I know what you mean. Building a house is so personal, and you put your heart and soul into it (not to mention, a lot of your bank account!). I don't even like showing people the house, because I don't want to hear any negative comments about how it looks, or how big it is. It cuts too close to the bone!

The most important thing is that my husband and I both love the house. I also think that most people don't understand the building process - that there are a lot of ugly stages before the house begins to take on the more finished look.

Like writing a book, designing a house is something pretty much everybody thinks they can do. After all, it's one of the first things you draw as soon as you can hold your crayons.

I have self-appointed experts coming by all the time when I'm building and then to inspect the open houses.

Many of them are sure they could do better for less money and faster.

Don't worry about it.

I think you have to enjoy your house for yourself and not worry about what everyone else thinks. I know I don't like every house that I see. I try not to tell the owner or builder that. I do sometimes also feel entitled to an opinion on them because they are being built in my neighborhood and affect my property value. I still don't tell the owner or builder that. We have a few houses here that IMO are flawed either by aesthetics, floor plan, quality, or location. It's live and learn. My dh and I have made our own mistakes in buying and building houses. We get better every time, but still have room for improvement. We get tons of compliments on the curb appeal and interior of our house. We've also had people come in who don't like the floor plan, color, or size. Well, good for them. They also couldn't afford to build or buy this house so their opinion doesn't count. We built what we wanted and when the time comes to sell, someone else will love the house.

If you build something unexpected for your area you have to have confidence in your vision and ignore what others think. You presumably have already thought through resale value, etc., and are building what is right for you.

I didn't hear any negative comments about the house style, but I did about interior details. Step-family (of course) members felt the need to tell me how I was choosing materials they wouldn't choose. Whatever. I don't care.

OP here.. I feel better hearing all your encouraging words. I know I'm too sensitive because I want everyone to love what we are doing and as Worth pointed out above "Like writing a book, designing a house is something pretty much everybody thinks they can do. After all, it's one of the first things you draw as soon as you can hold your crayons." This is so true!!! I have people giving me feedback and questioning our decisions to do this or that and they have zero knowledge base on the big picture or experience. It's really frustrating to me - but since this is our first build and we do plan on living in this house for many many many years - it's hard not to get sensitive.
I will try to have faith that it's a work in progress that will begin to make more sence to the spectators as it gets finished.

Also the comment about people being critical when they could never afford to even attempt such a project is also true... We are building in a rural area so many of the houses around are much smaller and have no architectural detail. We tried very hard to create a design that would fit into the rural setting but also meet our style needs - this resulted in someothing "different" and people don't really get that at first.

I know I can't keep everyone happy. I made the mistake of asking a few people what they thought about the exterior paint color and the feedback is all over the map - too dark, too red, too green, doesn't match roof, matches roof, it's perfect... Yikes - my bad for asking - but I seek afirmation, it's my nature!

It helps so much to hear your experiences on this highly stressful event we put ourselves through!! Would I do it again.... Actually yes I would.

Lol...I am like you, very sensitive to others! So far, only positive comments, but then again, our house is a brick Georgian, so really there isn't much negative to say. However, we are planning to paint our brick and our builder warned us that some people think it is insane to paint brick and will let us know. He said they did a gorgeous painted brick home once and some kindly neighbor left a nasty note in the porta-jon!! I am preparing myself for this! I am also warning all the neighbors who keep telling me, "I see they are bricking the house, love it!" that it will be painted, so don't get used to that brick color! Lol...maybe we should start a support group for sensitive home owners!

After our housewarming, my mother-inlaw already had renovation suggestions.

No matter what you do to fit in and accomodate your neighbors, some will find fault in what you are doing for a host of reasons (non of which has anything to do with your house). Enjoy your house, enjoy the process, know that you cannot please many of your neighbors and be happy with your house (YOUR house).

People do comment positively, but I wonder if they are just being polite.
I mean, they probably think it's rude to come to someone's new house that they built and not say something positive.

I know what we build is outside of mainstream-whitewashed brick and quite contemporary interior. Plus it lacks 2 story greatroom and other typical mainstream design features. Oh well, we built it for us.

nini804 - just so you know I love the way painted brick looks!!! Maybe we should be neighbors!
It's tough when you actually care about what other think and have style - this seems to be a double edge sword.
I'm not going to ask for optinions any more - unless from Gardenweb.

You should really care less what people think and say. If you enjoy your home that is all that matters.

its your house, not anyone else's please yourself.
even compliments can be telling.

for example some of the homes I go into I look
hard for one thing I can comment positively upon.
some times 'your floors are amazing' is a way of not
saying..'what were you thinking when you built this'...

I'm just saying.

so enjoy your build and your home for many many years.
ultimately it is yours to live with and love.
ask input from those who can contribute positively

best of luck.

nini - love painted brick too - in fact, we are painting our brick too. Bracing myself for the comments - we live in a small town but I grew up in Atlanta and spent years in Birmingham where painted brick is all over the place and is fabulous! Here no one paints brick unless it is ugly . . . so no one gets why I would do it on a new house!

Keep posting pics -can't wait to see it!

Oh, how this topic takes me back in time! Twenty years ago, as a newly divorced mother with a four year old daughter, I decided to build a house----a home that would reflect who I was----a home that would become a comfort and joy to my child----a symbol of my ability to succeed without my ex husband.

Working full time, I bought a small lot, hired a builder, finalized the plans, and built my house. I got compliments right and left from the construction workers, my family, my coworkers, and my new neighbors. I was thrilled that I had accomplished what I had set out to do. The house was small, but it was mine!

I couldn't wait to show my house to my best friend. She walked silently through the entire main floor; not ONE comment passed her lips. She went up the stairs and looked at the second floor rooms; not a comment did she make. Stopping in the master bathroom, she paused and said,"Oh, look. One of the tiles is crooked." Turning from the room, she went downstairs and said she had to leave. She could not bring herself to say one nice thing or to be happy for me. I was so shocked and hurt. I realized what a small-minded, jealous person she really was. I dropped her from my life and actually felt more positive not being around her negativity.

So, soesoe75, relish the compliments from well-wishers and enjoy your home. Not everyone will understand your vision, but that's OK. You have taken part in a huge accomplishment! Be proud and joyful in it!

pinkpaula thank you for that recollection, I can just imagine how that would have felt a really good friend should be able to set aside their pangs of jelousy.
Thx

pinkpaula - my aunt and cousin did the *EXACT SAME THING* when they went through our reno ten years ago. Walked through the house, said nothing, and then pointed out a trim issue (whic our GC was going to replace anyhow). I always thought they were petty but that confirmed it for me!

soesoe75: I don't think most people have the vision to understand a house until it is literally finished and landscaped. When we did our last reno a neighbor said "Quite a Mansion". It was 1900 sf and because there was just dirt and a house yes, it looked huge. Once it was finished and landscaped it looked like an average sized home and would never be called a "mansion".

I think I see what's happening.

"Amazing" is a neutral word, not a compliment. (Think of the actual meaning of 'fabulous'.)

Contemporary/Farmhouse/West Coast Spin does make me roll my eyes, even before hearing stucco and stone. Maybe I just can't imagine what it looks like! (Can you show us some elevations?)

Your neighbors may feel your big, new house makes theirs look small and poor by sheer size. If "amazing" and silence are all you are experiencing, I have to compliment your neighbors on their manners.

I would say they don't particularly care for the house. They don't care as much about it as you do! Stop asking. I hope YOU will like the house, and like your neighbors -- since you hope to live in *that* house, in *that* area, for a long time. (If you expected to sell before long, I'd be concerned that the house would appear to be a rose among thorns, or the reverse, to a local buyer.)

My DH just loves to bring people out to our house so he can "show it off". I really hate that attitude. You're sort of setting them up to say something positive. I feel if someone asks to see it, then fine. I'll take them out there. It makes me feel awful when people don't think it's beautiful. Silence speaks a thousand words. Thankfully we get very positive comments. Many of our decisions have been based no only on what we like, but what fit our budget, and what made sense for our family. Not everyone who sees your home knows all the criteria in your decision making. I think there's kind of a let-down in home building. It comes after the framing, right after the wall board goes up. I walked around the house saying "What was I thinking?". Now that the doors and trim are being installed, it all looks beautiful.

The house we just sold is a 6500' Arts & Crafts home. We bought it in 2001, put $400,000 into it, and I thought it the most beautiful home ever. It really hurt me when my boss's wife came over, and all she said was "Well, this is different". Not one kind word. I was crushed! Don't let the silence or the negative comments bother you!

Well, no one wants to be *that* house that everyone drives by and says, "What the hel* were they thinking?". Or the house where people always say, "well, that's a little off!"

The house behind mine is the one where everyone says "what the H*** were they thinking". Although we get lots of positive comments about our house, the house behind us is a more modern design and a little stark. It sits about 1000' away, but we are constantly asked "What's that building behind your house? A storage buiding?" My son's friend was over (age 9) and said, "Is that a prison?"
You have to keep in mind that the vast majority of people do not seem to have any sense of design besides "nice house" or "not nice house". Even when they feel it's "not nice", it may be a perfect example of a certain architectural style, but not one they've ever seen. Although my house is not perfectly true to a certain style, there were details I fretted over because I wanted them to "fit the house", only to realize later that I'm the only one who will ever care. Do it the way you'll like it and be happy with, but not always the way you think you have to to keep others happy.
The average homebuyer's lack of recognition of detail is the reason some track home builders can sell a 3000 sq ft house for half the price of a custom build. As long as there are enough buyers that can walk in and say it looks nice, they'll keep building that way (and they should- both parties are happy).

As long as you love it, that's what matters and you know that.

The one hypercritical relative in my life couldn't find anything to criticize...... so she then asked if we were tearing our barn down! For some it's always something.

LOL! My 11 yo ds got a negative comment this weekend from the 12 yo kid next door. Our neighborhood is still being built so we get a lot of lookers. Apparently, a car stopped in front of our house and then stopped in front of the neighbor's house. The neighbor's house is on the market so a lot of traffic comes by to look. Anyway, the neighbor kid told ds he didn't see why anyone bothered to stop and look at our house because it was actually kind of ugly. He said his house was much nicer looking. That's laughable in that most people comment negatively about the looks of the neighbor's house. The house doesn't fit the style of the neigborhood and cheaper materials were used so he can undersell his house compared to the rest of the houses. this house was on the market for over a year. The sale of his house devalues the rest of our houses. Whereas most of us bricked, rocked, or stuccoed the sides of our houses, the neighbor used siding. We have a masonry requirement per the neighborhood rules. Several builders complained and he had to replace the wood siding with the Hardy siding.

No one person loves every house, but our house gets quite a few positive comments. My dh was trying to get to work the other day and a random lady stopped her car to tell him how much she loved the look of the house. That's been more of our experience.

Adella: I have a kid's story also. My little 4 yr old niece has always called me "Uncle Joyce". We were out checking the progress on the house the other day, and she was with us. She said, "Uncle Joyce, I really don't care for your garage doors". We all broke up laughing. Gotta keep in perspective!! :-)

Unfortunately, there are those that didn't learn "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Some people love my home; then there are those that I can tell it's just not their taste, which I understand completely. We decided long ago our home would be built for us, even if no one else ever set foot in it. This was supposed to be our last home, so it was not built for resale at all, like others were built or purchased. With that in mind, it would not necessarily be appealing to the general public.

No wine fridge (don't regularly drink wine, and I have an extra refrigerator in the laundry/craft room next to the kitchen, why would I install a wine fridge?), no pot filler (cooktop is two steps from the sink), no "movie or theatre room" (we seldom watch movies; if we do, we're doing other things at the same time, in and out). I did not use the "usual" materials in all rooms, and switched flooring a lot, even though I know that it's preferable design to stay with one or two types of flooring to preserve flow and not chop up the rooms visually. I love my walnut floors, my checkerboard beige and white tile in the laundry/craft room (always wanted black and white, but that was too much contrast with other design decisions), I love my purple wool carpet in the guest room, and the two different tiles in the adjacent bathroom. That feeling of being transported to a "feel" that I had envisioned for each room that I wanted, and enjoy every time I step into a room, was more important to me than impressing others with a "flowing" house with one type of flooring.

The sheetrock guy told us a neighbor had come in during construction with his wife, ignoring the worker, and walked into what obviously was the hearth room which is open to the part of the kitchen--intentionally designed to be more cozy, for immediate family. The neighbor turned to his wife and said, "They call this a great room? This isn't a great room, they need to come to our house to see what a great room looks like."

We never spoke to these neighbors about our house or plan, had only said hi to them at an HOA meeting before we even built.

My husband's younger brother, who had just gotten his contractor's license "for fun" walked up the stairs and pointed out he could see some of the nails through the paint under the risers. A friend and her husband came, and he walked around and informed me I should have installed fluorescent lights in the garage bay ceilings (I SPECIFICIALLY had regular porch lights installed--I can't STAND being outside the property at night, especially entertaining, with soft lighting inside the house and those glaring fluorescents visible through the garage windows. It's incongruent, my neighbors do that--it's an OCD thing with me. ;)

Also, last year a contractor came out to do some work and I brought him through the house to direct him to the back poorch, where he pointed out, unsolicited, that my kitchen cabinet drawers were uneven and it was because no doubt my builder used "cheap runners." At the time I had already arranged for a carpenter to address that issue--but I didn't appreciate a stranger walking in and immediately telling me my kitchen drawers were substandard, even though he was right. He also told me about what he thought my house was worth. He had no clue that he was being offensive and rude.

Some people don't think before they speak and some intentionally think and speak with foul intent, usually from a petty or just ignorant perspective.

My advice is to be confident in your decisions and not care if anyone likes or dislikes your home, although it's always a good feeling to know others are happy for you, or enjoy your home too--to me, that's the best part--sharing what you have with others.

I would not ask anyone anything, don't offer to give anyone a tour of the home unless they ask, and make sure to "read" whether the person is genuinely excited for you, interested in your home or build, or is a very good friend. If any of these, you are probably safe discussing your home or bouncing ideas off of them.

Also--I have had a habit of pointing to guests the "flaws" in the house and the few things I wish I'd stuck to my guns on, not to apologize for anything, but so that others with a sharp eye don't think I don't know it. I wish I hadn't done that. It's like pointing out a run in pantyhose (when's the last time any of us wore pantyhose?).

Enjoy your home!

honestly, it gets tiring to constantly praise someone. :)

Don't take the lack of comments personally... I know I've said the same thing before and held back my later comments before because I feel like I'm saying the same thing over and over.

"Looks amazing!" "Looks amazing!" "Wow, it looks amazing!" Don't worry - people just aren't creative when it come to compliments...and they don't want to repeat themselves. :)