welllll, I like dark gray/charcoal/slate gray blue with wood. Anything you choose other than tan and brown will "stand out" if everything else is brownish. Is that necessarily a bad thing? NO. Dare to be original. Just because everyone else does it...didn't your mama tell you this?

What if you went with a grayed taupe like Benjamin Moore's Sparrow with cream or Nordic Gray with Vanilla? Seems like a good compromise if you can't convince hubby to go with a darker gray.

I suggest you evaluate more carefully the idea of a black roof in your desert location. A light colored metal roof will reduce the large cooling bill you're setting yourself up for with a black roof. And that'll make your other color choices easier.

Sounds like you and your husband need to tour houses in your area until you can reach mutual agreement on what you like. Discovering what you don't like is the easy part. Finding what you both like is the hard part. Start touring. And photographing where appropriate.

A greenish taupe might work well. It would make any garden you manage in the desert look more lush. It would make the orange or red undertones of the wood stand out too. A taupe would also compliment the brown and white neighboring houses. I like the direction you all are trying to go. I bet it will be beautiful when you are done.