I'd pick the countertop first.

generally the most difficult choice,

and often limited in budget and availablity.

Paint the cabinets a bright white like Bemjamin Moore's Chantilly lace. Do a contrasting countertop with soapstone or a faux soapstone in quartz. Then change out your hardware to either a satin brass or matte black.

I think you already have a very nice kitchen.

I agree that you have a nice kitchen. I think my first step would be to clear off the counters as much as possible. Try to find a spot elsewhere for everything, or decide whether you really need it or can let it go. Once your counters are completely clear you can see what you think. Your counters may not be trendy, but it seems like they complement the warm tones of your cabinets and island. (The wall color reads cool to me compared to the cabinets, but monitors don't always show true colors and I'm no color pro. If you ever decide to repaint the walls or get a tile backsplash, you might consider taking out the 4" stone backsplash first; that will help freshen up the style.)

Will you do a DIY paint job on the cabinets (hard to do well but maybe you are skilled) or will you be outsourcing the job? It is an expensive one if done well. Why type of counters are you interested in?

I don't think you can make your choices in a vaccum. Do research, get quotes, find out prices for countertops you like and then a plan that makes sense will start to emerge.

All things being equal cost and ease, I'd do your counters first. You don't want to create a cabinet color that has to look OK with your current counter and a future counter. You'll be limiting your choices too much. You can probably leave your cabinets as is, get new counters, new hardware, paint the room and have a rather new look and feel. I like @Sabrina Alfin Interiors suggestion and think if you did it in stages starting with the counters first it will look OK to have a faux soapstone with your current cream color cabinets.

I can't tell what your floors look like from the picture. Whatever you do, make sure your new choices are going to work with the floor if you're not going to change it. It is not uncommon for people to want a completely different look and end up with a warm/cool color clash. If your floors are warm you have to stay with warm colors for the cabinets and counters. You're probably not going to be able to change to cool colors unless the floors are different than I'm thinking. I agree with @chicagoans that you already have a warm/cool clash with your cabinet color and wall color. If you like blue it is a good idea to lean green to complement warm colors better.

How does the lighting work for you? To me it looks like your recessed lighting isn't in the right place and you don't have light over the sink. Is the peninsula well-lit?

You should make your decision on all three of them concurrently. And I agree with the poster on making sure it matches your floor. You need to bring swatches and samples home of each and look at them together as well as under the different light scenarios you will have in your kitchen. You may even decide to keep one of your existing colors in that process. But I would not do these in succession. In my opinion, that’s when homeowners get into trouble and things start to lack cohesion.

I agree with others that the best first step is to declutter. Second would be styling. The things you reach for most often can be beautifully displayed.

Thank you everyone! For context, agree the layout of the kitchen works well! Yes we need to declutter haha

The house is relatively open concept and we just painted the trim and walls throughout more to our taste: benjamin moore silver cloud walls and chantilly lace white for all molding and trim so the idea is to paint the cabinets (by a professional) to match in chantilly lace, and replace the counters in a quartz with a carrera marble look

the floors are a provincial stain red oak (medium brown look) which we think pairs nicely and warms up the cooler tone paint

We are pretty commited to doing the kitchen project and have the design in mind i laid out above but probably would only do either the paint or counters now and the other next year. so my question is more what is the logical order to do these things!

when we do the counters we will also do a backsplash!

unfortunately the lighting is oddly placed (not our choice) but we arent looking to move the recessed lights at this point as they are functional and the kitchen is very well lit.

I would repaint the walls and not touch the cabinets or countertop. I'd add a unique chandelier to the area to set the mood. There is nothing wrong with a traditional kitchen.

I might consider changing out the island to the one you see below

This tile could be a nice addition to the kitchen.

https://www.flooranddecor.com/porcelain-ceramic-decoratives/zellige-saggia-matte-ceramic-tile-101000560.html?impressionlist=porcelain-ceramic-decoratives

I hate to be the bubble burster but honeslty I woudl not spen money on this sape it is fine as it is . For me it would not function so I would not spend huge $$$$ painting and replacing counters both of which are hugely expensive and will not improve function one iota.

I just came across this photo and thought of your collection of bottles on the right. I like the fact that the elevated tray allows the counter to remain open, and placing items on a tray changes the look from many things to one thing. A small battery operated mini lamp would add nice ambience, too.

This might be a concept for addressing your lovely window. If you don't want to hang porcelain plates, you might consider pewter plates & platters instead.

I know you just painted the walls, but that would be what I would change! At least on my computer the walls look too cool in tone for the ivory-colored cabinets. I like Beverly's suggestions of greenish hues but I think you could also take it back to a very light beige-white that is close to the cab color. As long as the cabinet paint is in good condition I'd leave it be.