The magic question

10 years ago

So far we have been very lucky and had a mostly great experience working with various contractors. We did a pretty good job laying plans out from the get go, but of course there have been a few miscommunications along the way. In some cases the breakdown became obvious once we rewound and clarified what we each meant, and in those cases the solution was clear, either we paid more to change it if we hadn't explained things clearly from the outset, or we made the changes at the contractors expense in the event that they made a mistake. In two instances, however, my contractor and I could not agree on who needed to pay for the change. I HATE confrontation and I do NOT want to be "that lady", but I also want to get the kitchen we've been planning and saving for. I asked my contractor, "If this was your home, would you be pleased with that solution?" In both cases the contractor agreed that he wouldn't be happy about it either, and the change was made with no cost to me. I am so grateful to be working with an honest and kind group of people, and this has also been a good reminder to assume the best in people. I tend to be a little bit of a skeptic, but I might be mending my ways:)!

Featured Answer

ediblekitchen

10 years ago

"If this was your home, would you be pleased with that solution?"

Yes, brilliant!

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Comments (9)

Lavender Lass
10 years ago
Very good suggestion! And a good way to phrase the question : )
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just_janni
10 years ago
A nice, fair, non confrontational negotiation technique. Nice work.
cpartist
10 years ago
I'm bookmarking this so I can remember it when we have some difficulties.
aprilneverends
10 years ago
I'm bookmarking it also. I wish I would have read it earlier LOL
girouxgh
10 years ago
I had issues with our plumber and his crew last summer and used the same sort of tactic. We weren't living in the house at the time work was being done, and when they were in our house working had turned the air conditioning to the lowest temperature possible, removed portions of the air vents in the basement (to try to get more cold air down there), and left the air turned as cold as could be when they left the job site a few days later. When we discovered this, and myriad other issues (like empty beer bottles they'd left behind!) we immediately called the plumber and asked if, had this been HIS house, would any of these things have been considered acceptable. Of course not, was the reply. Very simple and impactful approach to try to diffuse defensiveness and provoke thought.
chicagoans
10 years ago
I've used something similar with physicians a few times: "What would you do if this was your spouse?" and "What would you do if this was your child?"

I feel like I get very straight answers that way, and on more than one occasion it caused the provider to pause, think through the situation again, and then answer.

It's a good question! Glad you got good results.
ootbubby
10 years ago
I've used this idea as well when I am asked which way I want something and I don't know enough to make a proper decision. I'll ask "which way would you do it in your own home"? And I go with the answer. Of course it helps that I have full trust in the contractor.
aptosca
10 years ago
last modified: 10 years ago
What ootbubby said. I do this a lot in lots of different areas of life. It works if you can trust that they're being truthful.

But it sometimes doesn't work, even with the best of intentions: one of my best friends is an architect and has given me lots of advice, but sometimes when I ask what he would do, he doesn't have an answer. I like craftsman and he likes modern so he doesn't have a very strong opinion on some craftsman details, just like I don't on MCM details.