If you're not ready to do it, I wouldn't. Probably easier said that done. In the end it sounds like you'll end up with lots of extra stress on top of the normal stress that can go with hosting an event. Have you mentioned you're home isn't ready yet and you'd prefer to wait? You're smart not to rack up a credit card trying to fix things up fast.

I can sort of relate. I live in a neighborhood with homes much bigger and fancier than mine. People are always entertaining. They have beautiful landscaping and decorating. We chose to spend most of our money to get into this town with great schools. However, we have very little leftover money for decorating or fancy landscaping. Someday when my kids are in school, I will be able to work and pay for extra things. Until then, I just try to do the best with what I have.

This is a common problem for lots of people!

I would say that you have two choices.
You are clearly in process, and everyone has been there.

If you would like to have a party, then choose a very informal theme, and plan well in advance.
Create a light-hearted, unapologetic invitation that welcomes your guests to Incomplete Hall, or Unfinished Acres, or Process Abbey...
Clean everything thoroughly, so that every picture and window and mirror sparkles, the floors gleam, and everything is put away (even if that means the time-honored tradition of stuffing things under the bed and into the closet). Remove everything that doesn't contribute to ease of moving around, and let it all look sparse but intentional. Decorate with big bowls and vases of cut greenery and one kind of flower mixed in here and there...something big, like hydrangea or sunflower, so you only need a few. Plan a simple, informal menu...lots of finger food, not too many kinds; bar generous in quantity but limited in offerings.
And then, whatever you do, DO NOT apologize, explain, or lay out your plans for the house unless someone asks you specifically, and then make light of it.
The idea is that you want to entertain them, not impress them. You want to make clear by your happy hospitality that you are exactly where you should be, and are thrilled to be there.
This is the mark of, if you will excuse the expression, class and true confidence. Ease in your skin and your circumstances, and care taken to give everyone a comfortable good time.
Two things will happen. Everyone will have a lovely, relaxed time, and admire your style and grace. And then they can all go home and feel glad about their own houses.

Now. Your other option is to say, "Oh, heavens, I couldn't possibly! We are in such disarray, and as SOON as we can give you a nice party, of course we will, but you KNOW how awful it is to be torn up in a new house!"
Then offer to bring something substantial to the next party, like all the wine and the flowers.

But I heartily recommend the first option. We had a big party here when we moved in..."Cocktails Amid the Cartons." We put tablecloths on the piles of boxes, put yellow crime scene tape across the doors of rooms we didn't want people in, cranked up Miles Davis, and had a rollicking good time.

Just wanted to say that I can sympathize, and I'm very sorry that this pressure is coming from your coworkers. I heartily agree with bronwynsmom's advice. You have made the best financial choice and are absolutely correct not to rack up debt. There is absolutely no need to apologize.

Just smile and say "Someday." I think they have an awful lot of nerve to pressure you this way. What would they say to their kids, if they were being peer-pressured?

If you can't resist their pressure....and, personally, I would resist. Entertaining is such a time/energy/$$ commitment, I think you should be ready to embrace it, rather than be forced into it. Very rude and insensitive of your co-workers, IMO.

If you can't resist, I would have a backyard hamburger & hot dog cook out. The guests, bringing their own folded chairs, follow signs that walk them around your house to your backyard where you have pots of flowers for colors.

Very simple. Very basic. Paper plates, plastic utensils, paper cups, coolers with drinks, etc. Easy to clean up. That way you've responded to their prodding, but you've kept them out of your home.

I would not apologize for not letting them into your house....ever. I'm just amazed at the gall of people who pressure a co-worker to entertain when they're not ready....whether it's for physical reasons, financial reasons, emotional reasons, etc.

Don't sweat it. I've been working on my house for 12 years, and if I waited until it was done to have people over, I wouldn't have any friends! We've had crowds for holiday dinners with the worst kitchen ever, used plywood and saw horses for the dining table, metal folding chairs, hand-me-down furniture & curtains -- you just have to make the best of it. People don't care as much as you do, really! They just want to be together. Let your friends and family see the "before" house, and then they can ooh and ahh over each new improvement through the years. It's never done, anyway!

Been there, done the party thing just after we moved into our current home. We didn't even have finished floors! Ofcourse everyone knew we were doing as much of the work as possible and couldn't wait to see our home even if it was only the bones. And really it wasn't much more than the bones, though we did have skin/drywall installed and paint on the walls it was far, very far, from being done. The main joke of the night was how everyone loved our "wood" (strandboard) floors. LOL. But friends also gushed over the layout of our kitchen that we designed the layout together. No one asked to go upstairs where all the bedrooms are and I didn't offer.
Ofcourse that was six years ago and we're still not finished, but we do have all our floors in. The trim is yet to be done along with many other things, but we're getting there.
bronwynsmom has the right attitude. If they are truly friends they'll be happy for you and cheer you on the things that are finished like our friends did. What joking is done will most likely be in good humor as it was about our floors.
If you really don't feel you can do this, then tell them so. Be blunt if you have. "I don't feel comfortable having guests since our home is a work in progress." You can also offer to host the next party in a nearby park and pay for the rental of the pavilion.

thanks everyone for the advice! Well, I have to say that we HAVE HAD our family and close friends to our home several times since moving in. I know they all love us, and I certainly am not out to impress them, and they don't expect it.
These people are, however co-workers, bosses, spouses of co-workers and bosses (as in- some people I have never met!) The comfort factor is just not there. I'd rather wait to host a party for them when I feel comfortable, although I wish I had the self confidence not to care so much.

I completely understand. If I were to think of having my hubby's co-workers and bosses here I'd be feeling the same way you do. Luckily they aren't pushing to hard, but joke a bit about when we are going to be finished with the house they know my hubby not only works with them he also umpires some evenings and usually at least one day on the weekend. If they keep insisting you host a party then go for the park like I mentioned above. Most people would accept that. If they don't then it's there problem. Not yours.

I can certainly relate! I have also been pressured to entertain when I'm not ready and I just hate it!

We are going to have a large party for co-workers this fall though. Not my choice - my DH's.

It drives me INSANE when everyone wants a "tour" of the house. I despise that - it makes me so uncomfortable - Other than the kitchen, family room, dining room and guest bath - I just feel like it's a violation of my privacy. My DH disagrees - he wants them to see it all!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I've felt that way, too. The advice here was helpful, so thanks for posting the question! The other thing I say is that the house is "a work in progress" and that good things take time. Since it's coworkers, try relating your answer to your job - such as, "we'll be having a gathering there once we finish our punch list" or "working on the house is my part-time job, so hopefully it will be ready in a few months." Using office/industry lingo will lighten the mood and remind the crowd that you're not holding out, you're just still striving to improve things. Another approach is to say that even though you're dwelling isn't ready, your kitchen is up and running and you're ready to cook/bake/make some food to bring to the event. Or offer to bring folding chairs, flowers from your garden, etc.
Good luck. :-)

I'm with kitchenwitch...
if we waited until the house was perfect, we'd never have guests.

I'd have them over.

I love to entertain, but it can be stressful when you aren't ready. It is also expensive to provide a tasteful buffet, but if you can cater the event it can really save you headaches. My suggestion would be to take charge and assign a date to yourself to be ready to have your first house-warming party for your friends...even if it is next year. Be energetic and assertive and tell everyone to save the date as your first party will be on xx/xx/2011. Choose a memorable date like a holiday and build your theme around it.

Don't over extend your home budget to complete or rush projects. Just plan on having the main area ready...keep it simple. Focus on completing one room, such as the kitchen and then be sure folks stay concentrated in that area. Close off the rooms you don't want people to tour...just say on your invitation that you are revealing part of your home for the party...like "Please join me and my family on xx/xx/2011 for the reveal of our newly renovated Kitchen." People can be nosy, so close your doors and place a big potted plant in front of the door so nobody will go in those areas. You can then use those plants later for your yard.

Do something fun at your party...its not about who has the best or biggest or most expensive...it is about being a great hostess. Be sure to have plenty of beverage options and easy to eat foods. A self-serve area works best for this...set up your buffet so traffic can easily flow in that space. Serve coffee and dessert as your party winds down. If you are having a large group, don't be afraid to use disposable ware. There are absolutely gorgeous matching plates, napkins and utensils available. Be sure to have some nice music playing in the background and have someone assigned to take pictures.

Great suggestions from everyone here. I agree, offer to bring some main items to the person's house that has the holiday party...maybe provide them with a door wreath prior to the party and offer to come over early to help out. Don't succumb to the pressure...hang in there.

I like the "someday" response.

I will say I was invited to a friend's birthday party for her daughter. It is a 1900s house, peeling paint, indoor outdoor carpet on the floors, not fancy or done up. They are just trying to make it now. I was very honored to be there and enjoyed myself, good memory. If people are your friends, they will enjoy you, not your house - no matter what it looks like inside. I agree people don't care as much as you do.... and if they DO - really, what does that say about them?

My big question is why is so much work related entertaining going on in people's homes? I might invite a friend or two from work over, but I have never opened up my home to all my co-workers and their spouses for a work related event. It's just my opinion, but I'd really resent just the extra time spent going to these affairs, let alone having to do all the work of hosting one. IMO, work related socializing goes on at work. My private time is my private time.

But the OP's office culture is clearly different. I'd say either host something simple in the summer, when you can keep people outside, except for the bathroom, or just wait until you are ready to invite these people over. If they pressure you, have an answer ready and use that same exact answer every single time the subject gets mentioned. "Why don't we have James' baby shower at your house?" "Because we are still working on the house. I'll let you know when we're ready to entertain." "Say, we could have the Christmas party at your house!" "No, we are still working on the house. I'll let you know when we're ready to entertain."

Our office has summer picnic every year at someone's house. Usually it's at one of the three bosses. It's not only the employees, spouses and kids but also clients etc. The more the merrier. It's always outside but they go ALL out. It's catered and really nice. They all live in huge fancy homes and have the space to entertain. They would never ask or try and force someone else to have it. I'll admit though, I'd never host one here and my house is new. I couldn't make the party as spectacular as theirs and that would bother me. It shouldn't but it would. I also like to keep my work and real life separate.

I would still tell them no if you're not comfortable and wouldn't set a future date. Things come up in life and that could put a wrinkle in the budget to get things done in your time frame. That would then add extra pressure.

Let us know how it goes. I hope they'll understand if you say no.

Entertaining is expensive and exhausting. Save your time and money for decorating!

If these people aren't people you "need" to entertain, go with someday. If however it makes sense because of an office culture (it sounds odd to me but what do I know) than I think you got some wonderful advice. I once had a bunch of office people over to my VERY VERY simple cottage (most had much nicer homes than me) because they were having their annual camp out near my house (I lived over an hour away from work at the time in the woods).

I scrubbed the house, touched up the paint on the deck and made sure the house was presentable. I am who I am, so I don't really worry about how fancy it is or isn't...it's us :) And I'm ok with that (was then, still am now). After all that work (and the little shack did look cute, it was all ruined by the neighbor's cat coming in the dog door and depositing a large clump of umm POOP!!!! Right in the door way. Nothing says charming like a big pile of poop!

It was the office joke, and I still grin to this day, twenty years later heh heh

So now we live in a fancy house, but still, we're "us" and that means a dog and cat and 4 year old and gad the elegant place looks gorgeous on the outside....but it's a normal family home on the inside. Currently there is cat hair on the carpet in the parlor (because DH got him a new cat nip toy and he rubbed his freaking fur all over it). the dog's chewy toys are scattered through the house. Thomas resides on many surfaces....it's a messy life we live, but that's us :) When I know company is coming it looks great...but knock today and you'll see that even those in the big houses are pretty normal people. :)

If you can just embrace you and enjoy it, try to :) If not, stick with someday heh heh Or maybe host a fun party like a halloween party so that you can decorate with cobwebs and broomsticks (great way to hide a wall needing paint LOL)

"It's just my opinion, but I'd really resent just the extra time spent going to these affairs, let alone having to do all the work of hosting one. IMO, work related socializing goes on at work. My private time is my private time."

Heh- my boss once asked me if I was coming to the Christmas party and I told him I'd come if he paid me for my time, otherwise no. And it wasn't said snottily, just clearly.

I would not entertain unless I wanted to entertain.
If you are not yet ready say "I am not yet ready."
The truth is always the best way to go.
And learn how to say no and not worry so much about what people think :)

I can't imagine ever putting pressure on anyone to host a party; that is just SO rude IMHO.

We've been in our home for 18 mos. and we only began entertaining a few months ago. It is a custom home and nothing to be embarrased about but there were just too many things I wanted to accomplish decor-wise before inviting people over. When we did begin hosting, I/we felt comfortable and relaxed (not that it is finished, but at least it is to a point where it feels warm and inviting rather than an echo chamber). I like the suggestion above about bringing something "big" to the next gathering and waiting to entertain your co-workers until you are ready.

Boy, can I relate!

I too bought a fixer upper, which I am slowly and laboriously doing one room at a time, as the budget allows. In the mean time I'm walking around on bare concrete after pulling up the cheap laminate and icky 60's era carpeting that was in the house. Literally every room in the house needs work, and I'm constantly fighting a layer of dust on everything because of the construction work that I had done before moving in, plus bare,unsealed concrete creates its own dust.

A few of my friends saw the place when I was first considering purchasing it. It was in very rough condition but it had potential and the price was great. To the friends, coworkers and family who hadn't seen it I tried to convey how much of a project it was going to be, and that I was going to do it slowly. Having said that, you wouldn't believe the people who immediately started asking to come over and take a tour. One co-worker kept asking me, "So when is the housewarming party going to be"? I wasn't even moved in at the time. People who saw it months ago pre-renovation, but live in other cities and states who come back to town always want a tour. I say, "It's still in rough condition,and kind of chaotic right now". Instead of taking the hint they want to argue. "But I haven't seen it since the beginning. You've made a lot of improvements since then". This is true, but my house is still dusty, primitive, with furniture that's just been unloaded from 3 storage units piled in every room. I resist the pressure, but it annoys me that people don't understand why I would resist. These are usually the same people who don't want me or any visitors in their homes if their house is even slightly dirty.

And some of these people whom I've felt obligated to let in I've regretted having them over, because they are the types who walk around and point out the flaws. I really don't need that kind of stress. So for the past two months my house has been officially closed for renovation until I say otherwise.

It's hard for me to believe grown women who have surely suffered through a move into even a turnkey home wouldn't know how much stress you're under, both emotionally and possibly financially as well. Don't let yourself be pressured into entertaining until you and your house are ready.

great advice everyone- thanks! I think I'm going to stick with the "someday" answer for now.
Camlan- I agree with you completely- I'd rather NOT be socializing with coworkers outside of work. Everyone ends up talking about work, and I too cherish my free time. For some reason, they like to have these social functions outside of work.
Thanks again everyone!

I read through all these posts because I happen to be private about opening up my home to anyone beyond family & close friends.

I entertain my loved ones with an open heart and love nothing more than to prepare and serve home cooked meals to them and provide a comfortable place to spend time, relax and even stay overnight. We have a lakehouse, so I actually entertain a lot.

I can't help but resent when someone outside my circle of friends/family requests to "see my house." Most of my neighbors have been through, but one very nosey, critical one will use any and every excuse to get her foot in the door and it just galls me. She once began touring on her own when she accompanied her teenaged daughter who was selling raffle tickets for a school team.

The people who care for you will be more than understanding in your choice of if/when you want to entertain. Others want to see how you live out of pure curiosity and, IMO, you don't have to cater to them.

I skipped over all the responses so that they wouldn't influence my suggestion. I know just how you feel. It might just be my bad mood today but if it were me, I would definitely wait until you feel your home reflects how you want the world to see you. They are not friends but co-workers. They WILL judge you on it and see you in a different light if it's not up to par. I want to say people will understand but I don't think it matters. They will judge you based on what they see.

What's up with people who have the nerve to expect to see around someone else's house, or rooms, just because they're curious about it? I've been in my very old house for decades, but I can't recall that happening back when it was new to me.

This is a hot issue for me because it seems like something has changed recently. Perhaps because the whole country got into a real estate frenzy a few years ago and nobody seemed to want to talk about anything else except houses and real estate and renovations. I am often amazed to read here about people who redecorate or update kitchens or do renos and then face the expectation/social necessity that they must have a party to "reveal" it (like that TV show?) and that guests somehow are owed a tour of the place when they visit.

That wouldn't fly in my house, and if I got caught off-guard and felt forced into it, somehow, by a guest, you can bet that person wouldn't be invited back very soon. And I also can't imagine a more off-putting party scheme than being invited to a visit just so the hosts could show off their newly updated house. Sheesh, it's not the opening of a commercial space - it's a private house! To my way of thinking, thoughtful hosts don't focus on braggin' on their stuff, they focus on the welcome and comfort of their guests. And guests should have good manners enough to at least hide their curiosity (if they have any) about the fittings in a private house. It's enough to notice how pleasant (or whatever) the room is, and then move on to other topics. I've been to a couple of parties recently were the hosts spent the nearly whole time giving detailed tours as if it was the whole purpose of the get together. (Probably was, come to think of it!) It would have saved time if the guests had simply been handed a list of the components, including furniture makers, paint colors and appliance model numbers at the door. With that out of the way, then we could have socialized, danced, talked, flirted, whatever.

Anyway, to the OP's concern: I wouldn't let myself get pressured (and from a work situation, no less!) into "offering" my house as a party venue before I was ready. But at the same time, I wouldn't hold off having any party you actually want to have until some future moment when it will be fixed-up enough, or fancy enough, to be good enough, for guests. That mindset is the product of a false definition of true hospitality. As long as the place is clean and prepped (which you would do to any space to do honor to your guests), then it is ready for a party, which should be about people, not real estate. Gussy your place up with some fresh flowers, lay in some booze and tasty eats, turn on some music and you're ready.

When I was in prep school, one of my best friends was the daughter of a family of (minor) Italian nobility. I spent one holiday visiting her family in Italy (and doing some skiing afterward). Her family line is old as the hills, and the house probably hosted the Medicis, so it was quite swanky in many ways. But the plastered walls (with ancient frescos) were cracked (and missing a few divots) here and there. The "sanitary arrangements" assigned to some guest rooms were pretty basic, to put it plainly. Even though many of the walls were hung with lovely tapestries, some of the halls were blocked off with a couple of big chairs plunked across them to bar entrance. The family clearly didn't put much emphasis on having the surroundings perfect, but, the glorious welcome and charm of the atmosphere made that visit one my most cherished memories! The focus was on people, and their comfort and pleasure. Even after many years, that visit stands out to me as the epitome of the luxury of hospitality. Not because of the luxurious surroundings, which while elegant, were certainly not in perfect, "guest-worthy" condition (and perhaps hadn't been since before Columbus sailed) but because the hosts simply lavished their attention on their guests. Such generosity of spirit and effort is my constant goal as a hostess.

L

Aren't ya'll all the people that told me to have my mom's 90th birthday party here? When you knew I was paralized with fear because of all my rich relatives. I haven't had it yet, but you know YOU gave me the confidence to give it and I am looking forward to it rather than dreading it.

But, they are family (albeit judgemental) but family just the same not co-workers. Don't be bullied into giving a party until you are ready and only then.

.....Jane

Don't do it and stick to your guns. Office people talk and talk. Wait and give them something to talk about! Words spoken from a now retired CEO wife!!!

Lots of great responses and advice here. Really, if it's that stressful, and these are co-workers, I'd just say no and change the subject.

However...Brownysmom had great advice, too. We had been in this house about 5 months, but due to insane work schedules and lots of very important repairs needed, we weren't even completely unpacked. We certainly weren't decorating! Anyway, the family decided (uh, strongly suggested) to have Thanksgiving here.

We put all unpacked boxes and clutter in the spare room and garage, and had the whole place inside and out spotlessly clean. DH mowed and trimmed the yard, and I put a few pots of blooming mums on the porches. We bought two folding tables, a handful of chairs, and provided the drinks and cranberry sauce. Everyone else brought food and chairs. I made one large floral centerpiece out of fall flowers from the craft store, and I scattered fake pumpkins from Walmart around the serving areas.

It was a blast! The food was amazing, and everyone had a great time. We ended up with a mix of family and friends (and some of THEIR friends), so some knew exactly what our circumstances were, but others didn't. We didn't discuss future plans for the place, or apologize about the unfinished condition or lack of decor. We did give tours to those that wanted them, but kept the storage areas off limits.

We just kept it light and fun, and so did everyone else. We can't wait to host Thanksgiving again this year!

Boy I will say that whole "tour" thing gets old LOL Our house was a public property and many people want to see it. I mean like the cable guy asked for a tour LOL When the house is ready that's fine, but we're a family, not an inn :) and we have a small child...so it's not always tour ready LOL

I just close the dirty rooms doors and claim I have animals in there LOL Some people must think we have 50 wild cats heh heh

But honestly, if you have an old house, people do enjoy seeing it...I get that because I do too...I just never thought to ask for a tour at friends homes. Dh does not mine, in fact I think he enjoys it cuz he loves the old box as well as our other house. Sometimes I have to tell him NOT to offer a tour....not everyone wants to see your new bathroom or the closet floor heh heh

Why not make a game out of it? Set up little "vignettes" of what you hope the space to look like someday soon. Ask people to vote on their favorite or offer alternative suggestions. The great thing about entertaining in such a state is there should not be ANY expectations! No worries if you spill wine on the carpet or drop a spagetti meatball - simple foods like pizza and paper plates make it easy! I've lived in my house 10 years and there are still areas that are "vintage" - when I give a tour I share my dreams for the space and people generally nod their heads and share some of their spaces that are a work-in-progress. Enjoy!

Just start chatting about your DH's pet snakes that he simply refuses to lock up. They're mostly harmless. On the whole they're are truly wonderful pets - so clean and quiet. Several of them love to snuggle with humans because we're so warm. A snake's tongue feels just like a feather, you know. Oh, and don't miss the opportunity to notice interesting textured fabrics that your co-workers wear and point out that how much Sam or Dora would like moving across them.

I predict a sharp decline in pressure for invitations. Grin.

Re snakes in the house (LOL yogacat):

It's a sure-fire tactic for getting rid of guests as well. I grew up on a biological field station in the tropics and when we were slated for non-scientist or family visitors from the States we'd have to "prep". Howler monkeys wailing in the trees outside the house - wonderful! Anteaters running through the garden - amazing! Scarlet Macaws calling at dawn - thrilling! Boa constrictors dozing under your bed - not so acceptable! That meant we had to catch and sequester them for the duration as they usually had the run of place. (Given the nature of the extremely open-air housing a tropical field station it would have been impossible to just exclude them, anyway.)

When the guests had exceed my Mother's limited tolerance for humans (which was likely why she became an ornithologist not an anthropologist), then she'd mention that the snakes had to be let out for feeding. It worked everytime, as soon as most guests understood that the snakes were now going to loose in the living space, they found they needed to decamp to the nearest hotel. Mission accomplished.

L

Most people just enjoy getting together and having an evening out. We've alway entertained, hosting the office parties (both mine and my husbands) and have hosted parties for our kid's friends. Just do it. People will accept your hospitality and will offer to contribute food/wine, etc. Make it a group effort and enjoy it.

Remember the saying that goes something like this: on my death bed I wish I had used the good china more often, not worried so much about what people think, etc.

Life is way too short to worry about what people think about you IF you have the desire to open your home to friends/co-workers, etc. Go for it! You world will expand and so will your social life.