Well I PRAY you're not beginning yet.

Other than to call a kitchen designer, you begin with a blank piece of graph paper, and the final open dimensions of your space, including all windows and doorways, to SCALE.

Then you make a list of all the new appliances you will need, and plot their logical locations for the way you'd like to use your kitchen. Sink, dishwasher, fridge, oooktop/oven and on. Do you want one oven or two.... a range or a cook top etc. You can not plan cabinetry and storage without first considering and planning for appliances and their dimensions and locations for plumbing and electrical concerns as well.

Now you go to STORAGE. Cabinetry, island, pantry etc......where and how much?Will you need a dining/breakfast table, will you island sit and do gatherings in a separate room?

ONLY after all the functions are in place can you begin to think about cabinetry style and color, and flooring ( best chosen together) Having an ideabook already compiled on Houzz will make those selections easier

How will you light the kitchen? Recessed? Pendants? Both? Under cabinet lighting?

Now you're at counter tops, and a review of cabinetry color....flooring selection... all together and well before all is final in your plan, and actually ordered

And finally details like hardware and back splashes.....

Wow.... totally overwhelmed!

I have just discovered that my style of preference is Southwestern. the layout is an L shape with he _ being the wall we knock down. this is where I want my island (or peninsula(to be technical).

the wall perpendicular to this is also getting torn down, this is my dining room.

I'm just thinking I would love a designer by trade to help.

Is it true that stove, refrigerator, and dining area should form a triangle for best functionality?

Louise3martino, of course you need to talk to a designer by trade. That is why you need to hire one.

Honestly, start with a budget. Then call a kitchen designer. Once you have the first, the second can work within your restraints. Reno's are stressful, going over budget is more stressful.

Louise I'm sorry your overwhelmed! It does get really confusing doing a kitchen. So your not crazy!
How about taking basic dimensions into a kitchen and bath store? They can help you start on a basic layout. Do include where doors and windows are placed.
We design kitchens all the time and I assure you if you weren't nervous about this big investment you wouldn't have your head on straight!
So first things first:
Good drawings - draw a very accurate layout of the space you have to work with - right down to the inch. And measure ceiling height.
Place cabinets and appliances with the help of a designer or kitchen and bath store
Add in specialty cabinets. I love 30 to 33 inch drawers for pots and pans as well as dual garbage can holders. One recycle side and one garbage side.
Tweak the placement of cabinets and appliances. Does everything fit? Did your designer include trim pieces?
Check your budget
Start adding in design elements.

I hope this helps!
Oh and to answer your question about the work triangle, generally yes. It is a smart goal to have in a kitchen. But some kitchens are getting large enough I think in terms of "work areas". For example, for a wonderful baker, we just set up a whole area with a separate oven, flour bins, small specialty fridge....all right inside her primary kitchen. So fun.

The first thing you do is find out about the wall your are removing . Just because your husband is a pluming contractor does not make him a structural engineer, there will be big decisions to be made ahead so get a kitchen designer on board now it will save you money and headaches down the road.

You just described a 70K renovation, with pretty basic finishes. Which is why you start with your budget, and then move on to a structural engineer. A 200 year old house is sure to have multiple issues that require Pro help. Your husband is sure to know a good contractor who works with a good KD and a good structural engineer. You'll need the whole team. And a healthy contingency budget.