Deb,
I understand completely. I lost my Mom early in 2007 and didn't sew anything for a little over a year. I couldn't sit down at the machine without thinking of her and it was overwhelming. When you are ready you'll start again and she'll be with you. I'm sure she taught you everything you need to know to do beautiful quilting and although you can't ask her a new question, you'll remember all the advice she gave you over the years. Start with something simple to gain some confidence and give you a chance to hear her voice through the quilt. She's there.

Kate

I remember from your post when you said you got them what they mean to you. Maybe it would be worth doing some printed panel charity quilts until you feel confident. Maybe it would be worth it to you to have them professionally done and build up your own skills on tops that don't have quite the same emotional content. Maybe you'll want one or two quilted now and one each year or so from now on to keep the experience enduring and to develop the skill and confidence to have the direct experience yourself.

Whatever you do, make it a positive experience and not one that beats you up emotionally. I'm sure that's what your mother would want.

Well Deb, you are certainly in the right place for quilting buddies, and people who can relate to your experience. I lost my Mama in 2007 too. I found a two unfinished quilts in her closets and finished one of them off, because even though she wasn't a 'quilter' she always had intended to do one. I have yet to finish the other one off. Was it difficult for me? Yes, and no. The experience was comforting and purging for me and I feel privileged to have been in a position to do it. I'm sure she's somewhere with a smile on her face knowing one of them is done.

She is also there with you as you quilt these, in all the things she showed you, even if just by example. You will pull it back whether consciously or not. I found this in many aspects of my life, not just quilting. I was very involved in my mother's life for the last ten or twelve years of it, after my father died and she was widowed, and faced some serious health issues. I found it even difficult to distribute her belongings, or change anything about their (now my) house. I suspect because it makes their departure real in your mind.

You'll do fine.

Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot to me. Mama taught me to quilt about 15 years ago or perhaps 20 years ago! I know I can quilt them, it is just, Mama was always here for that sudden unexpected problem when quilting something. Mama could always sit down and figure the problem out no matter what it was. She was a true blue master quilter and I so admired her skill. I can't miter a corner but Mama could do it with her eyes closed. I will have to practice on those mitered corners! I always meant to sit down and have Mama show me step by step but now I guess I can google and get the step by step instructions.
The last 6 years of Mama's life I was the caregiver. She couldn't drive so we always went on a cloth quest and enjoyed the hunt for that perfect calico or a good sale on muslin. None of my friends are quilters and so far no one wants to learn how.
David and I just got through cleaning Mama's house and that was so very hard. I felt like I was invading her privacy. But it is done and soon we will have to sale the house. That will be so hard! Right now I still say "I am going to Mama's". But soon...I won't be able to say that anymore.
I have found lots of comfort though by going through all the quilt magazines and books she had. I sit for hours thumbing through them, finding papers where she drew out a favorite feather stitch to put in borders. Or like this morning, I found about 50 12 inch squares of paper that she drew all these forest animals that she wanted to use in an applique top. I might do that one in the future. David must have found this bag of what he thought were scraps and stuffed it down into the box of magazines. As it turns out it is 8 inch squares for a quilt top in the bow tie pattern. Enough of these squares to make a king sized quilt...LOL Mama was a very busy quilter! I laughed out loud when I saw what that sack held. I remember her sitting and sewing those squares, griping about how many she had to make...LOL I guess that's another project to be done.

I need to just hop in and start sewing. I know it will be a great stress releaver to sit and sew!!!

Deb

Deb, I think if you feel scared or unsure, don't do them yet. They will wait for you, and you will know when the time is right. I know if I work on something because I feel like I "have" to, I don't do as well as I should, and I don't enjoy it! So my advice is, don't work on them until you feel happy about it!

Donna

Deb - reading your posts have been so heartwarming. I am truly sorry for your loss - I know how you feel! My Mother was not a sewer but thought everyone should own a sewing machine - heehee. So now I have it - lugged it home on an airplane - It doesn't work very well - it is a very crummy one at its best - I use it as a bobbin winder for a heavy duty machine I sew canvas & sails. I cannot part with this carpy machine.

My Mom was a reader, she would read a book or two a day! We exchanged books even though she lived 1,000 miles away. We had our own little private bookclub - she & I. After her death, I couldn't read books, even though I kept acquiring them. It was several years, when finally I just starting reading again. My son was visiting; we were watching a movie together - I was reading a book during the movie (something that drove DH & DS crazy)- and DS commented how happy it made him to see me reading a book again!
So, when the time is right - it may be a few years - you'll be able to pick up her work and finish it, and just feel her love, and it will make you happy - not sad. Your Mom sounds like she was an awesome, talented person! It does get easier......... And, my experience with this forum is that they are talented, compassionate people ready to help you with any sewing/quilting question you could possibly have. I have learned so much here.

If you aren't ready, just wait. I agree that some smaller pieces may help you get started. These are very important to you and you need to be happy with them. When the time is right you will know it.

Remember we are here to help if you need it. Someone will have any answers you need.

((hugs))
beverly

Deb, with the loss you have experienced, this will sound quite trivial to you, but... last summer my sweet cat, which I had had for 16 years, died. And just like you I could not sew a thing - I saw him there curled up on the quilt I had not finished, sleeping on my newly washed fabric and even watching me google quilts on line. At some point he magically moved from "outside" to "inside". He is in my heart now, still watching every stitch. What helped me was making a "cat in the Attic Window" quilt with a picture of him in the middle. Something will work for you and then every quilt you make will be filled with the love you still feel for your mother.

goldie

Deb...I found that quilting was a great stress reliever...I could quilt and think back on memories from the past in fondness. My Mom died in 1991...and still to this day she is ever present in my thoughts and prayers. If I run into a problem wether it be sewing or quilting...I just stop and think "What would Mom had done in such a situation..." I am sure that your Mom will be right there as well...good luck and I will be praying for you ...Val

Thank you all for understanding. What a relief to know I can come here with any questions I might have. I'm sure I will have a few...LOL

Deb

Deb I think the snooty bunch is doing you a favor by not letting you join LOL!!!!!!!!
I don't have any quilting friends where I live either. I love this forum and the generous members will share every quilting secret they know!!
In this small town the 'garden club' is the snooty bunch. My roses look just as good as theirs HA HA!!
Take your time as everyone has advised.
Blessing and peace to all of my quilting friends.
Rosa