I have three sons, 26, 20 and 16. The youngest in high school, the middle in college and the eldest just left university. My eldest son works full time and has just bought a very expensive car. Looks like we are going to have him at home for a while yet!

Our son is very independent but if he ever needed to come back home we would be fine with that. As long as everyone pulls their weight, why not. Love to have my granddaughter under my roof and I love my daughter-in-law.

After a year studying architecture in Torino Italy our daughter returned to Australia newly married to her long term partner and they were both almost destitute (they were unable to work in Italy because of student restrictions placed on them by our government) so moved in with us.

Some days are diamonds but most of the time we are walking on eggshells as they are both studying for their degrees in architecture.

No chance of my husband and I having the solitude we crave as our son is returning in November after 2 years in the UK. Maybe hubby and I will both run away. Anyway a trip to Southern France in September is something to look forward to and then back to a very full house.

Our oldest son graduated high school and entered the Navy. He has not lived at our house since. He and some friends did rent a house we own but don't live in while he went to college. He graduated and is now working a great job, living on his own and preparing to purchase the house (for a discount) that he rented while in school.

Our younger son came home after college graduation and , at my suggestion, moved backed in with his fiance. The deal was that instead of paying rent for an apartment, they were to take that monthly amount put it into savings for a down payment on a house. The did so and only lived with us for a year before they had their down payment. When they returned from their honeymoon the first thing they did was purchase a house.

It was a great way for us to get to know our future daughter-in-law and for them to save money. Win-Win for all of us!

These days even the best of adult kids might need some kind of parental support, financial or otherwise. I babysit our grandson one day a week to help lessen the burden of daycare. (At least that's what I tell my son and his wife LOL). My reward is spending time with the joy of my life! They never stop being our children and as parents, we will always be there should they need us in any way we can help.

Our 2 boys moved out last year, but our 28 yr old daughter remains. She's an RN, working, while going to school to get whatever she needs to apply to med school.

She's always been an intelligent girl, and if she thinks this will help her to achieve her dreams, she can stay. She's talking about moving out in the fall.

I feel whatever she feels will help her to get to where she wants to be, she has my blessings. She has access to the kitchen and laundry room, buys her own food but can have whatever's in the fridge. We'd have to heat her section of the house, with her own bathroom anyways, she can stay there as long as she wants.

I am so sorry mia506 and blueinspiration for your loss. My condoleances.

My daughter was away for 4 years while studying. She came back 3 weeks ago. She will start her adult job tomorrow and told us she gives herself one year to stay with us then she will move. Although, I am happy to have her back, I find it a bit difficult to adjust after 4 years. We need to set new rules. We can no longer treat her like a child, she is an adult after all. The 3 of us have not sit together yet to set the rules. She won't pay rent and food but she needs to pay for gas, insurances, clothings etc. We also need to revise on how we are going to split the house chores.

My two (adopted) adult children do not live at home. It's not even an option as I like living by myself too much. My daughter had a baby a year ago and lives on the opposite coast in a city where rents are a fraction of what they are where I live on the best coast, although she is talking about returning as soon as an apartment becomes available in one of my buildings.. My son has lived in an apartment building I own since he was 18, so effectively I support him, at least partially, because he pays no rent and never has in this very expensive city. Neither my son nor my daughter finished college and both are seriously underemployed. My daughter currently works long hours for very little money in a southern "right to work" state. My son works part time, has returned to school part time and helps me out with light management chores. If my daughter returns to live in one of my buildings, I will expect her to pitch in as well.

We have 4 children 24 to 32. At one time or another all 4 have moved home. Our daughter moved out when she went to college and didn't move back until after her Master's program. She lived home for a year, then bought a condo. A few years later she moved back home with her husband ( and all their stuff!) for a few months while they got the condo rented and moved into their new home. Two sons went into the Peace Corp after college and only moved home while they got jobs, paid off loans, bought a car, and/or applied to grad school. Currently we have our two youngest home. One graduated from college last year, is working, bought a car and (almost) paid off his loans. The other just return from living abroad for 4 years and is back in school. My husband LOVES cooking for everyone (3 are local). Thank goodness for our mid century daylight ranch! We have 5 bedrooms and two living areas.
It's messy, noisy and grown boys eat a lot, but I'm recovering from breast cancer and wouldn't trade these years for anything.

We actually did the opposite. My youngest son and his wife invited me and my husband (who is my son's step-father) to move to California and live with them. So we did. My son bought a house that accommodates all of us (though a remodel is in the planning stages). We've lived together a little over 2 years now and it is working out great. We love spending time with our granddaughter and look forward to doing the same with the next one who's on his/her way. Financially it made a lot of sense for us. Since I'm still working, my income goes toward shared expenses, but I don't have to worry about upkeep and don't have to hire people to fix things when they break. My husband, who is disabled, has become the world's best kid sitter, keeps the vegetables and flowers watered and the animals taken care of. My daughter-in-law, who works part-time at a restaurant, is our chief meal preparer. We feel extremely fortunate to be able to live where we do!

Yep. Our son finished college in Dec. and is living with us until he gets a liveable job. He may be going to China with a company to teach English - then he'll be way too far away!

My son moved back home eight years ago because he had to have a hip operation and needed assistance. It was supposed to be temporary. He pays rent but is always behind. He is always broke and it is a mystery what he does with his money. I know I am not helping him but I can't see him homeless. He is bipolar but it is well under control with medication. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

@ kilowatt One of my good friends has a son with bipolar and it is difficult to have and difficult to parent. I don't know too much about it - though I am an ADHD / processing problems expert. One thing my friend's son and my kids have in common is short term / working memory problems. These memory problems make life very hard - and make the child feel very stupid. My kids are also delayed in maturity - they are not immature in a "bad" way - but act young for their age - and need time to catch up to their more mature behaving peers. Hang in there and if possible join a support group so you can get to know some parents that know what you are going through - and won't judge you:)

I grew up on a farm and have two sisters that live at home still and are in their mid 50's. They never married and with my aging parents it has worked out well... For me at least. In the mid years my parents went south for warm climates, there were never logistic problems about taking care of the home place. now with parents in the 80's we never worry about in home care or planning to stick our parents in a home. It has worked well despite growing and relationship pains overall it has benefits. Needless to say everybody works. We all have careers and nobody is using anybody so the respect for each other is in tact.

We designed our house into units so rather than enter a one bedroom suite , you enter a hallway, in-built dresser area then two bedroom area each with their own bathroom, so married members, have a unit each a sitting area and bedroom ( each has their own door too), and the spacious hallway or even living space can hold a fridge easily ( for their own preferable choices of snacks etc.) there are four units in all, we all also gather in the two large sitting areas either up or down, we have a large living room and dining room for our guests, a shared laundry room, and two kitchens. If one wants to cook something for lunch or supper we do for all and this is another advantage. We also have the gym on the roof which everyone uses too.

My brother in law has his 50 something-year-old son living with them for last 4 yrs now and does not see him leaving ever...he pays for nothing..no rent, no utilities no food, nothing..his mother cooks and does his laundry and he comes and goes as he wishes..thank goodness I do not have this in my life

In Vancouver BC, it is very common to see well established families moving back home. Cost of living is so high here that you can see parents taking in their children and grandchildren for several years so they can save up the 5% for a down payment. In Vancouver, $400,000 buys you a 2 bed town house. To get a "stand alone" property you have to get into the $700,000 range. Even then, these homes are "tear downs"...which means no one updates them prior to sale. If you do find one, you still have $100K that needs to be spent just to get it up to code, let alone "pretty". Some out lying cities can get that number down to $500,000...but you still have 1 hour commute. Price of gas = $1.35/L ($5.40/gallon) = very expensive to live more than 45 minutes away.

Renting is roughly 1/2 the price of holding a mortgage. My rent is 1/2 of cost of a mortgage if we tried to purchase the same property. Which is why you see so many adult kids (40s) moving home with spouse and 3 kids in tow...they both have excellent jobs but no savings.

@raehuestis, I am sorry for your brother-in-law. No one would like an adult living at home and abuse of their parents' generosity. It must be hard for them to force him to move.

My daughter who just finished her degree 3 week ago is back home. She is working 3 days/week. She does not pay for the rent or food. We are ok with that. However, she uses our car. We want her to pay for the gas and maybe other little things. It is hard to measure how much she spend at our expenses especially the gas, so I came up with this idea:

We will give her a bank credit card that will retrieve the money from our account. She will use it to pay for gas and grocery if she does it. In exchange, she will pay a regular monthly payment that my husband, my daughter and I think is fair. Sometimes, the amount will be to our advantage and other time to her advantage. Since she is a 22 yrs old adult, I want her to learn the importance of her being responsible on paying her credit card (she has one of her own), phone bill, car insurance etc. on a monthly basis and not forgetting to pay them. We used to do that for her while she was at school. I think that plan will work. However, I don't know about the contribution in the house: cleaning, cooking and laundry. I would like to know what is your arrangement with your son/daughter in term of contributing in the chores?

If he would work a 40 hr week like most people and pay something toward his parents bills..or if he were trying to save money to eventually move out that would be one thing..but he si not doing any of that

Yes, my daughter is finishing college this year at 21. She will leave the nest for a year to travel Europe and then...time will tell !

raehuestis-your nephew(?) will continue to take advantage of your brother-in-law because your brother-in-law is allowing him to do so. He needs to stop enabling him, stop making his life easy and throw his sorry a.. out the door. He is 50ish not a college student or young adult trying to save money to make his way. He is lazy and feels entitled and will continue to be unless your brother-in-law stops it. Obviously, your nephew never will. I truly am sorry to sound harsh and I do not mean to offend you but I cannot feel sorry for your brother-in-law as he (in my opinion) is equally to blame.

No one home at the moment except our soon to graduate from HS son. Our oldest came back 2 years ago and we realized we'd be setting a precedent and all the others would be watching...so we gave him 6 months rent free to save/figure himself out and then would impose rent. He moved out the day before his deadline. That will be the rule for the other 3.

We are planning to build in the next few years and I'd like to be able to include a decent in-law apartment in case one of the kids (or our parents) needed a place to live for a reasonable rent. I like the flexibility that could allow.

Our daughter just moved out. She is 21 and waited until she felt that she could handle moving out on her own. She has a good job and is doing quite well.

We have a 19yr old who's working and in college. I made a promise to myself that I'd never be one of the parents who told their children to be out of their house by 18. As long as they're in school and making strides to secure a decent future for themselves, I'm ok with them living at home.

We are currently downsizing with a new build. The garage is planned with an apartment above for our boys age 19 and 22, our 27 yr old daughter moved out recently after being back and forth and finally I feel like she is out for good. All my kids are welcome back but we have rules and paying rent is one if you have a job.

@Nina------When I worked Labour and Delivery, I would see the parents hold on to their precious baby that they don't want out of their sight; and many times I would think 'In 18 short years you will be kicked out of the house.' I heard this question a lot with my son,"When are you going to 'kick' that boy out?" My mind always went back to that tiny baby I held in my arms just a short while ago.

Well, he found his soulmate, brought her home, married her, and vowed he would never 'kick' his sons out. They will leave voluntary when they are ready. I was not raised in that culture, and never understood it.

BTW, If I am unable to care for myself in my old age, I know where my home will be; and that is a good feeling.

Temporarily our younger son (21) just moved back TODAY actually- after his college semester ended. Will be living with us until he finds a new roommate- his intent would be this fall when the new college semester starts. Have to admit that I miss him when he is gone and although I know this is a temporary move; I am so enjoying seeing him and spending time with him:).

I'm the child who moved back in at 47. My parents live in a pretty large home and they can no longer manage it. I work from home so I can live anywhere which means I moved from Orlando, FL to Trotwood, OH. The house was starting to look like an episode of Hoarders so I'm in the process of purging. So far, using a donation tracking program so we'll have a list at tax time, I've donated $4,400 worth of stuff and that's the conservative estimate.....I still have 2 bedrooms and a basement to go.

My brother and I would like to get this place cleaned up so they can downsize to something much smaller and I can get back to my life. I do all the grocery shopping and contribute $1,000 a month to addressing maintenance like cleaning the fireplace, fixing the driveway, power washing the house, taking down the Christmas lights (yes, we are those people) and on and on and on.

I have three children, the oldest is 24 and out on his own in another city. The middle, 22, is back home after just graduating college. He is working full time and looking to for a job in his field. I'm sure he will be gone in another six months but it's nice to have him around. This is my daughter is going to start her senior year of college this fall. She has been home since school has been out but is leaving this week to start an internship. She may be back after graduating but I kind of doubt it.

@ymichele40---- Good for you.

lake114...you are not harsh...brother in law not harsh enough

No! Thank goodness. Had a temporary blip on the radar screen for 2 months, but I put a stop to that very quickly. The door is locked from now on. There is no spare room anymore. They are all old enough to fight their own battles and make their own way. No inheritance from this end either. They can work for it like we did!

I'm the odd one out. My Mother is a widow. I'm disabled. We pooled funds and we live together. We own a house together now, but we have always lived together. For one reason or another over the years it has made sense. Now we are just comfortable as a team.

@rollinggirl. Great idea! If you can make it work with family like that, that's awesome. Moms are precious, and so is the mother-daughter bond. You are lucky to have each other. Such arrangements are often frowned upon, but in many cultures it is weird for families to live like us in the west. Various generations reside with or near each other.

In my case the person couldn't follow basic rules (no slamming doors for one thing). In order to preserve whatever independence had been gained, I had to put the kai-bosh on things. It's been working out much better. It's a fragile relationship and made more difficult by a unique disability. I'm always the bad guy for "tough love," but I know what I'm up against. In the end? They hate it when they see that I was right all along. The lessons are much better when they struggle a bit. ;-) Nobody gets coddled around here!! I have a thick skin, too.

I have one out of the nest completely and a boomerang thanks to the 2008 crash killing all 3 kids college savings and my husband's job, one returned home. We signed on to her student debt thinking she would be making more than me in her field Physical therapy. Reality is both my girls work 2 jobs in the health care fields and make less than a teacher in spite of licensure and advanced degrees. They are not video gamer slackers and I don't mind them still living in their old rooms so they can pay off student debt faster in an economy that is the pits. Depending on daughters' post grad opportunities this summer and my teen age son's camp job we could be empty nester for summer.
It is very easy for a childless person to give their opinions, but parents learn early to never say my child will never.... I think with the bad economy we are going to see more multi generational households.

It's so much a feature of life in Australia, that a TV series "packed to the Rafters" was made about it and became a number one hit . Recommended to all of you.

luvourhome. Thanks, I came from a tight close family. Sadly we've slipped away over time. When I was little it was a multi-gen household. My Dads parents, Mine, My Aunt and Uncle. There children,( 8 f them) my brother and I plus a single Uncle. It was that way until my Dad and Uncle got some strange idea to split households and move from Chicago to Denver. I was four and it never felt right after that. We lived twenty minutes apart instead of up the stairs from them. Mom and I have stuck together through all the goods and bads though. We've been a support system to each other and as I became an adult we became friends. I dare say she is my closest. Although I will make jokes and complain at times. She's the best. I agree with Kathleen I think the old ways are going to come back as the economy changes. As it becomes harder for people to live alone. It could be really good for society as a whole. L.O.H. you aren't wrong in telling someone to leave if they were damaging your peace. If you can't have peace in your home then where? Kathleen it sounds like your kids have good heads on their shoulders , that's a blessing. Good luck to them starting out is so much harder now than it ever was.

Pack the Rafters used to be on PBS here, they canceled it. It was a great show. It will probably circle round again that's how it happens on public t.v.

@Tribble--sounds interesting. I'll try and see if we can get it here in Canuck land. Thanks :)

@rollinggirl. The information doesn't process correctly due to a brain condition. It's hard to explain. Everything said would be taken too literally due to difficulty with context. Jokes, humour, irony--all examples of tricky subjects. It's gotten better, but we were all pulling our hair out. If I was helpful? That help was expected. If I didn't help? I was mean. I couldn't win. The door slamming wasn't even intentional. It's just something that would not register until too late. Now there is a group situation. It's much better. And there is *finally* outside support and financial help. It's been a rough and long road, but there's the opportunity for a job again and regular social activities. And the condition is extremely rare, so there's ongoing research. If I didn't do tough love? Everything would fall apart if one of us passed away earlier than hoped. Esp. my husband. This way the independence continues to build and will remain stable. Lots of paper-work and tears to get to this point though! And prayers!!

Don't ever feel bad about being home. Family is precious. :-)

Luvourhome I tried to send you a private message but couldn't. I've been there with other family. I get where you are coming from. It will take you down and it can near kill you to deal with those things. I'm glad you are getting help. You did the right thing to use ' tough love'. You have to protect your own health to take care of others. I know all about reams of endlessly answering the same question over and over again. It can make you want to scream at times. It sounds like you are getting somewhere though. You are right family is precious. Mine is dwindling over the years. I got over feeling bad about living with Mom years ago. When I say we're a team I mean it. We're better together. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers , feel free to drop me a line.

My college graduates are on their own and my college student is on her way there. But, I try not to judge others. One of my sons got a very well paying job after graduation, but subsequently began having some quite serious issues with depression and anxiety. He was living 2000 miles from home and I would have given the world to have him move home at that time, and am very glad we could be supportive during his struggles, including flying out to be with him etc. He is much better now, living closer to home, left the well-paying job for a job with nearly no pay with Americorps, and is set to start grad school next year, but if he had not been able to pull it together and had needed to move home for a bit, that would have been fine, no matter how others might have perceived it.

Having kids is tough. You think it's tough when they are babies and toddlers and you are getting no sleep, or when they are school aged and you have to clone yourself to handle all the carpools and baseball games and recitals, but no one warns you how tough it is to see your kids struggle into adulthood and be so limited in the help you can provide.

So I try not to judge others, and I learned a long time ago, never say never.

@rollinggirl--Thank-you, very kind. :-) The thing is, if you try the tough-love approach, people assume that you are mean, a b----, or uncaring, etc.

On the one hand "they" frown if the kid moves back home. On the other hand, they frown if you give the boot. And of course they will not offer to house the person (my place is too small, and a myriad of other excuses).

I tell ya, I've got a heart of gold, but wearing it on my sleeve gets a person nowhere. Kind-hearted and generous people are exploited readily. So "good fences makes good neighbours." (Boundaries are beautiful!)

The thing that makes it interesting is that I've had a lot of experience with manipulation in my work as a nurse. I get a sense of who will try to be difficult, and who will be reasonable. It's especially interesting when you catch a manipulator at their own game and watch them squirm.

Recent example---homeless guy approached one of the churches we were working on just as we were getting ready to leave. (We volunteered to paint the steps after they were graffitied with nasty slogans and other parts were defaced). Grrr...anyway, it was super hot out and we ended up offering the guy a ride with his bike. First up though I said, "We will give you a ride, but no money." "But I'm hungry." "We will buy you a meal, but no money."

He proceeded to tell us this long-winded and amusing story about coming on the ferry, having an appt. at the hospital (which was the first place he wanted to be let off) and having this illness. He described a myriad of symptoms and I'm nodding my head knowing I'm a nurse and his line is bs. But I play along as the drop-off locations change along with the symptoms. Finally I just said, "You will not be getting any money or drugs from us and we will drop you off at the second location. Or we can let you off here." Silence and muttering. He took the drop-off, but his lies and manipulations were epic. He did thank-us, but the look he gave was priceless. Tough love? It works. :-)

We have six children grown and out and doing well. Our youngest daughter is back at home after college to help me due to my health. I love having her here, she takes care of our home and me. In the old south (where I was born) it was expected that the youngest daughter would take care of elderly parents for which she would inherit the family home, however, this tradition has long since fallen out of favor. Our arrangement was by choice and agreed to by all. We enjoy each other tremendously as does her father. Life is good!

Yes I do. His name is "husband".

He is standing in the corner right now for putting a cheese sandwich on a good plate under the broiler. LOL

roxsy where is his shelf of plates? i hope you have not expected too much of the child?

We have an adult son that lives with us because he does not make enough money to live on his own. He does have the entire top floor of this house for his room, which gives him plenty of room for all of his stuff!

My 24 year old son still lives at home, we live in a bedroom community outside DC in Maryland, cost of living here is expensive. Yes he has a decent paying full time job and contributes to the household. He has Asperger's and is extremely intelligent, kind and considerate wonderful person!! I'm glad that he still at home and am in no hurry for him to move out. Though I feel that could be soon as he has a new girlfriend. So we shall see what happens.

My cousins 24 yr old daughter graduated with her teaching degree, took a job in her alma mater High School, and promptly moved right back into her parents house/old bedroom.

3 years has passed, she paid off all her student loans (including the dreaded private loan) bought and paid off a brand new car, and has a healthy savings account.

She just announced last month she is now "ready" to move in with her boyfriend.

Our daughter needed an additional year to complete her BA. Every student is an individual and thus needs to be respected for their own timetable in life .Rome wasn't built in a day . I believe our daughter will go far in life . We are proud of her accomplishments and goals in life . Our daughter has held a summer job each year since graduating from high school. The job market is tough and very competitive . The housing market is expensive . Therefore , I am open to providing a roof over our adult daughters head until she is able to be out there on her own . I have confidence that she will want her independence and will she will be self motivated to go out into the world and make her way in life . Stay tuned ! May 19 , 2018 is right around the corner . Legally blonde is about to make us all very proud.

xoxo Mom

My parent, my husband and I built two houses 67 feet apart on top of a hill in Texas 34 years ago. Over the years they helped pick up my daughter from assorted school activities. We have always eaten at each other’s houses depending on who was cooking what. For a short while my mom and I worked together so we were able to carpool. As my parents aged I started cleaning their house, making their meals and running their errands. I eventually moved in with them because I was sick of having to put a coat on in the middle of the night when they needed me. My husband moved in with me when we tried to rent our house (that did not work out at all but that is another story). Then my husband died suddenly and I hit a wall. My daughter, who had bought her own house 7 years earlier moved into my mom’s house, and mom and I moved back into my house. She was a god sent when I needed her. We have had Several different multi-generational situations over the years making adjustments as needed. Everyone’s situation is different. You have to learn to roll with the punches and see what works for your family.