Ask her if she will bring a centerpiece for the table

Ask her to bring something to drink(s) maybe. Or pick something that doesn't involve using the counter directly. If someone was telling me about bugs in the flour though I think something can (nicely) be said. Centerpiece is probably the best idea. I know family can sometimes be touchy, but it might need dealt with more directly at some point in the future.

I can not even imagine.

I think I would have thrown up at her house. I like the centerpiece idea. Sometimes we ask for a veggie crudite\platter from the STORE. I would guess you would have to be specific. :) Or a can of olives to put out. :)

Good luck.

Perhaps a centerpiece might work, but my SIL might just make it from dried things in her yard. Dinner wine may work. I will give it some thought.....

Centerpiece or wine would be great. Or, is there a particularly good bakery in town? You could ask her to bring a special dessert from there as in " I really love the cheesecake at Donna' s Bakery....can you pick one up for dessert?" If she walks in with something homemade instead.....well, you are just too full for dessert and will have some tomorrow.

Oh my, I feel sick to my stomach just reading that! I agree that a specific non-food item is your best bet. I can't imagine ever eating anything she made again after that comment about the bugs! You'll have to post back after your meal to let us know what she ended up bringing. Good luck!

Are you the only one who gets sick? How does it affect your husband? Your children? Your other relatives?

I would say pickles, but she may pickle her own. Olives would be safe, since I doubt she has olive trees.

Ice cream?

My SIL showed up at our other SIL's house once with a sweater box full of banana pudding. YES, you read that right - sweater box, like you store your out of season sweaters in. There is no refrigerator anywhere that that box would fit in (not to mention the generally unappetizing idea of a sweater box full of banana pudding). We live in the South. It doesn't get all that cold here. She had made it, then stored it outdoors, then driven 3 hours with it in the car. I wouldn't touch it. As jp suggested, I was just too full for dessert.

Great suggestions, I hope one of them works out for you.

Your story reminded me: my husband was having dinner with his parents at their home. They told him that the night before, when his sister was there, they gave her a piece of cake and didn't noticed the mold on it until after she ate it. They trimmed the mold off the rest of the cake and offered him a piece for dessert. He declined. I said to my husband, no wonder your dad has digestive issues all the time. It's probably mild episodes of food poisoning.

I was going to suggest something similar to Joanie's idea. Something like "I ordered pies from John's Bakery -- if you could pick them up, that would be so helpful."

It is now close enough that you could say you've already bought all the food but all you need now is wine and soft drinks. Or napkins... or anything you can think of that doesn't have to be prepared or cooked by her!

Oh my gosh! A sweater box. Now I've heard everything!

I would have addressed the bugs at that very moment. It's making me nauseous just reading your post!

Two years ago, my dad was afraid DH would wait to late to buy a pumpkin pie at Costco. He bought a week in advance. I don't eat pumpkin pie, but no one wanted to try it after finding out it was a week old. My parents are big on leftovers. That same year he told me a week after Thanksgiving he had finally finished the leftovers they took home from my house.

My SIL stores her leftovers on her screened in porch..... Even one of her daughters cringes at some of the things she does and her daughter will not stay for a visit for more than one or two days. Last Christmas, six people got sick with some kind of 'flu bug' at SIL house. I just talked to her again and she is bringing NOTHING for Christmas. Is it terrible that I feel good about that???

You are so very, very, very polite to go to this SIL's house.
Something similar happened to us, but not as drastic. My SIL has a clean home but is not much of a cook. We realized this after her husband passed away. All those years he was alive, it looked like she did the cooking. She would be basting the chicken, stirring the gravy etc.

Since I do all the holidays, I decided she should at least do Christmas. She would make a lasagna and finally we (my DH and my 2 DD's) realized all of us would get a stomach ache. If my oldest didn't say that she always got sick, I would have just thought I over indulged. Not as sick as you are talking about though.
She always served warm cocktail shrimp. One year she said, "Oh, I forgot to take the shrimp out to get to room temperature." My DH and I just looked at each other and realized she did it on purpose not knowing it should be served chilled.
She is also one to eat leftovers way past their prime. I think she did get sick once from old pork.

I now do all the holidays. I just told her that my daughters like being in our own home.

I am sorry, but I would never eat in your SIL's house. You can blame yourself. "I am so sorry, but over the years my stomach has just gotten worse and I have to be very strict about what I eat.

I would have her bring the wine. Absolutely no food. I would even be afraid of what kind of centerpiece she would choose.

OMG just reading about this is making me shiver! No way would I eat food prepared by any of the cooks you describe! A sweater box.....whoa.

This seems so ridiculous. We are discussing how to save her feelings over her dangerous cooking habits!! Return her call and say you would love for her to help out with the wine/center piece but after the bug incidence you will not have her cooking in your home!! You need to sit her down and say, "The bugs were too much. We will not risk our health." This goes beyond one opinion over another. This is about safety. If you do not deal with this issue honestly it will continue! I cannot imagine you plan to ever return to her home for a holiday meal ever again..she deserves your honesty.

I'm sorry, but I disagree with arcy. I have a good relationship with my in-laws but there is no way I would ever be confrontational with them. I think that will result in hard feelings and no change in food handling habits.

In a similar vein as this thread, I highly recommend Ruth Riechl's Tender at the Bone. She hilariously describes her mother's laissez faire approach to food safety. Her mother would cook days in advance of a party and the food would sit around the apartment unrefrigerated until party time. Riechl refers to her mother as "the notorious food-poisoner known as the Queen of Mold."

After this last Thanksgiving, I did tell my husband I would not eat there again. It is one of those family situations. And, I just don't want to be confrontational with my SIL. I will just invite them to our home for all the get togethers and holidays. I think that would spare hard feelings between my DH and his brother. I have been talking to my DH about this situation for years, but I don't want to be the one to cause stress in the family.

I agree with Jstell. This is your family and to avoid hard feelings, I would put the blame on myself and my sensitive stomach. If they are invited to all the gatherings, it's a win/win.
Your DH has to be on board for this to work.

It just amazes me how someone could think it is okay to use flour with bugs!

Jstell, You are being very diplomatic. I think that is the best way to handle it so you don't cause a rift between your DH and his brother.

Many years ago when my first husband was alive we went to DMIL's house for Easter dinner. When we arrived the table was set but the plates and glassware looked dingy. I swiped my finger over one of the plates and it was dusty. I set to work washing the dishes, silverware, and glassware prior to eating. She asked why I was washing it and I told her that dust must have collected inside her china cabinet (you don't say) and I needed to clean things for her. That was the last time we ate there and holiday celebrations became my duty.

Aren't insects considered a food source in some cultures?

One of my friend's told me about the first time she went over to the house of the person who would later become her mother-in-law.

They had a nice dinner and my friend was helping clean up the kitchen. The MIL took a plate off the top stack, let the dog lick it clean and then put it back in the cabinet. My friend just about died.

The MIL waited like 2 minutes and then said "just kidding" and took the plate back out.

That was amusing. The bugs in the flour... really not... super gross. I would never be going over there for any reason again!

My oldest BIL's DD is married and lives out of state. When they had a baby, BIL's GF had my ILs and us over to see the new baby, celebrate a bday and have dinner. All of the food was inedible. BIL had a few too many to drink (as always) , so the grilled shrimp stayed on the grill for 15 minutes. Surprisingly, it wasn't burned, but over done. The beef on the kabobs was so tough, my knife would not cut and you couldn't chew... but I sat there hiding my amazement that the hostess and BIL ate every. single. bite! How, I have no idea. There was also soup, which I was able to stomach the broth, but not the other contents. At least we had cake and that kept me from passing out.

I have to laugh at the "bugs in the flour" reactions. When I was a kid we lived overseas in Brazzaville (in the Congo in Africa); San Salvador, El Salvado; and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. When you used flour you sifted it to make sure you got any bugs out. Granted, this was in the 60's and early 70's, but no one ever got sick from the flour after it was baked or cooked. You also checked the cereal, rice, etc.

One time, about 10 or so years ago, my Mom and brother were doing the Nutri-System diet. They send out prepackaged food. On the forums, someone mentioned they found a bug in their food, were outraged, and called Nutri-System. The company said they would replace the product or offer a refund. The person wanted some other type of compensation. I told my Mom about it and she said "I lived too many years overseas to let a little bug bother me."

Would I eat food that had bugs in it these days? No. But it doesn't cause a gag reflex either. Now if we were talking rodents....

don't feel bad that you posted that info, it's more common than you think.

A friend from years past used to be very lax about food safety, I dropped something off to her one time, and we were to have dinner at her house later, it was 3 p.m. and the
shrimp scampi were on a baking sheet fresh out of the oven, I commented that she'd have to refrigerate it and she said
"oh no I won't, they would be tough if I did that, I'll just throw them back in the oven at 6" I came home and warned DH to just pretend to eat them, we fiddled around with the sides and managed to hide the shrimp.

She also stored turkey in her cold garage, and always brought me leftovers after the holidays, which I promptly threw out.

Yes it is very common, so common in fact that it is now against the law to serve anything homemade in public schools in my State. I do not know if this is a national phenomenon..but the only way to stop all this is education and honesty. If you truly feel bad, then you need to speak to her,give her the tools to change.

My uncle-by-marriage was a Navy doctor in the South Pacific during WWII. One time the ship's head cook told him fearfully that he had found bugs (flour weevils, I assume) in the ship's store of flour.

My uncle told the cook that he should go ahead and use the flour, as the weevils would just add a little extra protein.

[Of course, whatever they made with that flour was cooked, which presumably would have taken care of any germs which were present.]

The reality is, we're actually eating all kinds of good stuff like bugs and rodent poop in all kinds of foods we buy from the store.

We just don't think about it.

Tomato paste, pizza sauce or other sauces can include 30 or more fly eggs per 100 grams. Alternatively, you can have 15 or more fly eggs and one or more maggots, OR two or more maggots, but not all of the above.

In 100 grams of corn meal��"thatâÂÂs roughly the amount required by your average corn bread recipe��"the FDA says itâÂÂs OK to have two or more âÂÂwhole insects,â 100 or more insect fragments, and either 4 rodent hairs or 2 or more chunks of rodent poop.

See more, if you never want to eat again, LOL: http://mentalfloss.com/article/29133/how-much-rodent-filth-does-fda-allow

So is everyone who posted here never had weevils in flour, cake mix, bisquick, pancake mix, or just about any boxed/bagged powder item in the baking isle? If that is the case, you more than likely used the product before the unseen eggs hatched, so it makes no difference if you visually saw the bugs, but they were quite possibly in it already. I consider myself a person bordering on OCD when it comes to housekeeping, and i've had 'flour weevils' several times. Needless to say, I can certainly forgive a bug or two, but to visually see, and know there is rodent poop in food, and serve it anyway, is unforgiveable!

Ditto Patty! There is a reason it is recommended that you freeze flour when you bring it home from the store. It's to kill whatever eggs might be in there before they hatch. I also freeze corn meal before using, just in case. I can pretend there are no insect eggs in my food, but the thought of bugs in my baked goods is revolting.

"Needless to say, I can certainly forgive a bug or two, but to visually see, and know there is rodent poop in food, and serve it anyway, is unforgiveable!"

Pattycakes, if you are referring to Beagles post, the referenced rodent poop is what is allowed by U.S. law in manufactured, canned, frozen food that we all buy at the grocery. If someone else mentioned that, I missed it.