long story, short version:

We (finally) found 2 cabinetry finishes we like. One is Shiloh's Cadet gray (stained finish, not painted). I'd be tempted to do the entire kitchen in it, except that I'm concerned that the kitchen will end up looking too dark (although I am planning on installing a lot of lighting, which might help counter that darkness). Here is an inspiration photo showing the Cadet cabinets with a hardwood floor similar to mine:

The other finish is Shiloh's Cotton (white stained finish). I originally thought it would be good as my uppers, to bring lightness to the kitchen.

I borrowed the sample doors, looked at a variety of stones at six different places, and realized that a lot of the lighter countertop surfaces tended to bring out pink subtones in the white stained cabinetry - and I suspect that the "pink" will likely get stronger over time, so now I'm not so sure about the white stained cabinetry.

Here are the door finishes:

and here is a rough overview of the planned layout:

As I said, my thought was originally to do all the base cabinetry in gray, and the uppers in white. But having seen the pink undertones in the white stained cabinetry, now I'm rethinking this.

We really like the Cadet gray stain. Now, I'm wondering about maybe doing the entire perimeter cabinetry in the Cadet gray stain, and to use a white painted cabinetry in the same door style for the island.

So - would it seem strange (or whatever) to use a stained cabinetry for the perimeter, and a painted cabinetry for the island?

Then there's the issue of the countertop. We keep finding ourselves drawn to several medium->darker countertops. Would it be too much "dark" if we used the gray cabinetry with a dark countertop? See possible inspiration photo, next:

Should we consider using a lighter countertop for the gray perimeter, and a darker countertop for the island (assuming we use a lighter countertop there)? But then we'd be using 2 different cabinet colors, and 2 different countertops - and I worry that's going to be a design nightmare - too busy in a 20'x13' kitchen.

If we instead did all gray cabinetry, and possibly a medium->darker countertop, would using a white or light tile backsplash, with sufficient lighting, be enough to not make the kitchen too dark? (again, see inspiration photo with the dark cabinetry and countertop).

Here's another inspiration type photo, showing gray perimeter, cabs with a dark countertop, and a white island with a different countertop.

here are some of the countertops we are considering -

Deep Blue

Silver Cloud (this is light, there is also a medium which is a little darker) - and as a note, Silver Cloud is by far the least expensive of all of these stones, so it's more budget-friendly.

Wakanda (generic pic - it's a wavy black)

And on the lighter side -

Sea Pearl

or

White Quartzite

Ok, so now you can see, I'm kind of all over the place. I really like the "deep blue" quartzite, but it's about 2.5 times more expensive than the Silver Cloud stone. And if I were to keep all of the cabinetry in Cadet gray, I'd save a little bit on the cabinetry (both white cabinetry options increase cost - either due to wood or paint, or both).

As far as total square footage of countertop - we're looking at roughly 75 square feet, the majority of which would be the perimeter (approximately 52 sf), vs. the island (which we are still finalizing the island design, but figure between 21 to 28 sf, more likely 24 sf).

Would it be weird to do Silver Cloud on the perimeter and deep blue on the island? Or should I just plan on keeping the same countertop throughout the kitchen, regardless of which stone I end up with?

PS - my boyfriend isn't very helpful on this. He went into only one of the yards this weekend, said he didn't know what he was looking out, ducked out for the restroom, then a cigarette, and didn't go into any other stone yard. Of course, he said his ideal kitchen would have white tile floors, white cabinetry, white countertop, white walls, white trim, white everything, except for the appliances, which he said all he needs is a refrigerator, microwave, toaster and sink - he doesn't even care if there is a stove/oven/range. On the flip side, my teenager loves the cadet gray cabinetry everywhere, a dark black (Wakanda) countertop everywhere, flashy glass multi-color backsplash.... whereas I'm thinking more of either a white or subtle gray tile backsplash.

HELP :)