A "million" years ago in what became my first career , we had a rule.

"You TELL the customer what to want"

How did we, (among the many retail- brick variety) do that? To this very day that mantra is still as evident as then.

Example

You take a great v - neck sweater or a basic tee. Something about the fit, the fabric the cut is truly great. Looks fresh and new! You buy into it with commitment - multiple colors, with quantity strength given to the easy to sell colors but also in half or quarter strength on the rest because that aids the visual impact, is part of the big story..

What happens? It's at the front of the store in tidily stacked piles on a BIG table. Eye catching.

You see it...and your subconscious thought is........" Mmmmmm, this must be something I need" and you buy two,! Or three!

You do essentially the same thing in your home IF you have confidence. You're saying "this is me! "

EVEN if it would not be the style choices of another? They are very likely to say "what a great house!" Your intent is there, the story is there, and its all about you.

The home sources, via mass market internet or even their companion brick and mortar?

That's just what they are doing - telling y.o.u what to like, to want, right to the point you would never know what city you were in, if all you did was go to those brick mortar : West Elm, P.B and RH, Arhaus ! You don't have to listen or "obey". You just dive deeper, look beyond, pay more, consider custom, ( yeah, that happens ) for the things you DO want.

You add your art, the accessories that are meaningful to you, not just filler junk.

You don't have to have ANY color you hate.:)

It's your house.

Depressing… but as an art teacher I’m very familiar with the sad lack of confidence people have about making any kind of creative decisions. What amazes me is that it even extends into peoples’ living environments.

I am not sure that it matters, the shift from gray to tan/beige/camel, because it's still not much of a color. And it may be worse than gray because if you really want to have a bunch of neutrals that can look terrible with each other if they are the wrong chroma or hue compared to each other, it's these neutrals.

All you have to do is look at the bathrooms and kitchen floors/backsplashes that were done in those shades of beige porcelain tiles that were popular right before white subway really took over and you can see a bunch of tiles that look lousy with lots of other colors or the slightest mismatch to each other.

Fear of judgment and fear of failure.

Children don't have this issue with any decision, until peer pressure rears a head in school.

Watch little kids dance, play - as if nobody is looking!

It's a shame to cave to something you don't feel is you. Whether clothes, hair, your home , your car!

The brutal truth? Everyone else cares about themselves, their car, their clothes, their status dog or status vacation. They Really Could Not give a whit about you.

Remember that.

"Fear of judgment and fear of failure".

Hmm. Countless times, the vast majority of the time, whenever anybody wants to do something outside the current prescribed tastes of these forums, they get judged negatively. Sometimes more politely, sometimes more harshly. But generally, if at all possible, they get talked out of anything that varies from the standards of current taste as set by this forum.

To me, that means that there are at least some people who care very much what you have in your own house. To the extent they want to control it.

Truth? Any color used intended total overkill or abundance BECOMES a "neutral" of sorts.

The D.V red room.....Nancy and the yellow......

Green! Lots of shades and it only appears to clash, and then you look outside and count the clashing greens Mother Nature provided. Like Mom nature was all wrong?

Yes, technically you could introduce other colors into these because they present a monochromatic ground.

The ironic thing is that many of the designers whose work has been in the shelter "magazines" (print or online) in the past few years have used a riot of color. Just take a look at House and Garden UK, Veranda, House Beautiful, Country Living, Arch Digest, Southern Living, to see the exuberant use of color and pattern.

"But generally, if at all possible, they get talked out of anything that varies from the standards of current taste as set by this forum." yes palimpsest, so sad but true. The Houzz Rules.

Diana and Jan, thank you so much for your professional wisdom on this post. It must be so tiring to have to constantly fight the effects of advertising. Finding the right materials instead of the cookie-cutter is one good reason to hire a pro. I think anyone who reads this post at this point will feel very much encouraged to do what they want to. I know I do. And the professional that Jan encouraged me to hire seems to want to help me carry out my vision too, saying it will be fun, and not running the other direction as fast as possible. She showed me a picture before we started shopping one afternoon of a living room full of blues and greens and woods and metals and stones. It was so "me" I found myself hugging her. "She gets me!", I was thinking.

What she said: ) Get someone who "gets" you, trust them......and first before all and anything? Trust that NO designer wants you to have anything you hate. Most of us are far more invested in your happiness at outcome than YOU are.

How many times have I said these words:

'You can't be happy, until I'm happy - when I am happy? It's a guarantee you shall be over the damn MOON" ( lost count btw )

You have to be prepared and willing to be surprised.

If all you ever saw on a menu was a hamburger patty, if all you've ever eaten is burgers? .........

You know where I am going with this advice : )

"The ironic thing is that many of the designers whose work has been in the shelter "magazines" (print or online) in the past few years have used a riot of color. Just take a look at House and Garden UK, Veranda, House Beautiful, Country Living, Arch Digest, Southern Living, to see the exuberant use of color and pattern...................."

Three reasons come to mind.

The internet and especially your I phone, doesn't "find" these publications, these fabulous rooms, and place them front and center in your face. Many of these publications may meet their demise fairly soon- a crying shame!.

Second:

The clients of the designers of ANY of the rooms that jump colorfully off these published pages......?

Do not want what 90% of suburbia has or may be lusting for.

Third:

Perhaps the single most important reason?

Jenny and John Q. Public, do not design - they buy STUFF to fill space, a corner, a blank wall and whatever. They buy with the idea of making tv the center of all life in a home.

Lets say you google

"elegant and colorful living rooms"........Just a handful in results below......all from ONE article in Southern Living.

But.......the indoctrinated, those consuming and following the HGTV stars, the new build in the neighborhood, the catalogue dropping into the mailbox, and as example, my most dreaded example of a post here?

"I'm building a modern farm house" ........I just bought a gray sectional......"

Let's google, shall we?

"Modern farmhouses with a gray sectional, what next please, I need HELP!"

Just two below, and a thousand more just like one or the other

Call all of this subliminal and abundant repetition. Count how many times an op will say on this site "what MATCHES this dinning room table, I need chairs..... or I need a rug to match this dinning room rug, for my living room.

Which simply means a fourth reason . Lack of design vocabulary.

In other words. we've probably covered it - and yup, one of those very interesting threads that has many many answers.

The blues, the greens, the purples, the corals!!!! How beautiful are those rooms that Jan shared!

The sad thing is that many homeowners think that if they use all neutrals (gray/white/beige) that everything will match. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's WAY harder to match or blend neutral colors than saturated ones. Contrast is your friend when you're designing a room.

I’ll take any of the first four rooms @JAN MOYER just posted!

True confession:

I can not live without..........pink. : )

Peonies.....light bulbs, cashmere sweaters, ....and it extends to my bedroom, which has a healthy dose. I can't live without a floral in here. It's on a needlepoint pillow, it is in art...its my happy color.

The only gray you will ever find here? Its in the closet on a handful of fantastic cashmere sweaters. The e.n.d lol

The other day I texted a client with a lovely Nantucket feeling home, ( gray shingles yup pure all out charm) ) doing a little drop off.....

"OMG, Paula, the house and landscaping looked breathtakingly beautiful today, The hydrangeas are mind boggling in front!"

She says......" I just looooove!!!! pink"

Ditto that, girlfriend: )

I don't know what the answer is, I would like to think if people were offered more color in 'direct to the consumer' furniture and goods, they might buy it but I am not so sure. I have a friend who grew up in a nice, well-decorated house that had wallpaper, oriental rugs, pattern, all the things a nicely decorated house (and professionally decorated, I think, in this case.)

She comes to my house and comments on a number of things and how she like them, like the wallpaper, and the colors and such, so she does notice, and I think on some level appreciates it.

She bought a second home, so it's not like she has a severely limited income, and she has asked me to "help her out" informally but pretty much anything I have suggested has been reject out of hand for one reason or another and then she just goes out and buys things with no plan. A sofa because they need a place to sit. A coffee table because now they need it because they sit on the sofa.

They are supposed to have a rug, because the second place is in a multi-unit building and I think some kind of rug is required for the living area for sound reasons.

So here is what she's got. A bluish grey sofa "so lots of things would go with it". And then the other pieces of furniture are either black painted pieces of furniture or white painted pieces of furniture from Wayfair.

And she thinks she has to be "really careful" what else she gets because this sofa already has a "pattern". It's tweed. It's not a solid color up close. Like "maybe [she] needs a plain rug because the sofa is patterned. She showed me one that looks like the mats they roll out in lobbies with granite floors when it rains so people don't fall down.

This is cropped because this all belongs to someone else. At least it has a real wood floor. But a natural wood floor is the only color.

There is not very many places you can go from here really. Her son said to me it "looks worse than a college apartment that nobody cares about."

But I don't think this is all that uncommon.

What Palimpsest said DITTO, DITTO.

......and yes, enough to make a person very sad, in their own home. WAH WAH WAH: (

The thing that I don't get in particular is that she, like some other color-phobes-at-home, that I know--she wears colorful clothes.

Do you think these drab interiors depress everyone? I don't know, I find her apartment very bleak and I would be very depressed living there. I don't think it depresses her at all.

But I would also be either depressed or have a chronic headache living in a house lit only by recessed 4000K wafers or cans, which is just about every new house I have been in. That lighting makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

I think it's people who like color, pattern and soft layered lighting who are the anachronism now.

^so true on the lighting, there is a flipped house in my neighborhood and the front room is lit with enough overhead lights to perform surgery - I walk my dog at night and always think how can anyone even sit in that room??

I feel like it is pretty common for Posters to ask about decor or art in their room and meanwhile there is.not.a.single.lamp.

Well this is a fascinating conversation… This question has been on my mind for a long time. Those rooms you posted Jan are beautiful. One of the reasons I buy “English homes“ magazine is for the different perspective on interiors. Lots of use of pattern and color. And an entirely different decorating aesthetic.

I think somebody above nailed it when they said fear. It takes courage to make creative choices and run the risk of making a “mistake“. But in addition some of it is experience. People just don’t KNOW what they like. They don’t have an eye because their eye has never been trained to see. (and I could divert here into bemoaning the lack of art instruction in schools but I won’t.)

Ah yes…lighting…😛 that could be a whole thread in and of itself.

Btw I’m not a professional, in the decor line. I’m an art educator, artist, and love the visual world and all the pleasure it can bring. I have great admiration for interior designers who can work with three-dimensional space and help others. A teaching process, as well, I suspect. My hat is off to you for the patience you must have to have.

Patience... Do designers have it? Oh yes. In abundance most times. Until you run out.

I am here to say a lot of my peer group is bowing out. Why do we run out of that necessary quality , bite a tongue until it bleeds? Because for all of the experience, the skill, the art, the eye any of us may have in varying combinations? : )

We can not instill a PERSONALITY in you . We can't instill a life. We ask about family, what you like to do, how you entertain. We try desperately to get to know the real you.

We resort to basement digging at times, often unearthing something long stashed away as someone believes changing homes. or even just decor is to abandon themselves to some " faux new, faux NOT you? Or maybe it is you.....but does it mean you abandon every damn scrap of a life that came before? No. it does NOT. Life evolves, your home evolves to reflect that life. Even when you are "so over" what you had before, there is NOTHING that is a keeper? That is absurd, most times.

An example of throwing away all the babies with the soapy water? Here, a move from a Tudor of 28 years. Did I run out of patience? Yes.....: ) a Bit. Save it for when you haven't a thing to do.

https://www.houzz.com/discussions/6452023/hearth-room-help#29181654

Or?

"Update my old lady traditional.........please"

You bet!

Every scrap of hallway rugs, art in the house was repurposed relocated! Let me tell you about the day ( no, he was not home ) I found a dozen wonderful old and worn rugs. - rolled up in the top shelf of an eight foot linen closet; the rest rolled in the bonus room. One after the other they came tumbling out, me cursing...."are you (*&^%$#@) kidding me?!" What do they "match"? Nothing!

They are the very intentional use to keep the house from this:

"Wonderful house! Did the decorator just leave?"

Can only get a glimpse of the more than a dozen.....rugs.

Traditions refined · More Info

Traditions refined · More Info

Traditions refined · More Info

The primary....."Dear lord, PLEASE help me swallow up this way too much matching Stickley ......" Yes Lord. I shall PAINT! I hear you : ) and then I shall cram it down his tonsils. ......which I did .

Traditions refined · More Info

Traditions refined · More Info

Well, lots of people have started to treat furniture as a commodity, and really there is a sort of furniture that fits the definition of "commodity"- when all units of production are identical, regardless of who produces them.

People buy things that are inexpensive, delivered immediately, live in a place for x number of years and dispose of it all at the end of those two or four or seven years because none of it is worth moving, and start over. (Students here even abandon TVs and computer related stuff like printers because all of it is so cheap it's not worth moving).

One block over is a bunch of condo conversions that are used as investment properties, and every year in summer the block is lined with various pieces of furniture that someone has decided it isn't worth moving (and it probably isn't). Post grads or residents and such used to move in with their parents' old furniture and then it would go to a thrift shop or something after the two of four years.

Now what happens is a truck pulls up and unloads a bunch of brand new furniture and then when they move out they might take some and abandon the rest, and most of it is no longer even worth going to a thrift store. And they think maybe they might be helping someone out because it's free furniture. But then it rains, or someone takes a cushion, and then it's worthless. And then sometimes this happens. At least this will be lighter for the trash truck.

And I know middle-aged people who do essentially the same thing. They put their house on the market, almost all furniture goes on Marketplace or Buy Nothing, and then they start over in the new place. And it's all cheap because they buy furniture over and over so they don't have any investment in it.

I have been reading and learning about our Reptilian brain responses and tribalism (the need to belong to a tribe/group of people). In times of trouble we become less creative, less inventive, more in tune with our survival instincts. Fit in, don't bring attention to yourself, stay safe.

I don't know if society in America has ever truly recovered from 911, we lost a sense of security. Since then we had the housing crisis in 2008 and then COVID. More households are struggling with inflation and lowered disposable income.

People aren't so much afraid of color as they are afraid of the future. Color psychology tells us that when we want to blend in, not show ourselves, gray provides protection, makes us feel safe.

Color isn't just visual, it impacts the neurotransmitters in our brains.

Seeing a color that reminds you of a happy memory will increase serotonin and dopamine production. You feel happier. When your serotonin and dopamine levels are low and you feel depressed your ability to see colors is compromised. Everything appears grayer than when your feeling happy. Your not feeling blue, you are feeling gray :-(

So on one hand gray makes you feel sad, but it also makes you feel safe.

I have no issues with using gray in our homes or any other neutral, but I want to see it as the neutral backdrop to colors that make us happy. We just need to feel brave enough to stand out in the crowd.

Yes, Jennifer, what you said.

Jennifer… interesting on the psychology of color. I was wondering if that has something to do with it. Jan…whoa… that’s a stunning home! And look at those rugs… L O L. Gorgeous. And the wall colours are delicious.

When my son moved from Vancouver on the West Coast, back to Nova Scotia on the East Coast, they didn’t want to pay to move all their furniture with them and you know…they could hardly give it away. And some of it was quite nice.

I still have the little rocking chair my mom painted for me when I was 4.

I like to peruse the real estate ads, particularly high end real estate, mainly to see the design and decor. The homes almost invariably are completely devoid of color or personality.

Personally, I love color. I am a watercolor artist as a hobby, I might add.

I’m hoping this current trend of blandness and sameness comes to an end soon.

People have a right to live the way they choose. And a neutral palette does not have to be bland.

And no one has to wait for everybody to get on board with what they are doing, before they live their life.

For example, in my new place I have yellow gold walls in LR, DR, kitchen and hallways. That is likely already a big problem for most of the ”we love color” people here on this particular site. Do you really think I care? Also, I will likely be bringing in a grey sofa with the gold walls. Am I waiting for everybody on the planet to do that combo, before I have the green light to do it?

I don’t think anybody here would have problems with yellow gold walls… Why would they? For that matter there’s nothing wrong with gray walls either. In some cases they work very well. It’s more the concept that people are afraid to make choices, that is the concern.

That fear is particularly evident on some threads here where for some reason people seem completely paralyzed about making choices, ANY choice whatsoever. Sometimes people just like the discussion that ensues and the camaraderie but other times it’s clear they just can’t make a choice.

freedomplace1, you are the diametrical opposite of the fearful gray mice here on Houzz. Your place is going to be unique, YOU, and fearless. The problem is what liasch and others have stated regarding not making choices, being fearful of doing anything other than what others have deigned to be the "right" way, and using neutrals by default. A neutral/monochromatic room can be serene and fabulous. Or it can be tiresome and dull. It's all in the execution.

Thank you, Diana. I really appreciate your kind words!

It is my wish and has always been my intention to help people to have spaces that they really love.

Btw, Diana, that is FANTASTIC that you got to see the Stones back in the day at the Garden!! That must have been UN-BE-LIEVABLE !!! I have never seen them in concert, and have never met them personally. But I have a picture with some of the members in it, that has significance for me. I’m having it enlarged and waiting for it to be sent back to me now.

Liasch, you mention many good points.

The yellow/gold wall paint phobia thing is rampant here, and has been for years... It’s become increasingly more absurd, because the colorway has been “back“ - for some time now, and trending again. PPG’s 2024 color of the year is a yellow; it’s called ”Limitless”.

Yes, I'm not understanding all the hate for yellow (or orange or red for that matter). It even extends to lighting--heaven forbid you like 3000K lighting, IT'S SO YELLOW!!! And don't get me started on the "you can't mix warm and cool colors" mantra!

I happen to love BM Linen White--it's a lovely soft pale yellow that works very well in my 1920s Colonial Revival home with 18th century reproduction furniture. I once tried painting my northeast facing dining room in White Dove (which I love in my beach house) and it looked horrible. Very stark and cold. I quickly reversed course and changed it out for Linen White.

The thing with color, as I stated above regarding neutrals, is that any color or color combination can look great, or not. Again, it depends on the context and the execution.

The yellow hate is off the (18kt gold) chain. :)

OMG!! yellow! Butterus Maximus: )

Twenty four years ago, a client dragged me out to a cornfield, said "I need you to help me pick my lot" A brutally cold day in February.....and as we stood there in the yet undeveloped barren fields (toes frozen solid, ) she pointed to those with the highest price tag, all facing east - one lot other side of the road facing due south, not so expensive, not requiring as large a home.

I asked , "aside from dollars, how do you feel about light?" "I need/want abundance!!" I need SUN! Well . She got that, as well as a more citified version of her coveted family summer home in Martha's Vineyard.

The blues, the YELLOW, a sunny water referenced inside matching every possible sunny day in the often dreary northeast. Remember.... yr. 2,000 girls! Yes there was still carpet in great rooms : ) lol When she moved out, every inch got painted by new owner................yup. G.R.A.Y

Click! Bayer does great home videos. Call it sun drenched. Brunschwigs and Scalalmandre's scaled DOWN to Thibault etc. for budget. Broke her heart, lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8rmGhXKceY

While I'm on memory " Not Gray La.? Clients who move when the mood strikes, she cares not a whit, he is passionate about design but hard to keep on a path - prone to wanting to indulge every MAN MOOD .......PRONE TO: "I DECIDED TO RIP".....

and making me a wreck with timelines that give me an ulcer. In 2010...when there were yes, people who still wanted w.a.r.m.....( gotta say the remodel here, twice over three years, in two six week time frames that nearly hospitalized me and my contractor. Note the garage at the end, Better than a lot of folks family rooms.........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InIL_K-yYsU

Omg.......I just got tired remembering that . Thank god I was younger then, and only beginning to lose my mind with him when they moved yet AGAIN and most everything used again including the armoire ( chinois back right )I literally

shoved down his tonsils two homes prior.

Tudor glam redux · More Info

Tudor glam redux · More Info

He went into a "I'm in a very dark glam mood" .....same house

Tudor glam redux · More Info

Tudor glam redux · More Info

Got a text from the other day......."I feel like a refresh!"

I need coffee, or I need to go back to bed.!

Hell! I'm on a roll. Same cul de sac hood as the butter yellow! A realtor owned it."Help me! I have to paint it gray. It won't budge!"

I flat out refused! 'Have you lost your damn mind? " I'm not wrecking all of it, I won't do it!"

I caved to just the kitchen, hearth room ( better before in a great rusty Ben Moore, one of the few colors I used exactly as chip, no tweak, ) and a powder room in a deep steel blue/gray...to not upend the entire place. They too finally sold and yup...........same thing. All painted to gray within a week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrlD0irTg8I

( special thanks to Bayer :) and the airplane.

That first video--horrors! The yellow! The brown furniture! Carpeting! The red office! Toile! Florals! And where are the stone counter tops???? How could anyone live in such a place???!!!! SO DATED!!!! LOL.

"The thing with color, as I stated above regarding neutrals, is that any color or color combination can look great, or not. Again, it depends on the context and the execution. "

Exactly Diana B, Well said.

"The internet and especially your I phone, doesn't "find" these publications, these fabulous rooms, and place them front and center in your face. Many of these publications may meet their demise fairly soon- a crying shame!. "

Totally Agree Jan M.

And I am sad about this. I think the impact of the internet has had on creativity and design is painfully sad and make me feel gray.

" We just need to feel brave enough to stand out in the crowd. " Beautiful Jennifer Hogan. Truly beautiful.

Thank you all for your insights.

LOL Diana B

When I think of the relative ease of creating for those who have a traditional bent, or love color and compare then with now? Now is what I call the Archaeological DIG. It isn't that it's not out there to be had.....it is just a big darn dig and a lot more kaching to do it well.

Yes, Jan, you need to source fabrics and wallpapers from the high end--Lee Jofa, Thibaut, Scalamandre, Schumacher--in order to access those beautiful and colorful florals and toiles. They've kept the archival fabrics and re-issue them in different colorways as well as the document ones. And that costs $$$$.

As far as the case goods go, good luck. The new offerings are much more modern, many of the manufacturers needed to pivot because no one wants the classic traditional furniture. The old standbys (Harden, Pennsylvania House, etc.) have gone under. If you want good traditional reproductions, you need to go to Henkel-Harris, some Baker, or scour the second-hand markets--estate sales, ebay, antique marketplaces.

Well this may be shooting the not grey design vocabulary in the foot, because most people in these forums hate rooms like this and would prefer grey, but at the higher end of the market, you see very few mixed grey interiors. But I think the aspirational look for a lot of people is "hotel room", trending and relatively impersonal, with empty surfaces.

The case goods; fine case goods from Hepplewhite style/ Stickley to Baker, to Century and , more?.......ironically abundant on Chairish, often exceeding by vast amounts, their original price tags. Lighting? Same thing - Below? No more than 300.00 each in the heyday.

This aspect of the conversation is interesting because the non-gray goods are out there, and the traditional goods are out there, but it is much harder to find. I live in a very non-current-trend sort of house--except it has taken me so long to do everything that several of the greens have now become trendy and I will just look like I "followed" :-(

But because I am doing things for myself, if it means I go through hundreds of options, and I am not exaggerating, I am not paying myself to spend time like that. I will spend hours and hours and hours looking for something. But you can't really do that if someone else is paying you.

I had a client, back when I did design work, who would often become enamored of something but then he wanted me to find it cheaper. One thing he really liked was a small bright yellow lacquer box. And it was over $100. And he wanted me to find one that was cheaper. But I had to remind him that unless I was going to scour the internet for free, it either made more sense to just buy the box, or to give up on it, because why would he pay for hours of labor to find something cheaper. How much cheaper would it have to be?

"fine case goods from Hepplewhite style/ Stickley to Baker, to Century and , more?.......ironically abundant on Chairish, often exceeding by vast amounts, their original price tags".

This kind of puts to rest the idea that "nobody wants brown furniture" from a few years ago, that you still hear now, sometimes. Apparently someone is buying it. And yes, usually on 1st dibs and Chairish, people make offers on things and get them for less than asking price. But they still aren't giving it away.

With regard to prices though, you do have to remember to adjust for inflation. I have all the receipts and hangtags and swatches and stuff from my parent's furniture (1968-9) and adjusted for inflation, they paid $10,000 for their sofa (at a deep discount) in 2024 dollars. That sofa is in my LR so I think it was probably a good investment. But you do have to take into account inflation.

The very decent stuff that doesn't end on Chairish? It's in a local consignment shop, where depending condition is usually is far less than Charish. It languishes longer........a lot longer. Left there by the kids or grand kids of the original owners who eschewed it for cheap trendy imports.