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How long does it take to adjust to a new home?

Emily H
7 years ago
There are always new things to figure out, new routines to create, etc. How long have you found it takes to get used to a new home or space? Any rules of thumb?

Share your experience! (Photos encouraged)

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Comments (88)

  • Karen Karn
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I've moved out of a four bedroom, three storey house into a single storey, 2 bed apartment with my 12 year old son. It tiny, by anyone's standards, 50sq.m. I spent some time on Room Sketcher and I left almost everything behind, taking with me only things I really love, mainly because nothing would fit.

    I'd lived in the old house for eight years. I found this thread because I'm wondering how long it will take for that upheaval feeling to dissipate. I love, love, love this new place, and was desperate to move (there is a lot more going on in my life), so I somehow thought it would be easier. It seems, after three weeks, I'm being a bit impatient!

  • Melynda
    6 years ago
    After your first party. Could be a housewarming bash, or just a few friends for dinner. But hosting others, welcoming them to your space, helps you really own it. I don't wait for it to be perfect, I just invite some folk who care more about me than my decor, and start building memories into the walls. Works for me!
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  • Karen Karn
    6 years ago

    I just read Mark Bischak's post... I moved in on a Tuesday, a few days after the full moon, so, buy your calculations, I should feel at home in four days time!

  • ninigret
    6 years ago

    i fell in love with my house before i saw inside (told our realtor we were buying it while still standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the person before us to leave), and settled in before the moving truck arrived. it was a total realization that i'd always been living in the wrong houses up til then.

  • JC
    5 years ago
    We moved across the country two years ago. We love the house, the kids love the house. Lots of work inside and out to make the home ours. However, the place, the area, still doesn't feel like home. There are a lot of transplants here, which is great because you get to meet people from all over, but I think it also lends to an "anonymous" feeling. We've tried church, getting kids involved in activities, getting out into the neighborhood. The homes are spread out and neighbors are friendly but don't really know one another. We've met a few nice people but it just doesn't feel like home yet.
  • Beth Bevington
    5 years ago
    One thing I have realized is we can make a house a home.
    Many years ago we bought a small house a year before being built. I was so excited. The builder was difficult at best. Attitude and rude. (We put $100 down and made money even before it was built). Didn't settle well with him. After the close of escrow, I was warn out. A couple of days went by and I hadn't even gone over. When I finally did, my husband had purchased my favorite bar stools, and had signs on the walls
    "With love and caring we can make this house a home".
    How could we not.
  • auntthelma
    5 years ago

    It took me two years.

    We moved from a 4 bedroom house in which we had built the kitchen and put on two additions to suit us, to a two bedroom apartment in the back of a bed and breakfast inn.

    The big house is lovely and we loved it right away. But squishing into the apartment was harder than I'd anticipated. Lots of construction including kitchen and master bath and a few new pieces of furniture and I'm feeling quite comfortable now. But it took a good two years.

  • Terry Jones-Brady
    4 years ago

    Sorry, Mark Bischak, not funny. On one level I appreciate the humor, but I came to this thread as a serious questioner. Two and a half months ago I moved 2500 miles from my home of 30 years and I've had terrible grief, homesickness, and depression. I wasn't expecting these negative reactions and I truly am looking for help, not snarkiness.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    4 years ago

    Terry Jones-Brady: Wish I could be a serious help. We moved from California, 1 hour outside of Yosemite to West Virginia to be close to son and grandchildren in 2013. We're near a small town because the thought of city or suburbs was depressing. We like the people in our church, but we still think of the west coast as home. I've lived in 5 different states and never had so much homesickness. But every time before I knew it would be for just a few years. The idea that I may die before I get to move west again is depressing, so I do my best to stay busy at church and explore the area when weather is good. At 3 years, nearly 4, it's slowly getting better, very slowly. I do best when I'm driving to somewhere new, exploring nature or sampling local food.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    4 years ago

    Hubby has family in Boise, his dad had an electrical business, but he died a couple decades ago. We haven't been there since the 1980s. It reminded me of my hometown, Bakersfield, CA.

    I miss the mountains and miles of state and national forest. Around here it's nearly all private land, not enough free roaming space. Our son lives near Warrenton, VA, got here at the behest of the Coast Guard and retired into a well paying position in D.C.. He and his family are thriving. Daughter came east with us and loves it here. I'm the outlier.

  • Terry Jones-Brady
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    Kathleen, thanks so much for connecting. I truly appreciate hearing from you. I think I'll adjust when this unusually cold and snowy winter is over. My husband loves it here. I think I inadvertently deleted my earlier post. Just meant to edit.

  • Heather Aquila
    4 years ago
    I am looking at this post because my husband and I recently moved into our first home that we own. I have grown up in the Rocky Mountains and I have wanted to move back ever since I left. The house we bought is not in the mountains, but everthing else about it is perfect. I'm kind of having a break down and realising there is no place like home... I'm trying to figure out ways to make our yard feel more in-deep-nature-y but I don't think that after all it will do the trick. I love the house, my husband loves the house. But for me, I don't know if it will ever be a home.
  • Heather Aquila
    4 years ago
    In addition to my last post, I should mention that my husband and I have moved 4 times in the past 1.5 years. Semi forcibly, but mainly just fighting to find the right place between extreme rent prices and saving for a down payment. Now here we are, and after all of that I thought where ever we landed would feel like home...but it doesn't.
  • Terry Jones-Brady
    4 years ago

    Heather - you didn't mention where you're living now. I moved to the Rocky Mountains from the East Coast within the past year and moved twice since moving west. It was very hard and I missed my old home for several months. Don't ever feel bad because you feel you might be having a breakdown. I did, too! I felt like I was almost losing my mind. Moving to a new place can be traumatic. But the good news is that I'm learning to be happy in our new home where I have met friends and found some activities that I enjoy. I wish you all the best and hope to hear more from you as you settle in.

  • Heather Aquila
    4 years ago
    Terry Jones-Brady, we are living now in the outskirts of Denver. I have lived in and around Denver, CO for the last 7 years so it isn't foreign. In a few months hopefully I'll feel more comfortable here and I'll have something more positve to share! Thanks
  • JC
    4 years ago

    Heather, your post really resonated with me. It's hard to move, especially how often you all have. We were in a very expensive area of California for a very long time, struggling also with trying to save for an impossible down payment ($1M avg house price!!) while paying extreme rent costs. Moved across the country after a lot of thought, and while we do love the house, still at times unsure if it will ever be home. I know home is wherever you make it to be, but it's been a challenge to do that. We also have moved around a lot. Over time as we got a bit more used to things, we've worked on projects that have made the house more ours, even though sometimes the place still doesn't feel like home to us.


    its definitely ok to break down. Give yourself time. I wish you well as you adjust... it will happen!

  • Kathleen Marineau
    4 years ago

    4 years this summer and I still feel like a stranger. We have friends at church, I'm teaching Sunday School, but it's a small town with a lot of people who are 3rd generation and more. Just yesterday at a committee meeting someone said, "Well, of course she's reliable, just look at her mom." I had to ask who her mom was because her name was different. I got a laugh and an "...everyone knows..." response.

    As for moving around, I actually enjoy state, town and house hunting. I'm an explorer at heart. My sister and I added it up when we were in our mid 20s. We had each moved 22 times, about half before we were out of high school.

    In spite of that, some places just never seem a good fit. My current problem is the size of our land and house - too much for me to care for now that I'm in my 70s. But, hubby insisted on paved roads (many are gravel in West Virginia), paved driveway, large garage and at least 2 acres. Plus downsizing is not one of his strong points. He leans more toward the hoarder side. I'm hoping in a few years to find a smaller place by appealing to his penny-pinching side.

  • JC
    4 years ago

    Kathleen, I'm originally from a small town in wv, and can understand how it would be challenging to be new in a place where folks have been there for generations. We're also coming up on 4 years, and while we love the house, the property itself is a lot of work. Took awhile to get used to, since in our area of CA lots are small and gardeners come and take care of everything in 10 minutes (landlords usually included that in the astronomical rent). Came here without even a rake!


    I admire your explorer heart and its gOod you've found a church. I hope it starts feeling more like home do you.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    4 years ago

    Thanks, JC. Bakersfield, CA is my and my children's origin, although we never lived in town, always on the outskirts. The bonus was every summer weekend in the mountains, loved camping and fishing the high country creeks. I miss the mountains more than anything. Find an old dirt road, pick a spot near water and turn the kids loose was all the vacation time we ever knew or needed.

  • Maria Rodriguez
    4 years ago
    this is totally my situation right now.
  • JC
    4 years ago

    Kathleen, I'm very familiar with the San Joaquin valley and know what you're talking about! Love the mountains ... in fact, we took the kids to the great smokies and let them do just that. They've run about, spent afternoons in the river, read in the rocking chairs on the front porch.

  • alison_bunny
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    I'm feeling anxious - I have dreamed of buying my first home for years. My husband and I put in very quick offer on a home because the market is so difficult for buyers right now in the greater Seattle area. I just haven't enjoyed the whole process because the home is beautiful but further from work than I had hoped - I feel like I was forced to make a quick decision due to the difficult state of the market. Everything about the house is beautiful, but I keep having fears about changing area, having an hour extra drive to and from work every day, and messing up the stunning brand new white kitchen. I am afraid that my day to day frustrations with life will be no different in this beautifully renovated home. I feel like I should be elated because I wanted to get on the property ladder for years, but I have had a racing heart the entire time. We went to look at again after our offer was accepted, and it was exciting and beautiful and I really couldn't believe my luck, but it didn't feel like home. Help.

    Edit: I rent with a lake view right now and I am worried that I am going to miss it. All the sensible logical thinking about this being the next step in life is not outweighing my emotions.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    4 years ago

    Don't know if it will help, but a well made kitchen can always be scrubbed spotless again. Mess it up, put baskets on the counters, pick a spot for the mail, treat it like it is a rental. In a way, owning isn't much different unless you turn out to live there long enough to pay it off.

    I'm on my 4th "owned" home and have had well over 20 different rentals. The difference that I see is that owning means you are responsible for everything that needs to be fixed or maintained.

  • Ella Spada
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    I am really struggling with this! I moved probably 27 times in my first 35 years (from Europe and across state) but this last move has not worked. I have always adjusted easily but not this time... probably because this was the only time I stayed home with the kids and opened a business working for home. I made no deep relationships. I know lots of people for my business, but only two friends who I see rarely. We moved from CA to TX on a 2-weeks schedule because of a nasty layoff before the holidays. My husband accepted the first job that came about and it was a 40K salary cut... it made everything so so difficult. It has been 4 years (FOUR!) and I don't feel home here... part of me dream to go back but we cannot realistically afford the Bay Area without sacrificing financial security, and I am frightened to move to a brand new place because I am traumatized from this past move. What if I don't feel home either? I have to get out of this mental space, either I try to settle here in TX or I find the courage to restart somewhere else (looking at NC now). To add to the mix, I am from Europe and I am not sure I will ever feel "home" in the States. I welcome any advice. Thank you.

  • JC
    3 years ago

    Ella, about 10 years ago we moved from CA to TX on a 4 week schedule. I don't know if it was the area we were in in TX or if it just was never going to be the right place for us... but we left after 18 months. We did go back to CA and it nearly ruined us financially. I understand how expensive the Bay Area is as I have family there and where we were in CA is just as expensive. It's ridiculous. Yet we went back. We were in a tiny 2 bed rental. Although we made lots of new friends through our kids' school as they entered grade school, my old friendships didn't just pick up where we left off. We still saw each other, but it wasn't quite the same. It really, really stunk having that feeling and struggling financially. One of the good things about living in TX was that housing was so much more affordable.

    I had to respond to your comment because you mentioned looking at NC, where we now live. Yes, we left CA a second time, and that time I knew would be the last. We've now been here 4 years. I won't lie - its been really difficult. Moving with kids in school, and my husband and me being older now, it was a challenge meeting people. In the beginning I found myself once again thinking we ought to just head back, but knowing realistically it was not a possibility if we wanted any sort of financial stability, which we now have after staying put. I think I just want to go back to that time, and even if we physically went back it wouldn't be the same. Overall we are glad we came here. its a great place to raise the kids and hopefully they will be able to stay close after leaving home, with all the good universities and job opportunities. It makes sense. In a way the two times we left CA were a bit traumatizing for us, too. I don't have the energy anymore to keep looking and overall this is not a bad place at all to end up!

    I guess the advice I would have to offer would be to visit any place you're considering, but you already know that. Also, as I"m sure you know, visiting is different from living somewhere, but maybe you'll get a feeling that will help in your decision. I wish you well, and understand the mental place you're in now. Everyone's situation is so different... we've said that if given a chance to do it all over again, we would've come here first when the kids were smaller. We always come to the same conclusion, that we had to leave CA, as much as we loved it there. Best of luck to you!!

  • Kathleen Marineau
    3 years ago

    I decided to stop responding to this conversation before reading the last 2 posts - but just can't.

    This will be our 4th winter in the eastern panhandle of West Virginia and I still dream of California. We left for family and health reasons, not money. I only lived in a big city (LA) for 1 year, my California home has always been the San Joaquin Valley and the Sierra mountains. Cost of living here is about the same as what we left.

    But, I understand the longing. Nothing can replace the diversity of people and landscape.

    Ella Spada: Visiting an area can give you an idea of what the culture and people are like if you do it the right way. Since you're from Europe, you might want to check out the census bureau reports that show where different culture groups congregate.

    http://www.city-data.com/ is a very helpful source. It gives a lot more information than any realtor site. We used it to find a rural area with less than an hour drive to medical services we would need.

    We also used it to rule out areas with high crime rates and mostly run-down housing.

    One thing that helped - we walked the downtown thrift shop area looking at other customers as well as what was available. We asked where to find a mexican food restaurant and asian food. Got several recommendations that were not on the hotel's list. We sampled those and chatted up the staff about where they were from.

    As a result, we eliminated central Oregon and Washington, ended up moving close to our Coast Guard son, closer to the grandkids.


  • Jennifer Hogan
    3 years ago

    I believe that being home has more to do with people than it does with the house. I moved from Pennsylvania Dutch Country to San Diego California 31 years ago. After a year I was more than ready to move back to PA, but I was young and in love and my husband wanted to stay. We rented a dump for the first 9 years while we scrimped and saved and were able to buy a home. That place was never home.
    The home we bought was 30 miles from the city and was much more my home, but was still in the wrong state. Over 20 years I made changes and decorated that home to my taste. I understood that as a salesman my husband didn't want to drive in the snow and ice and hated the cold.
    Every year I would travel back to PA for the holidays and always said I was going "home for the holidays." I would usually stay between 4 and 6 weeks and usually got a chance to come home for a week in the spring and a week at the end of summer. I loved my house in California, but I was too far from family and the friends that I had grown up with.
    About 2 years before my husband hit retirement age I started looking at property in PA and preparing our home in CA for sale. I found a couple of homes that I thought would work, but nothing that stole my heart.
    When the time came that we could move, he didn't want to move back to PA, so we sold our home and I settled him into an apartment in Nevada and continued to drive across country back to my home town.
    While driving across country a home came on the market that sounded perfect. Gas heat, 2000 SF, 3/4 acre, ranch home and in the same neighborhood that I had grown up in. I walked into the home and knew it was my home.
    I wasn't miserable in California and I had built a network of friends that I had to leave behind.
    I live alone here, but I bought a busy dog (German Shorthair Pointer) who keeps me company. I have family that comes by and friends that I have known since grade school. I work from home as a telecommuter and will have to work at building a bigger network of friends. The house needs a lot of updating and since leaving my husband I have 1/2 the money I would have had if I had stayed with him, but I am happier here than I ever was in California.
    I look out my back windows and can see the back yard that I played in as a child. I worked on the yard all spring, summer and fall and got it in pretty good shape. Now I am starting on the inside of the house. I will have to make compromises and may have to live with some things that aren't perfect and I am having to do a lot of the labor myself, but I am happy here and the house became my home the day I moved in and friends and family all gathered to help me get moved in and settled.


  • Kathleen Marineau
    3 years ago

    Congratulations Jennifer on finally feeling at home. We all make compromises, especially during our younger adult decades.

    My family circumstances are a bit different, so I don't know if I will ever get back to a place I'd call home. I have a lot of relatives in California, but no family. Given the choice and another decade, I might consider moving close to my sister in east Texas.

  • closetdecorator
    3 years ago
    After dreaming, and repeatedly visiting for longer stretches, of living on Maui....we are finally here. Purchased a lovely home, with a stunning view a year ago. Moved nine months ago, and still feel so unsettled. Mind you, the house is a third of the size of our old home in Colorado, so that's been an adjustment. I've redesigned just about every aspect of the new home and still feel....off. The culture, the languages, the climate, the smaller space....it's been so different than we imagined it would be. I'm hoping it will all just click. Never felt more off kilter. :/
  • khrisz
    3 years ago

    It became "home" when I said "Let's go for a walk!" and the dog knew the way to the door in the kitchen that opens to the yard.

  • Mina
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    I ran across this site as I was googling on why we feel so unsettled in our new retirement house. We have been in our new house almost 9 months and still don’t feel like it’s home even though we stayed in the same suburb north of the Dallas area. We built our last home. It was our dream home in a beautiful luxury gated community. We realized early last year that the house was much too big for us and the maintenance was getting to be too much for us as we are now retirement age. We decided to downsize and purchase in an active senior community thinking this would help make us feel welcome and help us stay active. It has been very disappointing mainly because it doesn’t feel like home. We can’t figure out if it’s that our new house lacks the luxury feel of our prior home (new house is nice but built to be low maintenance so lacks some of the fancy touches) or if it’s because we realize this will probably be our last home. We moved many times in our 44 years of marriage and don’t ever recall feeling this unsettled after this long a period of time. We have great neighbors so that’s not the issue and we’re very familiar with the area so it’s not a question of being in new area. We just feel puzzled as to why we both feel the same - that this is not quite home and don’t know if it ever will be home.

  • Suzanne Glicklin
    3 years ago

    I sold my home of 24 years and moved across town almost 2 years ago. This new home felt so alien and unfamiliar to me with it's higher ceilings, echos, and hardwood floors. Because I was of the belief that it should feel like home after one year (and it didn't) I gave myself permission to sell this place. I convinced myself that not hanging on to a house for at least two years would be foolhardy and have stayed. And guess what? By some miracle, at the 18 month benchmark this place now feels like home with the same echos and previously unfamiliar sounds.

  • Mina
    3 years ago

    Hope same happens in our case cause we feel we need to stay put until my husband fully retires. I’m happy for you!

  • Lourdes Horn [Morrow ES]
    2 years ago

    gfcowan I'm wondering if you are getting used to you new home yet. Your story sounds like mine. I lived in a two story 4700 square foot house that I raised my kids in. I lived there for 20 years and loved the house and neighborhood. When my kids moved out we thought a smaller home that was one story might be better for us. We moved to a 3000 square foot one story home and I really have big regrets. My new home is beautiful but does not feel like home and feels so small compared to my old home. I have been here 4 months and every day I drive home I feel depressed. I am hoping to hear that things get better


  • Mina
    2 years ago

    Hi Lourdes,


    I read your message yesterday but didn't want to answer immediately as I wanted to give it some thought. We've been at our current home 14 months now and I can honestly say that, yes, our new place feels like home in the sense that I no longer yearn to be back at our previous home. I feel more at peace and am enjoying the smaller feel of the home. The only reason I can't say I love it is because it's missing a lot of what we wanted in our next home. Our prior home was a 2-story almost 5000 sq ft (very close to the size of yours) and we had it custom built to our taste, wants and needs and we had top of the line on everything, so we fell totally in love with it immediately. Our current home is 2200 sq ft. Though we would have preferred something around the 2600-3000 sq ft, we are quite content with the size of our current home except for needing one additional bedroom. Main problem is that it's a builder tract home (I guess that's the right term?) and has no personality or character. It looks like all the other homes in our neighborhood. Everything is builder grade in the home. We've done quite a bit of upgrading, which has helped and updated the master bathroom so that has made the inside of the home a lot classier. Once I'm in the house, I'm happy. It's driving down the street towards our home that depresses me. We live in a Del Webb adult community so the neighborhood itself is very nice with lakes and a golf course but the homes are all cookie cutter. Everything about these homes screams "builder grade."


    When we were looking, we needed to stay in our current suburb because my husband was still working and he needed a short commute. 2017 was the year the DFW Metroplex was experiencing a housing shortage and there wasn't much to choose from especially in 1-story homes. We found what I think would have been the perfect home but it was in another suburb adjacent to ours but at the far end and it would have meant a very long commute for my husband and I didn't want that. The house we bought and live in now met our needs with regards to a short drive to work and layout but is missing a lot of what we need or would like: character/personality; more storage, a large island in the kitchen, 3 bedrooms, bigger laundry room, a fireplace and a 3 car garage and most important - a better quality home.


    My husband is retiring at the end of the month and we're already starting to look for another home. We both don't feel this is our permanent home. It's not a good fit. Size (so long as it's no less than 2200) is not important. I actually like the smaller home feel so long as the main rooms are good size and the house has an open concept. I wouldn't want anything over 3000 sq ft for sure!


    So to answer your question, yes, we feel this is home - for now - but not our permanent home. We have wonderful memories of our prior home but I would not want another big home. I no longer yearn to be back in our prior home. If we could re-create a new house with the same style and amenities that our prior home had but in a smaller size, it would be ideal.


    I would encourage you to give it more time. I certainly feel that 3000 sq ft is a good size. Yes, it takes time to get used to going from a bigger home to a smaller one. But if you're happy with the neighborhood, the personality of your home, the layout and quality of construction, then I'm fairly confident, it will feel like home in the next few months. You can always make minor changes to reflect your personality and make it yours. It took me close to a year to get there.


    Please stay in touch and let me know how things are going.I know what you're going through and how miserable a feeling it is when a house doesn't feel like home. My personal email is: gfcowan@yahoo.com. Let me know if you have any other questions. Sorry my response was so long. :-)


    Best wishes,


    Mina Cowan


  • Ella Spada
    last year

    @JC I read your comment 2 years later (LOL) but I wanted to tell you that we ended up moving to NC a few months later and love it here!! It's not Europe nor the Bay, but we found so much here in term of relationships and nature. Thank you for the encouragement, I think your post made me take a second look at NC and I am glad I did.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    last year

    An update on my comment from 2 years ago:

    My younger sister died suddenly a few months after my comment about possibly moving to Texas. I'm beginning to doubt I will ever leave here (West VA) and I miss the Sierra Nevada mountains a bunch, still, after 7 years. Reality is, my aging body would struggle to get up the familiar hiking trails, but a small old house in Placerville or Tahoe would suit me just fine.

  • JC
    last year

    @Ella Spada : I’m glad that you all are happy here in NC and I hope everyone seeing this thread is ok during this time.


    hard to believe it’s been almost 7 years for us here. Most days it’s good, busy, but we have yet to meet people we connect with. Lately with being under stay home orders we are really missing California. There’s no way we’re going back at this point though. We like all that we have access to in this area of NC. We’ve been a bit disappointed in the schools as this is supposed to be one of the best districts.


    One day we hope to finally get that beach house to get that beach fix!

  • kciambrone
    last year

    Like many of you, I am soon going to make a transition to a new house. My husband died last June. We had a beautiful house together. It wasn’t extravagant by any means, but it was warm, comforting, and sat on a beautiful trees lot. We were so happy. Since his death I had to sell the house, quit my job, and move 120 miles away to be closer to my daughter and family. Ive been living with daughter, son-in-law, and grandson for 5 months. I recently bought a fixer upper less than 40 miles from them. It will be another 3-4 months for renovation to be completed. At that point, I will be moving to a house and living alone. The thought saddens me a great deal. I will have family and friends nearby, but will still be alone most of the time. I don’t believe this house will EVER be home as my husband isn’t here to join me. The best I can hope for is to be comfortable, and hopefully create some memories there with family and friends. My husband‘s wish was for me to move forward. I am trying to honor that wish the best I can. Wishing all of you peace and comfort as you continue your own journeys to find a place called home.

  • Kathleen Marineau
    last year

    kciambrone: My suggestion is the same as many others in this long list of comments. Find a group to join; be it a church (my starting point), an art, music, stitching, or feeding the homeless organization. There are small groups everywhere. If nothing else, volunteer at the local library or a school. Nearly every location needs volunteer tutors, classroom aides, or someone to listen to and help children read aloud.

  • Ella Spada
    last year

    @kciambroneI am so sorry for your loss... it's heartbreaking. Try to take one day at the time - sometimes the anticipation of things we fear is much worse than reality and can deprive us from all the hidden treasures that are there for us to enjoy now. I second Kathtleen's suggestion and found that "home" is where genuine relationships are created. I wish you the very best! xo

  • Ella Spada
    last year

    @JC we miss CA like crazy but we've made peace with the fact that, until the kids are with us, this is the right place to be. We dream we will go back to CA in early retirement! I wonder if the market will ever allow it. Regarding the schools here, call me crazy but we chose to homeschool. I wasn't too impressed with the school districts near us nor could justify paying for the private ones. I found a good schedule of morning homeschool + sports + clubs + field trips that made it all possible (at least before the lockdown). I hope you and your family are staying healthy and safe at this time!

  • JC
    last year

    @Ella Spada We also looked into the private schools around here, and decided to homeschool as well. We have so many private/public/charter options around us, it's quite overwhelming. This is a pretty homeschool friendly area and then of course so many extracurricular activities to socialize with lots of different people. I hope you all are safe and healthy as well!!

  • hbeing
    last year

    Heather Aquila rental prices are still wayyyy too much. It is sad we need to leave our homes due to greedy property owners.

  • gail.katz
    3 months ago

    I'm having a hell of a time adjusting. Just moved about 1/2 hour away to another county, suburban to rural, but we might as well have moved across the country. We lived in our townhome in DC Metro area for 30 years, raised our daughter there. The memories and comfort of my old space are stuck in my heart, mind and gut and I don't feel like me in our new digs. We are in our late 60's, early 70's and my husband has been hounding me for years to get out of the congestion of our area and neighborhood which has become noisy and run down. He wanted to head rural, where he had lived for years before we met, and after 2-3 yrs of looking, we found this house, much larger, so much to take care of, but very serene, nice piece of land, an old person's nightmare with lots of stairs, nothing to grab onto in the shower, almost industrial appliances that require tugging, bending and pulling...lovely and good quality but built for a family, not two oldies. My husband is so happy here, but I feel de-realized...like I'm not in my own skin and keep waiting to go home. It's the weirdest feeling. I can't even begin to keep up with the housework, and that was happening in the townhouse too. Once a perfectionist who kept an immaculate house, I can no longer do it, mentally or physically (osteoporosis). I can afford help about once a month after we sell our townhouse. At least I hope so, though they don't clean the way I want it done...there are about 40 loooooooooooong vents on every wall for the gas heat and what is under them makes me nauseous. I had one cleaning and they didn't take care of that problem. At any rate, I am homesick and all I see around me is beauty.......home really is where the heart is. I wish my heart would switch over so I could enjoy whatever time I have left and also allow my husband to fully enjoy this experience. Thank you for any feedback should anyone see this. I have anxiety disorder and am quite depressed so any suggestions would be helpful. Trying to join local groups, volunteer, etc. Have already started some local online classes and hope to meet in person soon.


  • Kathleen Marineau
    3 months ago

    gail.katz, You sound as out of place as I felt when I had to live in a city apartment. You are the ant deprived of it's colony and I was the cat forced to share space with other species.

    It doesn't help that you are in a transition phase of life. I am also there. Just can't keep up and having to lower my standards.

    I suggest rethinking rooms so the master bedroom is on the main floor, and cleaning the extra bedrooms only when company is coming.

    Good that you are joining some local groups. Your husband put up with city life even though it sounds like he is a country person. Maybe he can tell you how he coped.

    If the house is too big for you, but Hubby likes the location, maybe you can add a retirement cottage in a more suitable size or convert a garage?

    You definitely need to spend money on the bathroom. The last thing you need is an accident while you're in the shower.


  • gail.katz
    3 months ago

    Thanks for these ideas Kathleen. Yes, I love the country and always have but as I have turned the corner on young life, I find I can tolerate the traffic and congestion just fine in our townhome location. Everything was so close and convenient, I just went out during low traffic times, both on the road and in stores, etc.

    Anyway, I appreciate your time and will see how I can make use of your great ideas. Best to you and sounds like you're in a good position now, not sharing spaces with too many other species!!

  • Kathleen Marineau
    3 months ago

    We are still adjusting to aging. It's not an easy transition; for me it's akin to adjusting to having children, especially before about 3rd grade age.

    I had minor surgery on an ankle last month and could not do stairs at all for 2 weeks, which meant someone else had to do the laundry. I had to grit my teeth to avoid criticizing. It's amazing how set in our ways we can get even when we try not to. Just yesterday 4 weeks after surgery, I found the last of wayward dishes from Hubby on kitchen duty.

  • Terry Jones-Brady
    3 months ago

    gail.katz - Your story is so similar to mine. Five years ago we were in our 60s and 70s. I had lived in one house in Virginia for 30 years and was content in that house that I loved. I moved to the Pacific Northwest because my husband was so eager to do so, and a couple of other reasons involving family which in the long run didn't turn out well. I hated the first house we bought here. I was isolated, snowed in, and didn't have a single friend. We were fortunate to sell that house after six months and find a house better suited to both of us, and I began to make friends and find activities I enjoyed. Still, I was suffering anxiety, depression and homesickness. Then my husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer and I lost him during the pandemic. I haven't even been able to have a memorial service for him yet, but planning it for later this summer. Now, however, I'm actually content here and have lovely, helpful friends and am beginning to make the house mine as I learn to be comfortable by myself. I miss him every single day but time does make it easier - both the loss that came with the move of 2400 miles and the huge loss of my husband. Kahtleen has good suggestions - actually I think she and I have talked on this thread before. Be very gentle and kind with yourself. There are no "shoulds" believe it or not. Give it time, and best to you.

  • gail.katz
    3 months ago

    @ Kathleen, Ha, I hear you on the pickiness of doing things the "right" way. I'm very persnickity about crumbs and smears left on kitchen counters, etc...just like my perfectionist mother. Sigh. Glad you're on the mend. I broke my finger 3 days after we moved and was in a cast of 2 weeks, now have to baby the thing for another 4 wks, so can do virtually nothing. That really set me back.


    @Terry, so sorry for your loss. But I am very glad you are OK with your home and surroundings now. The anxiety is the worst. Depression is not at all helpful either. Aging makes it almost impossible to meet friends. My husband, though more introverted than I has an easier time of it because he's always outside and even though there aren't many neighbors directly around us, he runs into them more often and enjoys chatting outside. This was true in the townhome as well. I'm very friendly but if I don't really have anything in common with someone, I can't talk for long, esp if the chatting is not back and forth. I find as I'm aging that people tend to talk only about themselves and never really listen or ask questions.

    Oh well, anyway, very glad you are doing well.


    Wishing you both the best!!