Is the alder knotty? If so it is meant to be abused and will be a living finish...that is it will be more distressed and show wear...but that is somewhat the intent. Living gently with young children is almost impossible...and cherry is not all that hard either. For hard you need rock maple, oak, Brazilian cherry...things get more exotic from there.

It's not knotty, more of a dark and flat stain. the cherry was not dentable anywhere near as easily, I know Brazilian cherry is much stronger. We love the dark cabinet color but I was floored how easy I could scratch it with my finger and how much the dark showed all the flaws. It would be used throughout the home.

Doesn't sound promising about the alder. The finish is coming off? or just denting with finger pressure? I've seen some pretty nice manufactured cabinets in a deep brown on oak. Might be a better choice. Not sure what is available in your market or is in your contract budget. We build custom cabinets for our jobs, so my connection to the market is based on looking at what is different and can be incorporated into our work, not on manufacturer's and availability. Sorry I'm not more help!