Myself knows that! ;)

Just saw this strange property description and thought of this thread.

Hey big spenders. Wouldnt you like to have fun fun fun??. How's about a few laughs laughs???. 1 can get you a good time. In one of the 4 bedrooms that are so fine. With their unique and splendid designs,the minute you walk in the joint,its like walking into another world so far away this home is so unique and unusual that all your worries could fly away and you will feel like you are in a tropical resort in cabo somewhere. From the unique color scheme design elements grand staircase, beamed valulted ceilings, onto the main entertaining level with glass sliding doors opening onto a large patio with infinity pool, totally unique custom tile designs and features here that will dazzel you every way you look not to mention the views to die.

This listing just says strange to me, on the market 300 days, Why increase, decrease, increase?
Price Increased: 04/21/09 -- $3,495,000 to $3,595,000
Price Reduced: 07/09/09 -- $3,595,000 to $3,575,000
Price Increased: 09/27/09 -- $3,575,000 to $3,595,000

Is the seller odd, the LA odd, or both?
Just looking at the listing on the Internet, makes me think it might be difficult to deal with the "other side".
But it was correct it did give me a few laughs.
BTW, I wasn't really considering the house, just looking at an area.

cmarlin20,
The lister must love the song from "Sweet Charity" called "Big Spender." Check out the lyrics. Even so, it's a very strange listing!

OMG! Run the other way as fast as you can (I would!). Someone's been smoking something funny. And the pricing reflects that also. Yaaagh!

"Hey big spenders. Wouldn't you like to have fun fun fun??. How's about a few laughs laughs???"

If I went to town and said that on the street, I'd be arrested for soliciting.

forgot to add:

here, "tray" ceilings are angled upward on each side & flat across the middle, like a tray.

The ones you're callling "trey" ceilings are called "step" ceilings, 1-step or 2-step.
A 1-step would make a 2-level ceiling;
2 steps would make a 3-level or "trey" ceiling.

cmarlin, was that thing on the MLS?

It sounds like something from craigslist's personal columns, posted by someone whose first language is not English or Spanish or French.

Yes, it is a listing on the MLS, I didn't even look at the pics until after posting the funny description, certainly not a decor for all tastes.
What is that room at the entry with the fireplace? We get to see 2 1/2 pics of an interesting sink.
Does that bath with the iron over the sink not have a mirror?

Here is a link that might be useful: 234 Poppy, CdM

cmarlin20, the link you posted requires registration. Darn.

Need to find a buyer with rather odd tastes.

If the link doesn't work it the MLS number is U9001178

Here is a link that might be useful: 234 Poppy

These aren't so much illiterate as they are...distracted-sounding.

as though the agent was writing while ordering a hamburger at the drive-thru.

Enjoy!

"What a great home. If you love (XYZ) Homes, you will love (ABC). They are the same company and the (ABC) line is perfect for the family looking for a great, quality, well built first time home or looking to downsize. You get are getting a great price for a new construction home! Come see inside and you won't believe that you could really be in this great of a home for this price!"

The agent has *one* home listed;
can you tell anything about it?

the words "amazing" & "awesome":

"amazing storm cellar"
"amazing siding"
"amazing open layout" The house is 1534 square feet.
"awesome view of the deck"
"amazing space" Well, from the price, I'd say it's just-about-what-you'd-expect-space.
"amazingly restored"

"Come inside & be surprised".
uh, no, I don't wanna be surprised.

Here's the *entire* narrative of one listing:
"Shed stays."

"Clean and beautiful home. Nice size bedrooms, lots of closet space. Kitchen open to dining area and living area great setting for cooking while entertaining family and friends. Very nice and big back yard plenty of space for the kids, the doggy to run and play and for all of their toys. Carpet was replaced Nov. 2009. Must see"

"STOP THE SHOW! UNBELIEVABLE!! WOW! If you want the latest in interior design this is impressive. Three bedroom split with 2nd bedroom suite, off the chart bathrooms, 2 LARGE living areas and a kitchen with GRANITE counter tops and custom cabinets. Island cooking area even a chef would be proud of. Sits on a Permanent Foundation."
(it's a mobile home)

"located in beautiful XYZ Subdivision - this up and coming neighborhood has community everything! WOW is what you will say when you see this home. Tell everyone that you have found your next home. Go ahead and rent a moving truck - you are going to want this one."

"You wont believe this large kitchen with a eat up island"

"A GREAT LOCATION NEAR SCHOOLS,SHOPPING, SPORTS, MOVIE THEATER & RESTAURANTS"
sounds like a lot of traffic, noise, & lights to me!

"Great home with a greatfloorplan perfect for young family or retired couple."
Young families & retired couples have the same needs, hobbies, & lifestyles?

"Impressionable home design with 2130 sq. ft., 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Kitchen model-style transitions for an open concept. Study can be selected over the 4th bedroom."

"CHARMING 1920'S BRICK HOME. THIS GREAT HOME IS READY FOR YOU. OPEN LIVING, DINING AREA. THE KITCHEN IS LIGHT & AIRY. THERE'S A FRENCH DOOR THAT OPENS TO A SMALL PATIO---THE YARD IS LANDSCAPED. THERES STORAGE INSIDE THE CARPORT."

"ONE OWNER HOME THAT IS OPEN TO ALL YOUR LIVING-DINING NEEDS!! FLOORING IS CERAMIC TILE AND PERGO IN THE LIVING-DINING AREAS AND CARPET IN THE BEDROOMS!! THE 4TH BEDROOM IS SET UP WITH ITS OWN BATH, SO IT'S PERFECT FOR THE IN-LAWS OR OUTLAWS YOU MIGHT HAVE!! FENCED BACKYARD AND REAR ENTRY GARAGE ARE JUST SOME OF THE EXTRAS...TAKE A LOOK!!"

& then there's the word "very":
"Very cute and well cared for home on great lot that backs up to tree line. Wonderful drive up appeal. Large covered patio makes outside entertaining very nice. Unique floorplan with two living areas. Very open kitchen & family room concept. Large utility room with tons of storage. Very large secondary bedroom will be nice option for older child or mother-in-law. Nice updates including tile and laminate wood flooring and light fixture updates."

"Beautiful custom built home. Home built by builder and it shows."

& the word "this":
"This is a well maintained home that sits on culdesac lot, with a large backyard. This home has a large kitchen with a large pantry. This home has 3 living areas, one with a fireplace, all bedrooms are good size."

"HOUSE WAS TOTALLY REBUILT IN 1999."
& that was because...?

"Historic, Stately, Colonial, AMAZING! A few words to describe this 1939 home. It's charm is felt from the second you drive up. It boasts of its beauty from the street with every detail attendeded to! Wood floors, 2 master bdrms one up and one down, large gally kitchen, are among a few of the things you will fall in love with when you walk in."

"Imagine fishing in your own backyard. The pond is already there, just needs a few fish and a lazy afternoon. After the fishing, you can relax in your own four bedroom, three bath retreat. On the cool evenings you can sit in front of the wood burning fireplace. Or enjoy preparing those family dinners in the gourmet kitchen. When you're ready to retire for the day, you can unwind in your masterbedroom and enjoy the view from the bay window."

"Mom will love the cooks kitchen with double ovens and dad will be delighted with the three car garage"
Am I overly sensitive, or does that sound like type-casting? My neighbors would be the opposite:
He's a chef, & she's a trouble-shooter for an auto wholesaler!

"USE YOUR IMAGINATION! TRAVEL BACK TO YESTERYEAR & CHERISH THE OLD FIREPLACES, POCKET DOORS& WOODWORK FOUND THROUGHOUT."

"BEAUTIFUL AUSTIN STONE PALACE ON 15 ROLLING ACRES. OVERLOOK THE BLUEBONNETS FROM OPPULANT SURROUNDINGS OF CROWN MOLDINGS. MARBLE FLOORS, GRANITE COUNTER TOPS, CHANDELIERS. MAMMOUTH ROOMS WITH 10-12 FT CEILINGS THRUOUT. GREAT FLOOR PLAN. A TRUE CHEF'S KITCHEN WITH STAINLESS STELL APPLIANCES. SEASONAL CREEK. WORKSHOP- 30 PLUS TREES, PLANTED & FED NATIVE TREES."

"WHEN ATTENTION TO DETAIL &QUALITY MATTER. LOOK NO FURTHER!AN ENTIRE SETUP FIT FOR YOUR FAMILY.5.8 ACS,A RARE FIND IN SOUGHT AFTER XYZ SUBDIVISION-RUNNING CRK AT BACK OF PROPERTY.ROOM FOR EVERYONE &DETAILS & IMPROVEMENTS GALORE"
what?

Hhmmm. My Illustrated Dictionary of Historic Architecture has listing for tray ceilings, but nothing for trey ceilings.

Regardless of whether they are "Trey" or "Tray" -- let's pick one and go with it! I've even seen the same builder using it differently in descriptions of different models. sigh. At least be consistent!

I have a lollapalooza for you. I just finished reading this listing on craigslist and am breathless. Not only is it one of the longest I have ever seen but it is run on, no punctuation and nary a capital letter can be found. Oh yes, unless you want to count the last paragraph which is all in caps.

Enjoy.

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/reo/1550279478.html

Too bad you didn't just cut and paste some highlights, jrdown, because that posting has been deleted. :(

Lots of "dinning rooms" here too. I did look at one that had a "hugh backyard", though.

There was a house posted, "Please look passed the mess". Okay, well...1) the word is past and 2) tell your client to clean their house.

But so far my favorite is "Close to pubic transportation".

Wow! Hee hee!

This is a thread close to my heart right now. Descriptions of "soaring" ceilings and "amazing" whatever just turn me off. My personal favorite at the moment is several listings in our historic district that specify a "HUGE" corner lot... which is the same size as every other .13 acre lot in the area, except the corner lots lose more fenced yard to the sidewalks.

More pet peeves:
--DESCRIPTIONS IN ALL CAPS
--Gratuitous use of ecclamation points!!!!
--"Immaculate" homes that looks like they haven't been thoroughly cleaned, well, ever.
--Zero property photos
--24 photos of one room the house and no photos of anything else.
--Inquiries to the listing agents which are simply ignored.
--Listings which go on and on with stereotypes of the garage and the outdoors being for the man and the kitchen for the little wifey.

I figure if the agent and seller can't be bothered to craft a decent, descriptive listing with adequate photos, I can't be bothered to look at it.

This weekend, I was driving by a house that's been listed for 2 years, with the same agent. The listing has one blurry photo of the outside. Well, they were having an open house, so I dropped in. The home is absolutely gorgeous on the inside and is priced below comps. The seller really needs a new agent.

& if spaces used for "for the handy husband" & "for mom" were freed up,there'd be room for more info about the actual features!

The irony of mispelling "exclamation" in a post about illiteracy does not escape me.

Pet peeve - nothing in a listing ever being fixed.
So many bad pictures. How many have I run across that arent sized right they are little tiny pictures or way stretched pictures. Stay that way forever.
Other Pet peeve incomplete information. No matter how many realtors here I complain too they just don't get the fact that
basement
crawl
slab
are really important distinctions vs.
most often - nothing
which is I am starting to interpret as code for slab but you know its hard to tell because its also just an omission

[The irony of mispelling "exclamation" in a post about illiteracy does not escape me.]

But the irony of misspelling the word "misspelling" is even greater!!

Me clearly not having good English day.

Some of my favourites -

"HOLD DO NOT SHOW UNTIL FURTHUR NOTICE PLEASE ! Like new 2004 Clayton mobile home " - while not exactly illiterate aside from "furthur", this listing has been up as is since summer of 2007. From the pictures, it was NOT "like new" even in 2007.

"FECED BACKYARD WITH OUT BUILDING."

"If you are looking for privacy than this home is for you. Beautiful 3 bedroom 2 bath on 5 acres has so much to offer. Take a walk into the Open Foyer with georgous maple hardwood floors throughout main level, stairs and hallway. Entertaining will be a breeze with the open great room, kitchen floor plan. Seller has made the following upgrades to the home. 2007 new paint throughout interior of home, cased all windows on main level and extended back deck. 2008 maple hardwoods were installed , new baseboards and shoe mold on main level, crown molding, chair rail, ceiling fans, stainless steel appliances and hot water heater. 2009 New carpet in all bedrooms and bonus, New 4 Ton HVAC and paint colors changed in bonus, bedroom 2 & 3 with more neutral tone. Large MB with double pane doors leading in the master bath which has separate shower, jetted garden tub w/window overlooking the beautiful mature trees, his and her walk in closet, linen closet and double sinks. Upstairs has a perfect area for sitting room. Great 20 x 12 Bonus Room. Enjoy those family cookouts on the large extended deck which leads to the above ground pool also has complete wrap around deck. Enter into the security gate and see the beautiful mature trees that line both sides of the property. The property line goes beyond the trees in the backyard. This home is a must see! Buyers agent to verify all information including square footage." - Spelling, then/than misuse and weird Random capitalization, not to mention verbal diarrhea. Should I really care that they painted in 2007 with some horrible colour and had to repaint 2 years later? I may be showing my evil English degree side, but "enter into the security gate" makes me grind my teeth.

"There s also a formal dining room and butler s pantry along with the sitting room and full bath, which can also be used as aguest suite. Upstairs is the absolutely huge master bedroom suite, two additional nicely sized bedrooms, a loft area and home office nook. Outside, the largepatio and the cozy gazebo are great resting places for enjoying the long view towards the backyard." Apparently the space bar and apostrophe keys are broken. FWIW, the house is a $600k house in an area where $400k will get you a 5000+sq ft nice house and the "nicely sized bedrooms" are 12x13.

"ENTERTAINERS DREAM HOME! No expense spared in this 100% rebuilt split level! 1st floor master w/ WIC, private bath w/ marbel/stone & steam shower. As close to NEW CONSTRUCTION AS YOU CAN GET!!!" - Except it's not, despite their excitement.

""NEW CONSTRUCTION" loaded with features, quality workmanship & maintenance free." and later - "The "LOWEST PRICE" for a "NEW" construction home in St. Clair Shores and surrounding citys. WILL BUY ALL APPLIANCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - People who abuse quote marks drive me insane. More insane than those who don't know when to turn a y into an i and add es. And more insane than those apparently die while holding down the exclamation mark.

"dental mold" - Uhm. Gross.

The illiterate listings bother me more than the "agent overstatement" listings (like one listed now that is the first house in my old neighbourhood off a fairly busy street but "The home is hidden away in a quiet and mature subdivision.").

Sadly, I don't think agents that can't even run a spell check would ever pay for someone who could write decent listings. It amazes me how owners could sit around and not demand that the listing is corrected.

The one that starts with "If you are looking for privacy" illustrates one of my peeves;
I call it verbal diarrhea.

There's so *much* verbiage there that nobody is likely to read the whole thing.

I sometimes fuss about scant information & too much white space in listings, & the listings with everything spelled out to use up the white space drive me nuts, but at least on the MLS, the agent only has a few lines.

On ads & flyers, you want to put the "meat" of the info in your write-up & keep the gushiness to a minimum (think poetry as opposed to prose);

On ads & flyers, white space is a good thing.

I've got to say, it's unfortunate that not all mls services put a limit on descriptions - AND photos.

There are so many listings on the one I check regularly that make my eyes glaze over because of the poorly worded verbal diarrhea. It often (but not always) goes along with 20+ (literally) pictures, many of which actually make the property look bad.

One of my favourite listings in the past couple of days is one with picture diarrhea which includes a picture of their muddy dog looking miserable in a small muddy fenced in area. In the description, it includes the gem "Similar homes in the area". Yeah, great.

Location Location! Renovated Bungalow In Desirable Area, Potential Of Reasoning Of This Big Lot

Remember the song, "I talk to the trees, but they don't listen to me...."?

Just saw a brand new listing which included:

"THE HOME ALSO FEATURES CORIAN COUNTERS WITH SEEMLESS SINK AND GRANITE ISLAND, GAS LOG FIREPLACE, SOLID CORRE WOOD PANEL DOORS THROUGHOUT"

As an aside this is an upscale neighborhood where Corian counters is a detriment not a selling feature. Apparently, no one used spell check for the listing either. I keep thinking when I read it that the sink is somehow very unseemly.

I recently saw an MLS listing that had 11 photos attached. 1 of the front of the house, 1 of the front door, 3 various shots of the kitchen, and 6 photos of the flower gardens and landscaping.

The ones with 6 pics of the exterior always make me wonder, too.

What's inside that house that the agent doesn't want me to know about until...it's too late! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

LOL, this is one of the most entertaining threads I have read anywhere. I look forward to more of these.

not quite the same thing, but I just read the title of a "wanted" ad & it reminded me of this thread:

"Wanted: White Girl's Nightstand"

The person undoubtedly wants a white nightstand for a little girl's room, but the wording makes one pause.

"a permanent stoopÂ
The house had osteoporosis."
stoop (st p) n. Chiefly Northeastern U.S.
A small porch, platform, or staircase leading to the entrance of a house or building.

How we are spoiled by nearly unlimited memory and disk space on computers.

The older MLS computers had very limited storage, and MLS cards had very restrictive fields for information.

At least some of the systems still have less than the latest and greatest disk capacity.

A 10 Mbyte hard drive was state of the art around 1982.
Hard drives are up into the Terabyte capacity presently.

The summer heat must have fried some more brains -

-"Main floor bath needs remolded" and later on in same listing "some remolding yet to complete" (same agent has another listing that was "remolded in the 1990's")

-"laundry in kitchen with also hook-ups in basement with clothes shut in upstairs bath"

I saw a "boudoir that was fit for Maryanne Toinette"

complete with guillotine?

I saw a "boudoir that was fit for Maryanne Toinette"

GREAT! Now I have to go and get some Windex to wipe up the coffee I just spit all over my computer screen.

Thanks for the laugh...that was a hoot!

Silly thing, but one of Gordon Ramsey's 'victims' last night kept calling Deli bread
CHalla (it's said "Halla") and could only imagine her getting laughed out of the bakery next time she shopped. Well, I said it was silly...

Not illiterate, but "amazingly" annoying:

" AMAZING RETREAT in U-City! This unique, four-bedroom brick rambler on a quiet street closed to through-traffic is loaded with AMAZING features - inside and outside! Gleaming hardwood floors -AMAZING! Open living/dining room floor plan with vaulted ceiling and brick fireplace -AMAZING! Updated kitchen -AMAZING! Divided bedroom floor plan -AMAZING! Master bedroom suite with an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING view of the backyard water feature (read on)! Partially-finished lower level with custom media center, surround sound, wet bar, sleeping area, half bath, lots of storage, and tuckunder garage -AMAZING! Surround sound throughout upstairs and patio -AMAZING! Secluded, fenced backyard with pergola-covered patio and breathtaking waterfall and pond with koi to make this home your personal RETREAT -AMAZING! GREAT LOCATION - one block to Ruth Park Golf Course, minutes to Clayton, the Delmar Loop, Washington University, Fontbonne University, St. Louis University, the airport, and shopping -AMAZING!"

snork!

Weed, I pick up those snob appeal "Estate Properties" magazines every now& then & count the times an ad mentions "prestige" or "prestigious".

My thought is, if you're smart enough to market homes in the $1,000,000 plus range, you're smart enough to either have a vocabulary or to own (& use) your very own thesaurus.

Speaking of word fatigue, there was an agent in my area whose last sentence in every single ad or narrative was "Oh, & don't forget the fill-in-the-blank".

By the time you got to the end of the ad, of course, she'd already mentioned the biggies like pools & guest houses & stables, so the finale was always a little weird, like a big flag for a small amenity.

"Oh, & don't forget the fence."
"Oh, & don't forget the school down the road."
"Oh, & don't forget the porch/ceiling fan/walking distance to McDonald's/whatever."

As a former middle school teacher of English, as well as other subjects, I can tell you that in my experience many/most

1--Kids (and adults) don't know what they don't know about spelling, grammar, how to express themselves coherently, etc.

2--Kids don't care, because it's not interesting (things listed in #1 above) and they (and often their parents) don't feel that they should have to study what they're not interested in (ok, so I ended with a preposition).

3--Kids do not understand or care about the concept of doing something correctly.

4--Kids and parents will complain to the counselor/principal/school board if you are doing all of this boring stuff and computing their mistakes as part of their grade, which of course will be low. If they get low grades, it is the teacher's fault, and means the teacher is not a good teacher if too many low grades are given. It will show up in his/her evaluation. Probably the most common reason given by parents when confronted with their child's low grade is, "He's bored" or "She has a personality conflict with this teacher."

You can see how this might play out, and why teachers might end up teaching a less demanding curriculum.

BTW, when I first started teaching and asked my building administrator for the syllabus/curriculum guide for my Language Arts and Social Studies classes, I was told, "You're the professional. You figure out what to teach!"

Anne

Probably the most common reason given by parents when confronted with their child's low grade is, "He's bored" or "She has a personality conflict with this teacher."

The parents had better never downsize. Their 40 year old children will likely continued to be "bored" and have "personality conflicts" through a succession of jobs, and will never leave home.

LOL Weed. And they'll continue to write RE listings describing the dinning room of your dreams compleat with chandeleur, and oh, don't forget the house backs up to the rustic bridal path!

The one I'm seeing a lot lately is people confusing "then" and "than". For example, "My friend has more cookies then I do." It should be "than I do." It makes me furious! Also, the misuse of apostrophes is atrocious! I bought a book a few days ago called "The Girl's Like Spaghetti". It's by the same author who wrote "Eats, Shoots and Leaves". I'm in the process of getting my elementary education degree and you can bet these books will be in my classroom library! In fact, they should be required reading for all high school students (and college students, for that matter). A typo every now and then is to be expected, but this kind of stuff written by college graduates earning six figures is ridiculous.

mrs egg, you will probably enjoy the apostrophe abuse blog and the Blog of unnecessary quotes.

And I STILL don't get when it was that the verb to lie (as in on a bed) became "lay"! That's driven me mad for years now. One lies down, and after getting up lays a book on a table.

Larke - I would pinpoint it to 1969, Bob Dylan and "Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed."

Seldom comes up in real estate listings, but what about bad and badly? I know it's tricky but if Cindi Lauper can get it right, then so should Donald Trump

In the past several decades in particular, the vernacular speech pattern in my area, particularly among the lower classes, has started to turn words into the possessive form

So a restaurant called Portobello, gets turned into Portobello's.

Worse: "That is mine." has shifted into "That is mine's" and is Starting to shift into "That is mines's" (pronounced Minezez) pretty soon it will be minezezezez.

Same with certain past tenses. "I Liked it" , becomes I Liketed it.

It is horrendous.

I know that I've mentioned this before, but it drives me crazy when people use the word myself, when I or me would be correct. As in "you can call Bob or myself". Argghhh!!

On another note, I saw this sign at a Hallmark store today:

You and me????

For me, mistakenly using "you and me" is better than mistakenly using "you and I."

But what about the mistakes WE make? I know the rules, but when typing here without an edit opportunity later, I have mistakes all over GardenWeb with misplaced commas, who/whom, and use of the subjunctive.

Graywings, you've touched on an issue that REALLY annoys me! People have become so cautious about misusing "me", that the incorrect usage of "I" has become rampant. I hear it on TV all the time, even by talking heads who should know better!

But didn't anyone at Hallmark know the proper usage before they spent the money to have all those signs made?