It does sound like a rather awkward presentation, but different people do things in different ways. As long as there were serving utensils and a plate to put the food on, I would have made my way around the various serving stations and dished up.

I like potlucks. The people I know bring whatever dish is their specialty and I get to have food that I might not make at home. My experience has been that the cold foods are kept either in a fridge or an ice chest and the hot food in crock pots or chafing dishes until it's time to eat. Of course, there is always food that doesn't require refrigeration/heat and that can be served at room temperature.

If 20 people attend and each brings a dish to serve 20, that means there is enough food to serve 400 people. No wonder it was all over the place.

whatsayyou18

Once I noted the disorganization, I would've walked around to get a lay of the land, made mental food choices, then picked up my plate, etc. and gotten my food. I certainly wouldn't let a little disorganization prevent me from eating. I really don't get that.

~~~~

after posting I wasn't able to come back here until just now and the responses are interesting. I just learned that there were 30 people there. There was not a single large table. The food wasn't just casual -- it was shoved here and there, wherever there was a space. Let me say -- whatsayyou -- I noted the food choices and I filled my plate once. That meant I had to go to the round table where 6 people were and pass my plate and ask those who were eating at the table to give me a dollop on my plate. Then to the kitchen where I passed on the lasagna, took a couple of shrimp and pickles. I am supposing that not everybody brought food and many were couples. I did not mention my dismay to ANYBODY including the friend who made the trip there with me. As I said, it wasn't just disorganization, it was unappetizing. I ate and was respectful.

Potlucks are a weekly event in the south, the organization fairly automatic. Usually mothers fill the plates for the children so they don't go through the line. We usually have a drinks section away from the food so that you can get your drink, put it down and then get in line.

One thing I really enjoyed at one was after the Pastor said the blessing he invited all the ladies to go first, some teenagers don't understand not to overload their plates. We always have enough food for seconds. Never yet had anyone become ill, the food is setting out too short of a time for spoilage.

It's not simply a matter of how long the food is sitting out. If I don't know and have experience with food from the person who made it, I'm happier not eating. And often, not going. Too many people make foods with ingredients we try to not eat so it's easier to avoid such events as to make an issue out of asking about this and that.

"Hey, we're having a bunch of people over tomorrow night for a potluck dinner at 6:30. Why don't you join us and bring something".

"Oh, sorry, we have plans tomorrow night for dinner. Maybe we'll come by later to say Hi". Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't.

I never ever eat at non family potlucks,and I will not eat any sort of homemade food gift unless it's from family or someone I know very well. People are gross. Even more so in their own homes. I don't want a plate of cookies or a helping of potato salad that you let your grandkids "help" make with their snotty hands and wet coughs... And I don't want cat hair casserole. So many people taste food with the same spoon they stir with and why not in your own home. But the thought of it puts me off potlucks completely. Ew. Our company has a potluck Thanksgiving every year. I contribute but never partake. If a plate is forced upon me i get a small amount of meat only and give it to the feral cats around my office building. I often make mac and cheese for my sisters church potlucks. I send it with her and she will usually offer to bring me a plate of food back. Nope nope nope. I am not worried about becoming ill from the food. I would just rather not eat it. And while I will contribute to pot lucks if i am asked to, I dont get the appeal of them at all. They ARE indeed extremely popular in the south. The OPs more detailed description does sound even more unappealing than normal.

I wonder why they're "extremely popular" in the South. In my area they're very infrequent.

No idea. But they are. Maybe because food is the way to show love here. And everyone has a specialty that they want to share. People here want to contribute,not just partake. It's an odd concept to me regarding entertaining. I was raised here but my parents are from up north. I feel that if you are going to entertain,it borders upon rude to ask your guests to bring something. That is a foreign concept here. Often people will be insulted if you tell them to just bring themselves like you're saying to them that they and their food suck. Its maddening. My sister has a SIL that always brought potato salad to every party. Even though she was told not to bring anything and no one except her ate it and she took almost all of it home afterward. Every single party. Didnt matter if we were having lasagne,bread and salad. Or a bunch of nibbles and dips. Or a pot of chili. That potato salad was there. I wanted to smack her. They no longer speak, so potato salad problem solved.

Also, I guess for a large group, a potluck is easier and more cost effective than doing it all yourself. Doesn't seem very generous to me, but I always feel like a bull in a dainty little southern china shop when around my fellow southerners. I am sure a genteel set down and "education" is forthcoming.....

At least she was kind enough to offer up her home which had to be cleaned before hand (hopefully). In my many years of experience, I've known lots that can't even be bothered doing that, so I appreciate any effort someone is willing to make. Getting together is more important than the food. Not passing judgement, just saying. :-)))

Oh man, if someone cleaning their OWN house is doing ME a favor, than I extra EXTRA do not want to eat anything outta there.

Hi Malfleur -- I'm all for a grazing menu. No problem. But, food was all at room temperature. The lasagna on the sink was right next to a sink full of dishes.

Jemdandy -- I'm not picky. I didn't expect a formal dinner party and fortunately no children were licking the spoons, but I've also seen adults do things that were pretty offputting.

Sure, nickel_kg, I did just go with the flow

I

Yuck.

I've seen fingers into serving dishes and utensils too.

Time to make myself a sandwich for lunch, but not until I can drive these images and thoughts out of my head.

@amylou321 I thought I was the only one on the planet who felt that way about potlucks. The only thing I might eat is my SIL's dessert as she's a fantastic baker and she's a neat freak and also isn't one of those who licks her utensils while making things. But yeah, generally I don't care for potluck but am willing to make something if asked though usually get a demand for my husband's famous baked beans. His dish clears out almost immediately. Otherwise, I'm usually kind of sitting meditating on whats back home in my fridge that I'll stuff myself with later. And I try hard not to think about what goes on behind the scenes in a restaurant lol.

amylou321

Oh man, if someone cleaning their OWN house is doing ME a favor, than I extra EXTRA do not want to eat anything outta there.

~~~

OH that's too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

I can't believe that you folks who are freaked out by potlucks would ever eat in a restaurant or any commercially prepared/packaged food. Probably 1000% times worse are the things that go on and are allowed in both industries.

I am not "freaked out." I prefer not to partake... I did not or do not think that is such an extreme view.

In my area they're very infrequent.

I've never been to a potluck. There have been a few times when we've brought dessert to friends when we've been invited for dinner (asking ahead of time if this was ok, of course), but that and bottles of wine are about it.

Amylou, I have a cleaning woman and she does a GREAT job. She and her husband go above and beyond. Move furniture, clean vents, etc. Last night I had some ladies over for Mexican train. My house is not dirty, but I did vacuum, dust, fluff pillows, clean dogs nose prints off window, etc. All things that wouldn't be necessary for me, because cleaning gal comes in a few days, but I did it because I go the extra mile when people are coming over. My point was even if you're not preparing the food it takes a little extra effort to just offer up your house and that in itself is appreciated by me.

Probably 1000% times worse are the things that go on and are allowed in both industries.

Indeed. There are actually FDA specifications as to how many insect parts per million and/or rodent hairs are allowed in various foods.

https://www.fda.gov/food/ingredients-additives-gras-packaging-guidance-documents-regulatory-information/food-defect-levels-handbook

Scroll down the link for the chart

We used to have a potluck type cookout every 4th. Of July. It was family, a few close friends, and a few neighbors. I made the dining room table as long as I could make it, covered it with a white dollar store plastic cover. On the table I had two kids pools (just for that purpose) with ice in them for salads and fruit bowls. Desserts were on a console table and the server held the punch. The food was put away as soon as everyone was eating desserts so it wasn't left out " all afternoon." They all ate outside where they could have their choice of pop, hamburger or hot dog...or both! :)

Same for me, I'm not freaked out at all. As before, especially knowing how a lot of people cook and the ingredients they use that I don't want to eat, I've simply found these food situations to be unappetizing and unappealing.

Not everyone eats or prepares food trying to make healthy choices. I do.

The kiddy pool filled with ice is a great idea, marylmi!

Lucille, I wouldn't click on that link for a million dollars! Well, that statement could be an exaggeration, if anyone has a million dollars they'd like to get rid of.

I grew up with potlucks and other gatherings where the host might set up a buffet and guest can/do contribute. But then potluck really meant luck of the pot- meaning everyone that shows up gets whatever ends up on the table.

Potlucks might mean everyone bring something to the park or beach for the day.. some might bring grilling stuff, others cold cuts, others soda or chips or homemade goodies or whatever. Or sometimes a more holiday gathering where folks bring dishes to pass- around here having dishes to pass on the table is called "family style" dining. There's even restaurants that have the "family style" dining, and you eat with strangers at the table :) Large group camping almost always has days of potluck eating. A wedding might be potluck because it's just a celebration of a couple who already has enough gifts and just wants everyone to get together and have a good time.

I've been potlucking where we all had to sit around on the ground instead of on tailgates because no one thought of bringing a table and there wasn't any there so food was served off the tailgates. And up to very nice potlucking like a wedding where the couple made sure to have tables and ice beds and heating devices and whatever set up for whatever folks brought. Work potlucks that were incredible... and very not, lol. Superbowl potlucks where the food languished for ages on the tables while game on and amazing timing to get the food hot and cold out right at the right time for the halftime2 horde... and church potlucks of very good to not so much and on.

Sounds to me like the OP's hostess was overwhelmed indeed. Might not have really thought about how much food 20 people can bring to a gathering, homemade or not. They may have been used to how their dishes, even a lot of them, fill their home for a party of 20- but not prepared for what all other folks can bring over.

And often, folks bringing to a potluck don't necessarily think about service side- like bringing their lasagna in it's own heating device, or a cold dish in it's own chiller. An assumption is that the host can have an oven warm, or space in a cooler or fridge or something... an extra table or two set up to accommodate...

Had a first time I was throwing a larger potluck of over 50 folks, and one of my guests brought me a heap of disposable serving utensils, a stack of cheap take home containers, a couple extra heating devices and coolers ready to be filled with ice instead of food. She couldn't bring food that time, but she could bring the extra other stuff. She told me just in case folks didn't come prepared, or I might not have anticipated.... She was right. Lots of folks forget their serving utensils or assume, and it can be nice to have the give away containers for if/when folks want to make plates to take home.

Goodness! We certainly have had different experiences! Most pot lucks I've been to have been at my church. Everything was homemade and I never questioned the cleanliness of their kitchen or their hands. I would not if invited to dinner at their house, either. But then, I don't have friends who are pigs!

At family reunions many, many years ago, we always had pot luck as there were a LOT of people there. Everyone bought his/her specialty. My late uncle's fried chicken went in a nano second! It's the best I've ever eaten and I used to make good friend chicken. A cousin's caramel cake with true boiled caramel frosting, was always a winner. Such dinners were always heavy on potato salad and later on that old favorite known unappetizingly as "Sweaty Salad" but which was utterly delicious.

No one was a germ-a-phobe and no one got sick. Same with our annual 4-block "block party" that was held annually in St Louis. It was always on the 4th of July and I always took my red/white/blue shortcake (strawberries, blueberries & vanilla ice cream) on a biscuit shortcake. Ice-cream was kept in a bucket of ice and put out at the last minute. It was always a big hit.

I'm like Amy when it comes to potlucks. Ugh. I hate them and try to avoid them. If I don't know how clean people are when cooking, no thanks. Your cat just hopped out of the litter box and walked across the kitchen counter? Your dog just licked his you-know-what and then licked your hands, and you didn't then wash your hands? Are you a hoarder and can't even find your kitchen? Ewww. I can't imagine eating people's cooking when their kids tried to "help." At least at a restaurant I'm not eating cat hair casserole.

I had an aunt when I was kid who was a terrible, terrible housekeeper. I don't think she knew how to cook. Her kitchen was always overflowing with dirty dishes, pots and pans with moldy food, cockroaches, and lots of other kinds of bugs. She once offered me a glass of milk, and to be polite, I drank it. When I got towards the bottom, when I tipped it back to finish it, there was little white, wiggly, worm-like things in the bottom of the glass. Yep, maggots. When my aunt went back into the kitchen I showed my mom. I then proceeded to throw-up into the glass. I think that experience set me up for being grossed out about potlucks.

I like potlucks. We had one at work once a few years back where about a dozen people came down with food poisoning. We eventually figured out that the likely culprit was a purchased salad kit from a well known store. Luckily I was spared as it had bacon and I don't eat meat.

Oh my goodness -- these bad stories remind me of one from about twenty years ago. My friend D has a holiday potluck party. She makes a few things herself. The table is set up very nicely and it's so pleasant. One year I was eating a delicious pasta salad. Unfortunately, the lady who sat down next to me looked like she'd been sleeping in a dustbin. I won't go into the details. I went to the kitchen for another helping of that salad and asked my friend D, about the lady. D proceded to tell me that the lady is an old friend of hers, a hoarder who lives in unbelievable filth. And guess what? She made that pasta salad. I was furious with D. For the sake of her other friends she should have "accidentally" dropped that salad on the floor and said she couldn't rescue it. Whew. I'd forgotten all about it.

I like potluck's okay. I do avoid some people's food, if for instance, when I worked in the hospital, they never washed their hands after cleaning up a patient.

I'm happy to see I'm not the only one with an aversion to potlucks.

My family and friends like to tease me that I'm a germaphobe but I've cooked in restaurants that are inspected for food safety standards and those standards are the ones I follow.

If that makes me a germaphobe, so be it.

Food is only handled with clean hands.

Nothing raw touches anything else, no cross contamination, no leaving meat to thaw on the counter for hours, or using a cutting board for raw meat and then ANYTHING else.

The 2 hour rule is firmly followed.

I've never had food poisoning that I'm aware of, and no one has ever gotten sick from something I've made.

Any pot luck I've attended, I've tried to stick to the store bought foods because they are certainly safer than mystery casserole number 3 that's been sitting out without heat (or refrigeration) for who knows how long.

So I pick at the fresh veggies platter or the chips or bread.

Pot luck isn't unusual in my area. I have been to family reunions, holiday parties or retirement parties at work, and get together of friends pot lucks. Basic principles of hot foods stay hot and cold food stays cold always applies at the pot lucks I have been to. Of course I don't know any dirt bags in my social circle. I like trying the different recipes and people bring their best dish to serve. I have had food poisoning once and know other people who have had it and all were from restaurants. Mine was from an upscale restaurant downtown. Not that you can't from a pot luck, but I am not going to go through life wondering if there is bacteria lurking in a food every time I put a fork in my mouth.

Seems to me the biggest food dangers come from store bought greens, salads, lettuces etc--salmonella, listeria, e-coli. That's where you always hear of people getting sick.

Not only do I attend and eat food at the parties I mentioned above, our small rural town has a community picnic every August. Again, potluck, good food, good company. And nobody ever prepares huge amounts to feed everyone present because no one ever takes a full serving and people choose here and there among the dozens and dozens of dishes.

The only food I ever avoid at parties is shrimp because I never eat farmed shrimp (you wouldn't either if you knew more about fish farms), and you can be sure if it shows up at a party, it isn't wild caught. (It doesn't show up very often)

I'm a germaphobe and proud of it. In my job I have to shake hands often, and the first thing I do when I'm able is to use the restroom and wash my hands.

I'm a germaphobe too but eating other people's food doesn't bother me. I think because I bake a lot and like to share at work and everyone eats what I make, so I would feel bad not eating what they make.

Being prudent and being phobic are not synonyms. To be prudent is to be careful. To be phobic means to have either or both of these - an extreme fear or an irrational fear.

I'm prudent about many things, I'm not phobic about anything. I try to be careful when i can and when I can't, I can't. Most things I try to be careful about aren't about life and death, do or die matters. I suspect others here are similar.

An extreme example - If I see someone cooking something and they lick the cooking spoon and then continue to use it, I don't want to eat that item. Nothing would happen to me if I did, it's just that now it's unappealing to me. That's not phobic in my book. Again, I suspect many have similar views.

Perhaps it's due to religion. I'm an Episcopalian and I'm a "sipper" not a "dipper" from the Common Cup. If I haven't died from that having done so now for nearly 60 years, then I'm probably not going to do so.

Okay, let me clarify. I'm prudent. I don't have an irrational or extreme fear of people's germs. I doubt most people would label themselves seriously as a "germaphobe,." I think it's most often used to describe an intense dislike, rather than something neurotic requiring therapy.

I have had food poisoning twice that I can actually connect to meals eaten. Both from well known restaurants that cater to tourism. Pricey restaurants.

I have never gotten sick from a potluck but I don't gorge myself and I am selective in what I will eat.

"Phobic" is an overused and usually inaccurate word. I am not afraid of other people's germs in the food they cook. I don't fear sickness. If someone offered you a spoonful of their spit, would you drink it? If some little darling offered you a homegrown,hand harvested booger would you eat it? Would you appreciate either being mixed into the food you eat? Cause it might be. Enjoy. I'll refrain. Not because I fear illness that may or may not be caused by those substances. Because if i do not know the kitchen hygiene habits of the cook, I would rather not risk a stray hidden booger/spit seasoning.

I think it's not so much being phobic as stuff such as amylou describes is just plain icky. The ick factor is a very real thing.

I'm more of a "if I don't know about it, it's not something I'm going to worry about" person. I figure I'm just as likely to ingest a booger or spit at a restaurant as I am at a potluck. But, if I do know about it...I'm not touchin' that food!

Years ago, hubby did a refrigeration job for an upscale restaurant in Sacramento that required working in the kitchen. I still recall him coming home and telling me about the cook who was making a stir fry in a wok with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. As he was adding ingredients and stirring the food, ashes were continuously falling into the wok. The customers who ordered that dish most likely ate and enjoyed the food, ashes and all, with no ill affects, but had they known about it, would have sent the food back and refused to pay the bill.

At least in most decent restaurant, there are standards in place. They may not always be followed by the odd individual, but there are standards. When I worked in fast food, the regulations were clear and stringent. No one that I knew that worked there would have dreamed of tampering with the food or being unhygienic, and we were mostly teens! There are no such standards in someones home. I was over at a friends house once about a decade ago while she was cooking for her church potluck. She was cooking with her baby's spit up all down the front of her shirt and she was letting her 3 year old help. The three year old was sick and sneezing while he was elbow deep in a bowl of bread dough playing with it like play doh with his dirty hands. When I mentioned it, she brushed it off. So many mothers are like that. (Ducking under my desk to avoid the wrath of mamas forthcoming) No one is supposed to blink at stuff like that,because it's a child. More than that, its THEIR baby,and therefore their boogers and spit up have some sort of magical powers. I dont care what you cook to feed yourself and your household, but if you're going to share it with others, you should make an effort not to be gross. You cannot count on people to do that. I doubt anyone got ill from any stray spit up that made it into the food. But ew.

Amy- you seem to have an irrationally negative view of moms and children in general that comes across in many of your posts.

I can't think of anyone, parent or otherwise, who would be okay with eating food that a snotty toddler had their dirty hands on, that's just gross.

I can. The aforementioned friend in question didn't think twice about it. I remember a post here a while ago about a potluck in which a child loudly announced that he touched EVERYTHING with his dirty hands and the mother found it funny.

It is gross.

And I love kids. I cook with my older nieces and nephews all the time now. (And yes,they are thoroughly scrubbed before they touch anything!) The younger ones are banned though. I cant watch them 100 percent to make sure they dont do something gross. I have little tolerance for inconsiderate or oblivious parents though. Especially those who expect everyone else to adapt to them just BECAUSE they have kids,which was their own doing,no one elses. I will admit that. If you dont fit into that group,I cannot understand why that would upset you.

I think potlucks are super and fun. The only thing about them that I find unfortunate is that so many people make pasta-type dishes. Of course they're easy and cheap, but when there are 4 or 5 pasta salads it's a bit much. Otherwise, I really don't get crazed about germs.

For those few of you that will participate by providing a dish but won't partake, don't you think that perhaps others are feeling the same about YOUR food?

So what if they do??? Its not an insult. How the heck would a complete stranger know how clean or dirty your kitchen is? But IF they do, they can let me know. It would not hurt my feelings if the organizers of the potlucks I am asked to participate in regularly STOPPED asking me to buy,prepare,and haul food for them to eat. Especially as they all know that I never partake,and i made it clear to most of them that i do not appreciate being nagged about it. But,if they keep asking,I will keep bringing it.

I've been in plenty of friends, family and church kitchens while supper was being fixed. None of them had these disgusting habits mentioned. They all washed their hands, no animals/children allowed and were careful with refrigeration/contamination issues.

I don't participate in potlucks so I don't worry about people not eating what I bring. If I'm not "partaking" that also means I'm not bringing anything, right?

Suzique…. agreed. I enjoy potlucks.

Agreed about some of them being overladen on the pasta salads, however. The one I went to a week ago had four pasta salads, three of which were nearly entirely pasta and some sauce/seasoning. The fourth was actually good since it had a lot of veggies (and I ate that one). Unfortunately my new local crew isn't really food-creative or savvy.

Most of the desserts were also store bought - and so I passed on those as well. (Something about those preservatives do not sit well in my belly). I brought devilled eggs - three styles, all labeled - since my chickens have been prolific.

Noting that the weather was HOT, I made sure my freezer packs surrounded them at all times, and I kept checking on them due to that. They vanished.

When I make food for pot lucks - or even to share with anyone beyond myself - I follow extremely stringent guidelines. My hands are washed at the drop of a hat. At a previous meal (sit down in my home, not a pot luck), when I suspected but could not ascertain that soapy water might have splashed into something I was draining - I eliminated that, and started over again. Were it just for me, I probably would have taken my chances.

I guess what I really hated back at my old home was when the pot luck was hosted at my house with a very tiny kitchen and dining area -- there would always, ALWAYS be one or two people who'd come in and decide to assemble their pot luck at that table. It isn't like either of them hadn't been at my house before, to know the dysfunctionality of that space, either. It wasn't like I didn't remind them, either...

I’ve attended pot lucks for many years, usually had excellent food. Have never heard of any one ever getting sick after one. I also eat at restaurants with no problems.

artemis I have often been teased about my pre cooking "ritual." That is, hair goes up, clothes get changed to clean ones, and hands and lower arms scrubbed before i start and throughout the process. It doesn't matter whether i am cooking for just me and SO, my huge family, or strangers at a pot luck. I am not going to go into my kitchen and handle food while wearing clothes i just worked all night in, or cleaned the house in, or was outside (or inside) puttering around in. Its why i always have A LOT clothes to wash every week. I also will not let a kitchen towel sit around. I use it to dry my hands, but then after i am done with that meal, it goes into the hamper to be washed. And i have a (pink) little crock that holds a dozen or so teaspoons for tasting if i need them, which i really don't I just needed an excuse to get the little pink crock, and if they get used they DO NOT get reused. NO DOUBLE DIPPING!! A little extra? Maybe. But I cook the way i would want to be cooked for. The kitchen gets cleaned and the floor swept and mopped(swiffer so its easier) after each meal too. I just cannot STAND a dirty kitchen!!!!