I would give it two weeks and then examine your feelings again, it has been a big step for you. You know, lots of moms have post partum depression and then go on to be very happy with their children, maybe this is a post house buy depression because of all the stress you've been through.

You might want to see a counselor. Maybe yoga or jogging would help. This might be more analogous to post partum depression than simple remorse.

Ants and a possum are not a disaster, they are normal. In fact they are so common that Houzz has forums for issues like those. Furthermore, rats, cockroaches, weeds, cracks in the driveway, heater issues, frozen faucets, peeling paint, clogged toilets, broken garage door springs, and lots of other things are normal. What is abnormal is obsessing about the issues.

If I lived close enough to walk to restaurants and other shopping I would be panicky about crime, smells, litter, and traffic. But that's me. I live in the country outside a small town (900 people). My entire commute is less than 10 minutes. We have some restaurants and shopping in town, but I have to drive 30 minutes to get to a decent sized grocery store. Again, it depends on what you like. I'm thinking you might be someone who needs to live in the city and not in the suburbs. Location might be your only issue. You're still going to have every single one of the issues I mentioned, but the location would be more to your liking, so you can overlook the small stuff.

i think that you are scared and it is showing in ways you don't comprehend. You've bought the house, moved in, and now suddenly, you feel like flopping across the bed and crying and saying, "What have I done? Did I do the right thing? Have I made the mistake of my lifetime?" You want to curl up and have the world to go away for awhile. You now realize that you have taken on a responsibility and at present, it is big and scary. "Can I afford this?" is in the background. What will the future hold?

These are normal feelings. These are fear driven. Its fear of the unknown with no assurance of the outcome. Happily, this will go away if you give it a chance. You are in this house (for now). Accept this fact and dig in to make it yours. Its your home. Realize that this is your starter home. You don't have to live there forever. You are looking at the negatives. Stop. Look at what attracted you here in the first place. Look at the positives and build on those.

Those other houses may look good from a distance, but remember that conditions within a city are not fixed and do change, many times for the worse.

Now about that suspected animal under your deck. (You have a deck, Wow!) Why fret until you know what it is. Most small animals in that situation can be evicted and when they are gone, the space can be secured with screening or slat-work. Maybe its a feral cat. That would be nothing to fear. Its not a bear.

I also freaked out a little about my first house. It was fine and I lived there for eight years. I actually would still be living there if I hadn't decided to move cross-country. It was not perfect. It had problems. It was mine! I could paint the walls any color I wanted, no sharing walls with neighbors, get a dog without permission, etc. I was not in love with the house when I moved in, but by the time I left I was really sad to see it go.

Thank you everyone, for your advice, thoughts and comfort!

I agree that I might have felt somewhat this way with any house, but I think that what I'm feeling is more of a panic than just general nerves. I do think we might have been happier overall with the other house just because there'd be less general maintenance involved. But there's no point dwelling on what could have been. The hardest part though is wondering if I can ever trust my own instincts again!

I've committed to living in the house and trying to enjoy it and make it our own for at least a few months. Right now the real estate market in my area is still on the rise, but it's a huge bubble which could burst at any time. And I'm aware that selling a house that was just purchased might be very difficult. Luckily, I have a very understanding agent who is willing to help us, whatever we decide.

@gemdandy - thank you for your kind words and understanding. Everything you said is spot on. I will give it a chance. :)

@cooper8828 - who knows, maybe I'll be back on here in a few years saying the same thing. :)

I'm so glad I found Houzz - it's such a great community of people who genuinely want to help each other out!!

Ants often come inside a warm house when it gets cold. Carpenter ants are a good sign - they mean you don't have termites! You do not need an exterminator to keep them out. Mix borax and sugar and apply where they appear to be coming in. Be patient while they take the borax back to their nest and wipe out the whole colony. The object is not to kill the ones that appear but use them as trojans. As for the paw prints, take a picture next time and find someone to identify them. Start an inventory of all of the birds, insects, and wildlife you are now living with. Same with the plants. You are scared because you are still a stranger in a new habitat. Knowledge will make you comfortable in your new surroundings. You are also scared because you think you will have to be calling in professionals like the exterminator to help you with what looks like a mountain of problems. You won't. You will learn how to do so many things yourself, and also to learn how many things aren't even necessary to do. Remember that every professional you call is also a salesman and has an interest in making you think you have even more problems than you thought! This is the dreariest time of year. It's not so easy to be depressed when spring comes. You may even be in for some surprises if you haven't lived in your house a year yet. Here's wishing you bulbs and buds!

These are normal feelings!! I think first time buyers regret is a known and studied phenomenon! Becoming a homeowner ALWAYS has major downsides. Because all houses have problems and those problems are now - your - responsibility. Ants and a random animal living under your deck are seriously nothing to worry about, and this is just par for the course of homeownership. The other home would have had the same or worse problems. If it makes you feel any better, we have an astoundingly expensive home in a prime urban region, and every couple years have a family of dog-sized rats move into our cellar. That's just life, and not worth sweating over.

I hope you find yourself coping with these totally normal feelings in a couple of weeks, in a way that doesn't feel as if you've made a huge mistake. I doubt that you have. Yes, home ownership is a lifestyle change, but you may find that you come to enjoy the yard maintenance, a little wildlife now and then, and even finding solutions to things like carpenter ants. Did you have a home inspection? Was there any note made of any insect problems? You may want to have a pest company inspect for carpenter ant infestation when the weather warms a bit.

For now, perhaps focus on what could be wrong with the townhouse you didn't choose - maybe the closest neighbor has a yippy dog that barks all night, or maybe a month after you moved in the management announces that all of the windows in the whole complex need to be replaced because their seals are failing and each owner will be assessed an additional $20,000 to cover the costs (happened to my son with the condo he bought), maybe the grounds crew starts mowing at 6 a.m. on your only day to sleep in, or you shared a yard with an old man who likes sunbathing in his speedo...etc....just try to imagine what could be wrong with that place and maybe you can take the idyllic bloom off of it.

Go read the apartment forum about noisy neighbors, or city data forums on renting (mostly places with shared walls), and see how much peopke usually hate having shared walls...noise from kids screaming or people slamming vabinets/walking loudly, cigarette smoke, barking dogs or pet restrictions, grilling restrictions, parking restrictions, Christmas decoration restrictions.

Many first time buyers have buyers remorse, and it doesn't matter which house they buy.

Stop 2nd guessing your decision, and start making your house a home.

Reading your description of the 2 houses makes me wonder if you are thinking of having children soon? If so, you totally picked the right house. If not, harder to say.

After a few years, your payments will be less expensive due to inflation. Your cost is now fixed, but your paycheck is not. If your pay keeps pace with nominal inflation, say 2.5%. in 5 years, this amounts to an increase of (1.025)^5 or 1.131, in other words income will be 13.1% greater.

this is normal! don't worry- it will pass. Buying a home is a big deal and of course you want everything to be perfect. You chose that home for a reason, once you move in and get settled youre remember why.

When we moved into our home we had carpenter ants in a strange spot in the kitchen in the middle of winter. It concerned me but I sprayed some ortho home defense in the area I saw them and in the basement directly underneath this area and haven't seen them since. We also had a mouse that I found in the drawer of my stove- I almost died!!! If your house has been vacant awhile (mine has) these things are to be expected. As far as the critter in the backyard....no biggie. You have a yard now, critters will come and go for years to come. I have tons of deer in my yard that make it impossible to have flowers.

Don't worry, you made the right choice. Once you make it YOUR home, you cant imagine calling somewhere else "home"

For what it's worth, before my husband and I bought our house, we read one of those "homebuying for dummies" type of books, and buyer's remorse was so common that it had a whole chapter at the end. Others have already pointed this out, but remember, you're comparing a real-life home, which will always have some problems here and there (although so far, your problems seem quite minor, and not like your home is a lemon) with an ideal, perfect version of the home you didn't buy. "The one that got away" always tends to be a bit magical.

Live in it for a while, meet the neighbors and make friends with them if you can, paint and decorate to make your home your own, and actively look for things you like about your house. You mentioned that either way, this would be a "starter" home and that you plan to move eventually, so if it really does turn out that you hate the maintenance, then that's great information to have someday when you're shopping for your real "forever" house. But, it could just be something to get used to--or you may realize you like having the extra space but want to hire someone to cut the grass or clean your home (if possible, obviously).

I do recommend finding ways to get a little involved in your community, whether it's just getting to know the neighbors or even joining a local civic association or neighborhood facebook group. I know it has nothing to do with the house itself, but personally, I think it helps a new house feel like a home, and that helps with the whole buyer's remorse thing. Just my personal opinion. :)

Not being facetious here, but have you ever owned a house? Or did you grow up as a renter? (I'm asking because I have neighbors who transferred here from the northeast and where they are from it is not common to own so they have been learning all the stuff they never had to deal with). Bugs and animals are a part of the world we live in. Anyone who says they have none of either is delusional or living in a vapor sealed dome. I have an exterminator one a month, but still see spiders, cockroaches(I'm in the south, they are always trying to get in!) ants, crickets, even the occasional scorpion. I see evidence of mice in the basement, specifically where the gas line and ac units access the house. Our outbuilding has squirrels in the attic. You just keep up with it and realize it's just part of life and it's not the end of the world.

As to the one that got away, I had a similar issue recently. DH and I were out looking for over a year for our eventual retirement home in the mountains. We finally found a house that he loved and I was ok with. So we bought it realizing we'd never find the perfect one. Literally a week later some friends who were looking to retire in the same area bought a house that is exactly what I was looking for, I mean down to the smallest detail! I was eaten up with envy. I started to absolutely hate the house we bought. It took a few weeks but I began to see the aspects of our house that were going to be an opportunity to become even better than what I'd dreamed about. Being this is my 4th house I have also learned that living with it for a while makes the most sense. So not being able to change everything from the get go isn't necessarily a bad thing. What I thought I'd change on that house back in June when we started this is not at all what we are now starting to work on. After 9 months of studying on it and seeing how we actually use the space I have changed what I wanted to do. So I'm very glad I didn't have the time or money to do a gut job and then regret that! We just started last week on one project, I have many more to do but will take it slowly and not be rash.

Step back and start to enjoy the house. Look at the things about it that were benefits over the other house. Personally the shared backyard on the other would be equivalent to having an assigned roommate! Share a backyard? ughhh, NO WAY.

When I got to the animal tracks, I have to admit, I laughed out loud. I stepped outside my house one day and wondered, "Why do the blackberry bushes look like someone fell into them?" and the next morning, saw a flock of turkeys (hens and too many chicks to count) having a feast. I've had deer chow down on yew and hosta, to the point that to get any more, they'd have had to actually climb up the steps onto the porch. My city mouse neighbors aren't immune from raccoons, skunks and opossums. My college room mate and I found a rat in our apartment: one of the former tenants used to let his pets loose in the hallways for exercise. He didn't collect this one before he moved.

Husband and I bought a fixer-upper, and I remember shoveling old lathe and plaster down the stairs and out the front door before we went to bed. I got the shop vac and switched it on, and my first thought was "Ohmygosh, the neighbors!" and then realized that I didn't have to worry about the neighbors, upstairs of down, any more.

Fast forward about 25 years, and one of my coworkers had purchased a condo. The fees increased way beyond her ability to pay, and I think it took her at least two years to get rid of it.

Thank you everyone for sharing your homeowner experiences - it helps to know that people have dealt with the same issues or worse and still love their homes!

Update from me: I've had a couple of mini-breakdowns here and there over the past few weeks, but I am definitely not crying everyday like I was when we first moved in. Our furnace broke down two days ago so we are getting that replaced this weekend. I knew that it was coming eventually when we bought the house - the furnace is over 20 years old - but was hoping to get through the rest of this winter before having to replace it. This means that the other cosmetic work I really wanted to get done (refinishing the floors and moving a doorway) will have to wait. It sucks, but that's life!

I honestly don't know whether I will ever come to love this house as I had hoped to or thought I would, but my perspective is changing slowly and I'm realizing that the other house likely would have had it's own issues.

This isn't our forever house, so at least I have learned some valuable lessons and have a way better idea of what is really important to me. I am sure you'll see me post a lot more questions in the months to come as we navigate homeownership!

Mrs. N

A few ants and something living under the deck are small problems. We have owned MANY homes and most have had much more serious problems than that. Don't sweat the small stuff. We have all kinds of animals on our property: cayote, deer, wolves, opposom, racoons and snakes. We have had water come through the ceiling in 3 homes. We have had a pool that needed all the wiring dug up and replaced. The list goes on and on. Just give it time and personalize your home and you will start to appreciate it.

I don't know what area of the country you are in, but here in the midwest, condos don't appreciate as much as single family homes. They are also harder to sell because of this. The only people they seem to attract are younger or older singles. I think you made the right choice...especially if you plan to start a family. Plus when you do sell, you MIGHT have a lot more equity with a single family home over a condo.

When you are able to get outside, i.e., no more snow, I think you will be glad you have that yard. We are not even close to people who enjoy working in the dirt (there's a reason why landscape and lawn maintenance companies were invented) but there is something just special about having green space of your own.

Way back in the dark ages, we bought houses before home inspections were ever done or even heard of. It was definitely cross your fingers and hope it all goes well but of course something unexpected always popped up. Did you have an inspection? If your furnace failed after just a few weeks, is there anything in the inspection to help you with that?

You'll be fine - I think everyone is automatically happier when it stops snowing :) - and you will be able to move to your next home some day and be so better armed with knowledge of exactly what you want. Have fun with decorating and remodeling this one.

I have to admit that I also chuckled when I read about the footprints by your deck. I built my house 26 years ago and I think I've had rabbits living under my deck for 25 of those years. Believe me, I've tried to seal all the areas they could get into because they eat the shrubbery in the winter, but each spring I see a new batch of babies. (They are kind of cute, actually.) I also had a skunk once (sprayed my dog). So sorry to hear you were crying every day in the beginning. I remember my first house - it was huge step. A big scary step. But that's what it was for me and for you too - a step to another house. Hang in there - spruce your house up - maker it better and then sell it at a profit :)

Mrs. N, first congrats on buying your new home, it really can be a very exciting and fun time. (I invite you to come visit us in the Decor Forum).

I too chuckled while reading your post because it reminded me of myself when we bought our house 11 years ago. It was a sellers market then too and we ended up choosing a foreclosure home in need of a lot of asthetic work. It wasn't what we thought we'd end up buying but we like a challenge and were fine with it. However, the house has well water and a septic tank which were really foreign to both of us. I just knew the well or tank would die, the a/c or heater would be faulty or worse, something would explode. Of course nothing ever exploded or broke. And, it took a while, but little by little we turned this ugly house into our home and not just somebody else's mess. Ants can be killed and part of living outside of the city, is having critters under the deck, they've never harmed anything in our yard but stay warm and safe under there.

As for the other place, the grass is always going to be greener on the other side, but trust your instincts, you chose the house you did for some good reasons. There really is no such thing as a "perfect" house. No matter what you buy, when it comes to that "wish list", there will always be some kind of compromise.

This makes me think of my first RV. It had just about every problem an RV could have--plumbing leaks, electrical issues, windows and roof leaks, numerous engine problems, on and on. I tore out my hair, wept, wondered why God was picking on me, blah blah and blah.

BECAUSE of all that, I now have a pretty decent skill set, a pretty decent tool set and the confidence to tackle a problem without having to always call some guy whose skills may or may not be better than my own. The RV eventually croaked and when I went searching for a new one, I know what to look for, the questions to ask and, maybe most important, the "deal breakers."

I've also had a few "practice homes" in which I learned to lay tile, run and repair a PVC watering system, maintain an evap cooler, build a patio (shade cover) ALL BY MYSELF. None of them were the home of my dreams.

Have fun with your new house. Try looking at your problems as challenges which you are going to whip with smarts, action and determination. Make it lovely. Flipping through home magazines are an awesome source of inspiration, as you enjoy your wonderful deck. Imagine selling it to some newbie homeowner. Like the song says, "love the one you're with."

1. You can't go back in time

2. You can't afford major changes to the house you bought right now

3. You'd have to be nuts to sell the house and

4. The other house is probably already sold, right?

So, get over it. And I say that with a smile and a wink. Don't worry - we've all been there and this feeling will pass. It's not productive though, so every time the feeling comes up I want you to:

1. Go for a walk

2. Remember why you were all excited about the house in the first place

3. Have a glass of wine ;)

4. Start planning an inexpensive project for the new house that you will enjoy and will help you fall in love with it again.

Mrs N, can we get an update?

Sure! Well it’s been almost 2 years since we’ve moved in and lo and behold, I’ve come to really enjoy the house as you all said I would. I wouldn’t say I love it, but then again it’s not our forever home. Most of all I appreciate having a house now that we have our 2 month old daughter! I can’t imagine living with her in our tiny 1-bedroom condo, just her stuff alone would have taken up half of it! There are things that still annoy me - our back garden is a mess (neither my husband nor I have a green thumb) but all in all I enjoy having the space and being able to decorate the nursery, etc. So it all worked out, as most things do!

Thank you so much for the update! It really helps. I could have written your post from a few years back. How long did it take for you to be at peace with your decision?

I would say it took a good 6-8 months. The first summer wasnt great as we were dealing with a huge weed infestation in our backyard and an aphid infested tree so that was not fun. But honestly I just got over it and realized there are other things in life to focus on - like starting our family. :) this past summer we had our extended family over for a BBQ and it was so much fun - we couldn’t have done that in the other house we almost bought. It all worked out in the end as most things do.

Im sure you’ll find the same with your new home - just hang in there!