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ivory_hull

18 year old boy, DISGUSTING, lazy mom.

8 years ago

I live with my mom, 52, and my brother, 18. I'm 16 and I clean up after myself. My 18 year old brother, however, does not. He has cat poop and liter covering the ground of his bedroom along with bottles full of urine, empty food boxes, food, etc. The smell of him AND his room is revolting. Not to mention he smokes and drinks too. He does not pay rent or buy groceries and eats EVERYTHING in the kitchen. My mother has tried in the past to straighten him out, even sending him to military school, did not work. He has quit multiple jobs. And he breaks things and doesn't fix them, smashes the cars and doesn't pay for it. He also craps in the toilet and leaves it there. He plays online video games on his PC night and day. He has ADHD and maybe he is depressed? But my mom won't kick him out or threaten to do so. I don't know what to do. Help.

Comments (8)

  • PRO
    8 years ago

    Agree with the above. Save money so you can eventually live elsewhere. We cannot force adults to do anything; only advice, even your mother. I would speak to her from the heart and let her know how it makes you feel about the difference in treatment with both of you. She might not realize the damage she is doing. As parents we make mistakes and a common one is not letting the bird fly out of the nest at the right time. She really needs to let him go so he can fend for himself and learn responsibility, unfortunately this lesson is going to be very tough for him to learn now as an adult. Let her know your thoughts if you have them of moving out and maybe that will make her realize that she is loosing you over a man baby.

    Good luck and keep us updated and continue doing what is right.

    Ivory Hull thanked Filipe Custom Woodwork
  • 8 years ago

    i have repeatedly cried in front of her and opened up to her but she does not care. she wont let me leave to go live with someone else. i cannot live with my dad cause he was abusive and we were taken away. i got ptsd from the situation and my brother is a trigger along with his filth. i have voiced this to my mom multiple times and she does not do a thing

  • 8 years ago
    Speak to a school counselor or other trusted adult. It may seem hopeless, but I'm sure there's a solution. They may even be able to reach out to your mother adult to adult. Do you have a friend's that your are close to? Maybe his/her parents would be a good choice as well.
  • 8 years ago
    last modified: 8 years ago

    Ivory - my situation was different when I was your age, but one thing that helped me keep my sh*t together with a god-awful home situation was to have a goal that I worked towards.

    I agree with the other posts: get a part-time job if you can (plus, it'll keep you safely out of the house for a while), make a little money and save it up. Give NO ONE access to that money - don't even tell them you have it.

    Go to school - get good grades - apply to college. Even if it's part-time at a community college (yes, I did that, too) at first while you pick up more hours at work, it's enough. Stay focused. Look at moving out - with a friend/housemate. Keep your expenses low and your GPA high at community college; pick a bigger accredited uni to go to - that's your next goal. Stay focused. Build up the credits you need. Take the right classes (for the major & school you want to transfer to). Keep your GPA up (high GPA = more opportunities for scholarships, etc.). I can't stress this enough: keep your GPA up. If you screw up and get a low grade in a course, talk to the registrar and see if you can re-take; see if they'll let you drop the bad grade from your records. Stay focused. The whole time you're doing this, you will have zero time and give zero Fs about your Mom's filthy house or your nasty brother. You will have your own life, you'll have your own goals and you will NOT let them hold you back. I moved out when I was 17 (I'm almost your Mom's age now) and I never regretted it, not once. Keep your chin up; stay strong. You can do it!

  • PRO
    8 years ago

    Ivory I agree with Kim. Do not loose hope, you are 16 right now, 2 yrs away form being a legal adult and 2 yrs for no one to stop you from moving. If you have been able to stay strong this long please continue the fight. You can also reach out to a friend that you can spend more time with and with their family so you are not home as much too. Let your counselor know what is going on at home even just ot have someone to talk to and vent. We are all here for you to vent and to feel safe. You are not alone and we will not let you perish in this anguish you are important and you are loved and deserve to feel safe and protected no matter how old you are. Please keep us posted ivory!

  • 8 years ago

    Ivory Hull - I am sure I speak for everyone who has previously posted, we would love to hear from you!

  • 8 years ago

    Your mother won't change. Your brother won't change. Those are cold hard facts.

    Ivory, you've received some VERY helpful input and EXCELLENT advice! I would caution you, however, that whatever you do, please please please DO NOT GET MARRIED just to get out of the house!

    I don't know if Child Protective Services would be helpful or not, because of your age and being 2 years away from turning 18. Definitely check with your high school counselor about your options.

    You wrote referencing your mother: "she wont let me leave to go live with someone else" ... if there is such filth in the house, you may want to consider some way for the courts to place you in a foster home. It's likely to not be ideal, but it is one way to get out of your environment...and hopefully it will not a situation of *out of the frying pan and into the fryer.*