Rather than stain the cabinets consider painting them white perhaps with even a gray glaze. I would first pick out your counter and backsplash and then coordinate paint to that. Definitely plan on replacing the pulls. A new light fixture can also have a big impact. Happy Decorating!

Even with a stain your oak cabinets are still going to look like oak.

Remove the valance--red is a bad color for oak. Go with a roman shade in some updated fabric.

I wouldn't replace the counters if you think your future plans might involve new cabinets some day. The current counters will support a shift to a more gray color scheme just fine. My two top picks for changes here would be painting the grout lines in the floor tile (they will seem instantly more up to date if they match the color of the tile), something you can do yourself, and painting the cabinets a light color, something you might or might not want to undertake yourself.