Not much can be discussed with no floor plan of the main floor .IMO the big issue is the step down when thinking aging in place but I need pictures of that area too. A full bath has very specific size requirements for ADU which really is what you need for real aging in place ..A Ushaped kitchen ususally is a great choice for aging in place but again we need to see it and for sure in that floor plan Post that plan here in a comment in Jpeg format and make sure you show every window, doorway and where those lead . All measurements clearly marked and some clue to how much you can afford to change . Post the pics in acomments also and come back often to answer questions that we might have.

Where is the laundry? If it's in the basement, that's a problem.

I would also consider selling the house and moving to a property that is more ageing friendly. My MIL stayed in her house to the end. She had a stair lift and barely managed the kitchen step-down and front porch step-down. She passed recently at 86. What really got her the last 6 years was loneliness. She should have moved to an assisted living community 10 years ago, but there was no convincing her. She had different levels of home-aides the last 6 years, depending on her health at specific times (like 24 hour care after a fall) ... which added a whole other level of complexity. Two of the three kids lived in another state. The nearby one did the bare minimum and had little love for their mother. MIL was a friendly/social person and would truly have enjoyed friends and activities at an assisted living community.

Not sure you need a full bath on the main floor unless there is space for a bedroom down the road? having a PR on the first floor is a big help

I’d do simple esthetic updates thar she can enjoy for a bit but hard to anticipate too far down the line

fwiw my mom dealt with her terminal illness at home and my dad in a CCRC - our experience with my dad was 1000 fold better, arranging and trying to rely on in home help is an absolute nightmare.. I am planning on moving into a CCRC around 70 or so as i can’t stomach putting my sons through anything like that - prob earlier than I would ”prefer” but but better safe than sorry

The OP wrote "She bought this home brand new and kept it in great condition for years but over time she just couldn’t keep up and it really needs some love now." If she has had trouble in the past, understanding why can help with figuring out options for the future ( arranging a blitz of repairs, hiring monthly maintenance help, simplifying what's in the house, choosing easy maintenance options, and so on).

What contributed to not being able to keep up? Budget? Lack of decisiveness? Working full time outside the house so not much time to arrange repairs or DIY? Feeling overwhelmed by a long list of maintenance chores and repairs? Relying on people (family, handymen, friends) who are no longer available? Other?

I agree with chispa that this might no longer be the right house for your Mom. My Mom went through the same thing - she was active and healthy, able to keep up her 4-bed, 2600 sq ft home with stairs - until she wasn't. At that point, she moved into an apartment in a small building for seniors. The apartment was cozy, but had everything she needed - including a spare bedroom for me to stay when I visited (I lived 2 hours away). A good friend of hers lived next door, and checked on Mom daily, which was a huge comfort to me. Her house was long paid off, so it wasn't a struggle for her to pay rent for the months that it took to get rid of the furnishings left in the house, as we prepared to list it for sale.

It was slightly inconvenient when my family and my brother's family came home for holidays - we stayed in a motel rather than in her large house - but the improvement in her quality of life far outweighed than minor hassle.

Shazia, I think you, your mom, and other family members should have a serious discussion about the future of the house, and at least look at one-floor living options in her community. Each of us is just one slippery sidewalk away from a situation where stairs are a huge barrier to independence.

There are so many red flags in your description of the house re ”aging in place”. Time to get realistic, that’s what we did four years ago. Sold our beautiful two story ( steep stairs ) home at the beach, finally found a single level near beach & harbor , best decision ever. Life can change fast We know of two ”very fit” men die from falls down their stairs, one man was 61, & then there was our tennis playing neighbor, older than that, unfortunately a freak fall down the stairs was the end for him.

If she's living alone, that's a problem. If she has problems with stairs, she's going to occasionally have problems like getting out of bed. I'd put grab bars in the bathroom and have her keep her phone on her, but I wouldn't make a big investment before you see how aging will affect her. My FIL was a strong, active man well into his 80s, got cancer and was gone in 6 months, going swiftly from taking long walks daily to needing help to sit up in bed. A stair lift wouldn't have helped, as he needed too much help too quickly for it to get more than a week's use.

If you are making upgrades for aesthetics, then think about aging in place issues, but a big investment for a future you can't predict is not a good idea. If you are upgrading a first floor bathroom to a full one, you probably want to be thinking more about surviving a broken leg, than living with a walker and no ability to climb stairs. You should also think about finances for senior or assisted living. No one wants to imagine themselves there, but it's sometimes the best option.

Until floor plans are provided, potential and suitable suggestions are more or less just ideas. There may be other needs to consider and once these have been defined, suggest getting quotes. It’s really the best way to decide, both financially and practically. She should also weigh the unheaval and inconvenience, as these are more than cosmetic.

Have you discussed maintenance (inside and out), repairs, and emergencies. Our house was built in the 70’s (we’re in our 70’s) and we needed a new furnace in December (no heat for 2 days), flooding in our basement due to recent extreme rainfall, and fence damaged in very high winds. Only mentioning, as before time/money is invested and her only being 65, I’d suggest waiting to make the long-term house decisions. A friend of mind in her 60’s bought a condo. The building is within walking distance to everything, has an indoor pool, a social room where people meet for wine and cheese, fitness classes, etc. She was living in a large home on her own and says it was the best decision.

For Pete's sake share the floorplan - to avoid this thread being over 100+ responses and still no floorplan.

Agreed. A floor plan is needed so assistance can be provided.

also, sounds like a retirement community might be best for your mom as others have suggested. Loneliness is a common occurence with the elderly community.

The OP wrote "main level has the foyer that steps down into the living, dining and kitchen areas.' The steps can't be avoided and may be tripping hazards. This is probably not a long term house for ageing in place.

If your mother decides to sell, catching up on deferred maintenance will pay off. In most areas, you get your money back for the expenses of repairing, painting, and cleaning.

I’m 69 and able-bodied. If my adult children came to my house and said Mom, you need to move, I would ignore them. I make my own decisions, thank you.

So, make the updates. Drawers in the kitchen. More outlets everywhere. Where does she do deskwork, including finances, opening the mail, doing the NYT puzzles, go online? Make those areas work, with good lighting and outlets she doesn’t have to bend down for. Sez I as I sit at the kitchen table, going through insurance docs, with tablet and phone charging, a lamp because I prefer it to the overhead pendant, and my coffee-warmer. The outlet here is thankfully not near the floor.

Block the bathrooms for future handrails, and think hard about where those will be.

more, but you get where I’m coming from. Respect your mother’s wishes and abilities. She knows when it is time.

@bpath ….”She knows when it is time” Hopefully, but speaking from personal experience , my parents & neighbor, that is not always the case.

Some of the nicer nursing homes and memory care units in my area do not take people at the later stage when the person says "it is time". You have to get into those nicer places when you are still capable and start out in their independent living areas. As you get older with more issues then you can move into the areas with more care/help, but there is no buying your way into their nursing/memory care units as an outsider. So if you wait too long, then you can't get into the nicer/better facilities.

Yes, but I imagine that the OP’s mother, like most of us, reads, talks to friends and family, had a parent herself that went through all of this. Perhaps I am making an incorrect assumption there, that she is aware of things and possibilities, indeed, probabilities. After all, she has raised a responsible and helpful daughter, who knows where to come, meaning these forums, for both solicited and unsolicited advice lol. (I know my own comments on these forums often start with ”you didn’t ask, but …”)

Steps are an issue. Even one. A very agile healthy 69 year old can break a hip, or knee and any step is an issue. Laundry out of the basement if that is where it is, unless she plans a lift on that set of stairs too. Bathroom size is very important. A walker/wheel chair has to get through the door and or near the fixtures with room left to manuver. Chances are fair your mom will live happily and easily in her current home, as is, for at least 10 more years. Once she hits 80 is when things start shredding on all of us, even those who took the best care of themselves. How much money does she have for maintenance man/mowing/shoveling etc.? It's tragic that these beautiful homes cannot be sold for more than it will cost to move her into a patio home with no space and no ADH accommodations, and HOA FEES. The market is insane right now. A homeowner will lose a minimum of 70-80K when 'downsizing' . This is not the time to take on a mortgage, but that is what some are facing. That amount of money will go along way to pay for the help that will be needed to maintain the yard etc. It's no longer just about safety but affordability given the influx of the Boomers into the 'senior' population. As you read through these posts you hear how impatient many are here. I think this is all they have in life so think you do to. You no doubt have been at work since you posted, busy with life, who knows! Please ignore the rude and interact with those whose suggestions are helpful.

Oh goodness! What a plethora of responses!

All thoughtful and helpful. Even your small tips about where outlets are located go a long way. And thinking about emergency planning, etc. Thank you for sharing your personal stories too.

I know how things go on here so don’t worry, I will get the floorplan and measurements. But tbh, I’m not looking for design advice quite yet as much as understanding of what to think about in general.

This is all so new for us because my mom is fiercely independent. When I say able bodied, she fired the landscapers bc she said she can do a better job. While I don’t love that she wants to do everything still, I respect her grit immensely. She never has a need from us and I just want her to live in a beautiful home again.

My mom is similar to what @bpath spoke to. And while she has agreed to let me take on this renovation, it’s still her wishes and I’m making this home what she wants.

Re: assisted living/long term considerations…she’s definitely not going anywhere now. She’s an introvert who only socializes with her family and a few friends. My brother moved nearby with his littles so she’s content with seeing them. She’s also walking distance to her place of worship. And she loves this house. It means a lot to her.

If it were my decision, I would love for her to downsize but I can’t decide for her.

When presented options to stay or move to a 55+ community, she without hesitation, said she wants to stay here.

So here we are. If things change down the road, they will change and we will adapt. Any updates we make now will be helpful for rental/resale down the road too.

The primary impetus for this reno, though, is for her to love the house. She deserves it!

And with all renos, a good plan is of the utmost importance which is why I am here before doing anything. The advice I’ve gotten here has always been better than anywhere else so y’all are my community of strangers who care and are hella smart 😂

Right now we are decluttering and I’m so impressed my mom has made a decision to be committed to letting go of things to make way for what she loves.

Goal is to spend the rest of this year to get clear on what’s staying, hauling away the stuff that isn’t, design preferences, and getting bids. That way when the work starts, she doesn’t have to be gone for long. She’ll stay at my place during that time.

Also, washer/dryer are on main level.

I think I’ve addressed all main questions. Give me a day or so to build out the floor plan doc. I need a nap at the moment bc we spent all day decluttering my mom’s room.
I’m younger but not young anymore 😂

Budget is $120k for all interior (including windows and real hardwoods on main level). Exterior will be $25k but focusing on interior first (from a timeline and financial perspective)

This is considering current costs to reno and I believe to be a very fair estimate in the market (don’t ask me how many renos I’ve done 😂)

You cannot force her to move, even if "it's time". At 69 she probably is OK where she is for now. Since she lives alone (my assumption since you're only talking about her), consider a monitored medical alert system that includes fall detection - don't count on a phone since it's unlikely she'll carry it on her 24/7 and what if she falls & is unconscious? We got that for my mom and they responded quickly when she fell a couple of years ago - she didn't lose consciousness, but they were able to call for help for her. (She was OK, no broken bones or concussion - just some bruises.) [She's 91.]

However, I'm 69 and until 3 weeks ago I had no mobility issues. Three weeks ago, my knees, hips, and shoulders started to hurt and they got progressively and significantly worse over the course of a week to the point where I had to go, first, to Urgent Care and then the Emergency Room the following day. Turns out I have developed Rheumatoid Arthritis ("elderly onset" b/c I'm much older than the typical age (30 - 50) for RA to develop).

My knees were so painful that I could barely move, including getting out of chairs (my DH had to help me). I am SO glad we decided to downsize to a single-level home over a year ago! If we were in our previous home, I would be in worse shape - 3 levels, 4BRs/2.5BAs with all BRs & full BAs upstairs and Laundry in the basement. (My knees are a little better now b/c I'm on a steroid, but I cannot stay on it for very long and I likely will have a lot more pain again in the near future.)

I'm hoping that we will get it under control (Rheumatologist says it could take up to 6 months) and I can return to my normal activities, but even 6 months of dealing with stairs would have been a nightmare for me!

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Question: What type of stairs does she have to the second level? A straight shot or is there one or more landings b/w the two floors.

If 1 or more landings, it will be much more difficult and expensive to put in an electric chair lift - we looked into it when we were weighing our options for "aging in place" in our previous home. We had two landings b/w the floors.

Regarding grab bars - I'd put them in all the bathrooms around both the toilets and in the tubs/showers (including the half-bath, if you can). They're actually useful for anyone at any age who has even temporary mobility issues (e.g., broken leg or foot, etc.).

The reality is that stairs ( & steps ) can be hazardous with age. As my former neighbor told me a few months before his fatal fall on his stairs ” Stairs are good for you” …. I had asked him if he & his wife ever considered moving from their 3 story home to a single level. Sad way to end one’s previously active life.

Re stairs: Straight shot to the second level

Re grab bars: my plan had been to have it ready for being screwed in down the road with the backer behind the tiles. Doing that in my home now too in case mom needs to move in

Medical alert device is good idea although I think she may get offended. I’ll have my 3yo nephew gift it to her 😊

I need to discuss something more personal to me. I’m visiting my mom and she has finally agreed to do a much needed renovation/upgrade of her home.

My grandmother lived 99 years /7 months, and I was heavily involved with helping her in her last years. My mom is 83 and has needed some help lately (because of surgery), so this is a topic I feel qualified to address:

#1 question: What does she want?

#2 question: Are her wants realistic?

The #1 problem my grandmother had is something one ever talks about on this board: Transitions between flooring. For example, she had linoleum in her kitchen and carpet in the adjacent family room. That transition threw her to the ground more times than I can remember ... she was fortunate not to break a bone. Throw rugs were also a problem, and she was ANGRY when we took them all away. If I were renovating, I'd look into a heated floor.

Getting in the house:

- Be sure she has at least one exterior door with a porch /stoop /entrance. Preferably include a number-punch doorknob so she won't have to pull out a key while she's trying to get in.

- My grandmother had an ideal set-up: She had a vertical grab bar inside AND outside her garage door, which allowed her to hold onto both grab bars at once as she "stepped down" into the garage. She also had two walkers: one in the house, one that stayed in the garage ... so she could step down and take hold of the outside walker.

- Definitely include a walker-storage-spot just inside the house. Many people -- at least for a time -- will be able to walk around the house, but they'll need the walker when they go out.

Bathroom -- don't skimp on the bathroom, as it is likely to be a problem:

- Obviously a walk-in shower is best ... with a hand-held shower head and a moveable stool. My mom has just had shoulder surgery, and I helped her wash her hair for a while. I wrote a post about what worked /didn't work about two weeks ago.

- You want a toilet that's easy-access. No toilet-in-a-closet. Space to approach with a walker. Grab bars ... even if she doesn't need them now.

- You want storage next to the toilet ... I mean medical, not just toilet paper and a plunger. My grandfathers /step father all needed medical items near the toilet: colostomy bag materials, catheter materials. My grandmother used adult diapers when she left the house (and wouldn't drink outside the house for fear of needing to use a public toilet). My mother is having some trouble with incontinence. Other things that'll be useful: A light, a mirror, an electrical outlet for a washlet.

- Let's talk about a washlet: This'll "squirt her clean", which is sometimes easier for elderly people than toilet paper.

- If you're replacing the floor, consider linoleum instead of tile. It's softer and warmer under foot, and it is more waterproof.

- Be sure she has plenty of light.

Transportation and help -- not exactly unrelated:

- At some point, launch the idea of Uber /Lyft instead of a personal car.

- While you're at it, switch all her prescriptions to a pharmacy that delivers ... one of these days she's going to be sick, and the doctor will call her in a prescription; think about how convenient it'll be if it can be delivered. Same thought process: Introduce her to having food delivered (both groceries and ready meals); no, it's not the cheapest option, but it might be a good option.

- At some point, look into Meals on Wheels (or similar). This was wonderful for my grandmother, as it meant someone was in /out of her house five days a week. Food aside, that short visit was wonderful for her.

- Do you have a Senior Citizen Center nearby? My mom is very involved in hers -- she plays board games on Mondays and Fridays, attends a pot luck every other week, goes on group lunch outings with friends, attends (and sometimes leads) craft lessons. It's a great place for her.

- Find out whether her insurance will pay for her to have a Home Health Aid. My nurse daughter did this job during college, and it's really hard to get a good aid, but a good one is worth his or her weight in gold. The main thing my daughter did was help with bathing. The second most common thing she did was help with heavy housework and meal prep ... she could do shopping, chop veg, assemble casseroles, etc. All while visiting with the patient.

Last thought: Make a plan for what you'll do when an emergency happens. At some point something will happen -- it's not an "if". So decide whose house she'll go to to recouperate; you probably don't need to DO anything, but talk through, "This is what it'll look like."

Laundry: i think it is better to have laundry near the bedroom, for us over-the-hill crowd. Right now I don’t mind carrying the laundry down and up, but at some point, it is not so easy to carry a load of towels or sheets or a basket or hamper, while holding the stair railing.

I use a big canvas bag with handles from LLBean as a laundry bag. I holds a lot, including neatly folded sheets or towels and can be easily held in one hand. They are open, so easy to rummage through.

Can we have a show of hands of all here who are at least 69 years old? How old do YOU feel?

Heres my hand. I am well over 69 by several years.

Did this discussion make you feel old?

Laundry: i think it is better to have laundry near the bedroom

100%. My grandmother could do her own laundry, but transporting it from the bedroom to the laundry was hard for her. She could move a SMALL basket on top of her walker, but pulling sheets off the bed /moving them was far beyond her abilities.

Yup - 69, soon to be 70 (just a few weeks!)

Yes, Sushipup, I was just thinking that! I don't think of myself as "old", I still think of myself as late 40s! Other than the RA, I've always been mobile, active, etc., just as I've been over the past 20 or more years.

Plus, I've only been retired since Nov 1 of last year (2025), so I really don't consider myself as "old"! (I'd likely still be working if it weren't for the current political climate - I worked for NASA & NOAA on weather satellites (not to be confused with "climate change" - sheesh!) I loved my job!)

Laundry: when my mom had a caregiver, she may have found it a break to walk the laundry to the laundry, but couldn’t leave my mom. I wish we had added a stackable in the closet by the bathroom.

69 here. I most certainly am aware of things that would make my house easier these days, but it's things like self-washing floors and casement windows with rollascreens and no fake dividers, for easy washing, replacing the triple-track self-storing storms/screen on the double-hung true divided-light 8-over-8 windows. Come to think of it, I wanted that 25 years ago when we moved in.