Well said Darzy.

Who could take 20,930 replies and sort through them for the real focused suggestions about their dilemma?

20,930 comments don't come in one day. This happens over a very long period of time and encompasses many decisions as well as friendly chat. There are some very complex projects out there that take over a year to complete.

In a perfect Houzz world, It would be nice to be able to archive the very long threads so they could be referenced. But then start a new thread for your dilemma which by now has probably evolved. Here's where the judgment of the OP comes in. Just common courtesy requires the OP to respond to pertinent helpers. It will quickly become evident who's on track with the OP. And the ones that are bonding would stick with it and others would get bored and drop off. Maybe The OP even needs to give a fond farewell to certain people if they begin playing on their thread. Again it's at the choice of the OP. You decide whether to allow it to become a fun site or a worksite. In theory at least, that would make things "happen". So whether it's a pro or not, doesn't matter if a functional " team" so to speak, is created.

I actually like to start new threads when mine get too long. Yes, it brings in some new people and sometimes some new criticism too, but it redirects the focus to the task at hand, which may be a different task (or even a different room) than the original thread was about. Also, shorter threads just work better for loading pics and looking back at previous comments, etc. Long threads nearly always get sluggish to load and difficult for those commenting.

This is my worry. When someone posts a dilemma about counter tops but the issue is really the whole bad layout of the kitchen so someone, pro and non-pro points out the layout issue and does not deal with the question. I like to see people address the question and not tear apart the room. By dealing with the question posted the person who posts the question will take the answers and make a decision on her/his own. They will then learn to look at the room as a whole and begin to trust theirs and others design solutions. No need to scare posters off and make them feel worthless by tearing apart their room or saying their room is ugly. People respond more to change when it is small baby steps. By slowly gaining trust in their own design sense and taking the proposed solutions from others and trying them out to see what fits their lifestyle and sensibilities they will gain confidence and eventually see that the kitchen layout is the problem.

Jean I totally agree with you to a point. Sometimes homeowners become house blind though. They are intent on keeping up with trends and don't understand that some not too expensive tweaks can make a huge difference.

Let's use a contrived dilemma. OP posts this kitchen asking for what type backsplash and opinions on if they should put in an island.

I would answer the question..BUT I feel it would be remiss not to mention painting the cabinets and appliances and changing the lighting and floor. At that point I would mock up some changes to give them a visual. Then I would explain that changes do cost and they should consider what would have the most impact for their use and the overall look of the room for their cash.

Lucidos, I always find that you are extremely kind with your suggestions though. That's not always the case. (not to mention.... you have great ideas too!)

Everyone needs to understand that you get more bees with honey. ;)

All about the delivery.....a good delivery is well received. Just my thoughts though. :) No one likes to be made to feel bad about their home or choices....

I'm leaving now.... just a quick comment, no debating for me. ;)

Everyone enjoy your weekend! :)

I think Jean has a valid point in some respects but so does Lucidas. More often than not the OP comes to the conclusion pretty quickly that it isn't just that one little thing that was bothering them; somewhere not so far back in there mind they new and maybe, just maybe needed a nudge! There are times that I must confess when I just read through threads and feel" oh no, I'm not getting involved with that!" When you know someone could genuinely use the help of a pro and the discussion has devolved into " you should just put a cute little cushion.... That's when I check out. But surely if your intention is to help and you do it with respect the OP can accept the advice with the intent with which it is given.

And please let me explain that comment about help from a pro! I don't mean to demean anyone on Houzz! There have been times that I have seen dilemmas and thought that this may not be the forum for their problem! They really need a pro to physically go to their home to help with that!!! Don't want to get beat up for that comment but I'm ready to duck!

Thank you Zaz.

No Lucidos, Thank You for everything you have done for me. Truly! I'll send you Entenmann's anytime ....just say the word! ;)

^^That, my friends, is what Houzz is all about.

Abbyjean hasn't posted much on Houzz lately, but boy does she have a kind and tactful way of presenting suggestions! She is amazing at making good suggestions in a thoughtful and kind way.

@Lucidos, you're making me blush! ;)

I agree Ann! :)

i will state my dilemmas because although I love participating, i am now very shy of posting a real dilemma. First dilemma was a floor, I thought it would be cool if all click floor types could be combined. One expert gave logical explanation, i believe it was cancork, on regular person came on to help me battle the extremely negative pros, I finally gave up and said so, 3 days later, I happened back to the thread, they were still coming in yelling at me, i pointed out that i had been gone for 3 days. so i think they finally stopped, have been afraid to check.

I did a poll on dishwashers had they improved, so that i could rinse and pop dishes in and how this did not work previously after the first year and that i had tried all the named products and tricks to make it better. had many individuals get angry that i was being difficult and a few pros. I believe out of nearly 100 answers 5 people told me what ones they liked and why. I thanked every one I left for all i know they are still out there bickering.

My 3rd post was an awning i wished to hack. explained why bermudas would not work. First five pros and non gave me a bunch of other things that could done, each of which would have cost more than the bermuda i could not afford. After 5, I got a couple who really helped me figure out the best way to handle, they were diyers like me. After the first 5, I told them that i see the just hated the idea and i guess did not think it would work. One individual came back and actually got upset with me that I should not get mad. No, I said, I just wish they would answer my questions, or get to the point. That is when a couple people came in and actually helped. Once again I have now turned the thread off, for all i know they are still battling it out!

What I am saying is that in all instances I have had problems with people not reading the post or insisting on forcing their idea on me, no matter how much I try to preempt these exact problems.

The only one that ever went quickly was my mouse trap question. One person answered with even a link to the site, I thanked them and never saw any other posts!

despite all this i still love houzz, from helping poor souls like myself, occasionally trying to get people to calm down or notice the budget, to adding to a really crazy fairy tale. I just hope everyone can learn that throwing out go to a pro, or listing non related solutions, or getting upset with others, or not including things like this is just to get an idea of your style or color combos or other helpful clarifiers, merely frustrates the poster.

If you post a design dilemma, you need a thick skin, but new posters don't realise that.

Ahhh Chooklet, I much prefer smooth oiled skin! ;)

yeah, i don't think it is just the thick skin, it is a matter of wading through all the stuff that has nothing to do with the question, and i am not talking about chatting, just someone who does not pay attention to you or does not believe when you say it won't work or is out to win some sort of contest or something.

I also do not understand how houzz decides the ranking, cause i know i should not be number 1 right now.

Having, your dilemma with dilemmas is a good illustration of one reason I have yet to post a dilemma. It's like trying to enter a skating rink when you really don't know how to skate very well--you're taking your life in your hands to get out there!

Love the analogy marjie1059! It's a little scary out there :(

Illegitimi non carborundum.

Wow! I have posted 4 dilemmas, and not one of them turned nasty. In fact, although there were differences of opinion, most of the advice was quite helpful. I have noticed that sometimes people make a comment b/c they can't really see a detail on a pic, or because they don't understand that there is something structural that hinders you from taking their design advice. Some people on one said, "I hope this is the worst problem you ever have", and I said "yeah me too!" Rude? Kinda... But nothing to get bent out of shape over.
I deal a lot with educators and students, and I have found that my most effective tools in tough situations are humor and honesty. I have said before to people, "...is this what you meant to say?? Because that is what I am hearing!" Sometimes it is, but most times it is misunderstanding.
Maybe this thread has opened some people's eyes to how they come across. Call me Pollyanna, but it is beyond me why you would join a site like this, just in order to be unkind!
Or maybe I am just too thick to see when people are trying purposely to offend me!

Lol, Moxie mom -- they may grind you down, but it doesn't have to be a permanent situation...:-D

I agree Sandi, I have been on a lot where that does not happen. It has not happened at all with the urinal art poll. And that one is definitely out there. that is why i am still here. When a thread is no longer fun, or there are too many people on it i leave. i have been really deep helping someone before then someone else walks in, and if it seems the person is happy. i say goodbye and leave. i don't feel it should be an ego thing. Some things you just cannot get. true of all of us. Any way my main point was that i like the play of pro with regular people. Some pros are really good at playing in the same sandbox as the rest of us. And they often have such great tools to share. But they can be a little snotty or suffer expertitis. But then the people on the thread can be real mean too. But when it is going right, that is magic. i think that is where your biggest conversations come into being, because everyone is working together. I also wish to blame some of the op, because they come in drop it and leave. Someone is doing free work for you, and you leave? i think a lot just has to do with the world today. caring and manners are not high on many people's lists, and i have no solution to that. Enough of this, I am off to have fun, have you spent your free million today? lol

Nail on the head, Havingfun ...nail on the head ....

I look for honest answers and helpful suggestions. Unfortunately, the only time I tried to get help yielded so many answers an no two were alike. Turned out it wasn't all that helpful, but it did ad some perspective. If you can't handle the responses don't post a question is my thought. Getting a little tired of everyone just saying what's nice or what they think you want to hear.

Again, I had problems getting real responses, they ignored what i had written and told me to do exactly what i said i could not do. i don't like nicey nicey either, i just want actual answers to the questions.

Elephant. Bigun too.

Take it in perspective, folks. If the responses are way off from what they are looking for, the OP should know it. If they don't know what they want, they need to hire someone. There are limitations to this site. It's up to the poster to weed it all out. Some people can't afford help, and can't decide for themselves. Sad, but all the help in the world, no matter pro or amateur, can solve those problems. There is only so much a person can expect from social media. I wish everyone could find total satisfaction. But that's not reality. I don't want to sound harsh, but please remember that it is social media. Post thoroughly..use pictures. Use your own talents. Ask friends who come into your house. But don't expect ANYONE to be the total answer to your problem, no matter what their pedigree.

No meany- mean...No nicey-nice....
Balance-- that's what we've all been saying! Whew!

Matchey, match?

And there you go! Hey i like the elephant too. What do you think it will do matchy match with that pewter wall perhaps?

Hey, and if all else fails, just paint it grey!

PAINT IT BLACK.

I Love black chookchook2! Have done more than a few rooms in black but it's a hard sell :)

Spencerbetz had a thread about a Roccoco bedroom set. She finished up that room with the help of Houzzers over 2 threads. Also completed some mini dilemmas in the threads. Long after the bed was completed, thousands of comments in, we would get people dropping in, saying "paint it black" and leaving never to return. This included pros. "Paint it black " is now a Houzz joke.

Sorry, I missed the joke being rather new to Houzz so thanks for filling me in. Hope you knew I was being factitious with the paint it grey crack:)

It gets recommended a bit too much sometimes. I want Tardis Blue nominated for Pantones colour of the year.

Tardis Blue is already a Pantone colour

Well I certainly like it a lot more than Marsala!

Well Tardis has at least 2 votes behind it!

Why's daughter wants to use it in her place, I might be making headway.

yeah!

BTW...Jan Moyer...I would like to tell you that I agree and enjoy your comments 99 percent of the time. When I first joined Houzz I "followed" you immediately because you are so good. I must admit that your exasperation with people suggesting paint colors, furniture without regard to scale, lifestyle, etc, came through. I get it! You are passionate about design. You made be chuckle more than once and thought "this woman is frustrated with these design dilemma answers that are so "wrong". Thank you for your contributions and please keep commenting. Your design skills are superb IMO. Hey...if you "save" one person, won't it be worth it? (smile). Thank you for taking your time to give Design Dilemma Houzzers professional help.

Darzy,

Just saw your post! Thank you, and yes....I love what I do. Just came from a client's office/ reception/ cocktail "thing" celebrating her new space. One of those projects where the client argues over every last thing and detail, locks her "purse" in the file cabinet, fights you most every step of the way, you keep on hammering and get it done well with a ton of ideas pushed down her tonsils??..............then she invites you to the party and says " I just absolutely loooooove it in here, you did such a GREAT JOB!!" Everyone loves it!!" ..........so I have a glass of wine, chuckle, and say "got any Excedrin to go with this Pinot Grigio?" . That's my world, it's most pro's world. The laughs are just a huge bonus , as are the happy campers you drag to the result. : )

LOL Jan, that is funny stuff. Yep...I "get" it!

@ studio10001... I just wanted to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with using the word "cancer" in describing a point, and your point was clear and concise. It has been used for years by some of our greatest literary geniuses, having nothing to do with the medical field.

Any "pro", if they are what they say they are, should be able to give constructive criticism. Just saying "i hate it" or "its bad/disgusting" without elaborating just makes that person look like an idiot and/or a troll; it is definitely unprofessional behaviour.