I have an open concept to my family room and it will go up against benjamin moore decatur buff...

I too was thinking a medium to light gray selected from your backsplash tile. Maybe a hint of blue/gray, depending. But, remember, one room getting painted leads to another. Are you prepared to paint the next room too? :)

I have had dark brown recommendations (aura lodge) there is alot of brown in the backsplash

Perhaps we need a closeup photo of the backsplash. Pretty please!

I find that that particular kind of cabinet hardware with the open end, can grab your sleeve or pocket and while I love the look, I don't like the problems that it can create.

Here is my backsplash...all of my handles are oil rubbed bronze..

here is my backsplash and all of my handles are oil rubbed bronze

Thanks, Heather, for the extra photo. Your backsplash indeed has much more gold and brown than I saw in the original photo. With the fairly deep color you have in the family room, I would use a light color in the kitchen, and would probably make it about two shades lighter than the family room.

Heather...is the lower half little bit wall color the color of your living room? I'm thinking a very warm white for the entire kitchen walls. Or, as Carolyn suggested a couple shades lighter than the family room, as long as the shade looks nice next to the cabinets.

yes but I want one color

it looks more green in the picture i think but decatur buff is more gold

Why not use a green tone from the pantry glass?

First off what exposure is the room. East morning sun,s.w northern. These exposures can determine what colors. Also try a few samples. Go with your gut. Its only paint. I once went with a real gray ceiling and ghe painter came back to repaint

There is a sliding glass door and window that face west...the pantry glass is just kind of frosted, no green...I think I just need to put some samples on the wall

If you want a color, I propose a teal color that will complement the cabinets and your LR wall color. Check out the back wall here. It's a teal that I think would work with your buff. But, I'm suspecting since your friends suggest brown on the walls, your living space is all neutral. So, you'll need to add color to the other areas as well. One thing sure leads to another! :)
https://www.houzz.com/photos/1242-ohio-contemporary-dining-room-chicago-phvw-vp~5234289

I love Darzy's idea of teal, and it doesn't have to be dark. You could use a light blue-green which would be soft and lovely. You could repeat the color with accessories elsewhere.

The best color for any kitchen is yellow....it stimulates the taste buds!