I'm sorry you lost your kitty.

If I were in your boots, I'd focus on a female "youngster", maybe not an itty-bitty kitten, but one who hasn't reached the age of diva-hood.

&, as you remember from Dora & Boxer's getting-acquainted days, you can expect hissing, growling, flattened ears, ugly-cat-face-making, etc.

They get over it-

Years ago, someone tossed out a tiny little calico kitten, which I brought in...
& my older Ragdoll mix had a conniption.

The little one, being a calico & therefore having a double-dose of the diva gene, had a conniption right back.

I had to leave, so I begged them not to kill each other...

came home to find them on my bed, Ragdoll cleaning calico's little face.

That was nearly 14 years ago, & they're still very close & loving to each other.

I'm not an expert but my experience has been that neutered males are sweeter and more adaptable than females. Have you thought about rescuing an older cat? There are so many in shelters needing homes since everyone goes for the cute kittens.

I agree. After nearly a lifetime of all female cats, I took my first grey tabby male in sixteen years ago, and he was the most lain back of all my cats, and the most affectionate. He got along fine with all the other female cats, and also got along fine with my mother's old marmalade tabby neutered male I took in after she passed away. The make the worst mousers, lol, but as long as their neutered, they don't usually rock the boat.

The divadom has always been with my females.

My

Well, speaking from waaaaay too much experience integrating cats into my household, I can offer these observations.

1) Young kittens are generally much easier to integrate than adult cats or even older kittens. Adult cats may be initially intolerant of any age feline, but young kittens have a way of getting away with murder, even with the most cantankerous of adult cats. HOWEVER, young kittens (esp. young MALE kittens who tend to be much rowdier than females) should be raised in pairs so that they have a play buddy their own size and strength to roughhouse with.

2) Adult male cats who were neutered before reaching sexual maturity (around 6 mos of age) are much easier to integrate than late-neutered males. Late neutered males often continue to respond to what I call "testosterone memory'. These bothersome boys tend to retain some degree of tom aggression and sometimes marking behaviors, as well.

3) Adult females can be combative with each other and defensive toward other adult males.

These are, of course, generalities, and there will be MANY individuals in each age and gender group who fall outside of these general observations. You've been through the integration process with Momma, so you know it can take time, patience, and some molding of your lifestyle around the new cat's needs for a while. As long as you're prepared to make the accommodations for however long the integration takes, then go for it. The only cats I would recommend avoiding in your situation are late-neutered males who may cause aggression problems with Boxer.

Good luck!

Laurie

Marita: My Boxer was the overlooked cat at the shelter, which is exactly what I wanted. too bad for the folks that passed him up, he is a lovable, adorable boy.

This time around I want a younger kitty so as not to shake things up too much for Momma and also to fulfill her need to nurture - she is so NOT a diva like my Sophie was!!! That said, I will be looking for the most overlooked or unwanted, you know, three legs, one eye, needs meds, etc.

It won't be the prettiest, but it will be my baby and will have a wonderful life.

Calliope: my Boxer is sooooo sensitive. If I am sitting on the couch and call Momma, he gets up from wherever he is and slams himself right next to me. He is my favorite boy.
I soooo don't want to hurt his feelings. When Momma first came he turned into a monster the likes of which I've never seen. Sophie was the queen and the apple of his eye, so maybe he was reacting for her sake and sure gave Momma a few good whoopings. he was ferocious. of course, everything settled down and the three got along fine.

There is one thought. One of the cats at the shelter looks exactly like Sophie I mean EXACTLY. She's young and I wonder if getting her might be confusing to them (I assume they'll know its not sophie)or might make her more acceptable.

Only thing. Marsha (that's her name on the website) seems perfect, which is not what I was looking for, but would consider her if it makes sense for the cats.

Laurie; thank you for your insights.

I guess I''go to the shelter armed with all this information and with an open mind but with my sights on a furball that might not be perfect but will be perfect to me and for our family.

Sue

I'm sorry for the lost of your cat. Only you know if it is too soon to adopt another. I volunteer at a shelter and the other day a couple came in to adopt a cat. They had put down their 16 year old orange tabby two days before and were looking to find a replacement. For me that would be way too soon but it varies by individual. I have had a lot of experience recently at integrating new cats into the household because I am fostering some cats and kittens.

Kittens or young cats seem to integrate more quickly and easily than an older cat. However there are many older cats (3 years and up) in shelters that are more difficult to adopt because they aren't as cute as kittens. When kittens come into the shelter (which is often but slowing down in the winter months) they are adopted within a few weeks. The 6 month old plus cats are the ones that are there for much longer. Even some of the 9 month old "kittens" are difficult to adopt because they have grown out of the cute baby stage. But most would make excellent pets because the only real home they've ever known is the shelter. I recently adopted a 3 year old female who was a terror at the shelter. She hated people, didn't want anyone to even look her way. She had been there almost two years. I brought her home and she is a totally different cat. She is very loving and friendly and LOVES people. She is even a lap cat which shocks anyone who knew her. So in a loving home, a cat's personality can totally change.

I have only one male and he adores me and hates sharing me with the others. So I know what you mean about your Boxer. also in my own personal experience Tuxedos are very sweet cats and get along well with others. I have two females and while one is timid she never had a problem with any of the newbies. My older female tuxedo even mothers the kittens (will clean them and cuddle with them) and she was spayed before 6 months old so she never had any kittens of her own or any kind of mothering experience. I think if you are going to get a male you need to get a young male (under a year old). I don't think getting a Sophie look alike will be confusing to your cats. they will be able to tell it is not her. Not sure it would make them more accepting either though. If you feel that is the right choice then go for it. Trust your instincts when you meet the cats. Everyone thought I was nuts for wanting to adopt the most recent cat I have because she had such a horrid personality at the shelter. But for some reason I was drawn to her. She wasn't my favorite cat there but I just felt this need to give her a home. And as it turned out she is a very sweet cat that just needed a little less stress and some love.
One word of advice on getting the Sophie look-alike- my parents recently lost two dogs and my father wanted to get a look-alike to replace the male they lost. They found one that has the exact same markings and coloring but a different shaped face. THey adopted him and when I visit my parents and see the new dog (his personality is totally different than the one they lost) I have to catch my breath and sometimes get a little teary eyed because he reminds me so much of the dog they lost and sometimes for a second you almost think it IS him because it is such a reminder and makes me miss him. My dad even started calling him "little (deceased dog's name)" and my mom put a stop to that. Good luck with your decision. Some cat is going to be very lucky to live with you because I'm sure you will give him/her a wonderful home.

Boxer and Momma Dora talking over the kitty options...
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From my experiences with multi cats, you will never know what the behavior will be from month to month. When we found our kitten a year ago, she was practically starving. The other cats groomed her and were very protective of her. (The other cats are 'fixed', and the kitten either is or is sterile for some reason.)

Today, we are guessing the kitten is about 15 mos. old and the other cats harrass her a lot. They aren't playing - they are ganging up on her like a wrestling 'tag team'. I can't wait until it warms up enough that they can all be outdoors full time again.

How cute, Boxer and Momma talking things over :)
So sorry about the loss of your kitty :[

Lots and lots of good advice here...I myself prefer boys - I have way too many cats, and boys tend to get along far better, than the girls. Girls are more involved in "drama and politics", it seems. Maybe, it is just my house?

I myself would go for a youngish - teenage neutered boy from a rescue. A mellow kitty. Some kitties love to play, and others are rather mellow and love to lay around and get petting. These boys seem to fit right in with other kitties, no problems

Little-little kitties might have too much energy and desire to play, and might be too much for your two mature kids. That is why I was thinking "teenagish"

I did add two young adult boys to my household last year - and both "blended in" so well. They are both mellow, non aggressive and never really tried to claim the turf - so my other cats accepted them very easily.

Cats are, however, rather unpredictable at times :) Daisy, a 5-6 year old rescue, who came from the streets, got accepted without major hassle as well. She was older, a female, and I was worried my other girls would not stand her - but for some weird reason, they respect Daisy and treat her very-very well!

the age of diva-hood.
I love that...so applicable to kitty girls!

I, too, am so sorry for your loss. Boxer and Momma are adorable and I'm sure they are a great consolation. It's always good to consult the kids when adding a new face. There has been tons of good advice. I know you will make the right decision.

I only have had one experience with adding a new cat to the mix. I got a beautiful black and white 8 week old male kitten. While he loved my dog (and thought he was his mother!), he annoyed my older female cat something fierce. Sometimes I felt like I might have to give him up. They never became friends in any way and it took a couple of years for him to grow up enough to stop annoying my girl. He never attacked her, it was never with malice, but he just chased her constantly. She passed on a couple of years ago and the boy cat is a 15 lb. wonder that thinks he's a dog. Definitely not a lap cat, but will come when he wants attention. Otherwise he likes the dog for company.

Anyway, good luck with your search and I look forward to seeing how it all turns out.

I, too, am so sorry for your loss. Boxer and Momma are adorable and I'm sure they are a great consolation. It's always good to consult the kids when adding a new face. There has been tons of good advice. I know you will make the right decision.

I only have had one experience with adding a new cat to the mix. I got a beautiful black and white 8 week old male kitten. While he loved my dog (and thought he was his mother!), he annoyed my older female cat something fierce. Sometimes I felt like I might have to give him up. They never became friends in any way and it took a couple of years for him to grow up enough to stop annoying my girl. He never attacked her, it was never with malice, but he just chased her constantly. She passed on a couple of years ago and the boy cat is a 15 lb. wonder that thinks he's a dog. Definitely not a lap cat, but will come when he wants attention. Otherwise he likes the dog for company.

Anyway, good luck with your search and I look forward to seeing how it all turns out.

Also sorry about your loss ... and very cute fur-babies!

For 20 years I had 3 cats, 2 females and a male. Then 3-4 years ago I captured my barn cat her and 4 kittens ... I found homes for the 2 female kittens, fixed Momma and put her back outside (only temporarily, she then decided she wanted to be a house cat), fixed the 2 boys ... one of which was extremely feral ...he went back outside.

The other male kitten, a LONG haired black tuxedo cat, fell in love with my 20 lb male house cat. I'd never seen anything like it, adn am still amazed. The kitten, name Figaro, and my big older male, Bailey, lay intertwined, on top of each other, and clean each other all the time.

Obviously, Figaro stayed and became a house cat too.

So, until that experience, I would have said to get a female, but now I'm not sure sure it matters.

Bailey ... can he be any more relaxed?
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Figaro & Bailey ...
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Figaro ... a beautiful boy ..
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Pamghatten: Oh they are gorgeous!!! That Figaro is quite the handsome man - love his long hair!

To everyone who responded: Thank you all for your comments. I guess there really are no rules and I will have to go with my gut. This is so hard for me because I want ALL of them but can only open my doors to one more.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Sue

Both those kitties are gorgeous. They look so happy and content. Lucky cats!!

Figaro looks like he has star potential!

One observation about "look alike" cats ...

Some cats have very definite color preferences. My mentally unstable boy, Feather, for instance, will viciously attack several of the other male cats in my household (having a particular hatred of orange males), but he seeks out the physical companionship of the other white male cats - often trying to sleep as close to them as they'll allow. Feather, himself, is white. It's fascinating to watch how his color prejudices and preferences affect his interactions within the family pride.

So it may work to your advantage to adopt the female who looks so similar to Sophie. Yes, Boxer and Momma will know she's not Sophie, but her physical familiarity may help pave the way to acceptance.

Laurie

Well, it didn't take long for my new special someone to find me. I was in the shelter's very large 'cattery' for only a few minutes when my new baby found me. He is 4-5 years old and recently 'returned' to the shelter due to urine crystals. He is presently taking 2 mg of Methigel every other day and appears fine, however I'll be educating myself and consult with my vet (after a full check up) to determine the best long-term approach.

He is a black male black cat with the tiniest bit of white on his chest. He is very solidly built, weighing in at around 14 pounds and is a complete mush.

He walked into his carrier and didn't make a peep during the ride home. Although I would normally just bring the cat to his 'safe' room in the house, I saw that he was quite comfortable with being handled and I brought him first to my friend's house next door where a dear freind is recovering from surgery. They fell in love and I had to pry him from her to get him home and settled.

I settled him into the guest room and our other kitties immediately became curious of the new stranger in the house. Momma, the doting mother that she is, showed no signs of hostility and so I let her into the room. They sniffed each other and that was that.

Boxer, my momma's boy, peered at him through the gate and they sniffed each other after which I felt comfortable letting Boxer in. Sniff sniff, hello, and that was it.

It's amazing. I have never seen anything like it in my life. They are all hanging out now without one fight. Just like that we have a new friend who loves being held, pet, and talked to and is already exploring our home.

So without further ado, let me introduce Seymour. His shelter name is Suddenly Seymour but I have opted to call him Seymour Hiney after an old joke - some kids never grow up!

Sue

Here's my new handsome boy...
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Black, adult, with a medical condition - this cat is undoubtedly, one of the luckiest kitties in the world to be adopted. Black adults are consistently overlooked at shelters, and even kittens, black shorthair, sit far longer in shelters than any others...

It is wonderful you adopted him. He is a lucky boy, and seeing how handsome he is, and how sweet, you are a lucky kitty mom.

Welcome to the fold, Seymour. Sounds like he's a perfect fit. I wish ANY of my integrations had been that easy.

Handsome as he is, Seymour does look a bit "portly", shall we say. Assuming that camera angle isn't misleading, it would be a good idea to take the extra weight off of him and bring him to a lean condition. Heavy cats are more prone to urinary problems. Also, a cat who develops crystals should be eating only canned or homemade food - no kibble - and should be given extra water at every opportunity (canned food soup is a great feeding strategy for these cats).

Congratulations on Seymour. So wonderful to see a happy ending.

Laurie

Olyagrov: thanks. Too bad for those that passed him up...he is an absolute love.

Thanks Laurie. I am gaining more education about his condition and appreciate your suggestions.

He is a very muscular cat...somewhere around 14-15 lbs if not more. Very solid although I guess he could lose a little.

Curious about the kibble. They fed him that at the shelter and didnt advise against it, so that's what I am feeding him. I have more reading to do on this and am open to any and all information you can point me to.

Canned soup? With all that sodium?? I know salt makes them drink more - is that the strategy?

Sue

Canned soup = in mix water with the canned food to make it soupy. :)

LOL. Canned food soup, as glaserberl explained, is simply canned cat food mixed with warm water to turn it into a soupy gruel. It's an easy way to increase water intake, and most cats love to lap it up.

Kibble is a poor food choice for any cat, but especially so for cats who develop urinary crystals. Dry food absorbs fluid out of the body during digestion, leaving the cat in a state of chronic, mild dehydration. This can have serious long-term effects on the digestive system (including the kidneys). Canned or homemade food, OTOH, adds water to the digestive system, aiding in its own proper digestion and helping to keep all of the body tissues properly hydrated - a much better long-term health scenario for the cat.

Hydration is especially crucial for cats who are prone to urinary crystal formation. Keeping lots of fluid moving in and out of the body helps flush out small crystals before they have a chance to clump together and form potentially fatal urinary blockages. Canned or homemade food helps maintain that proper hydration status, esp. if you add water and make it soupy. You should also add more water bowls around your house and perhaps even a pet fountain if it turns out that Seymour likes running water.

Laurie

Well, congratulations!! That didn't take long at all!! You must be a "cat whisperer" to make things go so smoothly. Seymour Hiney is one lucky cat and it seems like he is showing his gratitude by settling in so nicely.

I'm grateful to all who post here for their suggestions about taking care of cats. I learn something new every day. Thanks!!!

Lucky Seymour! Glad you he found you Sue!

Seymour had his first vet visit today (at least the first under my command). He is a Siamese and even had the telltale kink in his tail which I thought was an injury!

He is 14.8 lbs, the top of his weight range which is consistent with what Laurief indicated, he shouldn't be any heavier and might benefit from losing a couple of lbs.

He is healthy and we will do a urinalysis in a week to see if his new diet keeps his PH in balance. He paid a visit to my friend today who is recovering from surgery and is very comfortable in her home, even with two kitties who we think might be conspiring against him.

He has a new bed, compliments of my friend, since he seemed to like their kitties bed which has long been abandoned. Of course Momma Dora planted herself in it as soon as we got home, so perhaps I need to get a couple more so EVERYONE has one!

The vet was amazed at Seymour's short-term progress and
thankful that a special-needs cat found a home. The visit was one him, which we thought was very nice.

Nice to have a happy ending to this story. We miss our Sophie something awful, but are thankful that we were able to make a difference in one amazing cats life.

Thank you all for your comments, thoughts, and suggestions.
Sue