I'm sorry that your friends have not had good experiences with their kitchen renovations. One thing I do know is that any large renovation is like having a baby. It starts with being uncomfortable, there are typically some labor pains, but once it's finished, you are thrilled with the result.

With that said, kitchen renovations are hugely important to get right because they are such a large investment, the functionality is SO important and it can make or break the future sale of the home. I absolutely recommend hiring someone to help you.

Find someone who will work with you to finish out the entire design and budget before you even think about starting with demolition. A lot of people jump in with both feet and then find out that it was way more than they bargained for. Always include about a 20% contingency in your budget because it's construction: something unexpected WILL come up and it's better to have a cushion built in than be scrambling for money to cover the surprise expense.

I am a Los Angeles based interior designer, but I also do virtual design if that's something you would be open to. I would love to hear from you. If you are more comfortable with a local designer, I recommend reaching out to a few, meeting with them in person, and finding someone you really get along with. And remember, you get what you pay for!