perhaps Houzz should have a page that is Pro's only advice........where people can post if they clearly only want to hear from trained professional designers. It should be a closed page that you can only access if you are a designer as far as replying goes.

Houzz is a wonderful resource, especially the pros who post here. I always hope the pros respond, if I just wanted advice from people like me I could ask my mom or my sister or my bff or my husband. Sometimes the advice does come off a bit harsh. But nobody should ever feel sad or unwelcome because of a strangers opinion on the internet. Don't take it personally, these posters, pros or not, don't know you. It's not meant personally.

It's not just you

Recently I have noticed a trend among posters to respond in a hostile manner when they don’t like the advice they have received. I also think that every answer doesn’t have to be coached in baby terms, sugar-coated, and avoiding the truth. If someone asks about pink or orange throw pillows, how is it rude to point out the elephant standing on the OP’s chest is a more urgent problem? Likewise, I think too many of us are afraid of being considered rude if we give a short, one sentence answer. For those who are happy Sophie is banned from the site, I personally think we have been diminished by the censorship. Moderation is the key, both in asking and in answering. If you are old enough to own a house, you are old enough to hear the truth. If you are old enough to own a business, you are old enough to have manners.

It's never ok to be ride and condescending , even if you are right, and maybe more so if you are. These threads are the equivalent of someone asking if the should highlight their hair. and being told they should lose 30 pounds. Sure, thethey may be right, but that was not the question. I only wish people behave as they would in real life.

If a professional talked to me like this, I would not hire them. Maybe my loss, but respect goes both ways.

And just to add not all "Pros" use the pro designation. There are secret pros on Houzz too.

It’s a shame; it’s always the same people, the same type of post they tend to target, and the same useless “advice” repeated (most often at the expense of a stressed and sincere OP)

Luckily the good outweigh the few gruff and downright rude. So many here who go out of their way to give advice and post pictures and explanations. I have always appreciated the help I have received. The nasty ones, I have learned over time to ignore them. I agree there is absolutely zero excuse for rudeness. Saying posters who cannot handle it and need to babied is a cop out. The saying "kindness doesn't cost a thing" could easily be followed. You can give constructive criticism without being mean or rude.

For a long time the OP has been posting as a Pro in design dilemmas. I am pretty sure I was not the only one who believed she was a professional interior designer. (Now it turns out she is a lightning Pro, not an interior designer). A week or two ago one of the top 2 or 3 pros on this site commented in response to the OP's comment that no Pro would offer such a rug. At that moment it was rather easy to predict that it would lead to some sort of conflict. The OP is upset that another person was misled by her Pro badge. To prevent further misunderstanding, the OP could simply add a couple of words to her screen name or use other ways to identify her area of expertise. Otherwise it is not difficult to predict that similar situations will repeat in the future again.

Whoa! T.N.!! Unnecessarily harsh and uncalled for! There are many Pro designations and your assumptions are of no concern to anyone! It costs nothing to be civil and calling someone out on a public forum shows truly bad form!

Everyone should be kind but I also think, since tone is very hard to discern, one should READ with kindness as well. Most here are,at least, trying to be helpful.

I put minimal stock in the 'Pro" designation on Houzz. Probably because I recall threads wherein the "pro" ended up not being a pro at all. Just a regular "civilian" with a willingness to spend a little money to pretend.

Kinda ironic, this thread was intended to encourage kindness and it evoked what we would like to eliminate. Sad.

Yup Flo! That fly in the ointment thing;)!

It is always easy to discuss others' behaviour in public forums (when regular visitors perfectly understand who is being discussed). For some reason I never see recommendations from those who are frequently unsatisfied with this site not to point at particular people and discuss general etiquette instead (we see it in multiple comments above), but when these people receive similar comments in response, it turns out they do not like to be a subject of similar discussions. Maybe it will promote change in rules, and attacks on particular users in ssimilar posts will stop? If you do not like certain user or commencomment, simply flag it. You canvalso ask formoderators' help by writing to the Houzz directly . My comment will probably be flagged and deleted, but maybe it will bring some changes to the community.

Or you can simply SOB!

Storybook, I wish I could like your post 1,000 times. It's so true. Some of the pro's act as if a poster has walked into their business wanting to "hire" them to redo their home, when they actually just need a few ideas to make something better without spending money they don't have. Most of the people who could afford to hire a designer probably have done so. And quite frankly, just being a "pro" (whatever that means on these forums) doesn't make you talented or good at design. What is the saying....1/2 the pro's were at the bottom of their class (if they even had a class).

That said, there are a few very, very helpful people here who make such a difference in these forums with their helpful photoshopping and other suggestions. It's always a delight when they participate in a thread.

My “ like” doesn’t work! Houzz glitch but I too like storybooks post. For all the OP ‘s who take that leap of faith and post a dilemma, a bit of kindness goes a long way! It can’t be easy for many to bare their souls ( so to speak) and doing it so publicly! Then there’s the pile on and frankly there are times when it seems the OP is nearly forgotten when egos get in the way. Design by consensus is probably not such a great idea and treading through the minefield of “ feelings” isn’t always pleasant either! Of course we should be polite. We are discussing something we all like!

T.N. flagging does nothing... have you seen/heard otherwise?

No Flo, this thread is not sad. It is what is happening on a DD forum where people come for help and not to be judged, that is what is sad.

If I can't offer constructive advice on a DD I just don't post. When I do post I try to answer the posted question, etc. without being judgmental. Example: If you have read my posts you know I'm not a fan of painting brick. I will state that in most every post, along with my reason for not liking to do it, without calling the OP stupid or an idiot, etc. I like to add humor when appropriate and always add the LOL just so everyone knows I'm making a joke. Even when I've had a difference of opinion with another poster I try to keep it pleasant. There's too much venom being spewed today for me to add any to the pool.

I'm really glad we are having this discussion! I too have been bothered by the comments made by some people on this forum. As a layperson, I really appreciate some of the advice and expertise offered by people here, especially the professionals. However, some of the comments are over the top. For example, a few weeks ago a person posted a question (I forget exactly what it was), and she was asked to post a floor plan. Oh oh - my immediate reaction was "Now she's in for it!." There were many negative comments made about the design, but the one that leapt out for me was "monstrosity."

I understand why the professionals on this forum use direct language to make their point. However, it is completely unnecessary to use rude language. Would they use this kind of language if they were sitting across from a potential client in their office? I doubt it.

I am currently building a house, and I enjoy reading posts on Houzz. However, after seeing what other regular folks like myself have experienced I don't dare to ask a question on Houzz - I'm afraid I'll be torn apart.

TN that wasnt me I didnt offer any rug on that thread lol

The only thing i said was a larger rug would be better, and wow what a difference a larger rug made, you have confused the whole situation. And again proving my point. Thanks for adding to the thread but your just being negative at this point.

So at this point I am happy to see we are all some what on the same page, pros only want pros to be here and the rest of us are sick of being chewed out for expressing our ideas. From now I will start with “not a pro” and perhaps we should just all do that? I took a leap of faith here hoping to get some good feed back, which we accomplished! Thanks guys I feel like we are about to turn down a completely negative path on this thread so at this point just remember the above post! THINK. To the pros out there sorry/not sorry but you can see others do feel the same and do not even post their own questions because of it. Through the looking glass.... remember you came her to help not hinder!

OMG - RL Relocation - Please don't do that - Say 'not a pro'. You offer good advice!

Thank you! I try we all do!!!

my db.....You have to be strong and not easily offended to post a dilemma. I am not that strong. If I have a dilemma and I'm asking my son for advice, he says 'why don't you post on Houzz'. I respond, YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND - NEVER....lol!

I'm not sure where TN is coming from at all? Your screenname states pretty clearly what your business is. I'm not sure the exact thread TN is referring to, but all the other threads you posted in, you have been very polite and helpful. I also don't see where you have claimed to be a "design pro".

So, please direct your response to the poster's question, no matter your background. No need to criticize another person's response in doing so. Pretty simple.

Olychick's comment reminds me of a joke: What do you call a doctor who graduated at the bottom of their class? Doctor

Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking when they attack another poster let alone the OP themselves...........The truth is we wouldn't all be here this long if we didnt have the same common bond, we love helping people with their houses, and we love seeing what others have to say, spark new ideas, show interest in someone's space, be interactive with a common group of people. NO ONE should be scared to post or scared to reply, everything said here implies people feel that way! GEEZ

I am in shock that TN has such a strong dislike to me...........all because I am not a pro? seems very unfair. I'm not sure but obviously I have offended her title somehow.........

I do understand some people have great accomplishments, educated in their field, relied on by the people who hire them and do a damn good job. But again Houzz is for the public not only for designers and that is what is frustrating me about the come backs of "show your credentials."

The other side of that is not every one can afford the help of designers, so they come here to a common folk page that incorporates professionals and enthusiasts alike..........for help.....ideas, and maybe some fun.

It's unfortunate but it seems forums like this, no matter the topic, always have some issues. I've participated in various forums over the years, though mostly food-related. They've all had some annoying "charmers." You just have to decide if there's enough content that's worthwhile and enjoyable for YOU. My own experience has been most do...with the help, ideas and fun RL Relocation mentioned.

As someone here previously (and wisely) posted, don't let bad behavior from a stranger on the internet get to you.

I also think that it is very hard to to understand what a person is saying when you can't hear HOW they are saying it! It's like texting - things get so misconstrued when the words are not perceived the same way....

We need emojis! :)

Debbi - nope it's apparent with some people, there is no misconstruing the tone IMO.

"Direct" and "rude" are not synonymous terms. Snark and tone-deaf advice do not educate or inform -- people stop listening when they feel demeaned. For many, posting pictures of their home for strangers to critique is a big emotional risk. There are several posters here who beautifully illustrate how to respond in a helpful, respectful way, regardless of the OP's budget, taste or mistaken beliefs (looking at you groveraxle). I so appreciate those people -- they're why I keep coming back to Houzz.

And let's always remember that we can, and probably should, drop out of posts that are pushing our buttons.

Thanks for posting this. I want to ask an opinion about tiles but I feel like almost every time I post there is at least one or two rudely worded comments which which makes me not want to ask anything!! Or you ask about one thing and people feel obliged to comment on everything else. And yet I keep coming back. Sigh.!!

I agree with Andrea. I have so many questions I want to post, but I am terrified of the nastiness. This is a home design/decorating forum, for gods sake. We’re not asking whether we should have an abortion; we’re asking what colors to paint our front doors.

On a positive note, I love Beth H! She has great taste and always presents very nice solutions at all price points.

@Berlinrl I agree, Beth H is great from what I have seen. Kind, respectful and helpful...

It took me a minute to get it, but yes Beth is great! She has SO much knowledge, I often try to tag her in posts if I know nothing about "proper grout color" lol.

I would hope you ladies write your posts, I will personally flag any nasty replies lol

We are here for fun, help and in some cases to learn. So let's have great conversation!

I love Beth H's taste and she always writes her replies in a respectful way.

Personally, I have found the majority of the problem to be the OP. “Does this dress make my butt look big?” Answer: “yes”. OP’s retort is how rude and nasty you are for giving an answer OP doesn’t want to hear. Not many, but some, posters want coddling for simple questions about something they have already decided to do, so they need an answer couched in terms of unicorns, fuzzy bears, diamond skies instead of the plain truth. Some of us are more direct in our thoughts and speech and, unfortunately, directness and logic are mistaken for rudeness. People who have been in construction are more blunt, more direct. We see a problem and look for a solution. Some questions are yes/no, either/or, red/blue. We all know how stressful building and remodeling can be. Family dynamics and budget inform and limit our choices. But it is not my fault that dress makes your butt look big.

@remodeling1840 I totally disagree. There are many pros who are actually rude. Blunt and direct is one thing but from your analogy these "pros" are saying "your butt looks big in that dress" when they just wanted to know what color dress you preferred. They like their body, nobody was asking about that. It's more annoying than anything. It's almost like a certain word triggers the same old opinionated response.

and yet......I wasn't attacking anyone, especially by name. I found in my career, often owners thought they had a solution, but once it was explained to them how that could cause other problems, we could find an acceptable solution. I once had a client who wanted a huge mirror over his sofa. He insisted that we could not hang it with a frame, with screws, or with mirror mastic. Lacking a magic wand, we had to explain that some method of mechanically fastening the mirror to the wall was the only way to hold it up. My father wanted to extend his front porch, but didn't realize the HOA wouldn't allow it, and even if they did, he needed an architect to design the attachment to the garage roof, he needed footers poured. He only knew that he wanted a different view than the existing porch offered, but he had no construction experience. He was not happy when I explained all these impediments. And again, if you are my best friend and only ask about the color of the dress, I will still tell you it is not the most flattering dress for you, no matter what color. I would hope you understood that I loved you enough to keep you from looking awful in that dress.

So even if someone says they like how the dress fits and it's all they can afford right now, would you still tell them to go out go into debt and buy a new dress just because YOU didn't think it was flattering enough for you? This is a message board with different people, different backgrounds, different incomes and different goals... from all parts of the world. There are respectful ways to say or suggest things and there are extremely rude ways as we've seen.

I recently posted a question on height of a pot filler. I even added stars with a disclaimer in the original post that the pot filler itself isn't up for discussion...I did my research, I like the idea and we already have the plumbing... please only respond if you can help me with the height issue). What do you think was the first response on my post from a "pro"? That is what is annoying and makes people not want to post.

Every time someone posts a picture of a bathroom, immediately you get the same "pro" asking about the waterproofing. Then they begin their rant about the cheap contractor you hired, he’s a hack, blah, blah. Doesn't matter that they asked if the grout color was ok, they still get a 2 paragraph rant about how it should be completely gutted and re-done.

I can hardly stand to read anymore.

@suedonim75 lol that’s sooooo spot on. Or the tiles are sponges.

glad to see that this opens up the option to talk about and for some of us to just get it off our chests! Some people have a very plain way of saying things, sometimes I am a little plain, however I usually sum up my mini "rants" with, I hope you understand I am only here to help and wish you luck or something to that effect.

I am just tired of pros saying things directed to me on other peoples threads, I have an inbox if you have that much spite, send a private msg.

Otherwise, run along with your long-winded speeches about anyone!