal: Don't ever, ever stop posting on any site. Please.

I ignore those "other" people and assume that they missed their morning coffee, their morning hug, or their bus.

I have a serious question for those who think decorating is so trivial a pursuit that it's an insult to more important concerns ---

What are you doing here?

Lucille - :~D

Escape - yep, me too.

I was afraid to open this post. Thought you meant dead people. Yikes!

The strange thing is that people do seem to rise from the dead simply to post eomething negative and then disappear again.

I didn't see the post(s) that caused Pal to remove the thread, and writing those kinds of comments don't make sense. Every once in a while, though, when I get into a funk I can understand where those posters are coming from.

In August when that helicopter went down in Afghanistan and 30 American servicemen died, I kept reading their stories and felt so bad for them and their families. I am generally pretty happy, but that incident put a cloud around me for weeks, even though I didn't know them personally. And then later reading about the dog that stayed by the casket of the Navy SEAL throughout his funeral - that sent me reeling again. I would read threads here and just close out of them without posting.

IMO these strange, inappropriate comments are more about the mindset of the writer and are better left alone.

My family (only 10 people, had a LOUSY 2010), and most of us have not recovered from it yet.

Those of us who were not in the hospital at some point (about half of us) went to work, barely burdened anybody we Knew about it, and got on with things. I didn't come onto a Decorating website and try to make people feel Guilty for talking about subjects appropriate to a Decorating website, even when I was posting later in the day, after sitting with someone in the hospital who kept telling me they wanted to die.

This is Not the place to try and make people feel guilty for talking about non essentials, because life sometimes sucks.

"This is Not the place to try and make people feel guilty for talking about non essentials, because life sometimes sucks."

I didn't see the thread referenced, but I totally agree with this statement. We should be able to come here and "get away from it all".

I'm sorry you had to deal with this Pal.

tina

pal -- Exactly why I come to this site every single day -- and hang about here -- it is my refuge from the world.

Sending you many many hugs (((((Pal))))

sending you hugs too, Pal. It's nice to "see" you over on this side.

Oh Pal, I know where you're coming from. I was diagnosed w/stage 4 breast cancer this year and, to put it mildly, I've been through hell. I am, however, still very interested in life and don't think anything is trivial. I still work hard (maybe even harder) at making homes look beautiful. I still worry about the perfect sconce, the right size rug or the right shade of pink. Life is a gift, and it includes ALL that comes with it.
Sometimes I'll read a post and the person is like "OMG, the color formula reads .0008Y colorant, is that too much yellow?" And I say to myself, "self, I thought I had problems"! Heeheee.
Here's hoping that the rest of your year is better!

Paintergirl, I am sorry about your diagnosis, but so admire you strength and great attitude. Best wishes with your treatment!

One of my guiding premises is "You never know what's going on in someone else's life." That goes for everybody here, everybody in the grocery store line, everybody who lives on my street, everyone! That goes for Pal, who had a hell of a 2010, and that goes for Annie, who asked, "What's the point?" on Pal's thread.

Sure, it wasn't the most enthusiastic endorsement of the game, but who knows, maybe she was hoping someone would say, "Annie, sometimes I wonder what's the point too, but those are the moments when I decide I really need to stop taking it all so seriously and play a game like this one. You're welcome to forget your cares for a while and join us."

We're all up to our eyeballs in it, some way or another. Hopefully that helps us to be more compassionate when we notice others are not at their best, and we can give them the benefit of the doubt.

I don't think Pal had sinister intentions, and I don't think Annie did either.

Well said, Stinky!

I don't think you saw her follow up thread that was pulled by the moderators, then.

I saw that. And I loved the one response to it.

Pal, I did see it. In fact, as with your thread, in the time it took me to type a reply and hit the submit button, it went poof!

In my response to Annie's follow-up thread I noted that you are a designer who loves houses, who likes to share that interest with like-minded people here, regardless of market conditions. I also noted that the house in question may or may not have been owned by someone adversely affected by the market. We don't know, but again, I did not believe that your intentions were to make a joke of anyone's misfortune.

I observed that Annie seemed sensitive and concerned about the economic downturn, particularly the housing market. I am too, I told her. In fact I mentioned, on Lucille's Doom & Gloom thread, I posted about how difficult it is to find a listening ear when I feel the need to pour my heart out about the declining market and the volatility swirling around us.

Most people, I've concluded, prefer to not dwell on the issue and hope to ride out the storm by focusing on other things. This is a healthy response I realize, and in keeping with Bestyear's observation that there's simply not much we can do about the trajectory of the U.S. and global economy! In essence, it makes sense to focus our energies on what we can change and stop dwelling on those issues that we can't change.

Still, people process things differently, and some of us need to talk about our concerns in order to move on to a better place. I sensed that Annie, like me, may be one of those people, and I invited her to use the thread she started to discuss the concerns, feelings & thoughts she has about her experiences with this economy. I told her I wanted to understand where she was coming from. She seemed to have been touched by circumstances, either directly or vicariously, that she was grappling with, struggling with.

Never mind that she may have expressed herself angrily. People in pain, physical or emotional, it has been my experience, can be "mean." This is the equivalent of a cat arching its back and hissing...in my view... so much self-protective posturing.

This is not a psychotherapy forum, true, but we can and do offer one another support here, and I think we can make a difference. I wish I'd had the opportunity to try to connect with Annie before the thread was yanked.

stinky, what I didn't get was how the first part of her post was full of personal insults and name-calling and then she started in on how she couldn't stand it when people were made fun of (for losing their homes) Huh? was right.

You are able to see the good in people, stinky, and I really admire you for that! It makes me want to be a more thoughtful person.

I agree that talking about our concerns can be helpful, but lashing out at strangers on a decorating forum is absurd. Does she freak out whenever she spots a for sale sign? She would need to turn to a different "forum" for help.

I didn't see the whole thread. Sounds like there was more than one. Totally missed Annie's. I did read one of her posts, but chalked it up to someone with more on her mind. She ran into a similar scenario on another forum recently. Her post was criticized while another in a similar vein was given a "you are entitled to your opinion." (shrug) We all go through rough spells in life. Some like to talk about it ... others keep it inside ... and for those who do neither sometimes it just explodes.

Graywings, thanks for your nice comment...didn't mean to overlook it earlier!

Nancy, that's so nice of you. Thanks!

Maureen, it is unfortunate that she "lashed out," but I guess my thought is, imagine a four year old having a tantrum at Walmart! Yes...kicking, screaming, protesting the unfairness of not getting a desired toy. Well. That's interesting to me! I've learned a lot about human behavior from watching the most effective moms in this scenario.

I notice that they don't engage that behavior. They don't yell back or get hysterical. They certainly don't take it personally. They own their power and realize that four year olds do this sort of thing. They remain the adult in the room, in the interaction. They respond from their position of strength.

Among adults, when someone is upset and we are not, we have the position of strength...not because we are better or more together, but because in that moment, we are not storm-tossed. We can use that position to help someone who is upset, I think.

Agreed that no one "deserves" to be spoken to in a disrepectful manner, but the longer I live the more I see that these utterances are the other. person's. stuff.

If we don't get "offended" we can respond from a place that isn't defensive. It becomes less, "How dare you speak to me that way!" and more "I see you're upset (and that has nothing to do with me) Can I be of help?"

If the other person stays locked in their anger and is not receptive, again, that's their stuff, their choice, where they are. You reached out with compassion and tried to see beyond the tantrum to the pain inside the person. That's the most we can do, I think.

Stinky, I appreciate your ability to see the posters viewpoint in all this but there are also forums within Gardenweb, including this one, where one could say "I need support because I am having trouble with xyz..."

Sometimes anger is just non-productive. I would have been interested to see if your concern was appreciated or thrown back in your face as a "don't patronize me" type of response. My feeling is that it would be the latter. And reaching out by trying to anger people is like biting the hand that could feed you.

One of the issues with internet communication is that there are no real implications for bad behavior. We are essentially anonymous so almost anything goes. There is a lot of interaction on the internet (luckily not so much on GW) that would lead to being confronted, ignored, avoided, or even assaulted if it were face to face.

I don't mind constructive conflict, and there are posters in these forums that can argue with each other regularly, but it leads to an outcome, if not necessarily an agreement.That's different than what was going on here, and apparently the moderators saw the same non-productiveness or counterproductiveness.

Pal, I hear you. The "I need support..." request is a beautiful example of good communication. Makes perfect sense. If only we all could directly ask for what we need and then none of this "biting the hand that could feed us" business would happen. I agree with you that agression, in addition to being unkind, just doesn't make sense, it doesn't get us what we so long for...intimacy with our fellows!

Unfortunately there are those who never learned to ask for what they need, or were never "given the permission" to do so, and instead rely on unconstructive modes of expression like "lashing out."

Btw, lest it seem I am on a quest to nominate Annie for sainthood, I assure you I am not. I see no saint or villain here. Just humanity in its flawed state unfolding...people hurt, feeling misunderstood and angry. Clear, good communication in person or on the internet is often hard to achieve...very hard. In this case, you set out to do something fun and interesting and that opened a can of worms for someone (quite unintentionally of course!)

As far as Annie's follow-up, I guess I just wonder if the moderators hadn't yanked the thread COULD an outcome have resulted that was positive? Could the air have been cleared? Could true communication have resulted? We weren't given much of a chance to find out, were we? I don't like to give up on anybody!

I also appreciate your ability to see the good in people, Stinky; however, one should own their own behavior. When she lashed out, whether she was in her own pain or not (and she said she was not), she was lashing out at someone whose personal circumstances she did not know. She pained others with her virtual tantrum, and I see no reason to try to understand her. That perpetuates bad behavior, and I've seen it happen here before when an individual consistently gets their feelings hurt, lashes out, then others come to their defense to explain them. I get very tired of it. As far as I know, there are no children on this forum and we should not behave as such.
Dee

You make good points Dee. There has to be a balance...I see that. I don't mean to come to A's defense so much as I mean to give the benefit of the doubt and pursue understanding.

Certainly we don't want to reward bad behavior or exuse it, but sometimes it helps both parties if there is more clarity. I think those on the receiving end can feel less injured when they understand it's the other's person's pain and issues that prompted the aggressive behavior.

You always have very well-thought out responses, stinky, and I admire you very much,and I hope you take my oppositional view as an extension of that admiration, because I know you won't take offense.

I generally try to avoid these types of brouhahas at all costs. I usually just shrug it off as just a lonely individual craving attention. But, in this cirumstance, I was having fun guessing the cost of the house, and others were too. We're having fun, we're checking back to see if Pal posted the answer and to read others' guesses. Then, POW! Here comes someone who takes the ball and stomps on it. Fun stops. For everyone, coach and players alike. Why did she feel as if her comment, which was gauged to make Pal feel stupid for his post, as well as the rest of us for playing along, was even necessary? Posters like that deserve to be called out on their inappropriateness.

And, lest you think I'm unfeeling and incapable of empathy, I have a masters in social work and have done individual counseling in the past. That's why I believe people have to own their own behavior. We grow from taking accountability for our mistakes, not from others' empathy. Empathy is for circumstances beyond our control, not for bad behavior emanating from those circumstances.
Dee

Thanks for elaborating, Dee. Again, you make good points! I definitely hear what you are saying (and recognize that you are not an unfeeling, unempathetic person, LOL!)

I certainly agree that we grow from making mistakes and would concur also that there is such a thing as too much empathy (as unempathetic as that sounds!)

I'm going off track a bit, but in a similar vein there are some very misguided efforts out there to insure that every child has high "self-esteem." Constant heaping of praise and rewards can actually punish children in the long run, imo.

Indeed, so much growth does stem from making it through the tough stuff! Striving, working, sweating, climbing toward goals and seeing resulting achievements is what builds our self-esteem...not excessive coddling.

Of course, having said that, a child should know he/she is loved and is a worthwhile individual no matter what. Still, there is an Ego problem run amok in some circles if you ask me, due to a practice of self-esteem served up on a silver platter.

Now, don't I sound unfeeling? I have my tough side too!

You and I are definitely on the same page regarding the faux "self-esteem". Self-esteem comes from personal accomplishments, and can't be bestowed.
Love ya, Stinky!
Dee

I saw Annie's post this morning at 5 a.m. ( yes , I'm up and reading that early)
and I posted a response, basically asking her if she was reviving the pulled thread or just commenting on the pulling, it was not clear.
I also told her that palimpset was the name, not limpost .

I was not surprised just now to read that her post was pulled; I really don't think the new thread would have helped anything as far as resolution goes, it was like putting oil on fire actually. And I know the moderators don't like
a thread that discusses a controversial thread that was pulled, it used to be spelled out as a big no no, I'm not sure if those "rules" still exist.

But I am enjoying the above comments on empathy and understanding; hopefully Annie will read them also and realize we can forgive and forget and move on.

I saw Annie's post last night, and the only response I saw just said "Huh?". Which was pretty much my thought also.

I saw your "huh?" terricks, lol............ so I read it again, and had my first sip of coffee, lol......