Hi Amy! To start some pic would be nice. However it sounds like you are going for a very neutral color palate. Especially if its on a grey scale it won't really matter how you paint them, because neutrals go well together. The only thing I would avoid is two similar but not matching colors right next to each other because it will feel sloppy. (Think wearing a black shirt and pants, but its two different kinds of black). Good luck!

The dining room cabinets do not need to match the kitchen. Your plan sounds great.