2092 Stay positive. Usually when one door closes, another one opens up.

Mozaic What a great hubby. Give your new place a bit of time, perhaps your feelings will change when you have put your "input" into it. If it doesn't work out, consider it a learning experience and make sure the next place is exactly what you want.

I purchased a very old house in a prime location a few months before covid with intentions of renovating. I felt very confident in my purchase as I had lived nearby in rentals for many years and wanted to settle.

Here I am two and a half years later. It's finally finished, living here for a few months now, and I just can't warm up to it. I went through absolute hell, by far the worst years of my life due to pandemic and reno stress, plus mental and physical health issues that I'm still dealing with, all in social isolation. I really want to feel at home here, but instead I feel all the misery I endured and continue to endure just to get here.

Despite my disgust with the whole endeavor, I am forcing myself to furnish one room to see how that feels. I also need to form some positive memories here. I hope it helps enough to start changing my view. If not, I'll cut my losses.

It's ok to make mistakes. Even massive mistakes. No one can tell the future.

HP - What a lot of stress renovating thru COVID times.

Hopefully now the fun part has started, decorating it, you will find more bliss in your life.

Now is the time to take care of yourself.

Hello
Ugh … I sold our lake home in may 2020…. I was afraid of flooding and so far it’s just fine. We moved into a townhome downtown . Meanwhile homes prices keep rising . I cry everyday . I hate the townhome , feel claustrophobic , miss my view and my home . My husband and I are about to split up over this because he is so tired of my meltdowns . I am so depressed . I’ve never been this way before …. My home is the center of everything for me . We can’t find anything as nice as what we had because prices are out of control . I’m so upset .

Why did you think your home was going to flood?

Can I ask what has happened since your original post? Did you stay and learn to live with your home or did you move?

We flooded with hurricaine Harvey . The dam on the lake requires expansion which will take a few years or more . I was worried about a second flood and losing home value. Consequently they are managing the lake levels much closely now so a good chance it won’t flood again . My husband thinks it won’t but I got scared .

We’ve been in the townhouse for a year . Prices are exploding all around us … maybe we will fund a place in a year . Crossing fingers we get our money out of this townhouse . It required considerable remodeling . Townhouses don’t sell as fast as houses .

Corey we all make mistakes. I told my husband I f’ed up. We are in the process of listing and it’s my fault my family is going through this again. But there are no price tags on lessons. I did notice when I got the house list ready that I started to feel better and more proud of the home. I’m not sure if it’s bc I knew there was an out or if bc the process of making it my own helped. Regardless I need to move forward.

I’m happy it’s making you feel better . Yes this has been a super tough lesson . I’m hoping we can have a solution within a year or two years max . I can’t seem to get clear on where I want to buy and I’m so afraid of making another mistake . Praying the competitiveness over home buying will simmer down. It’s very easy to get disillusioned. Good luck and hope it’s a happy move .

Corey our marriage was also at a breaking point too. What I have been told is there are underlying reasons of the fears that causes us to move. As humans, when we sense fear, we either flight, fight or freeze. In your case, it was the fear of flooding again so you opted for flight response (me too). My therapist said for the future, get into a calm state of mind and write out pros and cons but pros and cons with 4 grids. Pros of moving, not moving,cons of moving and cons of not moving. That helps gives us a bigger view of both sides. Also looking at things from a calmer state of mind will allow us to make a more logical decision. Sometimes what we see as a Tiger may turn out to only be a cat.

Thank you very much for sharing . That’s great input !

I am going through this right now:( We were in a gorgeous rental, steps to a trail , parks, creek, just outside the city. We wanted to buy input that area, but we were first time home buyers who didnt have a huge down payment so we couldnt afford to buy in that area. We started looking a bit more out and then further out. Every time we lost a bid it was really disappointing in that moment, but the next day I would wake up feeling relieved, since we were never ready to leave that beautiful area. And then a few months later, we were successful at a bid. A good 45 mins further than where we lived. We moved and I went through such depression that I lost 8kgs in a month. It didnt help that we moved in the middle of winter, which made me feel even more isolated. Everything I knew and loved about where we lived was no longer a part of our lives. Weve been here for 5 months now and I'm counting down the months till we can move somewhere closer to where we lived. I truly hope we can

Sorry you miss your old place . The fed has stated that we are starting to show signs of a housing bubble . All of this might look differently in a couple years . People have paid exuberant prices for homes because of fear of missing out … it’s now starting to look like we might have some fundamental issues .
Meanwhile, I’m going to try and fill my weekends with trips to places that make me happy and stay out of this townhouse as much as possible . For now I have to accept where I am but remain hopeful for the future . Maybe something great will appear in a couple of years . Same for you 🙂.

Corey and Emma, I sympathize and can relate to your feelings so I almost started a new post so that people can see that sometimes making another bold move and selling and moving again doesn’t necessary mean a financial loss. I’m not sure if I shared my update on my experience but the depression got so bad that it wasn’t worth staying. I had expectations of losing money bc we listed less than 6 months but I found an experienced agent and consulted with her first on whether we could break even (including closing cost, agent fees, moving fees, repairs, painting, etc) and we ended up making $50k in less than 6 months! Granted the market is not as strong as it was when we went under contract but it’s still high. Even if it’s a 5%-10%, you can’t put a price tag on health and happiness. I was prepared to lose a little but if it was 15-25%, I prob wouldn’t have listed. My advice is find a very good agent and get their thoughts if there is a way to break even. We took a risk bc the agent advised us that in order to break even, we had to put $$ in to paint the entire home and a couple of hundred to get the house measured and floor plans drawn up. The floor plans added an extra 200 sq ft which helped A LOT (tax rolls usually have lower sq footage) and the painting made a big difference. Choose quality painters though! We trusted our agent and turns out she was right! I LOVE the new house better. Good luck! Emma, I do think you made the right decision. Buying is better than renting and at least you can build equity. It will only help find your future home!

Thank you corey and mozaic8211. Mozaic8211, your post gave me so much hope! I even read it to my husband who was initially worried that moving so quickly would for sure mean a huge financial loss. But it doesnt neccessarily have to be the case. And you are so right, one cannot put a price tag on happiness. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The hope alone makes it easier. We are now thinking of selling/buying once we are able to save a bit more for down payment (likely within the next 6 months). Quick question, when buying, do they take into account equity built? And yes you are right, we made the right decision to buy instead of continuing to rent - this way its an investment, esp in this insane market we find ourselves in.

Emma I hope you are doing better! Wish there was a way to private message ppl on here.

I am in a similar boat. My husband and I just bought a home for the first time in our HCOL city. The house is in a great neighborhood, good location, and has a relatively large lot for the city we live in. It is over 100 years old, and it still has some beautiful historic features remaining. We were able to buy it off market which allowed us to avoid a bidding war, but it was still SO expensive. I know I should be feeling grateful to have purchased a home, but I feel a pit in my stomach. The house requires so much work I feel sick. My husband strongly felt like this was a good house and that we had a rare opportunity to avoid a bidding war and we should go for it, and because he was so sure that we should go for it and because I also liked some aspects of the house, I never said “no, I don’t think we should do this.” Now I’m really really regretting getting a house that needs so much work. There is no bathroom on the main floor. There is no entryway closet. The kitchen was remodeled cheaply in the early 00’s with IKEA cabinets that are now peeling, an ugly tile backsplash and crappy sheet vinyl flooring. It looks totally out of place with the rest of the house. I feel so terrible every time I walk into that room I have been avoiding it, and I know it will be years until we have enough money to remodel it. The only bathroom upstairs does not have a shower and adding one will be tricky due to the low, sloped ceilings in that room. I could go on.

I am feeling overwhelmed at the condition of the house and the number of to-dos, primarily because I know it is going to be very costly to fix these things (one estimate to remodel the bathroom came in at $60k!!). My husband is a very positive and optimistic person and I don’t think he realizes how much remodeling will cost. I just feel so disappointed - I’ve been looking forward to finally having a home for as long as I can remember, it’s such a milestone, and in the end I just feel utter disappointment that the amount of money we paid gets us a house that needs this much work. I don’t love the home, I don’t even like it. I wish I had told my husband no but I think there was a part of me that wondered if he was right. We had been looking for a house for more than a year, been outbid so many times, and there were a few we looked at that I think he really wanted, but we lowered our topline offer due to my insistence, which ultimately made us lose out. I keep thinking the house we ended up getting doesn’t have my favorite anything - it doesn’t have the best layout we saw, nor the best living room we saw, nor basement, nor upstairs, etc. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason we went for it is because we could get it off market. We needed to move out of our 1-bedroom condo that we had been living in for 10 years because we were outgrowing the space. We were sick of the super urban neighborhood we lived in, the endless sirens and ambulances, and the lack of a yard. But I miss the comfort and familiarity of our condo so much. I know we made the right decision buying a house, I just wish we ended up with a house I felt happy about.

I have had a knot in my stomach, constant anxiety and depression about the house for months now. I feel horrible when I’m there. I am hoping it will get better but I’m afraid we made a huge mistake buying a house that is actually a money pit. And I feel so trapped, knowing that we need to live in the house for at least a year or two before selling it. Knowing others have gone through this makes me feel less alone. My husband doesn’t understand how I can dislike the house so much and is sick of my negativity about it. I want to start feeling better about the house, I just don’t know how.

Potteryclare I posted earlier about my experience and the outcome. Everyone is different but what made me feel better (although some may disagree) was to remember that 1. There’s no price tag on mental health and happiness and 2. The house was temporary and we could always sell it if my situational depression didn’t get better. It didn’t get better and I knew in my heart it wouldn’t so I called up the top agent in the area I wanted to buy and sell (bc I learned the hard way that going with a friend agent that gives a % back is not always the best way to save $) and I was able to sell the house at break even (a little profit) in <6 months of living there and buy a house that I love before it hit mls. Most top agents in the area have a good client base so they are very familiar with upcoming homes and in some cases can even let you look at the home before it hits mls. Once we went under contract the home hit mls per process and they got multiple offers at 200k+ our purchase price. Get the best agent and sell the home. I believe the recession will only get worse so even if it means getting into a rental you can be ready to jump on a house that you and your husband both love. The home you bought isn’t bad and y’all liked it for a reason so you know there is someone else out there that will feel the same. The important thing is that your husband is supportive and onboard. Luckily mine was but occasionally I do have to hear the teasing of making the family move twice in less than 6 months. 😞

Feel free to private message me if you ever need to more advice. I sympathize with anyone experiencing this bc I know how it feels like and I would never want anyone to ever feel the way. I almost felt guilty bc it was such a materialistic reason for being depressed over a house.

Yes I I’ve been criticized for that . My situations even more complicated . My husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma while this was happening . He is now in Chemo and this townhouse happens to be close to the med center . Moving isn’t in the cards for a while. I don’t have an appetite for the higher interest rates . We have 2.7% , prices are so high now , and the health issues add to the complexity . Some days I felt like I could literally suffocate . I guess I’m finally transitioning a bit now …. I’m praying that 2024 will be the light an the end of the tunnel on multiple fronts. Thank you . I live in houston where do you live .

Hello
I just saw potteryclare message . Ugh I’m so sorry . The thing that helps the most is to remember that everything is temporary . It’s more like a bump in a long road . That’s how I’m viewing where I am . I live the area so I. Trying to stay focus on activities not the house . You can jump in a rental if you think it will be more costly than you had planned . I agree that the recession is lagging . I be,I’ve we will see it play out in 2023 and possibly part of 2024 . It will also be temporary

@corey. Dallas texas. I am also relatively practical at the same time so I wouldn’t have done the sell and buy after being in less the house in less than 6 months if it was going to be a significant loss. This was all in February so I knew I had to work fast before rates significantly increased and sure enough it did. Thankfully we locked before the spike.

An update on my dislike for our new retirement house. Still dislike the lot/area. The builder that bought the house and lot behind us has only installed a fence due to the inflation his ice cream / coffee shop may be on hold. We are still here due to the crazy housing market and nothing available in our area in our price range. We are hoping to retire in 5 years but if we move we may have to work another 10 years. So there’s that. Live in a place you can’t stand or build/buy elsewhere near and work 10 years instead of the targeted 5. If only I had not trusted the builder and believed what he told me as being truth. Lesson learned; check every zone/planning commission change for months/years prior to moving.

Hoping the housing market turns around in next year or so.

Good luck to everyone struggling and dealing with a bad choice in their moves.

I'm wondering too if Heather was able to learn to love her new place or not?

Her last post was was 2016, and had just bought a condo. I am guessing she did not learn to love it. I wish to things for her. Life can be overwelming.

May be opening a can of worms: BUT...I sometimes wonder about this whole "open concept" that everybody seems to want. I have a 1925 house where all the rooms are separate but have great flow. Not just a circular floor plan, but a figure 8. So I have two doorways. And a sealed off dark cozy family room in the back with french doors (so it can be open concept if I want). Everyone that visits says it has the best vibe for a house they've ever been in. Kids love it and never want to leave. So weird to hear a kid say 'i like your house'. Any my house is far from being fully renovated or have that Pottery Barn allure. Cat clawed furniture, 10 yr old-needs painted-walls....etc....

I go to my friend's house that is a newer home with vaulted ceilings and everything is open concept. Feels cold and uneasy for some reason, to me.

I know everyone is different and some people love their wide open rooms...but wondering if all that hype on HGTV for open concept was not good. Would love to hear what people's opinions are on the wide open rooms with vaulted/cathedral ceilings? Is open concept on the way out?

Open concept was largely initiated by house flippers (thus the HGTV emphasis) who purchased smaller homes that they wanted to appear larger to appeal to buyers. They started knocking down walls and convinced folks that they'd gain value by being able to supervise young children and exist in the same space eating, watching television and doing homework simultaneously. I think the pandemic/lockdown started to show the cracks in this theory - walls aren't a bad thing. If you have a decent sized home with sufficient space in the separate rooms, there's little reason for "open concept." The one major exception to this is some mid-century architecture, where the spaces were more open to begin with (no separate dining space, lots of windows) but those spaces were always intentional. Personally, I think there is no "one size fits all" to layout - the layout should align with the overall age and architecture of the home, as well as the preferences for the folks living within it. But folks need to really consider whether they truly need one huge open space, or if they are being manipulated/sold into believing it's what's best for them.

mozaic8211 heyyyy, we're still in this place, 1 year since we moved in. We've done a ton of updates, remodelled the kitchen and bathroom so atleast all the work is done. Come Spring next year we're going to start the search again. Have spoken to mortgage lender and we can port so atleast theres that, given that the interest rate is crazy right now. Have never liked this home but atleast its only a matter of time now...

JP l, Great input!

@emma, that’s great to hear! Yes! Once I acknowledge that there is an out and exit plan then I mentally felt so much better. Now it’s more of a home you are living in and prepping for the next home.

Hello, sharing this in case it helps anyone. My situation is not one of those where “hate the house initally, but then re-decorate and renovate” and then it gets better. It has been 1+ year and still dislike it. Hate the area too. Even more than initally. Neighbours are weird and loud. It is too sub-urban and there is nothing close. It is a wrong “fit”, mistake, etc etc. I decided I had to change my thinking of it. It is not a home, it is an investment. Where I live mortgage terms are 5 years. First year passes the fastest, last year will be fosuced on selling, finding a new place, etc. Three years in between is looking to make changes to increase the value of your investment. Paint, refinish, upgrade, whatever can be afforded. And time will pass. Then move on to the next chapter.

@HU- that sounds like a great plan! Having a plan has made you feel better though right? That’s what made me feel better. 5 years goes by so quickly!

hey @mozaic8211 - did you have to pay capital gains on your property since it was under 6 months. I am going through the same mental struggle that you did, we just moved in a few months ago and I feel pretty miserable in this house daily. The house is beautiful but cons include - living on top of a hill so not having a real backyard and instead having a deck, that feels scary with a little one, having three floors and working on top floor and running up and down stairs, not loving the energy of the house, feeling very far away from family and friends, needing to drive everywhere, etc. I have a baby so this has also felt extra isolating and my husband is keen on living here for a while. I would need to present a realistic case for selling, we have made many improvements to the house so I think overall the value has gone up and it's in a good school district and town.

@ars143- that’s yet to be determined with our accountant for when we do our 2022 taxes since the sale and purchase was in 2022. I am sure we will have to but i documented every expense. I was told you can deduct expenses including advertising, broker fees, legal fees, and repairs. I even documented my moving fees just in case it helps. We were also in a very good school district and town (just 1 mile less from the new house). It’s crazy how crossing the other side of a tollway makes a huge difference. If it has taken a physical and mental toll on you, your husband should understand. I was willing to take up to a 15% loss bc we also sold our other home which had good returns.

mozaic8211

is there anyway you and I could private message? I'm going through this now after moving from my family home. I'm deeply depressed and have been crying everyday for the past 38 days. i even approached the buyers of my old home to see if I could buy it back. I tried direct messaging you but it's not letting me.

Mare3173- do you have fb? If so you can search “kristy seve” and PM there. My profile photo is the one with my kids sitting on top of a cliff by the ocean. Thanks.

yes, will do

Hi everyone! We sold our house and finally moving! Two years since I posted in here about how depressed I was when we purchased this house after moving from our beautiful rental. Like many of you said at the time, it was a good move to buy and capitalize on the 2021 low interest rate. It helped us build equity (with a 1.8% interest rate we were paying mainly towards the principle) and we were able to save for a good down payment. And now we just bought our forever home! I got to choose the home, not have the home choose me in a crazy bidding war market. Just wanted to share an update!:)

Emma- I am so happy for you!! So glad it worked out!

I‘m so happy for you! Please post a photo of your new home!

Is this thread too old to comment? anyway, i hate my house i bought at the height of covid. i saw the outside but not the inside. the first night , after taking out all the fabrezes that were plugged in to the sockets, i noticed a horrible smell. cat piss. it took a month to take out walls and flooring. but it still smells. over a thousand pounds of walls and floor were removed. theres a deck thats tilting and wobbly but i cant get anyone to fix it because its built over a septic system, illegally. i cant get city sewar either. the windows are rotten, one leaks its so rotten. and theres a noise in the house i cant explain. like a rumbling. i put in a new fireplace and hvac and toilets and sinks. i hate it still after 3 years. but i cant sell it cause my best friend lives in the house. i only visit for a couple months in the summer. i dont know what to do. my lifelong dream of being a homeowner is crushed.

Ive been at my house for five years. its only 1100 sq feet. too small. its never felt like home. i dont like the location or really anything about my house. i always compare it to other peoples homes, and always seeing how much better their home is than mine

Hu- just remember you can always sell it. I thought of that when I was miserable in my last house and we have since moved and I am a lot happier.

Hu---Most homeowners get tired of their houses at some point. Sometimes all that is needed is a refresh of some rooms, a major housecleaning, or a long vacation away from the house! When the location works but more space is needed, then an addition is the obvious solution; however, when the location no longer works, it’s time to move. Not possible? Join the crowd! We all can’t live down the block from a great coffee shop or have views of the ocean! So, how to tolerate a less-than-ideal living space? Surround yourself with things that make you feel good and get rid of the things that don’t. After five years, your junk might be making the house feel even smaller. Declutter, as if you're going to put the house on the market. Consider new paint colors that make rooms feel bigger (or, conversely, select darker colors for drama and warmth), built-ins that offer more storage or seating, new furnishings or arrangements that don’t overpower small rooms, décor that draws the eye up or out, or transform an old deck or patio into an outdoor room. Other things that can make a house feel more like a beloved home: pets, music, special collections, family photographs, handmade décor, wonderful cooking vibes, and so much more. There are a bunch of great decorating books for small spaces. You might even get some ideas from tiny houses, which, of course, tend to make 1100 sq. ft. look like a mansion! Thumbs down for envy and thumbs up for positive thinking and fun challenges!

Oh this thread... I am currently sitting in my new home... our old home has not gone to market yet. This new home is even older than my last old home, and I didn't realize the mountains of work it needed before we moved in. It feels like we WAY over paid for it, but there were already multiple offers on it, so it was either pay a crazy amount or lose the house. We are leaving our last house for valid reasons... it is in the city and the city has become very crime ridden and poorly run. While I am happy with the area of our new house... I am absolutely horrified that I have to live here now. I lived in my last precious home for almost 24 years... and everything was updated just the way I liked it. This new place has been butchered by previous owners... and there is just one broken thing after the next after the next after the next. I am crying constantly, and am borderline inconsolible and I am sure I am miserable to be around because I can't stop complaining and whining. How on earth can I make myself have a better perspective?

@susan- I felt the exact same way. I was crying and whining and complaining all the time and I would randomly cry at restaurants. What kept me going was the acceptance that I can always sell someday. Sounds like you’re in a better situation though bc it’s not that you want your old house back. We sold the house after 4-6 months of living there bc I couldn’t function and went into depression and found a better house. I was a lot happier and now have no regrets. My husband and I were willing to lose money if it meant me getting out of the depression. If you 100% know you don’t like the house then I say find a kick ass realtor and find one you love. Or maybe go over the reasons why you liked the house to begin with and slowly make improvements and turn it into the home you will love.

@mozaic, thank you for your kind words. I am glad to hear you are in a happier space now. I think i could learn to like this new house- but I need Oprah Winfrey money to pay for all the many things I want to fix. :) I think we should try to be gentle on ourselves since it takes bravery to try new things in the first place. But you are right- if i can’t get my act together here, its okay to find a different house ❤️

@susan- I also just read rates hit an all time low since august so it should be getting better. Things I did to mitigate losses (and we had none bc I was able to make some money bc of the crazy market) was do 90% of the move ourselves (we rented a truck). I also staged the house and you know what…you mentioned there were a lot of interest when you bought the house so I’m sure there will be again! Remember you can always sell some day, it’s not forever. You got this!