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bturner12

overly involved neighbor with border issues

7 years ago

We bought a second home last October that needed a ton of work, it had only one owner who loved the house but she didn’t manage for last 10 years or more of her life. The house is located in large beautiful lake which was the draw for us. So we worked with a landscape designer for a huge product that went through all the state permits. This was all super important as the property had erosion issues that had been neglected. During the process we surprised at how much space we had after the surveyor came. We noticed the neighbor had been using several feet of our property. Then every time we went there on the weekend we noticed the surveyor stuck would be missing. So we asked around to get their number and asked if they could ask the landscaper or whoever took care of their lawn to leave the stick in there. But it went missing so basically added a pole. Then they moved in for the summer and had the guts to even ask if they could take it out we said no as the contractors needed for the job that would start at the end of the summer. Now that the 3 month project is underway we have been playing middle man as he keeps questioning everything my contractor does saying it is not to plan. Recently our contractor refused to continue work until we talked to them. Which I did and assured them the project was still early and we plan on adding thousands of dollars of planting in the spring and that boulders on the shore wouldn’t be as severe as it looks now. To mention this is all on my property, my house and he is talking to my contractor more than I do. And my real concern is how is going to handle what I do in the border of our property. They are so out of control that I plan on letting them know but want your opinion what I should plant or put here to define our property? The left green side is his bit he has been mowing our law for years and we will have that area with grass as well so I need to do something but I don’t want to get him crazy as we have to live next to them

Comments (32)

  • 7 years ago

    I would plant a row of hedges along the border if you don't do a fence. Or a split timber fence that's more decorative if you don't want a regular fence.

  • 7 years ago

    I loved the idea of fence but the property slopes at top and then down by shore so it would be small length fence might look odd. The neighbor on his other side has a huge tall evergreen border so obviously they are difficult with everyone. But at the same time they are my neighbor and just have a lot of time on their hands as they are retired and enjoying life. I want something nice even though it will really be them benefiting from the view as I don’t want them to make trouble but I want that border defined. Personally if it was me I would feel horrible if I had been using someone else’s property but I think he feels it is his

  • 7 years ago

    It can be a low hedge, along the lines of a boxwood (I hate boxwood but just to give you an idea of a low hedge). or it can be something “airy”; it doesn’t need to be a solid 10’ wall of greenery, just enough to make a gentle point. Ilex verticillata, hydrangea paniculata... tons of options out there.

  • PRO
    7 years ago
    last modified: 7 years ago

    ideas: winterberry, Carolina allspice, var redtwig dogwood & fir/spruce, etc



  • 7 years ago

    We hammered caped pipe into the ground at the 4 pin points. They sit just below the grass so you don't hit it with the mower. We painted the cap a bright color. The grass hides the bright color until you are on top of it.

  • 7 years ago

    Love the natives, Doug!

  • 7 years ago

    Thank you!!! Yes he is very bold, it is so shocking to me but then I am like ugh I have to live next to them so we are walking on eggshells trying to keep our distance. The last time I called him I told him our contractor said he wasn’t going to continue working until his issues with our property were settled. He said he wasn’t trying to halt our project and I told him that everything need to go through me if he has any questions or concerns with my property. But I feel like he is just building up for when we do something to define the property line as that has been such an issue with him.

  • 7 years ago

    It's not clear in your picture and post about whether the grass area in the picture is your property or not. Where do you want to put the barrier you are considering?

  • 7 years ago

    It is partly. Center left of the picture has a small pole in the grass that is the property line, they threw out our surveyor stick so many times it is now lost. Their property is the smaller portion on the left of the stick we have the majority of the property in that picture they have taken several feet of our property

  • 7 years ago

    I circled the stick to show property line mine property is the right side of the stick he has been mowing our side for a while

  • 7 years ago

    There are two issues here. The first is the property line, which you have resolved with your survey. But the second is the fence or barrier. That should be a joint decision or at least take the neighbors preference into consideration. What would they like to look at? Perhaps they would even share the cost of trees and shrubs. Just installing whst you like could be obnoxious.

  • 7 years ago

    A mixed border like Doug's suggestion could easily fill in the whole strip from the property line over to the bare strip on the right of the picture.

  • 7 years ago

    Anything we put will be to their benefit and not ours we don’t really have a view from that angle. I personally don’t think they will be happy with anything as they have removed the stick so many time. Which is why I want to present the best option to them. Our contractor will do the job but I don’t want them to be all over them during that time so I will make it clear what will be put there to start as they are difficult.

  • 7 years ago

    I'd be inclined to get a can of spray paint - the kind they use on football fields - and spray along the boundary line so that, survey stick or no survey stick, the delineation is clear to the neighbor from this moment on. Call it a line in the sand ;) Then I'd look at plantings, and perhaps even a rock garden where the slope is. I really think you need to reclaim what's yours, and if that means an aggressive display of ownership, so be it.

  • 7 years ago

    I'm going to go at this from a different perspective.

    You purchased a property from an elderly owner who had trouble maintaining the property. This is an orphan piece of lawn that looks like it is much easier from the neighbor to mow. If I was that neighbor, of course, I would mow that piece of lawn. It is just being a good neighbor. I"d also probably pull the marker since they are evil things to mow around. I'd try to put them back afterwards, but things happen.

    So start by marking the boundary in a way that doesn't interfere with the mowing. Functionthenlook has a good idea. Then try thanking him for helping to maintain your property. Maybe you could then say you are planning on planting shrubbery so he won't have to continue helping out.

  • 7 years ago

    The repeated throwing away of the surveyor’s stick is pretty aggressive. I like the spray paint idea, honestly. Even though it very likely would immediately piss him off. I wonder if you acted like a complete psycho, if that would scare him off? Clearly I’ve watched too many bad-neighbor movies :). You‘re probably too reasonable for him, some people, there is just no talking to and you just may need to ignore him and do what you think is best.

    While the idea of asking him what plantings he would like seems a noble approach, I have a feeling that will only enhance and feed his perception of his “ownership” of the space.


    But whatever you do, let us know what happens and how it goes. Good luck and I hope you get to ENJOY your retreat.


  • 7 years ago

    That is thing we did thank him and pointed out it needed to stay for contractor, had to stay in for several months. He has repeatedly taken it out until we came out and asked him to stop as I know it was not his landscaper doing it. I can’t even count how many times it has been removed right now there is a big pole bigger than the one in the picture as we kept running out of options to put there. He is good bit older than us so we have been respectful and tried to learn as much from him as possible as we are new to the area and he built his house 40+ years ago. So he is super knowledgeable about the area and the lake. But he has major concerns about the border and it has been evident in his following of our plan and I wouldn’t be surprised if he had it blown as I am not sure how he is able to follow the small plan that the state sent to him. I think he has been enjoying that extra area of our lawn for his dogs and grandkids so he is concerned about losing it even though it was never his.

  • 7 years ago

    Get a fence if at all possible. Sounds like your neighbor is used to pushing people around. Fences make good neighbors in my experience.

  • 7 years ago

    You say you can't see it. And it appears from the photo that you can't use it because it is on the other side of what looks like a substantial screen of trees, some of whose branches may soon extend beyond the line. So isn't your only real interest in asserting a justifiable claim to what you own (and pay taxes on)? If the ownership were acknowledged, would you mind if it were lawn maintained by them? Let's say you put up a split rail fence, which probably has to be a foot within the property line (check your building department).. how do you intend to maintain it? Look at this from their point of view. They now enjoy a kempt but natural boundary and are no doubt imagining the terrible scenarios that are possible. I would be. Tell them you are not about to surrender the property as who in their right mind would, but that you are open to discussing how to fence or landscape it. Would simply mulching the trees out to the line be acceptable? If you can't have the conversation with them arrange for someone else to do it on your behalf. An older, diplomatic person, maybe even the code enforcement person at your town hall.

  • 7 years ago

    Friendly advice, we live beside someone similar and the only way to handle it is stand up for yourself. Do not walk on eggshells (as you say) to make peace as it will only get worse. He will continue to push you until they have run right over you. Do not let them. We had a situation where our neighbor was taking over half our side yard with what they considered to be a natural look, it reality it was an overgrown mess. You have to be more direct and tougher with people like this, sadly it is the only way.

  • 7 years ago

    Yes our side will be maintained this little area is small small piece of a huge project that includes a few retaining walls, shoreline stabilization with boulders, new granite steps, new paver driveway, new paver patio, new walkway, new deck, new drainage to deal with erosion problems. It is a complete overall of the entire property this area that is not looking so great to the right in the picture will have natural steps down a slope heading to the patio so it will all be cleaned up and be used as we will have this beautiful area of grass next to the lake.

  • 7 years ago

    Don't know where you live or what the laws might be, but the first thing I wondered about was whether the neighbor had acquired adverse possession of that bit of land. He doesn't sound like he's disputing your ownership, except by pulling your land marker.

    It's not clear to me why you need the marker - you said it needed to stay for the contractor but does it? If you have trees between the properties, though not on the property line, why do you need more of a border?

    I disagree with the advice to escalate this with paint. Although I'd stand firm about the contractor since the neighbor's behavior there is impacting you, but I'd even let the stake go for now and worry about taking over that strip of grass with plants that will need tending later.

  • 7 years ago

    Everything in front of the evergreen tree will be gone, there is a huge over grown shrub with so much dead on it, the other side will be grass and stairs walking down to the lake in this area. The landscaper needs to know the boundaries which is why the stake needed to stay and we didn’t want to start the project during the summer and ruin everyone’s time at the lake. So it just started in beginning of September and our neighbor is constantly questioning the contractors. Just to note this not a large lot it is less than 1/4 of an acre and this area in question is lake frontage. He also has his mailbox on my property too and pulled the surveyor stick up there and near his driveway where his people park on my property. Really don’t care about street side but it would insane to let this go, I just want to put a pleasant border that they will like so that I don’t cause problems as I know this will be difficult. No there is no easement on record we had professional handle the design and surveyor come out to mark the land. And all the maps in town hall point out that this is correct as his well is right up against the property line. He doesn’t dispute it but he has made it clear he wants this lawn and doesn’t want us to cut the dead shrubs. But yet he tells us all the time cut down a big ash tree that blocks his view and according to the state approved plan that tree must stay. He has an agenda and I am just trying to find best options so that he is happy as I have to live next to them.

  • PRO
    7 years ago

    So he's pulled multiple stakes? You're nicer than I am, I would've had the cops out to chat with him after the second one. I feel like the folks saying to let it ride haven't dealt with entitled neighbors like this. Pulling up survey stakes is intentionally damaging someone else's property, attempting to override a professional service YOU paid for because they didn't like the result. Reasonable people don't do that. I am the easiest person in the world to get along with, but I would have escalated this LONG ago.


    It sounds like you've tried being the better person. At this point I would get my lawyer up to speed with what's going on and see if there's any groundwork (legally) that can be laid now to deal with a future problem. And then I would run a line of 6x6 timbers right down the property line in the contested area and pin them in with 2 ft lengths of rebar. If things go well, he'll take that to mean he's lost and he'll back off.

  • 7 years ago
    last modified: 7 years ago

    He’s a bully, please do not attempt to make him “happy.” You have been more than reasonable, he has not. Paint a line, install a line. Maybe a tall green screen IS in order? It’s his own nastiness driving this.

    Have you told him to keep people from parking in your area? I don’t know if something along the lines of this would be useful “Since you continue to do blah, blah despite my asking you nicely to not to/find an alternative to using our property, I’m going to be forced to install fence/boulders/tall screening hedges.”

    You should be documenting your interactions with him, as well. Date, time, who was there and what was said. Note the incidents you’ve mentioned here.

    If you let him walk all over you, he will always do it.

    I have a particularly bad neighbor across the street who drove away a lovely young couple and has started a mini-war with the new ones. She, however, is no push-over and had sent him letters (to have documentation) listing his harassment of them, in a professional tone. She’s kept track of what/when/where.

  • 7 years ago
    <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><md>Thank you everyone really appreciate the advice. I will also start documenting when all these incidents happened and anything in the future so I have a record of what we have been dealing with. I do have some text messaging as record so I will save screenshots of those. Appreciate everyone’s advice, thank you
  • 7 years ago

    My parents and their next door neighbor lived happily never talking to each other for over 40 years. Each stayed on their own property. It's not your responsibility to make the neighbor happy. It's not like your putting in a junk yard. Claim what is yours and tell him to leave it alone.

    If not he will take advantage of you. We had a neighbor who we told he could park his car on a spot we made where our son use to park when he lived at home only if he needed it when he got company. Well he decided he was going to park there all the time because his driveway was tight for 2 cars. We ended up turning back into lawn so he would quit parking there.

    Set your boundaries with the neighbor now.

  • 7 years ago

    Adverse possession is different than a recorded easement. It comes about through a period of years (often ten) during which the non-owner acts as if they own the property ( through maintenance, use etc) without objection by the true owner.


    The prior owner's non- objection, IF the period met requirements, MIGHT have given your neighbor ownership on this basis.


    Before I escalated, I'd sit down with a real estate lawyer. A nicely written letter, not confrontational, from an attorney might be the best option here. JMO.


  • 7 years ago

    It doesnt sound as though the neighbor is claiming that the land is his so I don't see that adverse possession is really an issue. As for escalation, I would suggest that pulling up survey stakes and harassing the landscaper is escalation on the neighbor's part, and a firm stance by the OP is the best way to cool the situation down. Otherwise, the neighbor is just going to keep pushing.

  • 7 years ago

    Without going into details, we had an issue with the border of a property we sold years ago. We had the area professionally surveyed. When the neighbors pulled the stakes, we called the police. They were re-installed. Be firm.

  • 7 years ago
    last modified: 7 years ago

    jmm1837, right, I noted that the neighbor wasn't claiming ownership in my initial comment. I just wanted to clarify, once the OP mentioned that their were no easements, that they were different matters.


    And if things escalate, and the facts support it, the OP may find that her neighbor has a different position.

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