I'll allow him to go in himself if in a single bathroom setting like at our Dr. office, but I don't feel comfortable leaving him out if I need to go. While pretty well behaved it feels irresponsible to do so at this point.

Fall of when they started kindergarten. Here, kindergarten starts the year the kids turn five. My kids have late birthdays so they were 4 almost 5.

I just felt that at school they would have to be going on their own and would gain some confidence in that and so would be able to handle public washrooms on their own.

But I continued to stand outside the door - I don't remember when I stopped that but I think it depended on where we were eg. a mall vs a coffee shop.

Blfenton - Did you give him direction to use the stalls over the urinals? Did you allow him to wait outside if you needed to use the restroom and he didn't?

My kids are teens now to put when I made this choice into perspective. It definitely depended on the situation, ie single bathroom in doctor's office or restroom at Target. I think it also depended on encumberments. If out with 5 yo and 3 yo sons we are all going together.

Into the Target men's room on your own was around 7 or 8

I say 8 or 9. But, I spent 33 years in law enforcement. I've seen crazies.

When they are doing this at school..seems like they are capable always. A consideration is at what point do you think your child's presence in the opposite gender bathroom will make the other users uncomfortable? Family style bathrooms are really the best solution if one is hesitant to allow a child to be alone in a public place. With all the controversy on bathroom use there are many reasons why multiple family style restrooms would solve a lot of issues.

If you waited until they were a little older (8 or so) what did you tell them the reason was they needed to use the ladies room? I think it's important to be honest but I never want to create an unhealthy fear. I know age is a factor though. I'll admit I've only done basic talk about 'stranger danger'.

Not long ago while in the ladies room there were a few boys around 6 or so and it didn't bother me they were in there, but that's what got me wondering about the appropriate age question.

I always forget about family bathrooms! Good idea.

I'm glad I had two daughters! That said, sometimes the young boys I see with their mom's might seem old enough to go into the men's, but it doesn't bother me.

I think around 7 or 8. And I'd still be waiting closely by the door. I did this with my boys and I don't recall really having to give them a reason. And it depends on the circumstances -- I'd be more willing to let them go on their own when they were young in a very small restaurant vs. a big mall. Those big mall bathrooms kind of creep me out in general.

By the time my kids were 5, they would have been in the mens washrooms with their dad and would have known how everything worked. There dad had them use the stalls until they were older.

It really depends on the location and the condition of the restrooms...and my impression of the rest of the people.

Around 8, my son started refusing to go with me to the ladies room when he was 7, but I insisted for a year or so, then gave up

8 or 9 here as well. Some kids are more self-sufficient than others, tho & I think you can trust yourself to be the best judge.

My go-to in public places was, "I need you to stay by me, so we don't lose each other."

We do public family bathroom trips til they are 8 or nine and I will leave them outside the stall around four but they must stay in front of the door so I see their shoes. At public pools the kids come in with me or my husband regardless of their sex til they turn eight. I have a very strong bladder for I hate taking them with me when I have to go....

I let ds go by himself at age six. That's when he wanted to go by himself and when I felt sure he would wash hands properly.

Dd is six now and I have just started letting her go to the women's room by herself some of the time.

I can't even remember at what age, but I suppose I determined based on where we were whether I felt it was safe. Fortunately, I have two boys so once the older one was old enough (they are two years apart), I felt a bit more at ease that both of them went in together. And my girls are six years apart so fortunately, when they were out with dh, older dd was able to take the younger in with her too. I certainly would not have any problem with a boy as young as 4 in the ladies' room - even older wouldn't bother me.

I've rarely been places where the clientele made me concerned, but kids would get an escort for sure in those situations. And one of my kids isn't especially good at figuring out new types of locks or faucets. I'm usually inclined to go in if there is a sanitation issue so I can yell "don't touch that". There have been rest stop restrooms that are bad enough for me to tell the kids not to wash their hands and we deal with it in the car with baby wipes and hand sanitizer. (I'll always call for extra cleanup on the one kid because i don't trust him!)

My sons finally balked at going into the Ladies with me at about age 8. I also did the hovering outside the men's room door act when they went it there. I swear I gave every man going in or out the stink eye, just so they knew someone was watching.

I presume their father gave them a lesson on using the urinal at some point, although now that I think of it I can remember one of them being appalled that men were "peeing on the wall".

I have a 7 year old grandson that I struggle (in my mind) over this. Just today we drove to Seattle and were going to be at a large mall (Lego Store) and I started trying to imagine how I would handle bathroom issues. I decided we'd head to a Starbucks if we needed a bathroom; they have single person bathrooms and I would feel ok with him having to wait outside of the bathroom for me (and he's fully competent to use the bathroom on his own. If we'd have had to use the mall bathroom, he would have had to go to the women's room with me and wait outside the stall, or go into his own stall. If we are at a park, there is no way I'd let him go into the men's room alone (probably until he's 13 lol).

"If you waited until they were a little older (8 or so) what did you tell them the reason was they needed to use the ladies room?" I asked the teacher in his class last year (when we were on a field trip) exactly this question, as she has a son who's now about 11 and she was a single mom. She told me she told her son that "The rules here require a child to be with an adult in the bathroom, but I can't go into the men's room with you, so you must go with me. It will be fine." I've used that a few times with him and I thought it was a perfect answer.

I learned early on to tell mine to 'go' before leaving the house. Our son was probably 7 or 8 before I let him use the restroom without me.

Little girls always seem to have to go to every public restroom they pass, boys don't seem to have the need.

My son was about 6 when he started going in alone, but a little older when I let him stay outside while I'd go in. Usually he was with his older sisters, so it wasn't as big a deal to have someone keep an eye on him.

One time he was about 4 1/2-5, he was used to going into the restroom with Dad but he was alone with me at the park and insisted on going in the mens room alone. I stood outside the door (it was an open doorway) and kept calling out to him the whole time with him responding. There were some men in there and when one came out he told me he thought that was a clever idea for little ones. My son was proud of doing his business as a big boy and I felt a little safer letting him go in by himself.

I think he actually used the urinal because Dad would have taken him to that rather than a stall. He always preferred doing his business standing up anyway-he'd 'christen' the tires whenever he got the chance. And don't get me started about peeing off the porch (fortunately we lived in the country).

I apologize I'm just now getting back to this.
Thanks everyone for your replies. So many different scenarios and
things to consider.

He does much better about not touching everything
in the bathroom but I remember back when that wasn't the case and I was that
mom you heard two stalls down repeating not to touch that and get off the
floor! Sometimes in public restrooms I'll have to clean up the seat a
little when he's done depending on the toilet and I don't think he's able to
reach to wash his hands by himself yet though I do carry sanitizer.

I like both responses
for why he has to go in with me and I could see having to explain both.

We do have him go before we leave but we're
pretty far away from most places we frequent (30+ min) and he drinks a lot of water. Many
times we'll have to hit the restroom at least once.

I also like the idea of chatting with him
while hovering at door and the 'I need to see your shoes' if
they're waiting outside the stall I'm in.

Thanks again everyone this has been
helpful.

My son was about 8 when I let him go to the men's room by himself. I still stand outside the door (not in the actual bathroom) and he is 11.

Haha - I was just reminded that when my son was very young, he always had to go potty as soon as we entered ANY store or public place. I believe he just enjoyed seeing/experiencing the public restrooms - IOW, it was a novelty & fun for him - go figure!