There are so many red flags in your description of the house re ”aging in place”. Time to get realistic, that’s what we did four years ago. Sold our beautiful two story ( steep stairs ) home at the beach, finally found a single level near beach & harbor , best decision ever. Life can change fast We know of two ”very fit” men die from falls down their stairs, one man was 61, & then there was our tennis playing neighbor, older than that, unfortunately a freak fall down the stairs was the end for him.

If she's living alone, that's a problem. If she has problems with stairs, she's going to occasionally have problems like getting out of bed. I'd put grab bars in the bathroom and have her keep her phone on her, but I wouldn't make a big investment before you see how aging will affect her. My FIL was a strong, active man well into his 80s, got cancer and was gone in 6 months, going swiftly from taking long walks daily to needing help to sit up in bed. A stair lift wouldn't have helped, as he needed too much help too quickly for it to get more than a week's use.

If you are making upgrades for aesthetics, then think about aging in place issues, but a big investment for a future you can't predict is not a good idea. If you are upgrading a first floor bathroom to a full one, you probably want to be thinking more about surviving a broken leg, than living with a walker and no ability to climb stairs. You should also think about finances for senior or assisted living. No one wants to imagine themselves there, but it's sometimes the best option.

Until floor plans are provided, potential and suitable suggestions are more or less just ideas. There may be other needs to consider and once these have been defined, suggest getting quotes. It’s really the best way to decide, both financially and practically. She should also weigh the unheaval and inconvenience, as these are more than cosmetic.

Have you discussed maintenance (inside and out), repairs, and emergencies. Our house was built in the 70’s (we’re in our 70’s) and we needed a new furnace in December (no heat for 2 days), flooding in our basement due to recent extreme rainfall, and fence damaged in very high winds. Only mentioning, as before time/money is invested and her only being 65, I’d suggest waiting to make the long-term house decisions. A friend of mind in her 60’s bought a condo. The building is within walking distance to everything, has an indoor pool, a social room where people meet for wine and cheese, fitness classes, etc. She was living in a large home on her own and says it was the best decision.

For Pete's sake share the floorplan - to avoid this thread being over 100+ responses and still no floorplan.

Agreed. A floor plan is needed so assistance can be provided.

also, sounds like a retirement community might be best for your mom as others have suggested. Loneliness is a common occurence with the elderly community.

The OP wrote "main level has the foyer that steps down into the living, dining and kitchen areas.' The steps can't be avoided and may be tripping hazards. This is probably not a long term house for ageing in place.

If your mother decides to sell, catching up on deferred maintenance will pay off. In most areas, you get your money back for the expenses of repairing, painting, and cleaning.

@bpath ….”She knows when it is time” Hopefully, but speaking from personal experience , my parents & neighbor, that is not always the case.

Some of the nicer nursing homes and memory care units in my area do not take people at the later stage when the person says "it is time". You have to get into those nicer places when you are still capable and start out in their independent living areas. As you get older with more issues then you can move into the areas with more care/help, but there is no buying your way into their nursing/memory care units as an outsider. So if you wait too long, then you can't get into the nicer/better facilities.

Yes, but I imagine that the OP’s mother, like most of us, reads, talks to friends and family, had a parent herself that went through all of this. Perhaps I am making an incorrect assumption there, that she is aware of things and possibilities, indeed, probabilities. After all, she has raised a responsible and helpful daughter, who knows where to come, meaning these forums, for both solicited and unsolicited advice lol. (I know my own comments on these forums often start with ”you didn’t ask, but …”)

Steps are an issue. Even one. A very agile healthy 69 year old can break a hip, or knee and any step is an issue. Laundry out of the basement if that is where it is, unless she plans a lift on that set of stairs too. Bathroom size is very important. A walker/wheel chair has to get through the door and or near the fixtures with room left to manuver. Chances are fair your mom will live happily and easily in her current home, as is, for at least 10 more years. Once she hits 80 is when things start shredding on all of us, even those who took the best care of themselves. How much money does she have for maintenance man/mowing/shoveling etc.? It's tragic that these beautiful homes cannot be sold for more than it will cost to move her into a patio home with no space and no ADH accommodations, and HOA FEES. The market is insane right now. A homeowner will lose a minimum of 70-80K when 'downsizing' . This is not the time to take on a mortgage, but that is what some are facing. That amount of money will go along way to pay for the help that will be needed to maintain the yard etc. It's no longer just about safety but affordability given the influx of the Boomers into the 'senior' population. As you read through these posts you hear how impatient many are here. I think this is all they have in life so think you do to. You no doubt have been at work since you posted, busy with life, who knows! Please ignore the rude and interact with those whose suggestions are helpful.

Oh goodness! What a plethora of responses!

All thoughtful and helpful. Even your small tips about where outlets are located go a long way. And thinking about emergency planning, etc. Thank you for sharing your personal stories too.

I know how things go on here so don’t worry, I will get the floorplan and measurements. But tbh, I’m not looking for design advice quite yet as much as understanding of what to think about in general.

This is all so new for us because my mom is fiercely independent. When I say able bodied, she fired the landscapers bc she said she can do a better job. While I don’t love that she wants to do everything still, I respect her grit immensely. She never has a need from us and I just want her to live in a beautiful home again.

My mom is similar to what @bpath spoke to. And while she has agreed to let me take on this renovation, it’s still her wishes and I’m making this home what she wants.

Re: assisted living/long term considerations…she’s definitely not going anywhere now. She’s an introvert who only socializes with her family and a few friends. My brother moved nearby with his littles so she’s content with seeing them. She’s also walking distance to her place of worship. And she loves this house. It means a lot to her.

If it were my decision, I would love for her to downsize but I can’t decide for her.

When presented options to stay or move to a 55+ community, she without hesitation, said she wants to stay here.

So here we are. If things change down the road, they will change and we will adapt. Any updates we make now will be helpful for rental/resale down the road too.

The primary impetus for this reno, though, is for her to love the house. She deserves it!

And with all renos, a good plan is of the utmost importance which is why I am here before doing anything. The advice I’ve gotten here has always been better than anywhere else so y’all are my community of strangers who care and are hella smart 😂

Right now we are decluttering and I’m so impressed my mom has made a decision to be committed to letting go of things to make way for what she loves.

Goal is to spend the rest of this year to get clear on what’s staying, hauling away the stuff that isn’t, design preferences, and getting bids. That way when the work starts, she doesn’t have to be gone for long. She’ll stay at my place during that time.

Also, washer/dryer are on main level.

I think I’ve addressed all main questions. Give me a day or so to build out the floor plan doc. I need a nap at the moment bc we spent all day decluttering my mom’s room.
I’m younger but not young anymore 😂

Budget is $120k for all interior (including windows and real hardwoods on main level). Exterior will be $25k but focusing on interior first (from a timeline and financial perspective)

This is considering current costs to reno and I believe to be a very fair estimate in the market (don’t ask me how many renos I’ve done 😂)

You cannot force her to move, even if "it's time". At 69 she probably is OK where she is for now. Since she lives alone (my assumption since you're only talking about her), consider a monitored medical alert system that includes fall detection - don't count on a phone since it's unlikely she'll carry it on her 24/7 and what if she falls & is unconscious? We got that for my mom and they responded quickly when she fell a couple of years ago - she didn't lose consciousness, but they were able to call for help for her. (She was OK, no broken bones or concussion - just some bruises.) [She's 91.]

However, I'm 69 and until 3 weeks ago I had no mobility issues. Three weeks ago, my knees, hips, and shoulders started to hurt and they got progressively and significantly worse over the course of a week to the point where I had to go, first, to Urgent Care and then the Emergency Room the following day. Turns out I have developed Rheumatoid Arthritis ("elderly onset" b/c I'm much older than the typical age (30 - 50) for RA to develop).

My knees were so painful that I could barely move, including getting out of chairs (my DH had to help me). I am SO glad we decided to downsize to a single-level home over a year ago! If we were in our previous home, I would be in worse shape - 3 levels, 4BRs/2.5BAs with all BRs & full BAs upstairs and Laundry in the basement. (My knees are a little better now b/c I'm on a steroid, but I cannot stay on it for very long and I likely will have a lot more pain again in the near future.)

I'm hoping that we will get it under control (Rheumatologist says it could take up to 6 months) and I can return to my normal activities, but even 6 months of dealing with stairs would have been a nightmare for me!

-----

Question: What type of stairs does she have to the second level? A straight shot or is there one or more landings b/w the two floors.

If 1 or more landings, it will be much more difficult and expensive to put in an electric chair lift - we looked into it when we were weighing our options for "aging in place" in our previous home. We had two landings b/w the floors.

Regarding grab bars - I'd put them in all the bathrooms around both the toilets and in the tubs/showers (including the half-bath, if you can). They're actually useful for anyone at any age who has even temporary mobility issues (e.g., broken leg or foot, etc.).

The reality is that stairs ( & steps ) can be hazardous with age. As my former neighbor told me a few months before his fatal fall on his stairs ” Stairs are good for you” …. I had asked him if he & his wife ever considered moving from their 3 story home to a single level. Sad way to end one’s previously active life.

Re stairs: Straight shot to the second level

Re grab bars: my plan had been to have it ready for being screwed in down the road with the backer behind the tiles. Doing that in my home now too in case mom needs to move in

Medical alert device is good idea although I think she may get offended. I’ll have my 3yo nephew gift it to her 😊

I need to discuss something more personal to me. I’m visiting my mom and she has finally agreed to do a much needed renovation/upgrade of her home.

My grandmother lived 99 years /7 months, and I was heavily involved with helping her in her last years. My mom is 83 and has needed some help lately (because of surgery), so this is a topic I feel qualified to address:

#1 question: What does she want?

#2 question: Are her wants realistic?

The #1 problem my grandmother had is something one ever talks about on this board: Transitions between flooring. For example, she had linoleum in her kitchen and carpet in the adjacent family room. That transition threw her to the ground more times than I can remember ... she was fortunate not to break a bone. Throw rugs were also a problem, and she was ANGRY when we took them all away. If I were renovating, I'd look into a heated floor.

Getting in the house:

- Be sure she has at least one exterior door with a porch /stoop /entrance. Preferably include a number-punch doorknob so she won't have to pull out a key while she's trying to get in.

- My grandmother had an ideal set-up: She had a vertical grab bar inside AND outside her garage door, which allowed her to hold onto both grab bars at once as she "stepped down" into the garage. She also had two walkers: one in the house, one that stayed in the garage ... so she could step down and take hold of the outside walker.

- Definitely include a walker-storage-spot just inside the house. Many people -- at least for a time -- will be able to walk around the house, but they'll need the walker when they go out.

Bathroom -- don't skimp on the bathroom, as it is likely to be a problem:

- Obviously a walk-in shower is best ... with a hand-held shower head and a moveable stool. My mom has just had shoulder surgery, and I helped her wash her hair for a while. I wrote a post about what worked /didn't work about two weeks ago.

- You want a toilet that's easy-access. No toilet-in-a-closet. Space to approach with a walker. Grab bars ... even if she doesn't need them now.

- You want storage next to the toilet ... I mean medical, not just toilet paper and a plunger. My grandfathers /step father all needed medical items near the toilet: colostomy bag materials, catheter materials. My grandmother used adult diapers when she left the house (and wouldn't drink outside the house for fear of needing to use a public toilet). My mother is having some trouble with incontinence. Other things that'll be useful: A light, a mirror, an electrical outlet for a washlet.

- Let's talk about a washlet: This'll "squirt her clean", which is sometimes easier for elderly people than toilet paper.

- If you're replacing the floor, consider linoleum instead of tile. It's softer and warmer under foot, and it is more waterproof.

- Be sure she has plenty of light.

Transportation and help -- not exactly unrelated:

- At some point, launch the idea of Uber /Lyft instead of a personal car.

- While you're at it, switch all her prescriptions to a pharmacy that delivers ... one of these days she's going to be sick, and the doctor will call her in a prescription; think about how convenient it'll be if it can be delivered. Same thought process: Introduce her to having food delivered (both groceries and ready meals); no, it's not the cheapest option, but it might be a good option.

- At some point, look into Meals on Wheels (or similar). This was wonderful for my grandmother, as it meant someone was in /out of her house five days a week. Food aside, that short visit was wonderful for her.

- Do you have a Senior Citizen Center nearby? My mom is very involved in hers -- she plays board games on Mondays and Fridays, attends a pot luck every other week, goes on group lunch outings with friends, attends (and sometimes leads) craft lessons. It's a great place for her.

- Find out whether her insurance will pay for her to have a Home Health Aid. My nurse daughter did this job during college, and it's really hard to get a good aid, but a good one is worth his or her weight in gold. The main thing my daughter did was help with bathing. The second most common thing she did was help with heavy housework and meal prep ... she could do shopping, chop veg, assemble casseroles, etc. All while visiting with the patient.

Last thought: Make a plan for what you'll do when an emergency happens. At some point something will happen -- it's not an "if". So decide whose house she'll go to to recouperate; you probably don't need to DO anything, but talk through, "This is what it'll look like."

Laundry: i think it is better to have laundry near the bedroom, for us over-the-hill crowd. Right now I don’t mind carrying the laundry down and up, but at some point, it is not so easy to carry a load of towels or sheets or a basket or hamper, while holding the stair railing.

I use a big canvas bag with handles from LLBean as a laundry bag. I holds a lot, including neatly folded sheets or towels and can be easily held in one hand. They are open, so easy to rummage through.

Can we have a show of hands of all here who are at least 69 years old? How old do YOU feel?

Heres my hand. I am well over 69 by several years.

Did this discussion make you feel old?

Laundry: i think it is better to have laundry near the bedroom

100%. My grandmother could do her own laundry, but transporting it from the bedroom to the laundry was hard for her. She could move a SMALL basket on top of her walker, but pulling sheets off the bed /moving them was far beyond her abilities.

Yup - 69, soon to be 70 (just a few weeks!)

Yes, Sushipup, I was just thinking that! I don't think of myself as "old", I still think of myself as late 40s! Other than the RA, I've always been mobile, active, etc., just as I've been over the past 20 or more years.

Plus, I've only been retired since Nov 1 of last year (2025), so I really don't consider myself as "old"! (I'd likely still be working if it weren't for the current political climate - I worked for NASA & NOAA on weather satellites (not to be confused with "climate change" - sheesh!) I loved my job!)

Laundry: when my mom had a caregiver, she may have found it a break to walk the laundry to the laundry, but couldn’t leave my mom. I wish we had added a stackable in the closet by the bathroom.

69 here. I most certainly am aware of things that would make my house easier these days, but it's things like self-washing floors and casement windows with rollascreens and no fake dividers, for easy washing, replacing the triple-track self-storing storms/screen on the double-hung true divided-light 8-over-8 windows. Come to think of it, I wanted that 25 years ago when we moved in.

Can we start with this primary bathroom design? We want to keep layout the same bc we don’t want to move plumbing but I’m wondering if we can get a bigger footprint for the shower. Also my mom doesn’t want to make any layout changes so she won’t let me expand this bathroom.

This is 70”x70” square with a center line of the toilet at 15” off the right wall.

We will have the door swing outwards so it makes the bathroom less cramped.

What are your mother's goals in redoing this bathroom? Fashionable and new? Usable with a tiny stool for seating and a sliding shower head on a bar? Bigger door to the room?

For this bathroom, she wants an update only. Fresh and new. I showed her the sliding shower head and she liked that so we’ll do that.

Good idea on wider door which we could likely do too!

She has a secondary primary in the house with an attached bathroom (that’s also a shared bathroom to 2 other rooms). Have included pics for reference - the tub will be converted to a shower. She can move to this room and bathroom when she needs and said she’ll do a bench and space for a chair in there. I’m trying to focus on one room at a time bc she wants to live through the renos.

First,

"NO expansion, no change of plumbing location........."

You are.......... screwed. Nothing but a cosmetic update. You lack the length at 70 inches to meet toilet codes and make any significant improvement. Never will be "age in place"' comfortable.

Second:

There is another "primary" bath, shared.........

Which is the one she USES? which is the one you want for long term? This seems most logical.

Third...........

She's 69, active. HOW active, because I will state right now that my own sister is 68, I am 74, and we belong to the same gym. She can not bicep curl as much weight as I can, ( 20lbs ) but her squats are to be envied! She cleans homes 5 days a week and climbs stairs like a billy goat. I have 27 stairs up, and down with laundry, she has 31. Four years ago I could crank out 25 man push ups until I ruined a bicep, so I am down to ten.

NEITHER one of us even thinks about ADU! We still have balance, though neither one of us does as much "stupid STUPID" as not holding a railing when lugging a ton down a stair....or wearing sneakers on icy pavement.

Sixty nine today, is still a very active period in life unless already a little or a lot compromised. Most people might consider it a downsized living style opportunity, a one floor type of ease, but are not yet at the grab near the toilet stage, though it's certainly fine to plan ahead with backer board to add those at will.

You seem to be in the middle of make it beautiful and make it long term.

She lives alone, is active, but you're........................

"Give me a day or so to build out the floor plan doc. I need a nap at the moment bc we spent all day de cluttering my mom’s room.
I’m younger but not young anymore 😂"

Whether she had you in her H.S senior year.....or on her 39th birthday, , you are VERY young.

What is my point in all of this? Clarity in the goal, whether the "need for love in her house" was mostly a lack of resources/finding help for big projects , or just lack of true interest?

As to bathrooms......which one is most advantageous long term, and it isn't the 70 x 70.

Nobody has a crystal ball. My own mom at 69, was mowing a gigantic yard, hands and knees trimming the edges. Did a cartwheel for laughs at 71. Ran the house, the checkbook, ALL.

By 74, dementia was setting in and at 83, she died in assisted living, my dad died seven weeks later, following 18 months of living there with her. Broken hearted , broken everything.

Nobody ever knows. "Age in Place"? Not a given, we just wish it were so.

All good advice so far. I think the financial part of this discussion is so important. Budgeting for 20 years of home maintenance plus potential years of home health aides/caregivers needs to be clearly defined. You are describing a full kitchen redo and 2 bathrooms and all main floor hardwoods. Midwest Indiana budgets around 185-200 for that scope. Mrs Pete’s advice about the washlet made me chuckle. We put one in our MIL’s bathroom in our home and it’s the best decision we made for her. Best of luck to you and your mother!

Also, we ended up actually removing the glass doors and replaced them with a shower curtain to my MIL’s shower since she now needs help with bathing and the helper needs full access to her, the controls, etc. We found a moveable shower seat (not pretty but functional) with arms being more friendly for her. She moved in with us able bodied and able minded 6 years ago and every year we have made adjustments due to her progressing needs. If Covid had not hit, which forced her to reconsider living on her own, she would have been staying in her home and we would have had to try to manage her needs from her mental decline from thousands of miles away. Good she has you and her son close by! (And, Jan, so sorry about your mom and dad)

I'm 74 and selling my 2 bed/bath home to downsize. When you age it's not a gradual reduction of abilities. You drop from plateau to plateau. Abilities I had two years ago have vanished.

I found I can comfortably live in a multifunction room that has a bed and a chair, full bath, W/D in a closet and a kitchenette, about 600 sq ft. More space than this requires too much work and money.

My backyard tree drops branches which require hiring a tree guy about every six months, and it's going to put me in the poor house branch by branch. The roof that was replaced 20 years ago and repaired 10 years ago has decided to spring a new leak.

A couple of stairs into the house is still OK, but once inside I do not want to face a staircase. Random attacks of vertigo that started a few years ago could cause me to fall I'm looking forward to a building elevator.

Having said all that, I would not want to move to a senior citizens facility. Most old people are crabby and the facilities are too depressing. Being self sufficient as long as possible in a small place is ideal. I'm hoping to move into an studio apartment like this.

Sharing my experience with my parents. They lived in a 1967 split level, so 6-7 stairs from the living area to either bathroom. They lived there until my Dad moved into long term care at age 94, and my mother was 88. She was mobile, he was in a wheelchair for the last few months, used a walker before that.

The only aging-in-place we did was to install double handrails on all stairs, and replace the living room carpet with hardwood, no rug. They did some updates to the house in in the early 90's, but nothing after that.

According to his physio and OT, the necessity to do stairs for toileting was what kept his legs strong enough to avoid falls, up until he needed a wheelchair more because his dementia had progressed to the point where he couldn't remember how to walk or get out of a chair. For the last few months there we moved their beds to the dining room and he used a toilet commode. Not elegant but it worked and was safe.

You are saying "she has finally agreed" to the renovation. If she is not enthusiastic about it, why is she doing it if the house stll functions well for her currently? She may need the money for long term care which is expensive. Obviously you know her beter than me but consider that she is currently mentally capable and doesn't need someone else telling her to do cosmetic updates to her home. I am 71 and would tell my children to mind their own business.

When the the home no longer suits her needs, she may prefer to move. Then she has less money to do so because she has spent the money on these renovations that still don't make her home truly suitable for her reduced physical and/or mental needs. And by then the cosmetic improvements will be old and the new buyer probably wants to update anyway, so they add no value to the home.

And this would be OK and completely her prerogative if she is a "house proud" type of person and the dated decor is making her unhappy. But I don't think that's the case if she needs to be convinced.

I missed the " She has finally agreed" which I will couple with " The house needs some love"

Follow up to my earlier comment:

I had promised my Dad we would keep their home "ready to go back" when they went to assisted living, ( Sure Dad.....as IF that is happening. WAH.......)

We finally sold their home at their six month mark in assisted living, I went in, pruned, cleaned, staged, and I mean STAGED, De cluttered, cleaned, had a garage sale, ,broke my neck for days. No remodel of anything.

My dad wanted to be there for the garage sale, sit in the driveway. ..........goes into the house and comes out with his walker........

"Wow........how come it never looked this good when we were here?!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh because you wouldn't let me touch it?"

Before you embark on the very extensive good deed remodel? Think, and think and think some more. Be very positive it is for her, and not for you : ) as she is certainly young enough to be controlling her life, unless depressed or otherwise mentally compromised.

I really wish my parents would have moved to a 1-level home when they were in their young ages of 65 - 70.

@Jan Moyer Fortunately my parents were more than fine with decluttering, which I started at least 10 years before they moved out. I started by completely emptying the crawl space storage and shed, moved on to empty the guest bedrooms and second kitchen. Clothing, bedding and kitchen were pared to what was actively in use. When we listed it for sale the agent said they had never seen a senior's house so empty of unnecessary items. It made it very easy clean up for sale.

The OP says her mother is OK with decluttering and that's a great thing she is doing for her now.

I wrote a long thoughtful message and then Houzz refreshed abruptly and I lost it all. It may have moved some of y’all to tears bc I was tearing up writing it.

So let me do Cliff notes version instead:

• phase 1 complete! decluttering of 50 years of stuff all the way down to my crib and playpen, all decluttered. 4 trucks full via haul away company and so many trash bags that we filled and threw out. Amazed by my mom and even though there was a lot of yelling and crying (on both sides), she’s so happy on the other side.

• nothing and I mean nothing in my moms world happens without my mom wanting it. Trust me. If you think you want things a certain way, you haven’t met my mom 😂 and once she makes a decision, I better be ready to move FAST.

• this is all for her. I don’t care about resale because I hope my mom gets a solid 15-30 years of healthy life (God willing!). She gets to have a beautiful home and she’s fascinated that her house could look and feel brand new again.

• and everything is uncertain in life but what is certain is that she wants new carpet upstairs. That will be a game changer. Paint will just take it to the next level. And bathrooms will be hallelujah!!! This is all phase 2 which will take us to the end of the year

• phase 3 is main level in 2027. Flooring, paint, kitchen. Potentially converting powder room to full bath.

So I’m being realistic that this isn’t some dream renovation but I am excited for her to have a space she feels happy in again. She hasn’t been happy in it for a long time because she feels like it’s a lot of work…but she likes to work and wants to stay in her house, and I have to respect that. But at least the work doesn’t have to be things she’s just done with at this point.

Am I crazy to take this all on? Yes, yes I am. But my mom deserves it!

So we are going to eat this elephant one bite at a time 😊

Also I want to acknowledge that this thread has also become a place for people to share their own reflections of aging or about their parents. I’ve witnessed every personal story on here even if I haven’t responded to it.

Sending virtual hugs to each of you and thank you for holding the space for my journey too. 💕

Haven't consumed all the comments but my thought on a bathroom. You can never have too much space around a toilet when someone needs help getting on and off it. Make sure that first floor bath renovation includes a curbless shower. When a person is disabled, even a four inch curb is unmanageable. It is nearly impossible to make a second floor shower curbless unless you can drop the ceiling below it to enable the drain. Make sure all doorways are wide enough to accommodate a walker or better yet, a wheelchair. Touch or touchless faucets are great for arthritic hands.

Outlets were mentioned. When installing them, put them high up so you don't have to stand on your head to plug something in or move furniture to get to it. Like really high up, 40 inches up on the wall is good, no more than 48 if she's eventually using a wheelchair.

I have a neighbor like your mom. She is 85 and her home is very, very important to her identity. She will go out of it like her husband did, feet first. And yes, god bless her yard man, most patient guy in the world.

Just to educate yourself, think about visiting an assisted living facility. Not to check it out for mom, but to see the layouts of the kitchens and bathrooms, especially the cabinet design. You want the bathroom cabinets to have an opening under the sink for a chair or wheel chair. Drawers instead of cabinets for ease of access.

Regarding carpet, see if you can interest her in a very low pile or even industrial pile type carpet. Wall to wall, no area rugs as they become trip hazards.

I'm very impressed she has allowed a clean out. All the best to you all!

We used to "check the house" for well over a decade when the parents exited to Florida.............

As they aged, the accumulation, "It's still good, someone can use it" became a visual of OUR someday nightmare looming.

One year, we went top to bottom with " they will not notice , lets dump it" My sister comes out from under the basement stair in a lemon color parka, sleeves reaching her elbows.

WHAT IS THAT? " My parka from sixth grade.......except I am now 36?!! )i

A dozen contractor bags to donation from the attic....from our old closets.

AT LEAST three hundred "wafers "of Irish Spring soap in cookie containers....( they loathed the worn bar, but not enough to admit it and toss. )

15 lawn and leaf bags of JUNK at the curb. .My sister freaks when we're ready to leave...

OMG...what if one of their cronies on the street blows us IN??"

Me: There is no way I am hauling that back in! Noooooo

Nothing happened, they didn't notice....::) nor did the parents when they returned two months later.

Spare your children.........: )

OMG the wafers of soap!!!!!

Good on you for helping your mom declutter. I know that the clutter is a burden you don’t really realize is there until it’s gone, and you have a huge sense of relief! Life happens and it’s a good idea to prepare if you are renovating anyway. After slowly going down for 6 years the last 2 months my hubby was disabled and in a wheelchair. Our house was not made to accommodate much and we scrambled to it make work. We didn’t want to do much because we knew it wasn’t going to be long term. Now I am here in a big house, by myself, at 68. I am a having some mobility issues, but I have family close by so I am managing. I don’t think I will be moving soon, but I will when it gets really too much. Some house are just not easy to accommodate disabilities so that is something to factor in before going on with Reno’s.

"Aging in place" sounds so comforting to most. Truth is it's a TON of stress that may be contributing to an aged person's quality of life decline. When DH's parents died a month apart the funeral director told us USUALLY this means three losses for a family. Not just mom and dad but the FAMILY HOME. The house that grew a family is a draw and love all it's own. When my in laws moved to a more aged friendly home it absolutely affected the boys draw to come back to the home/town place they grew up. Mom and dad are not the only draw. My parents just made their second move. Once the dust settled the ease of life for them, now is OBVIOUS. At 91 they are just starting to have mechanical issues with hips/knees/walking etc. Otherwise their health is excellent. When it's a challenge to just get across the room to get a cup of coffee the idea of being alone in a home where the halls are longer and the bathroom may not be super accessible causes stress no one really realizes until it's gone. There's comfort for them knowing there's a nurse on the premisis if needed at a moments notice. They don't have meal planning/prep to hover over them. They can access activity, friendships COMMUNITY by just opening their door. Life has all that's good at the tip of their fingers and none of the physical challenges that were inhibiting them last year. At 69 one is usually still as active as ever. Now may be the perfect time to begin the process of letting go of life's encombrances, building a life in a new place, new memories so when she is unable to be in that coveted home she's not losing EVERYTHING all at once. We had many wedding showers in my parents' senior apartment's solarium. Now in their assisted living we are building new memories as the great grand children come to swim etc. Leaving the framiliar and all the memories is a challenge but to assume another place won't build new memories all the while making life so much easier isn't true either. My dad was ready much sooner to 'downsize' than mom. Dad had the stress of a yard, keeping the home solid and well maintained, snow removal etc that weighed on him as they hit 80.... A HOUSE even with help is not a small thing.

^^^

Thank you for that. The stigma applied to the "community of peers" /senior living/ independent until not/and whatever you want to term these facilities? Needs to LOSE that stigma. Not everyone can do it. The truly great facilities are not inexpensive, that much is certain,. but for those who can do, they are rich in rewards. This is not a prison, not depressing, it can and does become a community exceeding expectations.

Gone is the stress of home ownership and maintenance. Make meals, don't make meals! I had the best ever Veal Picatta in a dining room locally! My parents place had "The Bistro"- five star quality, open to the neighborhood!

Come and GO as you please. Participate in activities, swim, play bridge, see movies, use the library, choose "company" or hibernate! The walks are always shoveled, most often there are rides to a doctor appointment, or for those who can no longer see well enough to drive, a bus to to the grocery, to local concerts, restaurants, or to church.

Earlier is better than way too late. I soooo wish my parents had let go of their home three or four years earlier, and even Dad admitted he was wrong to have delayed. They would have enjoyed the stress free aspect , maybe even delayed some issues and Mom would not have been as isolated even with dementia onset. She finally had a true friend in Ruthie when they went to assisted living - it never occurred to my dad that she was isolated as neighborhood friends abandoned her. It's just too scary , so avoidance is easier.

In the end it is personal, it is financial and more. But the idea that it is a giving up of privacy or freedom, or loss of great living,..... needs to be stomped out with a vengeance.

I started a thread in another forum about living options. Join the conversation.

https://www.houzz.com/discussions/6584459/senior-living-options#n=14

Yes to what Jan and Arcy said. I'm in my 50s, DH in his 60s and we've already had this conversation. When we start to get to the point that keeping up with the house and property is becoming too much, we will seriously consider one of the senior living places. An extended family member just moved into two years ago, and I gotta say I'm kinda envious of how NICE the place is, I wish my own home had thoughtful features like that (extra wide halls, zero steps not even to enter, no cumbersome interior doors, etc). She's in a place where she can pay for a different "package" if she needs a higher level of care, which is huge because she won't have to move as her abilities decline and need for care increases; you can take it all the way to the end of life there. Yes it costs a heck of a lot more but how great you wouldn't have to move at that stage of things. Dining hall a short walk away, all sorts of activies, a bus that takes you shopping or to appointments (with a reservation), no property maintenance. She even has a cleaning person that comes in weekly included.

The drawback? The sheer cost of it. My hope is that by the time DH and I need to seriously consider this type of thing prices will come down (or at least not have increased substantially), they seem to be building more and more of these places in the area.

ETA: All that to say, is the $$$ your mom is going to spend on renovations wise at this point? Would that money be better spent on minor cosmetic things to make her enjoy it while she's there, but the big money saved/invested for future need for a move to a senior living place?

Keeping the layout is the right move. Most aging-in-place work is in the details, not moving walls.

Do these now while things are open:

Main-floor full bath
This is the highest-value change. A comfort-height toilet, a 36" door if you can steal the width, blocking in the walls for future grab bars, and a shower with a low or no curb plus a handheld on a slide bar. Even if she keeps sleeping upstairs, this bath covers guests and later years.

Kitchen
A U-shape with no island already helps. Focus on reach:

• Keep aisles at 42" if you can.
• Daily dishes and food between about 15" and 48" off the floor. Drawers beat deep base cabinets.
• A deep undermount with 3 to 5" of counter in front of the bowl is hard to reach. A shallower bowl or a lower apron-front is easier. Rear or offset drain helps. Use a single-lever pull-down faucet.
• Task lighting under every upper.
• Raise the dishwasher a few inches, or use a drawer dishwasher.
• If you replace the range setup, put a wall oven at chest height.
• Ease or round the counter edges.

Stairs
Leave a clean wall run for a future stair chair. Add a second handrail, brighter stair lights, and contrasting nosings now.

Whole house
Level floor transitions, lever handles, rocker switches, more outlets, and flooring with some contrast so edges are easy to see.

She can keep the 1985 plan and still have a house that works later. The bath, lighting, storage height, and stair prep do most of the work.

If you post photos and dimensions, especially the powder room and kitchen elevations, people can get more specific.

Thank you!!! This was incredibly helpful!