sj: since you are close to retiring, I would think about what you will want from your home at that time. Retirement is a huge life change....some go for a hobby room, some may leave the home for parts of the year and travel, some may sell out completely and get a smaller place...some may want this home "suited up" as you mention. Your particulars aren't given but I would not sink such a large summ into a kitchen to find that other choices in my life are not possible. A kitchen is not worth that. Maybe do a middle of the road plan and find [color] or some feature/tweak to excite you that doesn't have a huge price tag. I'm sure you'll figure out what to do.

sj, we are the exact same age and both teachers...though I probably will go another 5 years. When we began planning to move back to this house (we had it as a rental); I planned and planned for a major remodel. We were going to do an extension. It's an under 1300 sq.ft 2 bedroom ranch. Hired the architect, paid for initial drawings, then DH had a meltdown over the cost. He asked me to please find a way to live within the existing footprint. I could have anything I wanted if I could do that and keep the sunroom for his TV lounging. We ate the down payment to the architect and started planning on this forum. I posted many many many ridiculous layouts and received an amazing amount of help. So he removed walls, had the entire house rewired and had the electrical panel moved, moved water heaters, the utility room, and raised the floor of the garage giving it to me as part of my kitchen and as a laundry room/pantry. Much of the work we did ourselves and were our own GC's for the rest. Our budget ended up being probably 1/3rd of what it would have cost us... maybe even a greater savings then that. We incurred no debt except for some of the appliances since I wanted to charge them in case of any issues. Within the next 4 years our house will be mortgage free and my car (the only car payment we have) will be paid in 2 more years. At the end of the day, I could not be happier. I adore our entire little house. Every time I walk in the door, look through my screen room at the open space, work in my kitchen; I am filled with gratefulness and joy. This place absolutely makes me happy. It is 100% totally a reflection of us.

I implore you, do not incurr debt at this point in life. Our best years are right there. You are young enough to enjoy and be active and dont want the pressure of debt. Not in this economy, not in any economy. Its just unnecessary. Post your whole house layout. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet that we can come up with some kind of re-configuration of your existing footprint without an extension. I don't know if your DH or you are handy, but that surely helps with the expense too. You don't have to be handy to demo...just patient, willing to get dirty, and willing to clean up a nasty mess. If you haven't seen already, I have threads on here with some pics of our process. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll post a link for you. You don't need to post fancy blueprints. A hand drawn whole house layout with dimensions indicating which walls are load bearing is all we need to get started.

57 doesn't seem so old to me!Congratulations on paying off your mortgage and car loans. Wonderful! Don't give up your dreams but maybe there are ways to achieve it without putting undue stress on yourself financially. There was a great thread of under 20,000 kitchens recently.

Are you or your husband DIY types? You can save a lot of money by doing at least some of the work yourselves. Unless it is a load bearing wall taking down a wall is not that difficult or expensive-I recently did a partial remodel and took out a wall and am very happy I did. Love the added counter space and openness I now have. It was wonderful learning new skills (tiling, putting in floors) at my age and gave me a true feeling of accomplishment. I'm now tweaking the kitchen till I'm satisfied.

If this is the home you want to stay in then make it your dream kitchen but be practical. Appliances can be gotten at scratch and dent sales etc. Many posters have created beautiful kitchens with IKEA boxes and custom doors. People on this site can be very generous. Research and let others here help you. Post your current kitchen layout (there are instructions on how to do this on the new to kitchens thread), share your dream kitchen and explore your options. If DIY is not for you check out sales, green demolitions, kitchen models that are being phased out and sold etc.

i'm a few years younger, and my dh quite a bit older. he's been ill for several years and i've only just started back to work. i have a good future with my work, but assume dh will predecease me and i'll have to support myself. like the op i thought by now the kitchen would be long finished, but it's not.
so rather than take out a loan i'm going to build out as much as i can afford and save my money on finishes. i care more for space than granite counter tops, and my fridge works just fine. i'll be happy with painted concrete floors instead of tile and brick if i have to.
i'll probably re-use my cabs, which i bought used years ago anyway!
it won't be all it can be, but it will give me the kitchen with lots of seating which i crave.
i guess the name of the game is compromise at this point.
good luck, i sure hope you get at least part of your new kitchen.

So much wise advice! Herbflavor, we adore our home and the fact that it sits on county acreage, so we have no plans to relocate. Besides, our one and only grandchild is a short 18 miles away. Remodelfla, your post helps me to hang on to my dream of a "new" kitchen, but in affordable ways that will result in an end result even better than what I currently imagine, including staying debt free! I will be looking up your threads on your own remodel.

LottieS, DIY is how DH and I have operated most of our lives, but he has expressed his desire to NOT tackle this -perhaps my oft discussed kitchen remodeling wish list has scared him?! But I do have a son-in-law who has helped me with demo before (he loved swinging that sledgehammer), and I am willing to tackle what I can.
Falling Waters, like you, I want a kitchen that works hard and works well first and foremost... there is only so much you can do to repair swollen MDF cabinet doors where water has penetrated the paint! Real wood cabinets - absolutely, but the rest of the choices are certainly negotiable.

I will work on posting a sketch of the current kitchen layout in regards to the rest of the house. Thank you for the encouragement; I can't wait to hear your ideas on how to make my kitchen remodel/update a reality!

Absolutely do not take on the debt...

wow...you sound like me a year ago. We are both teachers, and my husband is close to retirement. I've got a long way to go still.

A year ago, our kitchen was completely falling apart. When you opened a cabinet door, the door fell off in your hand. We didn't know if we should just sell the house, as is, fix it in a low-budget way, or fix it in a dream way. My husband wanted a low budget way; mine was for a dream kitchen. I won.

In the end, we used up a lot of savings and I do not know when that will come back, if ever. We buried my sister-in-law and my mother under a year. Life is short and so stressful (teaching is killing me!). In the end, what am I working for???

We have simple lives, no "vices"...and if a dream kitchen is the "dream" then dont give it up....not yet!

We live in the kitchen. That is the most important room in the house. If you can do it well, in a smaller way, than do it. Just dont make up your mind yet. Follow both directions, and see what prices are/go from there.

In the end, it wasnt the cabinets that killed me for price- it was definitely the appliances. We spent over $20G for commercial grade appliances. CRAZY!!!!! However, I look everyday, and my dream was fulfilled.

What you could do...is enlarge the kithen space...buy the cabinets, floor and countertop...and take your time with appliances. Buy one "great one" a year...that is an option.

My two cents

DH and I are in our 40s. We live north of Boston in a
very expensive neigborhood. 3 kids, 1 dog,
We have very little debt. Yes, A house mortgage (but very
small) no other loans. Only our expenses paid off at the
end of the month. We save 40% of our income for
retirement. I know this sounds insane but we worry about
the state of the country and our future. DH does have
a pension but what if? What if they take it away?
The world is different today.
My brother is a bigger saver than I am. He and his wife
live off his wife's income and they save all of his
income. And he makes 6 figures. I know crazy!!!!
SO please understand I grew up in a fiscally
conservative lifestyle. I tend toward the saver mentality
and this effected how I chose to do my reno. or Mini Reno.

We thought about doing a huge renovation. We sat down
and priced things out and then decided on Want Vs Need.
We spent only $15,000 on our kitchen reno. I wish I could
have spent more. But, DH wanted to do it all with cash
and no loans. I did have a few wants over need but mostly
it was based on what needed to be done with what
we currently have all ready.

What made us decide on the lower priced plans?

1) This is not our forever home. We live in this town
in this state purely for our children's fantastic
education and opportunties.

2) We know we won't recover the money on our reno. The
economy is not great and the reality is housing prices
have dropped.

3) We have other priorities.
We like to Travel, College for kids, And although I love
kitchens my DH does not.

Now, If this were our forever home. We were empty
nesters and loved to spend time cooking in our home we
would definitely spend more money on a kitchen reno.

DH reminds me we are only in our current home for another
2-3 years and off we go to build or find our forever
home. When the time comes for that I will have my dream
kitchen. I guess what I am saying is I am saving for my
dream kitchen.

I hope our situation helps you.
~boxerpups

Good advise all around. I agree in saying to not go into debt for a kitchen. My husband likes to say we average a new kitchen every eight years. But this is not really true. Yes we had had three new kitchen during ourr marriage, but this last one took fifteen years to do. Basically I raised my two daughters from kindergarden to college in the old kitchen.
They had friends over, we had all the usual gathering and parties etc. all with the old kitchen!
When we finally did our kitchen we kept the footprint and kept things to a minimum. But, it looks great and I have a bit more counter space.
Your quality of life is most important. How you live your life day to day.

What do you want? That's the real question to answer.

We were forced into our remodel and actually, we spent money on the house parts and just about as little as possible on cabinetry and appliances. It was a pretty big change from the last remodel (which got destroyed - don't ask) where we spent just about nothing on house parts and all the money on the cabinets, counters, flooring and appliances.

I wonder if you've thought about staging? Like enclose the porch as a single project, then take the dividing wall out, then move the plumbing and some existing cabinets, then do cabinets+walls+floors, then do appliances. Design some stopping points into the process to evaluate next steps. Taking your time, but having a plan, will help you snag up good deals.

I learned that a lot of money can be saved by simply being careful to shop. Altho you may not have remodelFLA's luck, you can save hundreds or thousands of dollars on flooring, appliances, counters, faucets and cabinets. I got hundreds of dollars off of each appliance by simply looking for online deals, printing them out and taking them along to the local appliance places. As already mentioned, hybrid designs with ikea cabinets and sometime local custom cabinets can save thousands.

I learned that people who know what they are doing and do what you asked are priceless.

You might save money by thinking through your priorities. I'm not saying you haven't or that they should be any different than they are. Its just that there is so much eye candy in doing a kitchen, its easy to become distracted by it. Also, a lot of the information about kitchens in buried in between photos of really expensive ones. That level of finish expense starts to look normal.

I spent a long time talking about our goals both with dh and on here. Some of the early thinking changed as more problems were uncovered and the scale of the job changed.

For the first time ever, I spent a little money on a consultation to get some clarity about what should be addressed by the layout: that we work together choosing finishes as an equal partners; that the kitchen have more connection to the outside; have a place to sit down because dh needs one; efficient with compact work areas but with room for more than one chef. Also, I wanted to be aware of the fact that it is likely that one of us may become disabled or ill in the next portion of our lives - so no three foot aisles.

But you'll notice that Gucci cabinets or granite counters weren't a priority, so I didn't do any of that. I'm obviously a kitchen freak, so it pained me to buy cabinets that weren't as nice as what I used to have. The result was a kitchen that looks good to us, works well and is a pleasure to be in.

The cabinet snob thing is wearing off a little. As a bonus, it can be fun figuring out how do what you want but for the least price.

The first thing you need to do is get your husband on board. An in house labor source will save you THOUSANDS. And I agree about the "stages" process. Break the project down into manageable chunks. And agree that you are willing to live in the mess of construction for an extended period if you can end up with something closer to your dream kitchen than a budget patch. This will be hard psychologically to get up every morning to an unfinished project and the possible dust and yuck that goes with it. But, if you can do that, you can probably afford a lot of what you want without the added stress of the financial hit.

And you also need to ramp up your DIY abilities! Pretty much anyone can paint, if they have the patience to do all of the prep work. Your current cabinets may not be in great shape, but the can serve as "practice" to the better quality ones that can be in your future. Paint them now, and that will help you feel a bit better about what's there currently, as well as give you practice for the future. If you keep your eye on craigslist, or the local Habitat ReStore, you can find some pretty great pieces. If you are close enough to Green Demolitions, that's another source. If none of that pans out for you, you can have a local custom shop create new cabinets for you that you paint yourself for significant savings.

Where there is a will (and some tools) there is a way! It might not be the sit back and have it all done for you way, but there's a way!

Bmorepanic,

I think this statement should be in the bible of renovations. Beautifully said.

"....I learned that people who know what they are doing and do what you asked are priceless...."

~boxerpups

My opinion is that you should come to an agreement with your DH about the scope of the project and the budget, but don't expect him to do much physically on the project. He hasn't offered, and from what you say isn't particularly interested. What many forget here is that if one is not naturally handy, and is middle-aged to boot you can jeopardize your ability to perform your real job and income if you have an accident or injury working on a project above the level of your strength, skill, and stamina. And if you become exhausted from not resting during your off hours, that can affect your performance at work. Not everyone thrives on more to do!

So then I think you need to see how you feel about you managing the project, maybe with your SIL's help, and do you between the 2 of you have the time, skills, and ability to do a satisfactory job, even if this means using subs for mechanicals. It would not be inappropriate to consider paying your SIL to be a project manager if he has the free time to manage this. If this scanario is above both of your heads, then I think you may need to look for a contractor.

Thank you for all of the thought provoking suggestions and observations! I am including a quick layout of the current kitchen, with a few photos to help visualize the space. I'll do a more detailed one when I can to show the adjacent hall and porch; both are behind the wall where the stove and refrigerator are located. The island (free 15 years ago from a friend remodeling her kitchen) is not attached, and I have had it both parallel and at right angles to the stove, but the diagonal position seems to work the best. The cabinets (MDF) were installed in 1998 for a grand total of $3000, and that included laminate countertops that I replaced about 4 years ago. Quite a deal, I know! I always said the cabinets would be temporary update until I could afford really good ones. They replaced the original 1950 cabinets. The flooring is laminate and was installed 4 years ago; tile and wood are not good options since our floor has a ridge due to the kitchen being cut in two pieces years ago when it was moved to our property. The beam on the ceiling hides the not so perfect place where the two parts were put back together. (Talk about character! :-) I do love the look of my kitchen - the walls are original V joint paneling, and as you can tell, I like open shelving and love the pot rack.

If I just rework the original space, my main goals are to gain more counter and cabinet space and improve traffic flow. We opened up the wall to the breakfast area years ago - that space was originally a porch. I have considered moving the refrigerator across to where the open shelves are now, and extending more counters on that side of the stove.

GreenDesigns, DH is very supportative of my plans, but he has worked a very physical job for his entire life, and he just isn't quite as eager to jump in like he used to be. I often joked I could have been a painter as many times as I have painted our house, inside and out... so yes, I am willing to put as much sweat equity as I can.

As for timeframe, we are planning to wait another 18 months before beginning the physical changes, giving time between now and then to research, plan and save a lot more money. Then, once I retire in June 2013, my "new" job will be the kitchen redo/remodel, without the stress of having to leave a mess and go teach all day. I have followed kitchen remodeling on here for some time, but now that I have a start date, I look forward to all the advice I can get!

Thank you for your input as to what can be done with the existing layout compared to removing the wall and increasing the size of the kitchen. I know that I won't be able to save enough by the time I retire for the major remodel, but could handle updating the existing one without borrowing any with what I can save by then.

Definitely stages.
Ironically, if you really plan well, you don't have to go into debt nor SETTLE!

We'd always planned a major overhaul of this house we bought in 2002. A house fire in 2005 helped with that dream. However, shortly thereafter things changed dramatically and I am on my own with a house still under construction. Electrical, drywall, plumbing, you name it.

I've had to rearrange my entire thought process in finishing the house. Electric first. Plumbing. Then drywall., etc. I'm lucky that we bought all the materials (windows, doors, tile, hard wood, new roof, solar panels, etc.,) in the 1st year. so I have/had all the materials for almost everything, right down to the screws to install electrical boxes, wire, couplings, blah blah.

So... I decided I would make my own cabinets, since I couldn't afford to buy them. I built a few and am proud of them. They don't look like I did it, if you get what I mean. I found my lazy susan (cherry) on the side of the road. Then, I discovered for $5.00 I could buy cabinets at the Community Forklift (reuse center) and either make or buy doors and drawer fronts. With careful hunting, I have been able to find all plywood cabinets with matching, standard face frames. Pull out drawers, lumber for my 16' butcherblock countertop I'm just finishing, etc. Hopefully this weekend, after 6 years, I will have the siding on the back of the house installed and the whole house will be sided. Talk about staging!

The DIY thing was forced on me -- as well as the $643K debt he left me with. I'm so upside down with 3 mortgages on this house, the banks are pretending I don't exist. Everything I do is to pay my 1st mortgage and simply keep my house, continuing to make it livable. And nice for me. MY style, my taste, my SIZE! (He was 6'5" I'm almost 5'3".) The way I want it. Done once, done right, done my way.

Moral of my ramblings? Please don't put yourself in debt if you don't have to. Plan, plan plan. Splurge on a few things you really want, but look at things in stages. Even buying cabinet doors!
You don't have to settle -- even I'm not! I just plan plan and convince people to let me pay the on time, or supply the materials myself, whatever it takes.

I paid a local company for 2 years to get gutters on the house with a lifetime warranty. I am paying a granite company towards the marble I want in my MBR. They are female-owned and sympathetic. Finding me 96" remnants, whatever it takes. I pay what I can, when I can. I've reached half with them and they're willing to install and let me pay the rest. I've proved I'm good for it. I even convinced an eBay vendor to take a layaway situation for my kitchen, Cifial faucet I love.

So this is extreme, but I'm doing all without incurring more debt. Who would give me credit now, anyway. Gone is my 780 credit rating...

Anyway. Please no debt. Please make it what you want. Plan & don't settle! It can be done. Maybe not as fast as one would love, but foresight...

Christine
If you go to the Here's My Recycled Kitchen, Show Me Yours thread, you can see the before and afters that we've all done.

The kitchen in my first house was 10'x7', so yours is quite luxurious compared to it! However, it worked smarter than yours with a pull out cart etc.

To make this kitchen "work smart", it needs a proper sized, well designed island. The island that you have there is too small, but it's large enough to impede your pathway from the sink to the stove unless you turn it diagonal, which is why it never felt right being square to either the sink or the stove. A larger square island with a prep sink located on the range side will make your kitchen work twice as big as it does now without taking down a single wall.

can you post a layout of the entire home? Or it is a two level home, the downstairs living space? There may be walls that could be opened up or even a suggestion to flip the kitchen to another area depending on what we see.

Oh yea, it's a pretty space now, but the biggest reason it seems small is that you have way too much stuff in it. I know professional chefs that don't have that many pots and pans! Pretend like you just inherited the space from a relative and are cleaning it out and have no real sentimental attachment to most of it. Time to pare it down to the essentials.

Put up a list on the fridge or somewhere. Every time you use a utensil or pan or glass, list it on the paper. Start making hash marks for multiple uses. After a month, look at what's on the list. Those are the keepers. Everything else isn't earning it's keep.

Box up stuff not on the list that you can't remember the last time you used and give it away now. Then box up stuff that only got one listing and is seldom used and put it somewhere with a date 6 months from now on it. If you haven't needed to go into the box for anything in that 6 months, then you can donate all of that as well.

It's the same with that beautiful open shelving. There'a a lot of stuff there that is simply decor rather than functional stuff that is also pretty. Be hardnosed. Stuff has to be functional and pretty to make the cut.

I held on to way too much stuff for too long myself. I finally figured out that I used one fry pan, a grill pan, two sauce pans, and two stock pots for just about everything I made. Those got priority storage. Everything else had to bring multi tasking usage to the table or it too was gone. The inherited monogrammed barware finally went to my sister in law after being boxed up for 5 years. We just don't drink and never used it. The waffle maker went to Goodwill. The giant crab pot that was used exactly once went as well.

I have a LOT more room now!

I would like to add that I think you have a lovely space, and look to be an excellent housekeeper.

I agree with hollysprings advice above, and think that you are going to end up with a lovely, functional, and relaxing space when you are done.

I make vats of soup in my giant lobster pot. [LOL].

Excellent ideas about usage.
I've given away tons, such as whole sets of dishes, glassware, etc. Just don't need it in a family of one.

It can be hard to get rid of because it's "too nice" we "might use it someday" etc.
Imagine the joy of giving it to someone who just plain needs it. That's why I like Freecycle. I know who is getting it because they pick it up!

Your kitchen is really nice, I think.

Before seeing the picture, I was all set to ask if you could sub part time after retirement so that you get the best of both worlds and don't need debt.
Then, after seeing your pix, I think you could do a very nice kitchen without breaking the bank. I am guessing that only your lower cabs have water damage and possibly only the doors. If you leave the uppers alone, you could save a lot there. Obviously, your appliances look good and can be replaced later on as needed because they seem to be stock sizes.
Your backsplashes are nice and not in need of changing. If you could save your counters, you would save money, but I am not sure if taking them up to get the cabs out will permanently ruin them.
I'd leave the plumbing and electrical in the same places because moving them is a fast way to bust a budget.
Personally, I love all the drawers we have as our base cabs, but you may be able to find a new pre-owned set of cabs at the local Habitat for Humanity Restore or if you are on the east coast at greendemolitions.com or some other such salvage place. Often, the kitchens look like new and are only replaced because the new owners of a house have a different vision or frankly, too much money to spend, lol.
If you want new, we love our Ikea cabs and would recommend them to anyone, not just budget buyers. If you use wood fronts on the lowers, it would work just fine with the white uppers. If you want to get fancy, get new upper doors for a new look. The island could be a better shape/size for you, but if you are ok with the current one, then leave it alone. A new top might be fun though....

Hollysprings gave you great advice but I don't think most of it applies to your kitchen. I don't see it as overfull by much at all.

Hollysprings, I do indeed need to cull my kitchen "stuff!" I do cook a lot and really do enjoy it, especially when DH will clean up after me. You are right -the island doesn't really fit the space. I never thought about a square one, and with a prep sink to boot!

CEFreeman, thank you for sharing your experiences! "Done once, done right, done my way" and "Plan, plan, plan" is great advice! Even though I have 18 months, I don't think I've started too early.

Juliekcmo thank you - I do have a lovely space and am so grateful to have it...

Remodelfla, our house is a ranch. I'll get a layout of the whole house done soon.
Thank you again.. my head is whirling with all the input.

Dianalo, I was also thinking substitute teaching--and tutoring. My MIL got on the district's list, and they loved it that she had her teaching certificate. She liked being able to work one-on-one and it was at a set time she could work around.

I don't feel you have too many pots and pans. However, I would try to clear a bit more off the counters. Find a place for canisters in a cabinet near the workspace where you need them. My friend really pushed me on that and now that I've done it, I realize how wise she was.

My parents waited until we kids were grown to remodel. They did a good job, mostly the same footprint, enduring choices, but even so, it seemed sad to me that they waited until we kids were gone. For that reason, we decided to abandon our own "bump out the wall dream remodel" and did close to an existing footprint. But the changes we made were enough to be a huge upgrade in both function and appearance.

I can see why your husband may not want to do the kitchen. It looks very pleasant. The main thing that jumps out at me with your kitchen is the small size of the island. Maybe a functional island is all you need for a while?

Oh. my.
Funny how I find a post like that embarrassing.

Here is a quick sketch of more of our house. My big plans have always been to knock out the stove/refrigerator wall, and enlarge the kitchen into the current hall, deck (partly covered porch) area. We turned a bedroom into a dining room by removing the hall wall. Going on down the hall are two bedrooms, one with its own bathroom.

I am inclined to think that the smartest, no debt option, is to make the original layout work harder... perhaps a 4' run of 30" deep cabinets along the wall where the open shelving is currently, and as several have mentioned, an island that fits the space better.

Even though the kitchen has good light, the big remodel would allow a lot more windows, and light from a third direction. If I stayed with the original layout, I'm already toying with the idea of no upper cabinets to the right of the stove, left of the sink, and putting a window in that would look out over the deck.

I welcome your input!

This may be more than you want, but it is easily accomplishable in phases, and I think it'll be cheaper than trying to make outdoor space indoor space with all of the rebuilding foundations and insulating that that would take. This way the only external changes are adding the window and possibly shortening the other two. That's way easier and cheaper than trying to tie in an addition. And you get a large laundry room, pantry, and office/craft space.

Phase 2: Add plumbing to dining area to move laundry and pantry to DR later.

Phase 3. Shift sink plumbing slightly to center sink under new window. (May want to combine with Phase 2.

Phase 4. Move existing sink cabinet and DW down. Use Ikea butcherblock for rest of counter run for now and maybe just open shelving instead of cabinets underneath.

Phase 5. Creat plumbing drain in prep sink location. Existing island can hide the stub out for a while. (May want to combine with other plumbing needs.)

Phase 6. Create larger island with prep sink. This change can last you a good long while until you are ready to tackle the perimeter cabinets.

Phase 7. Create pantry/laundry area in DR and move everything there. Adding a laundry sink will help tremendously with washing dishes during the time the kitchen will be under construction.

Phase 8. Move china shelving to new location.

Phase 9. Remove walls and replace with beam. Patch floor for now until you are ready to replace.

Phase 10. Remove old cabinets and replace with new, being sure to place them on plywood if you are going to have a tile or wood floor so everything will be the same height.

Phase 11. Install under cabinet lighting and any lighting changes while the old cabinets are out. Don't forget a box for a chandelier over the dining table.

Phase 12: Install new flooring

Looking at the layout from the living room could you... widen the entrance to the living room on the left and enclose the right one. Then move the working the working area of the kitchen to the now long L on the right. Place your eating area top left and add sliders/french doors to the deck on that side. I'd maybe enclose that hall that backs onto the bathroom and create a laundry room there with a door access to the deck and from the hall below. Just some initial thoughts

Or another alternative if you don't want an open plan. A larger island with seating that only involves eliminating the one wall.

Greendesigns, the wall between the kitchen and breakfast actually is load bearing - we found that out when we enlarged the opening years ago, but that doesn't mean we couldn't extend a support beam the whole length to open up the space. I really like your second sketch! Both your idea and Remodelfla's to move the sink to the right is very appealing, and Remodelfla, I really like the idea of putting in doors to the deck and using the hall for a new laundry room, also with outside access. Both of your suggestions would cost less than my original idea, and that's a real plus! I'm amazed at how quickly you both have been able to take a look at the layout and come up with such good possibilities.

I don't think our house would work well with the living room opened completely to the kitchen, but I'm not ruling anything out at this stage. I hadn't thought about doing the work in phases, but Greendesigns, your detailed explanation of how to break down the job into stages makes a lot of sense!

Since it is just the 2 of you most of the time, your kitchen seems to be a nice size. I would highly recommend avoiding dealing with extending, permits, reconfiguring, etc.. unless that was the only way to make it work. We have gone through a nightmare with our extension/reno but know there was no other way to do it in our house. If I could have avoided it, I'd have been so pleased and be so much richer now, lol....
A simple solution would be to add skylights or solatubes. I love both of those in our house. We have a nice glow at night from the moon and I hardly ever turn a light on during the day, even on the gloomy ones. We have 2 huge skylights in our kitchen and den area and a 5 ft eyebrow window bump up in our living room that functions to let light in like a skylight.
We have a full size skylight in our family bathroom and a solatube in our master bath. I was stunned at how much light came through the solatube because I had not seen one in action when I ordered ours. I had seen the in store, not installed to the exterior, display. The tube part has what is similar to silver foil so that any light that makes it in gets maximized. Our solatube looks like a light left on most of the time. Even at night, it looks like a large glowing nightlight. The first morning I woke up in our new bedroom and opened the bathroom door, I was blown away by the bright light. I may paint the walls darker now despite the room's northern exposure.
I bet you can get a lot of what you want without huge changes. Your marriage will not suffer the stress of a large project, esp since your dh is not gung ho for it. The money you will save can go to many good uses. It will cost more than you can imagine to do the larger version. Our costs went crazy despite my careful bargain shopping. We are strapped for cash now, but at least have years to make it back since retirement is at least 20 years away still for us.

Dianalo, thank you for the suggestion to use solatubes... I don't know much about them but your endorsement is better than any ad. That's the beauty of this forum - people who have been there and done that so willing to help those of us beginning the journey.
My husband and I have had to live very frugally for most of our marriage, and even now we continue to spend carefully. In the end I have a feeling I will go the route of few to no structural changes and use my money to get well thought out cabinets and counters. I found a great website via this forum that goes into great detail on how to maximize kitchen space, and I am getting a lot of very interesting and intelligent solutions from reading the articles posted. (Some of you who replied to my post earlier will be happy to hear I spent the afternoon cleaning out several cabinets and the island, and have boxes already loaded in the car to be donated.) But since I am just in the beginning of the process, I do appreciate hearing suggestions - all of them have been good ones. Ultimately, DH and I will need to decide how much we are willing to put into this project, and how much disruption we are willing to put up with. Your suggestion to rework what is already there makes the most sense financially, and in this economy, feeling financially secure is indeed worth more than any kitchen remodel - at least to me.