A bookcase is good for photo albums as well as books. During visits it is easy to use photo albums as a conversational starting point. Certainly framed pictures of important life events and family should be on the walls. Not only are familiar faces reassuring to a resident, but you want to remind the caregivers your father had a vibrant life before they met him. It is the perfect place for photos of him playing golf or hiking his favorite waterfall, or sitting at his piano. We used a very small three drawer chest instead of a side table for a reading lamp, the tv control, the pencil and paper, the book of the week. The three drawers gave a place for crossword puzzles, address books, book of chocolates, etc. Find a soft throw to match his recliner. The breakfast area chairs should be sturdy and have arms to help him rise without pressing his weight on the table, which could tip. You and other guests will use those chairs when you visit. Please don’t buy chairs on the Internet. Sit in them to be sure they are comfortable and sturdy.

@remodeling1840 These are great ideas and thank you. The small chest vs. side table is brilliant! Arm chairs at breakfast table is such a good consideration. I'm adding your thoughts to my list of things to do/remember right now. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I would make sure he wants to downsize his bed I find when you get used to a big bed to downsize is not nice. Does he use a walker or wheelchair? The bathroom does not look wheelchair accessible . I assume you plan to have the TV and recliner in the bedroom area so maybe if he wants to keep his larger bed it could be against a wall . It would be nice to have a bit more sizes in the drawing. I also would like to see some pics of the space. What is in the kitchen area? I only see one window so that needs to provide natural light for the whole space and some privacy for sure.IMO the keyboard should be a must for his own enjoyment and in a spot where it is convenient to use too.I like the ideas above for him to be as at home as possible.

Your very first concern, is NO CROWDING. You need safe passage to every aspect in the space. You need to consider a potential fall. ..........and most of these places, while thought out nicely fro community? Are notoriously poorly thought out in individual rooms.

Hate to say it,,,,,,,,,,,, hobbies? are not considered in assisted living. Those are for INDEPENDENT living in a senior community. The assumption in assisted, is far different and the resident is assumed to require more help. Meals taken in a community setting, not in the room. Help with bathing or dressing. A mobility device of some sort.

This is flawed as I have drawn - I do not know his clothing and storage needs, I DO know that you want plenty of clothes considering spills, and the once a week laundry issue of not overly careful and no hand washing.

Here's what you have room for:...................

You need to find out on which WALL they have the cable installed. The tv is your first consideration, It's importance can not be under estimated. It will determine the locale of all else........: ) I have set up as viewable from a comfy power or easy up recliner and from bed.

The INCHES below do not lie. .........sorry to say: )

A breakfast table? Even a little 36 inch and chair will depend on what you can creatively store/ fit in the minimal closet.

My advice? Don't obsess on that. Most mobile folks will wander down to the dining before they will bother with even INSTANT coffee. . The less mobile? Can't even manage that. A brutal truth. At ninety, even in great shape? There are many brutal truths. Safety FIRST

Don't even ask how many downsizes to this sort of living I have done. Too many to count, and they include my own parents. ...............safety, safety, safety. Clutter and crowding are just a big no no. Use the WALLS for art, family. Forget albums. He'll be watching tv. The "dream" is far different than the day to day reality.

Thank you!! This is incredibly helpful. Such a great starting point. Locate cable outlet - first priority. And your consideration of TV viewable from chair AND bed is spot on. Thanks for your time!

Show that to the director of the facility. Ask her or him, how MANY falls happen in these places - why they happen. .......it's just a fact.

Covid may prevent you from seeing a lot of daily activity now. You just have to trust me, that you will get the best help, as much as he shall need .....when you make it easy for them to help. That's the drill. More underwear and socks please : )

@JAN MOYER thanks for all the food for thought. i uploaded some photos above if that jars your creative juices any further. I located the cable outlet when uploading photos so your drawing works from that perspective. He is fully mobile at this point but I know that could change any day. The dining hall is three doors down so his access to food/coffee will be easy. But he gets up at 5am and immediately wants cereal/banana so the likelihood of him having that in his room is high. He doesn't interact with many material things, books, photo albums, etc. so storage should be a minimal demand, predominantly clothes. I can have the closet built out to help with that.

Your photos did not post. Wait for the image to CLARIFY before you submit.

As to cereal and banana? How will you get it in there, hon. He may have to "live" until seven am. Or you minimizr something else. But until COVID is gone, the grocery thing is not going to be easy. Your access may be limited, and he isn't going shopping. ...........................just reality.

NOTORIOUSLY BAD in almost every one of these facilities? In room dining anything! Hot food from the microwave, particularly! . How to carry a hot mug with a mobility device or without. The failure to provide IN kitchen counter seating, allowing a stool with a back, or a drop down area, allowing a chair. Why? I have no clue. But I can tell you this: I could do a lot better job on these places, if only due to a ton of real life experience. It's pathetic, what is not considered.........it is a sin.

Jan is spot on with all of this - I agree sad but true. I’d add that maybe the side table for his recliner could be more of a tray table on wheels and that is height adjustable - (Hammacher Schlemmer has one called the adjustable height side table). Best of luck to you with transitioning your dad.

Like this:

The space looks very nice Becky! Nice light, view, finishes.

It's a beautiful but quite small space. There is a mini fridge in kitchenette for milk and water, etc. COVID is definitely restricting my access for a while. Even after vaccinations which start tomorrow, the community will remain on high alert and semi-lockdown for a while.

I think Jans layout looks great. There’s even room in the corner to park a wheelchair if needed. If your dad is still able to dress himself I’d only suggest the small side chair have arms. If not then the armless makes sense.

My advice is from recent experience with my mom living in senior living. Bed should absolutely be placed on wall closest to bathroom so immediately to right as you walk through kitchen & bathroom area. You don’t want him having to walk across the room to get from bed to toilet espeI ally in early morning or during night. Consider night lights in bath & kitchen area. Dad’s chair should be by the window so he has natural light & can at least see out the window while sitting in chair. Taking his keyboard is an excellent plan. I will be surprised if you are able to visit him once he moves in due to pandemic restriction & group activities likely limited or none as well as eating in community dining room. Utilize kitchenette space for storage of bathroom supplies. Figure out where to place his phone especially if he’s unable to manage a cell phone now. It would be good to have phone by bed & another by chair. I do wish you well in your coming journey to provide the best quality & safest life for your dad.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN about thoughtless design. For gods sake! It's ASSISTED living, not a vacation condo for a couple able bodies forty somethings! LOOK at it I want to scream. I want to yell from a roof top!

I would go so far as asking them to REMOVE the closet doors. He's the only one who shall see the closet. That is fact,

Doing so, might allow a small table and chair for cereal and banana. However.......it is a stupid, poorly thought out and NARROW route to get to it.: ( : (

I can't believe my eyes, especially when it is also clear, that it is a fairly recent build or remodel.

BOTTOM LINE? I think you are stuck with what it gave you. A roomy route to all, remove the closet doors, and sneak a very small spot for cereal and banana. Add a Pin up lamp : )

You can't get the bed any closer to the bath. It will block entry to the unit, and putting headboard against bath wall will not work, either. It is what it is my dear.

Another suggestion based on what I did. Place a 3M removable hook on wall next to entry door for him to hang his apartment & mail key. They should give him these keys on a coiled wrist band & he should have one place to always place his keys So he can find them. Put another hook up for his face mask to wear when he leaves his apartment. 3M also makes a pretty good shower caddy to stick on wall inside shower for his soap stuff so he doesn’t have to lean over to pick up. I’m assuming his shower is a wheelchair accessible one hopefully with a seat in It. Hang family pictures on walls, limit photo albums to one - pare down pictures. Reduce clutter but bring things that are familiar to him so his new home feels like his space.

@KW PNW Z8 more great ideas and considerations - bed close to bathroom, night lights, phone! So many details. Thank you for helping me with my to-do list!

@JAN MOYER Yes this is quite the challenge! Thanks for commiserating with me. I'm beside myself trying to figure this out. Taking the closet doors off is an AMAZING and practical idea - I'm going to ask but I'm sure they will agree.

@KW more details that are so helpful - 3M hooks. Its the small things that will make such a difference. No seat in shower and that surprised me. This is not an inexpensive community.

I commiserate with you, sweetie. It's not easy, and is made more difficult with impractical design, and the idiot Virus.

What I gave you WORKS. .....and is safe. The recliner need not be huge and bulky to be comfortable. A 42 inch wide dresser may be just fine. I CAN'T overstate the importance of undies, socks, jammies and easy to wash clothes. You won't be able to monitor the day to day. It SUCKS. I lived it with two in assisted simultaneously, and no virus and my daily presence and it STILL was hard.

Just do the best you can with three way lamps, a good tv. Plenty of GOOD toilet paper and grooming supplies A comfy mattress, firm enough, good pillows.

The idiocy of that much kitchen in assisted and no place to sit? I won't go there .Don't forget a big wall calendar,...........the days blend. They just........................blend.

@JAN MOYER the kitchen . Oy vey. So much wasted space.

Becky, there is no such thing as an inexpensive retirement community & cost increases with every level of care needed & added. My mother’s independent living 767 square foot 1 bed 1 bath apartment was $3500 monthly. This included 1 daily meal timing of her choice, utilities, basic cable, long distance on phone & once weekly housekeeping. Of course they had many activities, shopping trips, etc but all of that stopped with COVID. The only thing these places give family is some peace of mind that your parent is in a safer place than living alone in their home with no one to notice that they’ve fallen or are ill and that’s a really priceless thing. Question - what is that panel on wall next to closet? I agree that it will be great if they allow those closet doors to be removed. If it has shelves baskets could be used for underwear storage. It’s too bad the bathroom door is not a pocket door. Another thing to store in kitchen lower cabinets is extra towels for bath & an extra set of sheets for bed. I assume housekeeping is included & when they strip bed, they will put clean sheets on while dirty sheets & towels being washed. Your dad will likely use the bottom 2 shelves of upper cabinets for his cereal, snacks & few dishes he‘ll need.

@KW PNW Z8 Great advice on where to store and what to load up on. That metal device is where the heating equipment is located and can't be blocked.

It's this, in this order:

Hygiene/health/safety

Comfort/sleep..safely accessible

Safety /mobility/ NOTHING to trip on.

Amusement /tv, tv, tv, tv, : )........i pad......phone.........laptop? etc.

When you think of it that way, and add in the COVID factors? You plan this as if you were stuck in your home for a month, with NO access, to laundry, or a drugs store .

Three weeks of undies and socks

A week at least of jammie changes.

Toothpaste, plenty of toothbrushes, extra eye glasses !! Hearing aid/batteries?? Denture cleaner....disposable razor blades, his preferred soap, band aids ( yup...skin tears ) Go through his bathroom WITH him.

When you approach it like that, you will ensure his comfort. They are going to do his pills, They ARE going to feed him. they will do laundry, albeit imperfectly. Start with his current conditions, eliminate ALL the unnecessary, and put the emphasis on what must be there. YOU WON'T BE. THERE.

I wish you much good luck : ) and your caring is wonderful.

My mom liked having a digital frame with family pictures on a random rotation. The older ones inspired a lot of good conversations.

@JAN MOYER and everyone else on this site, thank you for the practical considerations. In a sea of stress and crushing responsibility, it's nice to have so many things spelled out and give my brain a timeout.

OH.......... trust me. I get it. Try doing two PARENTS, / SAME TIME...one with no physical health, and one dementia. Trust me.......i get the stress : ) If it had been during a pandemic, I wouldn't be typing .....i'd be six feet UNDER.

@JAN MOYER I can't imagine two parents needing all this at the same time. I do appreciate all the help. This truly made a difference in my stress level today.

LOL........ looking back? Not sure how we did it. Could not have done it without the help of a fantastic sister. That much is certain. Even the lead dog, needs help. Don't be afraid to ASK for that. They died within seven weeks of one another, fifteen years ago. I don't regret the duty done. At ALL. In fact, its a very peaceful feeling, no matter it was a most difficult time. They were snug as bugs in a rug, and they wanted for nothing. ..........: )

My heart goes out to you and your father. One bit of advice. You will be asked to label his clothing. Use a permanent magic marker. Do not use iron on name labels. How do I know? I attached labels to all of my father’s clothing only to find him dressed in clothes that were not his own (and that he would never have chosen to wear). Where are his clothes, I asked? They were “lost” in the laundry; the labels had all come off. Does your father have a laptop or iPad? Use the internet? Like his keyboard, he might enjoy communicating with you via Zoom, etc. (Some 90 year olds love their computers!). Also....check with your local newspaper provider. My father loved to read the newspaper...and we had his delivered to his room every day. Good luck. This won’t be easy. ❤️

As the saying goes......"If it was easy, everyone would do it" fact is? Everyone DOESN'T do it. They dump parents in facilities, and assume all will be fine, with barely a backward glance. . In the best of virus free times, they visit very infrequently.

Truth is, your real task begins AFTER you furnish the unit. After You have provided all the obvious necessities for his comfort.

Make a "friend" at the facility. Call often. Send in lunches..pizza, subs, whatever. Be a presence in even a newly enforced remote sort of way.

If he doesn't use an ipad? teach him now. Teach him to face time or zoom.

I just had a flashback. Twenty one solid months of beginning EVERY SINGLE day with a parent visit, so I could cajole mom into the shower. Do her hair. monitor tooth brushing etc. Make certain she had on fresh clothes, spot and stain free.. She would NOT allow anyone else these tasks, other than me or my sister. While there? Pick up all laundry. Why? If not removed, she would hand wash in the sink..........BATH TOWELS. My dad could stop none of it, DO none of it. Could I do it again? Fifteen years older? Don't want to think of it, honestly : )

Jan, your suggestions are SPOT ON. The best advice I ever received from a social work assisting me in finding a place for my father who could no longer live alone was....choose a place that you can visit a LOT. Show up at different times of the day. Get to know all the staff...from the cleaning people to the head administrator. (Especially the aides.). Don’t be charmed by the appearance of the place, the lovely dining room and the “activities” room where no one goes. Be there as much as possible. I know....these are hard times with Covid and the banning of family from care facilities. But it is all the more important that people make the contacts with care workers despite these restrictions. ❤️ You will never regret your efforts. Nor will your loved ones. ❤️ to you Becky.

ptreckel

Could not have said that better,................

I recall a client saying to me in the heat of it all. " It's not forever, Jan"

To which I said.."yeah, It just FEELS that way"

It isn't forever, it is what it is. You WILL get through it,,,,,,,,,,,yes, you will. He will not. : ) It's the last stop, forgive the obvious.

You just do your best to make the last stop, as pleasant as it can BE. You do what you would want for yourself, and that's the best you can ever do.

When residents walk back to their unit from common areas, all the doors look the same. Make sure you put up a command hook on the outside of his door and hang something that has some meaning to him so he will recognize his own door. Even if his memory seems fine now, moving at that age is very disorienting.

@JAN MOYER and @ptreckel you are an amazing woman! I'm 15 months into your flashback, Jan, and finally cried "uncle." Now that there is an end in sight, I know I can make it to the finish line. I don't wish this on anyone but find some strange comfort in hearing of others who know what it's like day in and day out. We bought my dad an Alexa Echo because I won't be able to go in every day with COVID. Only 5 families a day can actually visit. I hate the thought of this, leaving him and knowing there will be days I can't be there. Everything about this is character building! @Me PRN that is such a good idea - something identifiable on the door. I would never think of all these things on my own. Thank you all very much!

Is there a little shelf outside his door? there usually is. .......... a little display spot?

Something decorative from home. : ) Instantly recognized> OH! Yeah.... hear I AM!!! CHEER UP. You can do it , when you're overwhelmed, it seems you can't. But. You'll be fine. If you need to TALK? Have more questions?

Contact me through Houzz and give an email/cell phone .

Would it be that we all aged at ninety plus to this?: Yes....... the wonderful lady, client and now dear friend is one whose apartment at senior living i remodeled, and also " mini re created" her former address. Will be 93 this summer, and she is INCREDIBLE.

She doesn't shuffle, has no mobility issues..........however. Note no thresholds, area rugs that can come up. A kitchen with her favorite place to sit -at the counter on a Serena and Lily stool . We should all be so damn lucky. She wishes she had made the move SOONER and is enjoying the heck out of her busy life there. ( she's yapping on the phone second pic.... hard to catch up with her. Swim, bridge, duplicate bridge........"dinner with the WIDOWS" LOL "

I have accepted that this will not be MY old age conditions, unless I cease eating and drinking.... and a lot of other stuff too : )

Folks? Go before you need to go. Don't cling to junk. Your kids don't want it. Or want a miniscule fraction of it. Whenever I read one of these "age in place" dilemmas? I think.....yeah.............right. You need friends, community, and spur of the moment help. Or as a doctor said to me: "At a little over eighty, your physiology balances on the head of a straigh PIN." Memorize it.

In general · More Info

In general · More Info

In general · More Info

Beautiful job, Jan! One last thought for you, Becky. I remember when I was lamenting my father’s decline as I was driving down the lane to his residence. And suddenly I had a moment of revelation. One day my father would be gone. And I would be WISHING that I had the opportunity to see him. Savor your time with him. Don’t lament the past. Focus on the moment. Even the bad moments. It will be over. Too soon.

Been there, sending much support your way, you are getting invaluable advice.

@JAN MOYER "At a little over eighty, your physiology balances on the head of a straigh PIN." LOVE this! Thanks for everything, Jan.