If it were me, I'd get out of the entire situation. It sounds very strange. I don't like their concept and would never agree to go forward. Did you sign any agreements? I hope not.

I'm taking it as they are bringing their ideas to show you? You would talk about it and go from there. Maybe I'm not understanding it.

I would think they should have looked at your ideas when they measured.

How did you find this designer?

Normally, you would start with a contract. If they did not present you with that at the beginning, then you are off the hook, and they were merely doing what they do in order to try to get clients. You do not owe them anything (including any kind of alliegance) until you sign a contract. This has to be done very professionally or else you do not want to work with them. You may still not want to work with them after you see their contract, but if they are willing to make changes in the contract that please you, then you can proceed. Remember that you are the most important person in this arrangement because you are essentially the boss. Do not give up any control unless you want someone else to have it. They should want to make you happy, and if that is not their goal, then they are the wrong people for the job. It is possible that their goal is to pawn off on you items that they could not otherwise get rid of. Don't let that be the case. Let me also mention that I am a designer and not a client, so that you understand my point of view.

Showing them photos of what you like is very good for letting them know what your taste is. They should be able to tell you from that whether they can accommodate you or not.

Lars

There isn't a contract. And, they weren't going to just present me their ideas. They were going to essentially stage everything while I was at work. They specifically said that they wanted me to be gone so I could see it once they had everything completed. Everything is on approval and i can return it. but, would i? and if i could get up the nerve to return it would i have holes in my drywall in places that i dont want them? In some ways I understand-- it is kind of a turn key kind of thing. But, I just can't give them that kind of control. I prefer to pick everything out based on their suggestions to get the look I want.

They have a very good reputation and I was really excited to use them. I have seen their work. I am surprised that my friends would let someone completely take over. I always assumed it was my friends had help not a complete take over.

The flip side is that they are talented and I am a little overwhelmed. It is likely that they are right and it will all look good together. I am not sure what to do.

My options are:

To trust them and let them do it. I can't - I want to but it really stresses me. Again, I know they are talented and have a great touch. I am annoying everyone because I am struggling with getting my house done. I think the words "paint color" are banned because of my obsessing.

Pick out the art, coffee table, side table, sofa table and ask them to put it up and add the layers. My friend suggested that I tell them I ran into something that I loved and had to have (she works with them on her decorating projects also). Then pay them labor to put it up and complete the look. Will that offend them? I have no idea. I was very clear when I looked at the art that I needed more control. In retrospect, they really didn't ask me many questions about what I liked besides asking me to describe my style and type of art I like. Maybe that is because they have a look and since I know and love my friends houses they assumed that I know what THEIR look is. ??

Get someone else. Possibly online. There aren't many people in my small rural area.

Ugh! I thought I was working with the right people. I might have to start over and I don't know where to get the help. And, honestly, I wish I were done and I am tired of how bare everything is.

Thank you for your comments and insights!

I am a decorator and that is the weirdest system I've ever heard of. Just sayin'. I never, ever just show up with furniture and "stage" someone's house for them. Well, I work a little differently in that I almost never actually buy furniture for people, but I coach them in what to buy and what to look for and often go shopping WITH them, to normal furniture stores (the focus of my business is saving people money, so I don't go to design centers where they can buy a $15,000 sofa and I can get a cut). It is always a collaborative effort. This is your house; you have to be involved in decorating it. I say dump them and find someone else who will actually work WITH you.

You sound completely intimidated by them which is not good.

I'm sure once they fill someone's house with stuff, its hard for people to say I don't like it, take it all back. So people keep the stuff, if they like it or not.

Don't be so worried about offending them. They should have given you a contact and made sure you understand how this works.

My situation isn't exactly like yours but I have the same frustration. The decorator says they listen to your ideas but then just takes over and gives you their plan with their items sold by them. All the people I have tried to work with did the same thing as yours and did not even show any interest in looking at all the pictures i had bookmarked on my I pad despite me telling them that i wanted to select things myself at the very start. Where do you find someone like sueb20??? Unfortunately I live in a smaller city and there are only so many options. I have tried getting referrals from everyone I know and have struck out, I too am tired of having an unfinished home!

@Faux and Fisde.

Do you two know each other? If not, perhaps you could meet up and help each other out. You seem to have a lot in common.

People have a really hard time stepping outside themselves and objectively judging their own homes and what works and doesn't work. I don't think this designer's system works for you, but I don't think you seem very open to what an actual designer does for the client. If you want all of the control and to select the items, then perhaps you should do so and not hire a designer. The whole purpose of hiring a designer is listen to their impartial advice and to step outside your comfort zone in the choices. Actually be willing to do that. Otherwise you're wasting both people's time.

This has got to be the most elaborate setup for some type of SPAM that been tried yet. Soon to come..... a link for some online decorating service that can solve all of everyone's problems.

Try to find someone who will spend time understanding your taste. Pictures and items you consider possibilities are good ways for them to do this. They cannot design your room or house without knowing what you want, need, like and dislike first. Otherwise, the outcome stands little chance of being something that is you, that you will like and enjoy. They are not just designing a house. They are designing your house. We can see here or by looking around just how different and personal everyone's preferences are.

You've gained a little experience at this point. So ask up front, before scheduling anything, what their design process is to see if it makes sense to you. Do some reading and research on this before contacting anyone else, just as you are doing now. You can always ask here whether their process seems reasonable before moving forward.

Hmm. I thought something fishy was going on, looking at the board entries, lol.

You have given me good advice. I think you are right, it is time to move on.

About control. . . I thought they would give me an idea board with colors and layout based on my space and preferences. Really, I thought I could show them my houzz pictures, items that I want to keep, and space and they would help me achieve the look. I thought they would help me edit and make it work and give advice when I am asking for something that will not work.

Is that how it works? I thought a decorator would help me achieve the look that I want. I also thought they would help me find the items. I find it especially hard to find items. If I find a look on houzz or Pinterest I spend a lot of time shopping locally or online and rarely find it.

I was working with someone who I really liked but she left for the winter. I have talked to her via text but she isn't sure when they are coming back. I am ready to be done but I might just wait for her. She is going to be busy when she gets back but I think that is a better solution than going with someone who I feel has their own vision. Albeit there is a part of me that wants to say ok, just do it, and be done with it. I would feel awful if they went through that whole turn key thing and I either returned a lot of it or had to live with something I don't like. I need to be a part of making these choices. If that isn't how it works I am going to have to do it myself. I will need a lot of help here editing and I am open to advice.

I am not even going to comment on any of the silly comments here. I have been here long enough and commented on other post enough to not have to participate in that conversation.

Snookums, that is good advice, thank you.

Green Designs said:
"People have a really hard time stepping outside themselves and objectively judging their own homes and what works and doesn't work. I don't think this designer's system works for you, but I don't think you seem very open to what an actual designer does for the client. If you want all of the control and to select the items, then perhaps you should do so and not hire a designer. The whole purpose of hiring a designer is listen to their impartial advice and to step outside your comfort zone in the choices. Actually be willing to do that. Otherwise you're wasting both people's time."

I disagree with this. Some designers are a one trick pony and stick to their formula, without any consideration of what the customer wants. The main reason I use a designer is to have access to To-the-trade-only products. I can't get to many of the high end fabrics/furniture brands without the middleman.

If I had given my ID free reign my rooms would look very different. They would look nice enough, but they would not be ME. I picked fabrics that I loved and my ID worked with those to bring other fabrics that would work with them. I would throw out 3/4 of the samples the ID brought because they were not something I could see myself living with every day.

Some IDs are very forcefull and some customers are weak. This will lead to a situation similar to the one Faux68 is facing. Had I sat back and not taken any responsibility for my project I would not be happy with my drapes or sofa. I knew the look/size/length I wanted and gave those exact figures to the ID. Some people like drapes hung high and other low ... neither is right or wrong, but as a paying customer you need to demand what YOU want.

"About control. . . I thought they would give me an idea board with colors and layout based on my space and preferences. Really, I thought I could show them my houzz pictures, items that I want to keep, and space and they would help me achieve the look. I thought they would help me edit and make it work and give advice when I am asking for something that will not work.

Is that how it works? I thought a decorator would help me achieve the look that I want. I also thought they would help me find the items. I find it especially hard to find items. If I find a look on houzz or Pinterest I spend a lot of time shopping locally or online and rarely find it."

This is exactly what you should be saying directly to the designers. It sounds like you might have been a bit intimidated by them, and that is not a good thing. You have to let them know the extent to which you want to be involved in the decision process, and they will either accept that or move on. My own boss is a control freak and would never work with you, but you would not want to work with her either! She redid her daughter's house in Boston as a wedding present and got rid of all the early American antiques that her daughter had collected and replaced everything with a modern California style. It was sort of like when Joan Rivers redid her daughter's house. My boss thinks that her daughter has horrible taste, but I just see it as "different".

I am still conflicted about how to move forward. I ordered a book that I saw recommended here when I did a search of online options. It is called The Meghan Method. It comes in hard copy only or I would have got it on kindle and be reading it now.

Publickman, that is awful! Was the daughter happy?

Honestly, there is a part of me that wishes the easy method would have worked. If I would have liked the art I probably would have had them here this week.

I really feel I should love all of the pieces. Even if I like the overall look I think every piece needs to be loved from the beginning.

On to other news. I have picked out my blinds. I got hunter Douglas cartridge shades for the great room, dining room, kitchen, and bedroom. That is the area I am working on right now. I also ordered 6 bar stools. I got a black matte frame and black leather like fabric. It might be more black than an ID prefers but I think it will look great. And, they are very comfortable.

Little by little, piece by piece, I will have the house done the way I want it.

And, again, I still might hire them to add polish and layers. I like them and i feel they are talented. But, I plan on picking the bigger more permanent items.

Deedee99 you crack me up.

I am still waiting for the on line design services link.

I believe Magnaverde offers design services on line.

Boopadaboo and deedee, do you realize that you are offending me? If not, shouldn't you? I know that I would look to see a posters activity before i accuse them of posting for self promotion. Have YOU done that? I have been here for a while and I don't think I deserve these kinds of comments.

I agree Faux68 - I don't think you deserve that either. I'm not sure if they are directed at you though or as part of something else. I can read it a couple of ways.

I think as others mentioned it is probably time to have a talk with the designers and say everything you said here - paraphrasing - you think they are really talented, but you don't feel comfortable with the current approach. You didn't realize this is how they worked and had hoped for something more of a direction to steer you in and to pull it together. Then ask them to see if they are willing to work with you that way and if not ask if they would recommend somebody who will.

I'm not one who could just let go of all control as I want things in my design that are meaningful to me in art and accessories. I'd want somebody like sue who could help me shop and steer me in the right direction to pull together the things I already have or value and that would help me sort out the inspiration pics I have along with the rest of my family's likes and dislikes and pull it together. Haven't found that person so I muddle through it myself and never really complete things to the vision I have in my mind. That is the help I'd like from a designer. Help me realize that vision. Maybe that is not what a designer does though.

My apologies for any perceived offense Faux68.

I find your posts entertaining and informative. Please, carry on.

Lyfia, you and I are both searching for that person that doesn't seem to exist. If anyone out there knows how to find such a person for design help please let me know.

Fisde1: I am going to take a look at that book as soon as it arrives. I am hopeful that it will give me a better idea of what to ask for. Who knows? Maybe I can do it myself. I know what I like and what I don't like. I think my only concern is undertones and pulling off the overall look. Also, I have a really hard time finding things here. When I finally decide what I want (size/color/type) I cannot find it. I have ordered some things online and haven't had a lot of luck. It is such a pain to send it back. But, last night I got a couple of quilts and pillows that I ordered from Macy's hotel collection and they are perfect!! The duvet covers are still coming. If they are as nice as the quilts and pillows I think I finally have the beds addressed.

Lyfia: I am going give it a little time. I asked them to call me when they get more art in. When I was there looking at the art I took home a bar stool on approval. We didn't like it so I brought it back the next day. As it turned out it gave me insight to see how they act when returning something. They were great about it. But, while I was there I did explain that I needed to be a bigger part of the process. I did say that I needed more "control". They said they understood. They said that the art has to be picked out first. So, it is likely that they are waiting for a new shipment.

It doesn't make sense that you have to buy art from them first. I think you are paying too much for your chairs. Are you near a big city? I would think you could find a number of professionals through ASID that could help you more than what you have been going through. Did you say they are selling to you from their store? I think you would have a much wider selection if you went with an ASID professional. As designers, they have access to things the general public does not. (Theoretically speaking, anyway, they could have a store too!).

This post was edited by snookums2 on Wed, Mar 13, 13 at 19:29

My apologies as well. I did mention Magnaverde. I do believe he does on line design for people. He has a website.

I once went to a reputable small local shop that sold beautiful home furnishings. They had been featured in an article in the Washington Post about how they offered a decorating service--a decorator would come into the room(s) that a client was having difficulty with, and they would pull items from other parts of the house, mix them with pieces from their shop, and present the client with a designed room. There was a fee, and a contract.

The room in question was my living room which, at the time, had an extremely awkward layout (we have since renovated the entire house). I had young children, no time, and really had no clue how to set up the room. The decorator came in, took measurements, asked me a load of questions (and took notes) about colors, style, preferences, tastes, interests, and studied the house and other furnishings. On the appointed day, I was asked to stay away until late afternoon.

I returned to a room transformed. They left everything there for 3 days so that I could decide what (if anything) I wanted to keep. I bought a number of pieces (no art; I have my own collection). It was a useful experience (if expensive--I loved nearly everything she had selected), and I was very pleased with the outcome.