Dec. 25 is just a day on the calendar. I would plan a Christmas gathering once she's feeling better, even if it means leaving decorations up and repeating festivities and traditions (to a manageable scale for you). On Christmas day, your plans to bring her food, flowers and visit sound perfect.

If she's tech savvy, you could facetime or zoom her in on Christmas eve to say hello and share holiday wishes.

I hope she's feeling better soon.

Does your mother use Facetime or Zoom? We used both of those during COVID for family get-togethers.

I think your idea of a quick visit with some food and flowers is perfect. Then, plan a get-together for later when she feels better.

Oh, we’re absolutely getting together sometime in the new year to celebrate. My youngest is going out of town on the 26th and won’t be back until January, so it’ll have to wait until then. She was so sad and upset about not seeing us on Christmas that I’d like to do something for her in the interim. Preferably on Christmas.

Yes - go to see her, however briefly. That seems like a very good plan, considering the circumstances.

And maybe follow up later with a call.

Call, not just text, a lot. Visit. Listen and pick up on cues for what she needs.

I think your plan is a good one. I’m sorry she’s having a difficult time right now and hope she feels much better soon. 💗

Is there a friend, church member, that might be willing to stop by in the morning and serve a breakfast either home made of maybe from a bakery? If she is well enough she might appreciate a little fussing over for an hour or so? You can also stop by in the afternoon with your food. The two visits will make it seem to her less alone on Christmas.

DD and her family had COVID the first Christmas after DH died. I spent Christmas by myself. You think it is not going to matter, that it is just another day. Not true. It was awful.

If she is only 40 minutes away, could you go pick her up in the morning and take her back on Christmas Day? Maybe get her doc to give her a Rx for some high powered cough medicine.

I think your plan is perfect .. so sorry she has been through so much and is feeling rundown. It looks like you can still have Spoonful of Comfort delivered tomorrow if you order by 4PM MST. I havent used them but I thought I saw someone here talk highly of them. If she likes fruit Edible Arrangements is still delivering for tomorrow (at least here) .. that said, a quick visit from you is perfect.

I would do what BBstx suggested and go early morning to pick her up and drop her home before you go to your dad’s house. Our DD and fam are 45 minutes from is and we do two round trips in a day fairly often. That’s what books on tape are for 😬

Could your family go to her Christmas morning and some spend some time with her? You could take some simple brunch items and have a meal with her and have plenty of time to get to your fathers. I’m sure it would mean alot to her.

Thank you all for your suggestions and well wishes. I’ve been setting aside a few bites of everything I‘m making today. DH picked up some flowers and a stolllen while he was out. If our favorite Mexican restaurant is open tomorrow, I might send someone to pick up some of their chicken soup. I think bringing her back here or even staying at her house for more than for a very short visit will be too tiring for her. She really can’t talk much without coughing. One of her neighbors invited her over for dinner, and she cancelled that too.

Does she have a vaporiser/ humidifier? That might be a good gift for someone with a wicked cough...

Is her physician aware of her cough? From what I’ve been told, violent or prolonged coughing in a heart patient needs to be addressed by her physician.

I like your plan of a short visit. She’s had many good Christmases, Im sure, and just needs a day of rest.

She is fiercely independent, and suggestions about her health are often not well received, but I will ask her tomorrow if she has checked in with her cardiologist. She is generally very healthy, BTW.

I have a box of her favorite cookies (La Grande Gallette French Butter with Sea Salt) so i wrapped them with pretty paper and wired satin ribbon so she’ll have something to unwrap on Christmas.

Blackberry brandy (naturally flavored, not imitation) is the best cough medicine, if she can have a little alcohol! Truly, just a swallow of it calms things so fast. I'm glad you are listening to her about what she can and cannot do. I doubt she would want you to give up any of your plans so she isn't alone; your plan to visit for a few minutes sounds perfect.

I am sorry your mom is still not feeling well. Has she gotten treatment for bronchitis?

I can sympathize. I tested positive for strep end of November, then bronchitis 12/12. I am still coughing, but not as bad. Three prescriptions (albuterol inhaler, doxycycline and prednisone), two of which raised my blood pressure so high I had to stop (inhaler and steroid).

Since she cannot talk much without coughing, a short visit would be nice. If she can FT, a call when everyone is together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day would be nice. I hope she is feeling better soon.

She hasn’t seen anyone even though I told her they could give her prescription meds that will help with her symptoms. She maintains that if she gets worse, she’ll call her infectious disease specialist. Meaning that she’ll call if her fever gets to 103. Sigh.

I think a visit, and a check in are in order. I think it is wise for her to rest. Your gifts are perfect. What she'd probably enjoy most is PorkandHam. 🙂

It's frustrating when you think they should do this or that, like see a doc, but she made it to 84 doing it her way!

At 84 and having had recent cardiac procedures, I would drive to her now and get her to her doctor or Urgent Care. I would worry about pneumonia developing. If her fever gets to 103°, she will most likely not feel like calling anyone, but would need immediate care.

I hope your Mom is getting better. I think a short visit is perfect.

I think you are feeling worse for her than she is for herself. You are stopping by with flowers and food and staying for a short visit. That is all she needs and all her body can handle. Great that she is smart enough to stay home. (Sorry she didn't do so at Thanksgiving.)

Have you considered masking while visiting her so you don't bring the Christmas gift of bronchitis or a potential viral pneumonia to your FIL's house?

For only 40 min away, definitely a visit with a wellness check on the side...take her temp, check her bp, see how she's responding...is in order. Bringing her food is a great idea, esp something that's a one-dish meal like chicken soup. If you could go earlier in the day would be better in case you do decide an immediate medical care visit is warranted, you'll have time to do that.

Your story concerns me. It isn't unusual for someone who is 84 to not want to go to the doctor. They can be stubborn and they never want to worry their kids. If things were turned around, and you lived alone, had recent heart problems and had bronchitis what would your mother do? Would she just let you go on coughing or would she show up at your door with a packed bag and give you a choice of going with you to urgent care or moving in until she is better?

It may be Christmas and you have 100 things on your plate and have to get 100 things done, but it won't mean anything if something happens to your mom and you didn't do everything in your power to ensure that she is getting the medical care that she needs and that you didn't spend every minute you could with her.

I didn't see my dad before he died. I lived in California, my family was in Pennsylvania. He had a heart attack just before Thanksgiving. I talked to him while he was in the hospital. I asked him if I should come home early (had plans to come home for 2 weeks at Christmas.) He told me everything was fine and not to change my plans and that he would see me in a couple of weeks. He died on November 27th. How I wished I could have turned back the hands of time and changed my flight and spent even one day more with him.

Thanks again for all of your advice and suggestions. She called me this morning and said she doesn’t feel well enough to attend the party tonight but wants to join us brunch and exchange gifts tomorrow, so I guess that’s what we’re goung to do!

Thinking about your Mom. How is she doing?

So happy to hear that, porkandham. 🤍