First, it is not dreaded - just by scripted people on HGTV. I have many friends and relatives with lots of oak and no plans to change it - it really is not a big deal to some. However, if you want to paint the trim and lighten it up - that is fine

Try a deglosser followed by a good primer like Zinsser BIN.

I have to agree about hgtv. What my eye didn't like was the stark white under railings. Since your grey driftwood -type flooring is so new, and also neutral - doesn't the oak [though shiny] become a nice warming accent??

I'd soften that white with a medium neutral paint.

Do you / yours play both instruments? love harp music.... these are moody-wow colors for deeper wood...

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everdebz, those are fun, but the artwork with the gold in it (monkey) isn't actually where the other flooring is. It's down the stairs on a 1/2 way landing with carpeting. Could still do a rug on carpet though! And yes, the harp is mine and I play it. The sax was my husband's grandfather's. But we actually have a whole room in another part of the house dedicated to music. I digress. Back to sanding. Oh, and Jhmarie, thanks. I know that the honey oak doesn't always have to be gone, but we have eliminated it everywhere else and this staircase wood is an eyesore. Believe me, we are so not HGTV folks. Not afraid of eclectic. Whole house is, well "unique". But this staircase has to go even if it takes me a year. Just wish I knew how nuts to get with this sanding! A deglosser? OK, now I have to research that. THANKS!

Just drink with the monkey while you degloss and paint.

Yes - the oak does not go with the gray - good eye everdebz - I hadn't even noticed the new flooring. Cool / warm tones don't usually work well together. You might paint the banister black with white spindles.

My daughter is a harpist:)

jhmarie, my husband came home and said" stop the madness", as I greeted him with face mask, protective glasses, and head to toe "dust". He's bringing home sanders from our shop (we own a contracting business, NOT painting). And then, we tried a small area of primer, which led us in a whole new direction as we realized that these "spindles" will not lend themselves to being painted the light color (as the little areas between spindle and rail/railing will absorb inconsistent paint..hard to explain), so maybe the java gel stain is in our future? Oh my, what a journey! But then, I know, harpists spend 90% of their time tuning the harp, and 10% playing.

Jan, I must have responded as you were. If we have expresso colored cabinets in kitchen (off the foyer before this set of stairs but first thing you see as you enter front door), and then we did change the dining room cabinet/built ins to same expresso, also seen from foyer before these stairs, should I keep that expresso going on the stairs? There are 5 landings and all have their own lighting (but probably not so clear in photos). THANK YOU!!

Good luck - my daughters pretty quick with the tuning (she has two harps), but then she does weddings and stuff so she plays a lot:)

No more espresso.......I think you have enough . I also don't think it needs this much SANDING. A light roughing and through cleaning, a primer, and two coat paint it! That much work is madness for paint. In fact, call a pro ?

Ps, trying to get oak to espresso, a worse task by far.

Two passes with medium grit sanding blocks is all it should take to dull the sheen enough so that the primer will adhere. Yes, it would be better to have the sheen gone completely so that the primer can sink into the wood and really grab on, but bonding primers these days are pretty good and will stick well even to surfaces that still have a little shine.

A friend used a product called liquid sand paper and I would still paint it will be a bit fiddly but IMO worth it .

I used liquid sandpaper on wood paneling, and my Father in law used it on his oak trim. It works pretty good.

Liquid sander. https://www.homedepot.com/p/Krud-Kutter-1-gal-Gloss-Off-Prepaint-Surface-Preparation-GO012/202624816?cm_mmc=Shopping|THD|google|&mid=shwjRC06d|dc_mtid_8903alh25183_pcrid_177285507105_pkw__pmt__product_202624816_slid_&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnuDTBRDUARIsAL41eDpjE9jL28BZOt3kJr139DW60CHTLp8u_YQK0mo2kPIwIoJlspdG7VYaAupkEALw_wcB

I think that's what I used. I used Liquid sandpaper as a general term, kind of like saying Q-tip even though I buy store brand. I should have been more specific.

Thank you all so much! My husband brought home a small electric sander from his shop so I think I will try that, and if needed, move on to the liquid. I really appreciate the help!